The birds and the bees - parents HELP

spyrosmom

spyrosmom

Cathlete
DS turned 8 in Feb. I'm thinking its time we start talking about the birds and the bees, but I am lost. I never had "the talk" with my parents nor did DH. DH had an older brother - that's where he learned from, and the older brother's magazines. My only talk with my mom was "Do you know what a period is?" "Yep" "Let me know if you have any questions" "ok" and leave the room, embarrassed.

Thing is, DS has never asked about it. He's never asked where baby's come from or any of that. DH and I are very touchy feely kissy huggy, but not inappropriate, so he knows its ok between husband/wife mom/dad. He's never walked in on us, at least not that I know of:eek::eek::eek: So, I think he knows what a good, loving relationship looks like, and how to treat your SO.

The reason I ask is because of 2 incidents. A few weeks back, DH and I were talking about how some women are cute, some are beautiful, some are pretty, but its not all the same thing. Then DS said "but there's one more" and we couldn't figure it out, and finally, he said "you, know *giggle* *blush* sexy" And we were thrown off, and kinda just said "yup" and then the conversation changed. Also, a last month or so, we were at WalMart and I bought a box of tampons. He asked me what they were for, he knew they were for me, but not what they were for. I told him WalMart wasn't the place to explain, but I would when we got home, if he still wanted to know. He said ok, but didn't ask again when we got home. Quite honestly, I was relieved, because I didn't know what to tell him.

Yes, I know how it all works, but WHAT and HOW MUCH do you tell an 8 year old? Somebody help!!?!?!?! Panicky mom. DH doesn't know either. I have a feeling the questions are going to come up more, he always asks about things he doesn't know or doesn't understand. Plus, now every Viagra commericial or slightly suggestive song has me on edge, waiting for the question. I want him to be able to ask and not be afraid, but I think that if I look like I'm spazzing or embarrassed (I'm not, I could talk about it all day long w/ adults) then he will think its wrong or embarrassing. How do I do this?

I wish kids came with owners manuals!:p

Nan
 
My girls are 9 and I started explaining where babies come from at 4. They actually started asking pretty pointed questions then. I was careful to answer their questions honestly, but not give too much information. Only the basic answers. I also bought a book written for that age that gives the information in a very non-embarassing way. My guess is that his friends have already filled him in on some of it . . . you should probably get into it with him soon so that he knows he can come to you (instead of the friends) when he needs answers. You could start with . . . "Do you know where babies come from?". Seriously, it's a perfectly natural process. What's there to be embarassed about. I bet once you start talking, it will come easily.
 
My boys are 7 and 10 and we've always just answered questions when asked at the level I thought they would understand. Mine feel pretty free to ask whatever's on their mind, so as things progress I'm sure the questions will get more specific, but in general I stick with factual information based on what the specific question was and don't provide details beyond. Neither DH or I got any kind of "talk" either, so we're just winging it as we go. ;)
 
I'm with sancho. I have a 6 and 8 year old. My brother in law is a family practice Dr and when I asked him he said just be honest. There is an egg and there is a sperm and voila. I also rented one of those miracle of life type PBS things from the library and showed them bits and peices of it so they could get a visual. I just wanted to make sure they hear the info from me and NOT from their friends.
 
Ooo, this can be tough, eh?

I just jumped in head first with my kids. I can't remember what age my older one was when I explained sex, but I do remember telling her in a very matter-of-fact manner...like it was no different than explaining how one catches a cold.

I started with the basics. In other words, just enough information to answer the question. So "How are babies made?" was answered with something like, "A woman has an egg, and a man has sperm, and you need both to make another human being..."

I think I drew pictures too. :D My poor kids...

Anywho, as the questions become more involved, so did the answers.
 
ROFLMBO!!!! My girls asked this one night at dinner when I was preg w/ #3. They ask occasionally and I always give them the honest truth with the real words. (they were 6 & 4). I swear they just like to hear about it. I think they think PENIS is the funniest word ever! DH suddenly pushed his chair back and TOOK OFF FOR THE OTHER ROOM!!!! LOL!!!! He was mortified I used words like "the sperm goes into the egg". :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: We crack up telling friends this story! If you knew my DH......

But, seriously, they need to hear it straight from Mom and/or Dad - whoever is more comfortable. My poor husband - 3 girls......!
 
