The Dreaded "Fat Picture"

Timber99

Timber99

Cathlete
:) Peeked your interest with my subject line, huh? :)

Eleven years ago, I got off my couch while watching a cheesy talk show and munching on some unhealthy snack, dusted off the step that I kidnapped from my mother years before, threw the tape in and started a fitness journey to lose the 80+ pounds extra and getting in shape. It literally happened that way. I had tried here and there before that but this was the time that I did it and never looked back. I am not sure what I really lost b/c I didn't have the heart to get on the scale for the first two weeks but thereafter, it was 81 pounds (but I bet it was closer to 100 if I had weighed in from the start).

After all was said and done, someone approached me on this forum after reading a few of my posts. She was a writer from Fitness magazine and she was intersted in interviewing me for an article about ten women that lost 20+ pounds and kept it off for more than three years. The article was published in 1998. Of course, it had the dreaded "before" shot and an "after" shot. They were supposed to take pictures for "after" but asked us to send one just to get an idea of the difference, so the pic I sent is me in a bikini on the beach with my Ex. They cut her budget and instead, used the ones that we sent in. So, my bikini shot is there as the after. It's not a bad pic ;) but I think I might have sent another, had I known it would be printed.

Okay, all that said...

I was spouting off about this to my new bf and he asked me a few days later if he could see it. PANIC!!!!!!! I know that it is the past and I should be proud, but the panic buttons went off. I put him off but he asked recently again and I did say that I would show it to him. So, I pulled it out when I was alone to prepare myself and boy, every time I look at it, I lok FATTER and GROSSER. Sometimes we don't realize the baggage that comes with being overweight, losing, gaining, etc. I just can't seem to bring myself to pull it out in front of him! Isn't that awful!?

Anyone experience this after weight loss? It's been ten years since I finished adn I have made more and more gains since then but still, I have that "fat picture" in my head sometimes and it doesn't go away!
 
RE: The Dreaded

Where is this picture, lol??

Oh, I think everyone has that issue with their "fat" pictures. I think you just don't want people to see who you used to be. I guess you are embarrased of it. But what it does is show people how strong you must be and how far you have come. That is what people think when they see the fat picture.

Oh, and congratulations. Wish we could have read the article...:)
 
RE: The Dreaded

I threw all my "fat" pictures out in the trash years ago! So many memories that I will probably wish I had somewhere down the road... but I was in a MOOD that day... tossed every one of them
 
RE: The Dreaded

First off, congratulations on your amazing journey! I love to see the before and after pictures of people...I feel proud of them and their accomplishment. I bet your boyfriend is thinking the same thing. I enjoy reading about other women who have changed their way of life and kept with it..It makes me feel like I can do the same thing. I have lost 30 pounds and kept it off, but I still think of myself as biggerx( . The other day a stranger in a store was talking about how tiny I was... and I felt like looking behind me to see who she was talking about because I certainly wouldn't have thought it was me:p !

Even though you can be proud of your accomplishments, it is still hard to let go of how you see yourself. Try to think that if you hadn't been overweight...and then lost it...you wouldn't be the person that you are today. Think about how much stronger you are, and dedicated, and how you have inspired others (who you probably don't even know) to start their own journey.:) Don't be embarrassed...If your new boyfriend is a good guy, he will think the same thing...

Keep the fat picture in your head to remind yourself that if you can change that you can do anything!

Debra

"Bite off more than you can chew. Then chew it." Ella Williams
 
RE: The Dreaded

I totally relate! I have lost almost 70 lbs over the last 2 years (and am hoping/working to lose another 20-30 more), but I still have that "fat" picture of myself in my mental mirror! I still pull stuff out of my closet and look at it and think, "I will never fit into that, it's too small" and lo, and behold, it's actually a bit too big! As for actually, tactile pictures. I have my ID badge for work that I still use, but that's only a face shot. The last full body picture I have (from the back, no lessx( ) was when I was inducted into a nursing honor society in college 10 yrs ago. It's actually not a true picture as I was still 10-15 lbs heavier at my highest weight 2 yrs ago, but it's an idea.

I still do a double take when I look in the mirror sometimes, especially when I strip and get in the shower!
 
RE: The Dreaded

I'm kind of proud of my transformation. I had already lost 25 pounds before this photo was taken in Sept 2001. It took a lot of work!!
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I don't really have an "after" photo because I still consider myself a work in progress. I know 100% that I would not be where I am today without having been where I was in 2001, and I like who I am today, so I kind of just take the 2001 in stride. I don't have the photo anywhere I see it often, but it does make me giggle a little every time I see it. ;)

That said, I cannot imagine giving anyone permission to *publish* the photo! Way to go for you!!! :D
 
RE: The Dreaded

it's just part of the journey....you should be proud of how far you have come and how far you will go.
 
RE: The Dreaded

Oooooh Christine! I can totally relate to your feelings on this one. I have lost 170lbs over the past five years, 140 of which I lost before I met my now husband. I couldn't bring myself to tell him how fat I used to be. One night he saw a photo of me about when I was about "half done" with my fat-bustin' and he admittedly was floored by the larger me, but then I had to confess, "Actually, I have far worse ones than that!". Then promptly refused to show him!

