Thinking about another baby at 40

hopefull

hopefull

Cathlete
My husband, a very precious man and wonderful father, would love for us to have another baby. Our baby just turned two this month. When we had her I said that was it. I have two other children, teenagers, from my first marriage. On any given day my attitude about possibly having another child can change. I have tried putting pro's and con's on paper and all that stuff, but you know, when it comes to a child all that black and white stuff never really does make sense. On top of that, it always comes out about even steven. I turned 40 on the same day my baby turned two. Being her mom has been a rollercoaster for me. She had collic, and the idea of that terrifies me, but I wouldn't have missed her for the world. (yuck, I am full of cliches today.) I am 40 and feeling this now or never pressure. Not from my husband. He doesn't pressure me about it. I just know he would be delighted to have another child. Here's my question. Anyone out there my age, how did you go about making this decision? I am waiting for this huge peace to come over me. I told my husband I couldn't do it unless I could find some real peace about it. I just would love some feedback on this issue. I am very healthy. Being 40 isn't a problem that way. I will stop before a ramble any more. Thanks!
 
Hi! My situation isn't quite the same as yours because I didn't have any prior children. However, I had my first child last August at the age of 41. For me the decision was based on a feeling that if I didn't at least try to have a baby, I would come to regret it. The time was right for me. I am also very healthy, so I pretty much sailed through my pregnancy with no problems. I don't think I had any unusual amount of tiredness for the first few weeks of my daughter's life, and in fact, I think my age has helped me be more calm about going without sleep occasionally! I have no regrets, even when I think about the fact that I'll turn 60 while my daughter is still in her teens!

Good luck with your decision and let us know what you do.
 
:) I'm currently pregnant right now and I'll be turning 39 years old Feb 5. I know my situation is not exactly the same, however, 40 is around the corner. It took me a while, but I also came to the same conclusion that I would come to regret it if I didn't try to have a baby. My husband has two older sons ages 19 and 14. As for me, this is my first pregnancy, and so far I'm enjoying it tremendously. I don't think I would have felt this way at a younger age. I feel this is the perfect time for me to start a family. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life, I'm more focused, mature, and financially stable. Age is really just a number. I think there are more important factors to consider. Love, support from a good partner, and the means to provide for the child is among many of the important things to consider. Good luck in your final decision.
 
This is a hugely personal decision that I wish you the best of luck w/. I'm 42 and have three children, the last was born when I was 31. When I turned 38, I felt like it was "now or never" if I wanted to have another one or two.

My husband is the kind of guy who'd have a dozen kids. He reminded me that I'd be the one who'd have to cut down on work to stay home w/ the wee one(S), breastfeed a few more yrs., and do the car seat/unbrella stroller drill. I realized that I really have grown to enjoy just buckling my own seat belt and having children who can tie their own shoes and won't have a meltdown in the check out aisle in the grocery store.

I have friends who have young kids and I enjoy borrowing them when I need a small person fix, but I waited out my turning 40 should I do it again crisis and it worked out well for me. Good luck making the best decision for you.
Valerie
 
In the same boat....

I am very much in the same boat as you. I am 39 -- soon to be 40, my baby just turned 1 this month, and I have a 12 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I probably spend about 15 minutes of every waking hour trying to decide if I should have another baby. My husband would be ecstatic, my older daughter would probably be less than ecstatic, and I can't decide how I'd be. At my baby's birthday party this weekend, I achieved something like a "huge peace." I decided that I could probably go ahead and do it and be okay with it...gee, that doesn't exactly sound like a huge peace, but it's as close as I've been able to come. My feeling TODAY is that if I DO have another baby, I will not regret it. But if I don't, then there is a very good chance that I will be sorry down the road. And I very much feel like I have to make up my mind before it's made up for me. Sorry I'm no help -- I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

-Claire
 
RE: In the same boat....

Thanks for sharing your feelings with me on this subject. I have a two year old and two children from a previous marriage. I am really no closer to a decision than I was when I first posted, but I have appreciated the feedback I have received here. As you put it, my mind may get made up for me do to simply putting the decision off. I ultimately believe that God is closely involved in the make up of our families. Whatever happens it will be okay. We are holding off for now. Kind of waiting to see what happens in the world.
 
I really think I am in a very similar situation. I just had a baby 5 days after my 42nd birthday. (He is 2 months old today). This was my 5th. I also have a 19 year old, a 15 year old, and 5 year old and a 3 year old. My teenagers LOVE their younger brothers and sister. It really has been a gift to them to have the younger siblings and they really have been wonderful to have around. My husband, too loves children and is a great help. Pregnancy after 40, I must admit was AWFUL. I was sick and miserable for the entire time. (When I wasn't worried that I would miscarry, as I have done that 3 times as well). But I have to say this has been a super special time. This little guy is the sweetest little thing, and I feel such peace and joy holding him. (But what mother doesn't?) Any way I wanted to let you know, I've been there and don't regret the decision to have another at all. I can't imagine ever regretting the decision (after you get through the pregnancy). It is incredible how much different it is to have a baby when you are "older" and how much more you appreciate the whole experience.
Mary
 
I was just wondering if you are a stay at home mom? If I could stay home, I think I would have another child in a heartbeat. Life is just too crazy right now. My oldest is heading for college in just two short years. I feel a strong obligation to be able to help her, and quitting work just won't get that done. When you talk about holding your son, and that he is just the "sweetest little thing" it just melts my heart. I am so happy for you!! Give him a kiss, and thank you for your thoughts!:)
 
Yes, I am a stay at home Mom and very blessed to have this opportunity. I do some tutoring out of my home, and my husband works many long days to be able to afford us this opportunity. I understand wanting to help your children with college we do too. We also live in Georgia where my children will have their tuition and a portion of thier books paid for as long as they maintain a 3.0 average. With the help from the state and all our extra work, we are able, at least for now, help my children with their college educations. When the first two graduate they will have very little debt if any.

Thanks for the hugs for my little one. And good luck with this decision.
Mary
 
Hi Mary,
I just noticed you live in Georgia and wanted to say hello. I'm in Forsyth County in North Georgia. Glad to see another Cathe fan in Georgia (I think there is 2 or 3 other ladies on the forum from Georgia as well). Are you speaking of the Hope scholarship? I am so glad we have the Hope scholarship program although I'm still trying to save for my now 6 year old's future college but it's so good to know the Hope is available.
Lisa
 
I am not over 40 yet, but my DH is 54. We have a 10 year old boy together. We were married last year (LONG story!!), but ever since I have been trying to have another baby. I have been wanting one since my son was a year old, but we weren't married and I didn't want to try until we were. Anyway, I became pregnant last year at this time, but I miscarried in May. We have been trying ever since with no success. I am hesitant about keeping on trying, not because of my age (36) but because of his. He has three kids from a previous marriage (28,25,19) plus our son. Every month I say,"This is my last try", and every month when AF comes,I say, "Well, one more try". So, the moral of this story is, I understand the indecision that you are experiencing. BTW, any opinions??
 
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