I am 31 years old and have been dating my boyfriend (who is 30) for a year and a half. Everything has been GREAT.. this is the first relationship in my life where everything has been easy and fun. We spend lots of time together and we also spend time away from one another, with our friends, participating in some separate activities. We don't live together but we see each other quite a lot. I had told him from the beginning that ultimately I'm looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage because I didn't want there to be any surprises, if things worked out well, I didn't want it to be a surprise that I would be thinking about marriage. I have brought up the subject of "taking the next step" a few times.. once after about six months, once after a year, and once just last week. Our discussions have been pretty good, but at the year mark he said he loved me very much and enjoyed being with me but wasn't sure what he saw for the future. Okay. Then at a year and a half I brought it up again (again, a discussion, not an argument or an ultimatum) and he said he felt no differently about the future than he had six months prior. He says he thinks the problem is with him and he doesn't know why he isn't thinking of buying me a ring. He does say I'm the only woman he's ever considered marrying but that it seems like a scary thought to take it to the next level and he doesn't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to hurt me by "wasting" my time over the next year or two years, not knowing which direction he wants to go in. So he asked if we could take a "break" for a week, in which time he can think about the relationship and what he wants to do. It has only been two days and I can't stop crying and reflecting on what a great relationship we had (have?) and not understanding why he is doing this, when everything has been so great with us. It seems like the next natural step in a wonderful relationship, to think about mariage, I can't understand why he can't see and appreciate what he has. I have been open with my feelings, told him I want to marry him (eventually, not necessarily tomorrow) and that I love him very much. Does anyone have any advice on this.. what does this "space" mean? What could he be doing? What might happen here? One thing I can say is that, hard as it is for me, I am have NOT been contacting him at all; I have been giving him the space I promised him. Any help/advice from someone would be a blessing.
"Taking a break" in a relationship - Help!!!
- Thread starter amyrobyn
- Start date
DebbieH
Cathlete
RE:
Awww Amy! I am so sorry. I can "feel" the hurt you are experiencing. I don't really have any advice and not sure at all what he is thinking but give it a week and see what happens. I truly believe all things work for good and maybe, just maybe he will realize how very much he misses you while apart. Big, big hugs to you and keep us posted. Wish I could help!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie")http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
Awww Amy! I am so sorry. I can "feel" the hurt you are experiencing. I don't really have any advice and not sure at all what he is thinking but give it a week and see what happens. I truly believe all things work for good and maybe, just maybe he will realize how very much he misses you while apart. Big, big hugs to you and keep us posted. Wish I could help!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie")http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
RE:
I don't really have advice but I can relate. My husband and I were together for 4 1/2 years before he proposed, and I would have married him after the first six months if it was my choice. He was very freaked out about getting married. I hung in there though because I love him and I didn't want to go find someone just to get married, and still be in love with him. Well, he came around eventually and we have been happily married for 3 years.
A friend of mine and her then boyfriend took a break and their story sounds the same as yours. They also have now been happily married for 3 years (their wedding was 3 weeks before ours).
So all I can say is that commitment phobes can turn around. I hope eveything works out the way you want it to.
Hugs!!
I don't really have advice but I can relate. My husband and I were together for 4 1/2 years before he proposed, and I would have married him after the first six months if it was my choice. He was very freaked out about getting married. I hung in there though because I love him and I didn't want to go find someone just to get married, and still be in love with him. Well, he came around eventually and we have been happily married for 3 years.
A friend of mine and her then boyfriend took a break and their story sounds the same as yours. They also have now been happily married for 3 years (their wedding was 3 weeks before ours).
So all I can say is that commitment phobes can turn around. I hope eveything works out the way you want it to.
Hugs!!
RE:
Hi there,
Even though I don't know you, I just wanted to offer you a BIG MENTAL HUG!!!!! I find your actions of giving him 'space' so very generous and courageous!
