Step-parenting
- Thread starter ellesan
- Start date
If the x-wife is not an issue then you have more control. Try to get your hubby on the same page so you present a united front. It really will make things easier. I found when I calmly said phrases like - I'm really disappointed in you, your behaviour is unacceptable, we will have a family meeting with your father - that I got better results.
The little s%*#()@ will really know how to push your buttons and do it often ! My grown daughter now tells me that she is amazed that I did not strangle her in her sleep.
The little s%*#()@ will really know how to push your buttons and do it often ! My grown daughter now tells me that she is amazed that I did not strangle her in her sleep.
jharris
Cathlete
Hi Sandrelle,
I too am a step parent of a 12 year old, almost 13 daughter. Like you her mom isn't to much of problem. I tend to be the more involved maternal figure so to speak. My step daughter has been part of life since she was 2. I do not have any of my own children and have always raised and treated her as if she were my own child. I do find myself frustrated like I don't do enough or could and should be doing more.
We are lucky that she is a good kid, good grades, rarely talks back, and has a great attitude. But the few times that she has happened to test the waters it was nipped in the butt rather quickly. For me most of the testing happened early on in our relationship and her dad squashed it. As a family unit (me, her dad and her mom) we raised her to understand that we are her parents and she will respect and listen to all 3 of us.
Just let him know what the consquences of his actions are, and let his father know that these are the consquences also. For example if he talks back he gets his phone taken away for so many days. Give him a warning the first time he does it so he knows you don't like the behavior if he continues or does it again implement the consquence. Stick to your guns, be firm and don't back down.
Best of luck, I think 12 is a hard age. Still a kid, but almost a teenager. Around here 12 is the seventh grade, so it's jr high, changing classrooms, more homework, more choices for activities. Meeting new people at school. Hopefully its just an adjustment period and he will grow out of it quickly.
I just want to add my step daughter lives between both our house and her mothers. Dad is the custidiol parent w. joint custody. We both live in the same school district so she spends equal time between the two.
Jenn
I too am a step parent of a 12 year old, almost 13 daughter. Like you her mom isn't to much of problem. I tend to be the more involved maternal figure so to speak. My step daughter has been part of life since she was 2. I do not have any of my own children and have always raised and treated her as if she were my own child. I do find myself frustrated like I don't do enough or could and should be doing more.
We are lucky that she is a good kid, good grades, rarely talks back, and has a great attitude. But the few times that she has happened to test the waters it was nipped in the butt rather quickly. For me most of the testing happened early on in our relationship and her dad squashed it. As a family unit (me, her dad and her mom) we raised her to understand that we are her parents and she will respect and listen to all 3 of us.
Just let him know what the consquences of his actions are, and let his father know that these are the consquences also. For example if he talks back he gets his phone taken away for so many days. Give him a warning the first time he does it so he knows you don't like the behavior if he continues or does it again implement the consquence. Stick to your guns, be firm and don't back down.
Best of luck, I think 12 is a hard age. Still a kid, but almost a teenager. Around here 12 is the seventh grade, so it's jr high, changing classrooms, more homework, more choices for activities. Meeting new people at school. Hopefully its just an adjustment period and he will grow out of it quickly.
I just want to add my step daughter lives between both our house and her mothers. Dad is the custidiol parent w. joint custody. We both live in the same school district so she spends equal time between the two.
Jenn
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Sunshine1528
Cathlete
BTDT from both sides . . . ITA that dad should take the lead, however, it is your home too and I always believed in treating all the kids to the same 'rules' as far as respect and conscientiousness.
If you don't have your own children . . . discuss the 'rules' with your DH. I also agree that regardless if it was your own child or not, 12 is a tough age. But . . . sometimes the step kids will test you too. Tough situation . . . patience and consistency helps. I remember getting nauseous whenever my step-son was to come over as he liked to control my kids and dogs. Finally grew out of that one but sure made for an ugly weekend or vacation week.
Try for the united front with DH just as you would your own children.
Best of luck.
If you don't have your own children . . . discuss the 'rules' with your DH. I also agree that regardless if it was your own child or not, 12 is a tough age. But . . . sometimes the step kids will test you too. Tough situation . . . patience and consistency helps. I remember getting nauseous whenever my step-son was to come over as he liked to control my kids and dogs. Finally grew out of that one but sure made for an ugly weekend or vacation week.
Try for the united front with DH just as you would your own children.
Best of luck.
ellesan
Cathlete
haha! I'm tempted!!
He can definitely push my buttons. He has them on speed dial. Speaking calmly is definitely something I need to work on. I mean I speak kindly and softly the first 4 times I say something--by the 5th time I'm yelling
He's a smart kid, can memorize things and remember what he wants...yet he can't remember what I told him 1 minute ago?? I expect more from him. I go from being patient and then get soooo frustrated and then start yelling and then the talking back/attitude begins. A family meeting is a good idea.
ellesan
Cathlete
I don't have other children. My husband grew up in another country with different cultural background and I think that has something to do with it. I'm definitely the one with rules. Before I came along (when he was 6 yrs old) he didn't have a bed time, ate adult size fast food meals and didn't know what a chore was. Even though my DH supports and agrees with what I think, he never enforces them on his own. (ie. I'll be gone on designated chore day and they will both be watching TV, video games, etc. and no chores done. ) We've gone over (multiple times) that chores first, games/TV after. Tired of being the enforcer
Thanks for the info/advice!
Kathryn--thanks for the sympathy!
ellesan
Cathlete
Jenn, thanks so much for the info--glad I'm not alone. Most of the time he is a great kid--good grades, plays sports, good friends, etc. Yes, he just started jr. high
I think I need to talk to DH more about the respect issue when he's not around. It's not that often, but often enough to bug me.That must be challenging to have joint custody. My husband has full physical custody so he only lives with us. Sometimes I just feel so disconnected from him. Maybe it's just normal to feel this way, I'm not sure.