We have two books by the same people -- for different ages -- that go over everything in a really wise and clear fashion. As my daughter comes up with more questions, we read together and discuss and it is working pretty well. Here are links to the books:

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazin...d_bbs_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222960132&sr=8-3
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763600474/ref=pd_sim_b_1

These books also discuss alternative families, adoption, IVF and IUI -- very thorough.

Good Luck!
Tobermory
 
Ditto the "It's Not the Stork" book. DH & I took turns reading it to our girls when they were about 4 and 5. It's very matter-of-fact, all cartoon-like pictures, with a little humor thrown in. It covers everything, so it's a lot to digest.

Unfortunately we haven't been very good about talking about it since then (they're now 8 and 9). I did pull it out the other day and good thing: a new friend is spending the night as I type, who is 2 years older and very "wise." I had to tell her to keep the sleepover appropriate after hearing uncomfortable conversations between them!
 
The hard part will be making sure that you know what misinformation he already has and correcting it (making sure that you have the right information first!) If you are embarrassed, he will be even more so and will not want to take part in the conversation. If he sees you as a calm, legitimate, knowledgeable and non-judgemental source of information, he is more likely to come to you with his questions. I guarantee, he already has seen a LOT in these days of the internet, and has already been told way more than you are going to be comfortable with him knowing. Information is power - the more correct information he has, the more ability he will have to make good and healthy choices for himself and his future partners. After all, whenever it is that he ends up having sex for the first time, it's sure to be before YOU are ready for him to be having sex for the first time!
 
hokypoky said:
Unfortunately we haven't been very good about talking about it since then (they're now 8 and 9). I did pull it out the other day and good thing: a new friend is spending the night as I type, who is 2 years older and very "wise." I had to tell her to keep the sleepover appropriate after hearing uncomfortable conversations between them!
Click to expand...

Maybe it would have been a good opportunity to find out what misinformation the two of them have, correct it, and answer some questions. They will have these conversations; it's part of growing up and part of learning. It is unrealistic to assume that just because you aren't hearing it, they aren't talking about it. Telling them it's wrong to talk about together makes them feel that sex is shameful and to be hidden and that they can't talk to you about it, because you will tell them their curiosity is wrong.
 
I've been thru this w/ DD (now 13) and DS (now 11). There are quite a few books available that are age appropriate. Your pediatrician or school nurse also may have some pamphlets or booklets too. My son brought home a VERY good one from school in 5th grade during their "health and body changes" unit. I made DH have the "the talk" w/ him using that pamphlet. It made things a lot clearer and easier to explain.

Good luck!
 
I do not have any real advice about the birds and the bees, but please be sure that he also has the basic Good Touch / Bad Touch information. This is covered in many schools now, but he needs to know that if some adult says "no one will believe you" that is a lie.
 
Some of the questions my boys have asked have been pretty funny, but the absolute best was when my youngest asked me why I don't sit on my eggs. I was driving, laughing hysterically and trying to explain that my eggs were very tiny and it just wouldn't work to sit on them. :D
 
I have to share a funny story here. Last summer my sis felt my nephew was ready for the talk so she got a book from a friend at the kids' soccer game. She stuck the book in the bag of library books in the car and then proceeded to drive the kids home. 1/2 way home this shocked little voice comes from the back seat: "MOM! Is this REALLY how babies GET MADE? HOLY COW!!" He'd gone into the bag for one of his books to read on the ride home and had come up with the birds and bees book instead. My sis almost drove off the road and then thought, "Ok, guess we're having this conversation now."

Of course my niece was all "What, what! Let me see the book..." LOL.
 
The one thing I would say is to remember that it's more of a series of conversations than one big talk. How you approach it at age 4, 5, 8, 10, 12, etc. is going to be different, and you will likely have to discuss it a number of times as they get older. Try to keep it low-key and if you're nervous, try not to let it show. He will take his cues on the subject from you.

For the younger ages, keep it simple and only offer the information they are looking for. Try not to overwhelm him (or yourself) by covering everything at once. Books are always helpful. Depending on how independent a reader he is you can have him read a book you've chosen, and then go through any questions later, or read it together. Each kid is different...you are the best judge of what your son can handle.

As they get older, then you get more into the emotional aspects of sex, etc. I do agree with the person above who points out that you need to make sure he understands appropriate and inappropriate touching and that you are always available to answer questions when he has them.
 
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