One can only speculate about why he seems reluctant to take the next step in what is being described as a wonderful relationship. As a therapist, one thing that I can say is that this is most definitely his issue and probably has little to do with you and with the quality of your relationship. He seems to be having some blocks. How they got there and how they can be removed are questions only he has answers to. As difficult as it seems to do, try not to take this personally or as an afront to you or your relationship. It sounds like you have been genuine, loving, and supportive in your relationship with him. You should be proud of yourself!!!!
I hope things work out for you in the way that you want them to. Good luck!
Hi there,
Even though I don't know you, I just wanted to offer you a BIG MENTAL HUG!!!!! I find your actions of giving him 'space' so very generous and courageous!
One can only speculate about why he seems reluctant to take the next step in what is being described as a wonderful relationship. As a therapist, one thing that I can say is that this is most definitely his issue and probably has little to do with you and with the quality of your relationship. He seems to be having some blocks. How they got there and how they can be removed are questions only he has answers to. As difficult as it seems to do, try not to take this personally or as an afront to you or your relationship. It sounds like you have been genuine, loving, and supportive in your relationship with him. You should be proud of yourself!!!!
I hope things work out for you in the way that you want them to. Good luck!
RE:
First of all, I think you're doing the right thing by giving him space. The last thing you want to do is smother him. It sounds like he is in his cave "soul-searching". He's 30 now. That means he's at that age where he's left the partying 20's and entering into the more responsible role of an adult. While women usually tend to approach this time with a grain of salt, this can be pretty traumatic for a guy. Men and women often approach the same situations very differently.
What might happen? Since it seems that your relationship was going very well, chances are good he will come back out of the cave after he realizes how much he misses you and how much you add to his life. Especially if you are patient with him and let him work things out.
That being said, I think the best thing you can do is avoid the marriage topic for awhile. Even though you are not giving him an ultimatum, he may be feeling some intense pressure and will react by retreating back in his cave again.
I know you feel that the natural next step is marriage but 31 is still pretty young. And 1 1/2 years together is really not that long. Enjoy your time together. You may even decide that your lives are going in two different directions. In that case, it's better you learn that now when you are dating then years down the line when you are married.
You might run into different opinions but I hope this helps!
Good luck!
Angie
First of all, I think you're doing the right thing by giving him space. The last thing you want to do is smother him. It sounds like he is in his cave "soul-searching". He's 30 now. That means he's at that age where he's left the partying 20's and entering into the more responsible role of an adult. While women usually tend to approach this time with a grain of salt, this can be pretty traumatic for a guy. Men and women often approach the same situations very differently.
What might happen? Since it seems that your relationship was going very well, chances are good he will come back out of the cave after he realizes how much he misses you and how much you add to his life. Especially if you are patient with him and let him work things out.
That being said, I think the best thing you can do is avoid the marriage topic for awhile. Even though you are not giving him an ultimatum, he may be feeling some intense pressure and will react by retreating back in his cave again.
I know you feel that the natural next step is marriage but 31 is still pretty young. And 1 1/2 years together is really not that long. Enjoy your time together. You may even decide that your lives are going in two different directions. In that case, it's better you learn that now when you are dating then years down the line when you are married.
You might run into different opinions but I hope this helps!
Good luck!
Angie
RE:
My husband made a similar request back when we were engaged and it just about broke my heart. We had been together for four years, since I was 17 and he was 19. When he "broke it off" for awhile, we were already engaged, and I was a senior in college, trying to student teach and go through all that emotional junk at the same time. It was horrible. We DID end up getting back together, and I believe we were stronger because of the couple of months break-up. There are no easy answers on this one. It just plain hurts any way you look at it. The best advice I can give you is to NOT give into calling him. This was the hardest part for me. I had spent four years with him, and honestly, I had avoided many "social" situations in college because of him. I felt so alone, because I was in college, surrounded by people that I hadn't really established close relationships with because I had always spent so much time with him. I did venture out and create those relationships, however, and it was very good for my self-esteem. Focus on yourself for awhile. Get involved in hobbies that perhaps you had neglected while you were together. I really hope it all works out for you!