It took me another year before i got up the nerve to dig up my very fattest photo, and that was only because I had to give it to a magazine for an article they were doing. but he just smiled said he was proud of me for having the committment to change my life around :)

I moved overseas in 2003 so many people had or still have no idea how big i used to be, sometimes i still feel like it is some dirty secret. but most days i am proud now. it really is hard to let go of that fat picture, i agree...
 
RE: The Dreaded

I carry my before picture in my wallet as a constant reminder of what I looked like 50 pounds heavier. It isn't pretty but in a weird sort of way keeps me on track.

Also, when I go to weight watchers to do my monthly lifetime weigh in, I sometimes get that 'what are YOU doing here' stare from people there I don't know. I'll whip out that awful picture. That's my proof of belonging, so to speak!

My DH doesn't even know I saved that old picture. All other pictures from the 'before' era are gone.
 
RE: The Dreaded

I have just the opposite problem, and it's so not funny. I have been skinny all my life. Even after having four kids. But now I have just gained 30 lbs. over the last year and a half. I think it has something to do with the fact that I stopped working out completely and started eating ALOT of food - especially crappy stuff.

Well, despite the gain in weight and going from a size 8 to a 12(+) I still see myself as skinny. When I'm out there's no guilt over my size because my self image is my skinny self. I'm a fat person with a thin and fit person stuck inside me.

So being fat doesn't bother me (because I'm not - I'm skinny except with 30 extra pounds), but not being able to chase my kids down in a game of tag rankles me. So I did just start working out again this week and I have stopped eating the crap. I feel sooo good and I keep warning my kids that they're in trouble. They just laugh at me which only adds to my motivation.

And the day I can get through IMAX 3 you will ALL know about it.

But what is up with these fat/thin ghosts that live inside us.
 
RE: The Dreaded

>I carry my before picture in my wallet as a constant reminder
>of what I looked like 50 pounds heavier. It isn't pretty but
>in a weird sort of way keeps me on track.
>
>Also, when I go to weight watchers to do my monthly lifetime
>weigh in, I sometimes get that 'what are YOU doing here' stare
>from people there I don't know. I'll whip out that awful
>picture. That's my proof of belonging, so to speak!
>
>My DH doesn't even know I saved that old picture. All other
>pictures from the 'before' era are gone.


I also get that look when I go to my WW meetings!! And I haven't even made lifetime yet, I still have 15-20 more to lose!!

I had to laugh, though, about your "whipping the picture" out, like it's your ticket or something!!
 
RE: The Dreaded

I just looked at it again....WOW. I guess it is an indicator of how far I've come but Damn, I never realized I was that far gone in the first place. Even my skin looks different, not to mention my shape and health.
 
RE: The Dreaded

I just got the nerve to put my pictures here. I did work hard, and it makes me realize how far I've come. But I need to also bring photos in that are closer to the camera. Just that I have wrinkles. Youth is gone, but I'm working on that. During next year sometime, I'll have a close up.

Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
 
RE: The Dreaded

I just have to say "show him". Be proud of all your hard work and what you've accomplished, you look great and healthy!!! BTW, I love your dog. I have a GSD also they are wonderful.
 
RE: The Dreaded

I show anyone who will look! I use to carry them around with me in my purse but due to lack of room...

I am extremely proud of not only what I have accomplished but what I have maintained over the years!
 
RE: The Dreaded

I keep my before pictures on my refridgerator! I lookat them now and think oohh you've come a long way. However back then I didn't really see myself as fat, size 14, even though I was sooo out of shape. WW was also how I lost my weight, 40lbs. It took me a year to do it but it is so much easier to maintain this way. Be proud of your accomplisments!
LD
 
RE: The Dreaded

Oh, yes, Christine,

I hate pictures at even just 10 pounds heavier than I am now. However, I love what others are saying here about being proud of it...even showing them to everyone. I don't know if I'll ever be able to, but this does seem like the healthier attitude.

You have worked so hard. You SHOULD BE VERY PROUD!!

bhappy
 
RE: The Dreaded

I also agree you should be extremely proud of your accomplishments and I love looking at before and after pictures. So inspiring. It makes you realize that with hard work and dedication, amazing things are accomplished. However, if you are uncomfortable showing your bf the pictures, then I don't feel you should be forced into showing him. Maybe tell him about your hesitation and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Your feelings about that may change in time, but for now if you're uncomfortable, that's how you feel and you shouldn't discount your feelings at any given time.

I also just had to agree with Kathy's post above. I've always been very thin and even though I've recently gained over 20 lbs. I still think of myself as very thin. I'm surprised when I pass a mirror and see this thick-waisted woman walk by. We were ordering uniform tops at work a few months ago, and I automatically order a "small." Several of my female co-workers looked at me with raised eyebrows and said "Small?" in a very skeptical way. Catty, yes, but it was my wake-up call to realize I'm not skinny anymore. Hard to take after 49 years of skinniness (well 47 years maybe). Me, I love showing off pictures from years ago, it's the current pictures I'm not too thrilled with.
 
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