Son wants to lose weight, but....

MRSchultz

MRSchultz

Cathlete
he's only 8 !!! He is by no means overweight. He weighs 98 pounds, but he is probably close to 4' 8" feet tall. He is very active. I asked him if somebody said something in school?? No..... and he wouldn't tell me why he thinks he needs to lose weight? I'm wondering if I obsess too much at home about my struggles with trying to lose weight??? I have about 40 pounds to lose, but maybe he sees my frustration too much?? I told him that I would definitely make healthier meals for him and his father and we will keep busy hiking, working outside around the house, etc. to get him in shape a little more.

This totally threw me for a loop, any advice???

Thanks,
Marcia
 
Someone must have said something to him if he won't tell you.
When you are trying to lose weight yourself it is hard not to let the family see it, or pick up on it.I am active but not overweight and my daughter always says to me that she thinks I am working out to lose weight but I reinforce that I workout to stay healthy. She excepts this but I don't know if she beleives it.
The advice you gave him was good but I would also tell him that in a year or two he will be getting taller and he will lean out some.I wouldn't let him go on a "diet" and kids that age can't comprend (sp?) what a diet really is.For years I thought it was starvation not eating healthy.
I have a friend and her child, actually children are overweight.She as a teenage daughter who as a boyfriend and I think they spent one to many nights eating junk in front of the tube.She is 16 and now wears a DD bra:eek: and her other daughter is 9 and is a big girl.The mother is tall and to slim while the father is shorted and a bit chubby so the kids get their body shapes from their fathers side of the family.She tries to watch what the 9 yr old eats and put a limit on it but it must be hard to control.
I really don't know what I would do if I were in this situation b/c I wouldn't want to give the child a poor self image, that will haunt them forever!
But like I said if you let him know it is a bout being "healthy" vs "diet" I think he will look at it a little differently and probably lose a bit of weight.
Lori:)
 
I agree that someone must have said something. I wouldn't panic just yet, he might have been just reacting to whatever was said and may get over it on his own. I'd also keep going with your assertions that he does not need to lose weight, as he is more likely to believe you if you're consistent. Also, you might mention some concrete facts, like telling him the doctor says his weight is fine and that if he loses weight, he might stunt his growth. Most kids would not want to risk being short!
 
I'm going to disagree that someone had to say something. Men and boys are being bombarded with perfect body images as well as we are, and eating disorders among boys and teens is really growing. It could be something as simple as him seeing Brad Pitt and then looking at himself and thinking that he does not look like that.

You have a good approach. Educate him on the benefits of a healthy diet, offer to pack a healthy lunch, and get him interested in activities. There is nothing wrong with encouraging him to eat well and exercise. I would also talk to him about the dangers of extreme dieting, of steriods and anything else you can discover on what boys do to get the "look". If he's worrying about it at 8, I'd keep an eye on him as he grows up (like I'm sure you will anyway).
 
Marcia I think you handled this beautifully. You focused on living a healthy lifestyle which is the message we should send our kids. It really does not matter where he got the idea to lose weight as long as you arm him with the right tools to be healthy and counter anyone who says he is not. You have also created a great opportunity for one on one time with him - you could plan a picnic meal together of healthy stuff and go hiking like you suggested. It might also make him feel important if you wrote your healthy family lifestyle plan down on paper so he knows you really heard him. If your weight loss issue comes up, just say something to the effect, "It is so great to have you and Daddy on my side. I got a bit unhealthy for awhile and now like you I am working real hard to lose some weight and exercise. Let's keep eachother posted on how we're doing ok?"

Again i think you handled this great and you are a shining example to him that being fit and healthy can be achieved no matter where you are starting from. You are a great mom!

Julie
 
Thank you, Julie - that's what I needed to hear. I get nervous put on the spot like that sometimes. I know that he'll soak up whatever I say and sometimes that makes me a bit nervous.

THANK YOU!
Marcia
 
So glad I could assist in some small way. Keep up the apples and open dialogue. I am sure he is a great little boy! He's young, he'll learn all kinds of things. The things that work will be the things he remembers.

Check in and let us know how you are all doing. And if you can find a way to get him to eat green veggies please share. Our 3 year old DD rarely will touch them (our 5 year old DD munches on red peppers and raw broccoli - go figure!).

Julie
 
My son is 9 almost 10 and weighs about 90 lbs. He's also self conscious about his weight, and I'm wondering if it's because of how I am about mine.
 
I agree you handled it well. Not making too big deal out of it and giving him healthy choices to continue to grow strong. And reassuring him that he is healthy and not overweight.
I really do think though that boys are feeling the pressure as much as girls do, especially now a days. At young ages, kids really do mimic thier parents. It sounds that you are aware of your actions and intutive with your child. Maybe just becareful of how much you talk about losing wieght in front of him (if you do) and stress the health aspects more (ie: "we are snacking on broccoli and carrots today, cause they have lots of good vitamins ,good for your eye site, calcium for your bones, etc. "). But, agreed you handled it very well. Kids are good at surprises us and making us think quick!
Good job!
wellness
 
I have had to deal with this with my oldest son over the years. He has always been taller and more on the husky side. He is very strong and has always played sports. He did have other kids say something to him, usually it was someone older. He wouldn't admit that it had happened, but then I would hear about it from a teacher or someone else. It would sting him to the core, especially with all the pressure this society creates. And face it - kids can be very cruel - not necessarily meaning to be - but they tend to say things that may not be appropriate or called for, and not thinking about how it would effect the other person.

No one when I was growing up wanted or knew about 6-pack abs - but it is an obsession right now. One of his good male friends in 7th grade is practically anorexic because he wants to keep his abs. The boys are comparing all the time... And to top it off - starting in the 6th grade PE Classes - body fat testing is part of the physical assessments. And they give you a ranking/score on that %!!!

I don't think his obsession comes from you at all - but everything around us. I think you are taking a good approach. I had to talk with Max several times over the years to help him work through it. And also point out that is seems that some boys grow out a bit - then up - then out - then up. It is certainly not easy at all, and nothing would break my heart more than him telling me that he was being teased. But it pretty much all stopped in the 4th and 5th grade and I dont think he hears it at all now or if he does - it doesnt effect him like it used to.
 
I also have a son who is husky. He is five and 70 lbs but he is very tall. He looks like he is much older. I know he is sensitive and will have a hard time with teasing if it comes. I agree with all the other posts here. I just wanted to chime in and say it is really great to hear of other boys like him. It is comforting in a way. My friends boys are so thin and tiny. I think our kids watch us closely and they definately learn by that. We should eat heathy, exercise and give them big HUGS! Vicky
 
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