Sarah
My husband made a similar request back when we were engaged and it just about broke my heart. We had been together for four years, since I was 17 and he was 19. When he "broke it off" for awhile, we were already engaged, and I was a senior in college, trying to student teach and go through all that emotional junk at the same time. It was horrible. We DID end up getting back together, and I believe we were stronger because of the couple of months break-up. There are no easy answers on this one. It just plain hurts any way you look at it. The best advice I can give you is to NOT give into calling him. This was the hardest part for me. I had spent four years with him, and honestly, I had avoided many "social" situations in college because of him. I felt so alone, because I was in college, surrounded by people that I hadn't really established close relationships with because I had always spent so much time with him. I did venture out and create those relationships, however, and it was very good for my self-esteem. Focus on yourself for awhile. Get involved in hobbies that perhaps you had neglected while you were together. I really hope it all works out for you!
Sarah
allwildgirl
Cathlete
RE:
I don't have anything to add to all the wonderful things that other people have already said, just that my thoughts are with you and I hope that it works out, and I'm sending big hugs. And tissues.
I don't have anything to add to all the wonderful things that other people have already said, just that my thoughts are with you and I hope that it works out, and I'm sending big hugs. And tissues.
c4ward
Cathlete
RE:
Amy, I had to respond because I went through this last April 24th. Jeff (who's now my fiance) told me it was over & he knew he didn't want to marry me.I was heartsick. I even went on anti-depressants.The hardest thing to do is cut off contact. Four months later, he called. We talked & I let him know what I was up to. Now we're engaged. I don't know why, but sometimes people need to have time apart before they realize, this is the one. What you need to do is go on with your life. Join a club,hang out with friends, dive into a hobby. Before he came back, I decided to make me the best me I could be. Of course, we should do that all the time; but take extra time to build yourself up.I found a great deal of comfort reading my Bible. I also talked to me friends & joined E-Harmony. Yikes. I went on a few dates. Just get your self out. It's easy to hibernate and pull away. As hard as it seems, force yourself to get out into the world. Say yes when friends ask you to do anything. You will make it through this. I wouldn't be surprised if he came around. If you want to send me an e-mail, just to vent it's: [email protected] . Best wishes! Coleen
Amy, I had to respond because I went through this last April 24th. Jeff (who's now my fiance) told me it was over & he knew he didn't want to marry me.I was heartsick. I even went on anti-depressants.The hardest thing to do is cut off contact. Four months later, he called. We talked & I let him know what I was up to. Now we're engaged. I don't know why, but sometimes people need to have time apart before they realize, this is the one. What you need to do is go on with your life. Join a club,hang out with friends, dive into a hobby. Before he came back, I decided to make me the best me I could be. Of course, we should do that all the time; but take extra time to build yourself up.I found a great deal of comfort reading my Bible. I also talked to me friends & joined E-Harmony. Yikes. I went on a few dates. Just get your self out. It's easy to hibernate and pull away. As hard as it seems, force yourself to get out into the world. Say yes when friends ask you to do anything. You will make it through this. I wouldn't be surprised if he came around. If you want to send me an e-mail, just to vent it's: [email protected] . Best wishes! Coleen
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Oh, girl, have I got a good story for you...and it's full of advice:
I'm now married to a guy who I never thought was going to "come around". Do you want to know how I finally got him to come around? I told him "Goodbye. Have a good life." and I left the relationship. Here's the details:
We met at work. At first, I didn't like him. He liked me. But about six months later, I started liking him, and before long, he was the only guy I could see myself with. I just knew we were meant to get married. But he didn't ask me out. We became friends, and I dropped every hint in the world, but he still didn't ask me out. For nearly two years, this guy and I spent all kinds of time together, went out to dinner, saw movies, and did "friend" things. I finally told him one day that I thought of him as more than a friend, and he replied that he just didn't feel the same at that moment, but maybe later on he would. So, a few months went by and finally one day, I was talking to him on the phone and I said, "Look, if you are never going to see me as more than a friend, then I don't think I can deal with that. If we're never going to be anymore than what we are right now, I see no point in going on." He said he just didn't feel that way about me, so I said, "Well, have a good life. Goodbye." That was it. The friendship was over. I wouldn't talk to him anymore.
I cried. I thought about him constantly. I was so upset. But I DID NOT CALL HIM. By now, he and I no longer worked for the same company, so I didn't have to see him at work, either. Then, quite by chance about 3 months later (after the 9/11 incident), I emailed him. I broke my silence, but didn't expect a response. Was I ever surprised when I got one almost immediately. Apparently, he had regretted that he'd never shared with me how he felt about me. He really did want to be with me, but just hadn't fully realized it.
In hindsight, I know why he never fully realized it: BECAUSE I HAD BEEN THERE 24/7 AND HAD NEVER GIVEN HIM A CHANCE TO "MISS" ME AND "WANT" ME. That's the key!
At any rate, he said that he hoped he hadn't blown his chances with me. He hoped that it wasn't too late to finally ask me out on a real date. Obviously, I gave him that chance, and now we're married and he is 100% and completely devoted to me. He has made me aware repeatedly that he is so thankful and so happy to be in my life. But that never would have happened if I'd not walked away from the relationship.
So, rather than let your man tell YOU he wants to take a break, YOU need to tell HIM that YOU want a break...a long break. Maybe you can even do what I did: tell him, "if this isn't going anywhere, then I need to break it off now and move on so I CAN find the man I'm supposed to be with. I don't want to spin my wheels with you for two more years if you don't want me. So, see ya later. Please don't call me anymore." Don't take his calls for a while, and don't call him. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you will cry. Yes, you will want to pick up that phone and call him. BUT, those things that we fight hardest for mean so much when we get them. Those things that are the hardest to do are the most rewarding in the long run. If you do this and after a couple of months he comes begging for you to take him back and to marry him, wouldn't it have been worth it to have sacrificed those two months for a lifetime with the man you love? And if he doesn't come back, well, then it's better that you ended sooner rather than later so that you could move on and find Mr. Wonderful that much sooner. Either way, it's a WIN-WIN for you (and him). You can't lose by telling him that you're walking away. You can only win...it just might take a little time for you to cross the finish line victorious.
There's something about a woman saying "no, I won't do this anymore" that makes a man want her more.
I hope this very long-winded story helped.
Oh, girl, have I got a good story for you...and it's full of advice:
I'm now married to a guy who I never thought was going to "come around". Do you want to know how I finally got him to come around? I told him "Goodbye. Have a good life." and I left the relationship. Here's the details:
We met at work. At first, I didn't like him. He liked me. But about six months later, I started liking him, and before long, he was the only guy I could see myself with. I just knew we were meant to get married. But he didn't ask me out. We became friends, and I dropped every hint in the world, but he still didn't ask me out. For nearly two years, this guy and I spent all kinds of time together, went out to dinner, saw movies, and did "friend" things. I finally told him one day that I thought of him as more than a friend, and he replied that he just didn't feel the same at that moment, but maybe later on he would. So, a few months went by and finally one day, I was talking to him on the phone and I said, "Look, if you are never going to see me as more than a friend, then I don't think I can deal with that. If we're never going to be anymore than what we are right now, I see no point in going on." He said he just didn't feel that way about me, so I said, "Well, have a good life. Goodbye." That was it. The friendship was over. I wouldn't talk to him anymore.
I cried. I thought about him constantly. I was so upset. But I DID NOT CALL HIM. By now, he and I no longer worked for the same company, so I didn't have to see him at work, either. Then, quite by chance about 3 months later (after the 9/11 incident), I emailed him. I broke my silence, but didn't expect a response. Was I ever surprised when I got one almost immediately. Apparently, he had regretted that he'd never shared with me how he felt about me. He really did want to be with me, but just hadn't fully realized it.
In hindsight, I know why he never fully realized it: BECAUSE I HAD BEEN THERE 24/7 AND HAD NEVER GIVEN HIM A CHANCE TO "MISS" ME AND "WANT" ME. That's the key!
At any rate, he said that he hoped he hadn't blown his chances with me. He hoped that it wasn't too late to finally ask me out on a real date. Obviously, I gave him that chance, and now we're married and he is 100% and completely devoted to me. He has made me aware repeatedly that he is so thankful and so happy to be in my life. But that never would have happened if I'd not walked away from the relationship.
So, rather than let your man tell YOU he wants to take a break, YOU need to tell HIM that YOU want a break...a long break. Maybe you can even do what I did: tell him, "if this isn't going anywhere, then I need to break it off now and move on so I CAN find the man I'm supposed to be with. I don't want to spin my wheels with you for two more years if you don't want me. So, see ya later. Please don't call me anymore." Don't take his calls for a while, and don't call him. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you will cry. Yes, you will want to pick up that phone and call him. BUT, those things that we fight hardest for mean so much when we get them. Those things that are the hardest to do are the most rewarding in the long run. If you do this and after a couple of months he comes begging for you to take him back and to marry him, wouldn't it have been worth it to have sacrificed those two months for a lifetime with the man you love? And if he doesn't come back, well, then it's better that you ended sooner rather than later so that you could move on and find Mr. Wonderful that much sooner. Either way, it's a WIN-WIN for you (and him). You can't lose by telling him that you're walking away. You can only win...it just might take a little time for you to cross the finish line victorious.
There's something about a woman saying "no, I won't do this anymore" that makes a man want her more.
I hope this very long-winded story helped.
candi
Cathlete
RE:
Amyrobyn,
Relationships have their challenges...sending positive thoughts your way. The only advice I have is listen to your heart and follow your instincts.
It really doesn't sound to me like he is playing head games with you. It sounds like he sincerely needed time off to think about the relationship.
My brother (who is 33) and SIL had a similar situation. The issue was my brother's. He didn't know if he was where he wanted to be financially and emotionally. He took getting married very seriously. I think this is a good thing. Well, they got married February before last and their first baby is due this May.
Hang in there.
Amyrobyn,
Relationships have their challenges...sending positive thoughts your way. The only advice I have is listen to your heart and follow your instincts.
It really doesn't sound to me like he is playing head games with you. It sounds like he sincerely needed time off to think about the relationship.
My brother (who is 33) and SIL had a similar situation. The issue was my brother's. He didn't know if he was where he wanted to be financially and emotionally. He took getting married very seriously. I think this is a good thing. Well, they got married February before last and their first baby is due this May.
Hang in there.
RE:
What nice folks around here.
I had a similar situation with my now DH, right before we got engaged, he said something similar. We had been dating for 2 years. It was an awesome relationship, and he said he needed to take a step back/break type of thing. I think the "right-ness" of the relationship scared him...he said he didn't expect to meet "the one" so young (we were 28). He didn't think he was ready for marriage. The break was very short, he realized what we had didn't come along every day, and we got engaged. We have been happily married now for 10 years.
I know it is hard....but hang in there. Find a good support system. Looking back, if he had just wanted to continue on past 2 years, still "not sure", I would hope I would have been strong enough to say "see ya around" because I wanted marriage and kids & if you still don't know after 2 years...the answer is "no". However I was madly in love and who knows what I would have done.
I feel for you!
Hang in there.
Jen
What nice folks around here.
I had a similar situation with my now DH, right before we got engaged, he said something similar. We had been dating for 2 years. It was an awesome relationship, and he said he needed to take a step back/break type of thing. I think the "right-ness" of the relationship scared him...he said he didn't expect to meet "the one" so young (we were 28). He didn't think he was ready for marriage. The break was very short, he realized what we had didn't come along every day, and we got engaged. We have been happily married now for 10 years.
I know it is hard....but hang in there. Find a good support system. Looking back, if he had just wanted to continue on past 2 years, still "not sure", I would hope I would have been strong enough to say "see ya around" because I wanted marriage and kids & if you still don't know after 2 years...the answer is "no". However I was madly in love and who knows what I would have done.
I feel for you!
Hang in there.
Jen
RE:
That's what I've been thinking since this conversation between us happened a few days ago - I know that I want to get married and I know I want to marry HIM. I don't want to go out and find someone else.. Would I be satisfied with waiting for him to eventually come around to the idea of marriage and at least in the meantime be involved in a happy relationship? It's a slippery slope I think; maybe sometimes it's best to sacrifice immediate happiness for what we truly want and need in our hearts. I've been thinking about what I'll say if he comes back in a week and says "I still don't know".. would I be okay with just continuing? I just don't know.
That's what I've been thinking since this conversation between us happened a few days ago - I know that I want to get married and I know I want to marry HIM. I don't want to go out and find someone else.. Would I be satisfied with waiting for him to eventually come around to the idea of marriage and at least in the meantime be involved in a happy relationship? It's a slippery slope I think; maybe sometimes it's best to sacrifice immediate happiness for what we truly want and need in our hearts. I've been thinking about what I'll say if he comes back in a week and says "I still don't know".. would I be okay with just continuing? I just don't know.
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Hi Sabine, Thanks so much for the mental hugs. Even though we don't know each other, I think all women can relate on many levels and we can support one another and I really need that right now. I do feel like I did the right thing by bringing up this topic and pushing him into a place where he NEEDS to think about it instead of just hoping I won't bring it up and we can just sail on as we are for years, without him ever having to take things any further. It's weird how he seems to still act like he's 20 with respect to this life choice. I guess people are just ready when they're ready and not before?
Hi Sabine, Thanks so much for the mental hugs. Even though we don't know each other, I think all women can relate on many levels and we can support one another and I really need that right now. I do feel like I did the right thing by bringing up this topic and pushing him into a place where he NEEDS to think about it instead of just hoping I won't bring it up and we can just sail on as we are for years, without him ever having to take things any further. It's weird how he seems to still act like he's 20 with respect to this life choice. I guess people are just ready when they're ready and not before?
RE:
Hi Angie, Thanks for your note, I need all the advice I can get! It's so hard for someone like me to give someone space, because I'm a very talkative, energetic, "go for what you want" and "live for the moment, appreciate each day" type of person. I believe in appreciating what you have while you have it.. it's hard to understand how some people need to distance themselves from people to start feeling closer to them. Seems like a waste of life. I appreciate what you said about my age.. it does start to feel like I need to make these decisions soon if I want to think about having a family, but that's not why I want to be with him. I just don't want to be in limbo for years, as he's "soul searching". I will be as patient as I can be and hopefully after he's taken his time, I will be able to report back good news to everyone.
Amy
Hi Angie, Thanks for your note, I need all the advice I can get! It's so hard for someone like me to give someone space, because I'm a very talkative, energetic, "go for what you want" and "live for the moment, appreciate each day" type of person. I believe in appreciating what you have while you have it.. it's hard to understand how some people need to distance themselves from people to start feeling closer to them. Seems like a waste of life. I appreciate what you said about my age.. it does start to feel like I need to make these decisions soon if I want to think about having a family, but that's not why I want to be with him. I just don't want to be in limbo for years, as he's "soul searching". I will be as patient as I can be and hopefully after he's taken his time, I will be able to report back good news to everyone.
Amy
RE:
Hi Coleen, Thank you so much for sharing your personal story with me as well. It helps to know there are people who have gone through similar experiences and can help with words of wisdom. It seems that everyone who responded who had actually been through this, ended up marrying the man, so that's always positive! Do you think a week is enough time for someone to make up their mind about something like this? I'm worried that he's giving himself too short a timeline and in the end either won't make the right decision or will want to continue the "break" which will make us both more miserable?
Hi Coleen, Thank you so much for sharing your personal story with me as well. It helps to know there are people who have gone through similar experiences and can help with words of wisdom. It seems that everyone who responded who had actually been through this, ended up marrying the man, so that's always positive! Do you think a week is enough time for someone to make up their mind about something like this? I'm worried that he's giving himself too short a timeline and in the end either won't make the right decision or will want to continue the "break" which will make us both more miserable?
RE:
Hi Candi, Thanks for your note. I agree, I don't think he is playing head games with me, like when people KNOW they don't want to be in the relationship but they use "taking a break" as an easy way out before they have to do the real break up thing. How long were your brother and sister-in-law broken up before they got back together? My boyfriend is planning to have this figured out in a week.. is that enough, I wonder? I guess it's different for everyone, depending on who you are. My boyfriend also takes marriage very seriously and says that when he does it, that will be it forever, not "if it doesn't work out I can get a divorce" and that means a lot to me. He wants to be sure this is right for him and for us before committing and then hurting us down the road. Oh, if only I could be inside his head!!! Amy
Hi Candi, Thanks for your note. I agree, I don't think he is playing head games with me, like when people KNOW they don't want to be in the relationship but they use "taking a break" as an easy way out before they have to do the real break up thing. How long were your brother and sister-in-law broken up before they got back together? My boyfriend is planning to have this figured out in a week.. is that enough, I wonder? I guess it's different for everyone, depending on who you are. My boyfriend also takes marriage very seriously and says that when he does it, that will be it forever, not "if it doesn't work out I can get a divorce" and that means a lot to me. He wants to be sure this is right for him and for us before committing and then hurting us down the road. Oh, if only I could be inside his head!!! Amy
RE:
Hi Jen, First of all, AGREED, there are so many nice people on this network and I can't begin to express how happy I am to know that people care, even though they don't know me! I guess we all want other people to learn from our experiences and gain wisdom somehow through us. I am interested in your story.. sounds very similar. How long was your break, if you don't mind my asking? I have asked this of a few respondents now, but I'm wondering if my boyfriend can actually sort through this in a week. I feel that I have been strong in that I brought it up and pushed it forward, even though we were very happy.. I think I knew it might cause some short term misery, though not necessarily in this format of a break. I was thinking that after a year and a half, if he hasn't asked me to marry him then he doesn't want to, but maybe that's not it.. maybe he really DOES need time to sort through his issues with taking it the next step, and I want to give him that time (although not too long). Amy
Hi Jen, First of all, AGREED, there are so many nice people on this network and I can't begin to express how happy I am to know that people care, even though they don't know me! I guess we all want other people to learn from our experiences and gain wisdom somehow through us. I am interested in your story.. sounds very similar. How long was your break, if you don't mind my asking? I have asked this of a few respondents now, but I'm wondering if my boyfriend can actually sort through this in a week. I feel that I have been strong in that I brought it up and pushed it forward, even though we were very happy.. I think I knew it might cause some short term misery, though not necessarily in this format of a break. I was thinking that after a year and a half, if he hasn't asked me to marry him then he doesn't want to, but maybe that's not it.. maybe he really DOES need time to sort through his issues with taking it the next step, and I want to give him that time (although not too long). Amy
RE:
Hi again,
I had to go back and add that many people told me right out that if he hasn't already proposed he was never going to - but they were all wrong. Everybody works on a different time schedule.
My Mom once said "Don't waste all your young years on him". As if it would be easy to break up and go right out and find another person I loved just as much that would be itching to marry me right away. I'm sure am glad that I didn't listen to everyone else.
Hang in there Amy. Don't give up right away.
Caren
Hi again,
I had to go back and add that many people told me right out that if he hasn't already proposed he was never going to - but they were all wrong. Everybody works on a different time schedule.
My Mom once said "Don't waste all your young years on him". As if it would be easy to break up and go right out and find another person I loved just as much that would be itching to marry me right away. I'm sure am glad that I didn't listen to everyone else.
Hang in there Amy. Don't give up right away.
Caren