Somewhere Between Fat and Fit

BelovedHeather

BelovedHeather

Cathlete
One of my friends (who also battles obesity) discovered my collection of fitness videos and had a fit over them. I have 26 Cathe videos, 22 FIRM videos, 1 FitPrime video, 1 Urban Rebounding video, 6 Kari Anderson videos, 1 Marcus Irwin video, 1 Debbie James video, and 1 Christi Taylor video plus 4 Cathe DVDs, 1 FIRM DVD, and 1 TLT DVD. Well, I have 2 Cathe DVDs on the way as well as the 4 new ones on preorder, but I did not tell her that! She thinks I am a nut for having so many workout videos and DVDs. In fact, she wants me to go for counseling with my pastor because she thinks this “obsession” stems from childhood abuse. Good grief! I told her about the Ya Yas and Cathe’s place, and she is convinced that I am living in a “fantasy world” here. I guess it just does not translate to people who do not share the same passion. Yes, I am a nut. No doubt about it. But I am a good nut! ;-) There are many strongholds in my life that need to be torn down. Working out 6 days a week is not one of them. I have plenty of clutter in my home that needs to go, but my fitness videos and DVDs are here to stay.

I joined Cathe’s forums a little over a month ago and just realized that this is my 100th post. Maybe I do need an intervention! ;-) But most of my friends do not share my love for Cathe’s workouts, so where else would I go to share my joy?! Seriously, I am in a very lonely place in my journey right now. I feel like I am stuck somewhere between fat and fit. I have no desire to binge on junk food with my overweight friends who deal with stress by eating instead of working out, but I am not yet fit enough to keep up with my super fit friends. I am still hauling around 50 extra pounds myself. Athletic activities like running, hiking up cliffs, and water skiing are not calling my name right now.

The last time I visited my friend who thinks I am a nut, she stuck a huge bowl of ice cream in front of me. It must have been at least 6-8 servings! I ate a few bites to be polite, and she kept asking why I was not eating the rest of it. Some of my friends just do not understand that I still love them and want to spend time with them, but I do not want to binge with them. I am also planning to visit my family in June. They make comments about my weight then turn around and fix fattening junk for me because food is love in my family. I gained weight when I visited my family for Thanksgiving because I ate whatever was fixed for me to be polite. How do I handle these situations without hurting anyone’s feelings? I am doing the 12-week challenge and do not want to get off track in June even with this trip planned, so I need help!

Losing the equivalent of a person is hard (from a size 28 to a size 14 so far), and I am not talking about the physical part. Clean eating and intense workouts are nothing compared to the emotional stuff. It changes everything. So many of my relationships centered around food. When I weighed 260 pounds, food was my passion. I found friends who shared that passion. Now that my lifestyle has changed, it is changing the dynamics of these friendships. I still love all of my friends and want to maintain these relationships, but the changes in me seem to be intimidating to some. Please understand that I love my friends unconditionally. I accept them where they are because I have been there, and I do not comment on their weight or food choices. I know from experience that people change when they are ready and not a moment sooner. But they want their old binge buddy back, and that Heather is gone forever.

If anyone has lost a significant amount of weight and understands this, I would love to hear from you. Everyone else is free to respond too if you have anything to share. I would really appreciate tips for clean eating while traveling, restaurant survival, and dealing with social pressure to eat junk.

The title of this thread says it all. Somewhere between fat and fit and learning to live again is where I am right now. I am posting this with great insecurity. I read these forums for a long time before joining. Most of you are in such amazing shape that I did not expect to fit in here, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome I have received. The only support I have right now for my fitness journey is through Cathe’s place and the Ya Yas, and I am so grateful. Thank you for the encouragement and inspiration. :)

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
Hey Heather. Here's my shout out to you - way to go for taking control of your life! Boy, if this place warrants counseling then I guess we should all line up ;) I think this is the best obsession to have :) I have been here since the end of March last year and have whipped myself into better shape than ever, and this is 2 yrs post PG. I, too, have lost a lot of weight. I lost 150 lbs and have kept that off for 13.5 years now, but I really only learned to be truly healthy since coming here. Learning to live is the key, and I won't lie to you, it is sometimes the toughest challenge there is....but oh so worth it. We're all here for each other :)




"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"


Debbie
 
Heather,

I just wanted to ditto Debbie's "way to take control of your life".

Remember, you are loving your friends unconditionally and one would hope that your true friends would return such friendship.

Please keep up the good work and do not be made to feel that you are obsessed and need counseling by people who simply haven't come to realize the importance of their own health. You are putting an excellent example before them - they just can't see it at the moment. Perhaps they are even feeling somewhat threatened and even more out of control in their own lives because they are seeing the control you are maintaining and the progress you have made.

BTW I always enjoy reading your posts because you truly are an inspiration.
 
Hi Heather,

Well, you know that I was never in your situation but I had to chime in.
My friends think I am a nut to.There is no doubt about it! My SIL thinks I am a big time nut, she just doesn't get why I workout but thats o.k..she doesn't need to. And I also have a bestfriend who also makes comments about working out.The ironic thing is, she as tried to workout but can't get into the "grove" of things and throws it down again, but thats not my problem is it?

What I think your friends are going through is jealousy.The same reason I get the responses I get.Although they are probably happy that you are taking better care of yourself, they are jealous b/c they have not found the motivation and determination that you have found. Don't let anyone tell you that exercise is your problem. If you spent hours a day working out and eating nothing then you would have a problem but if you have decided to live a healthier life and exercise in moderation, then that just shows that you choose to take control of your life and live longer.If you feel uncomfortable around them at times, why don't you put your workouts where only you can see them and don't talk about exercising? If thats what it take to have a enjoyable visit with your friends then thats what I would do.

Your family on the other hand.You may need to really get your point across.Im not sure what your family is like but I wouldn't need to sit down with mine! LOL I would just throw a little hissy fit and storm out and it would never get brought up again.You could just tell your mother that you like to eat healthier so could she please not make anything thats unhealthy? Or you could bring a couple of your own recipes for your parents to try.

You shouldn't feel bad about the good things that you are doing for yourself. I know you love these people in your life but sometimes the ones we have can be very negative.Keep positive and don't let their ways get you discouraged.Keep up your hard work and before you know it, they will asking YOU want you have been doing all this time!

Lori:)
 
Dude.... 100 posts in a month is NOT an obsession. Because if it is, then what am I, with over 6000 in just over a year? Ahem. Obsessed? Nah:) It's HEALTHY!;)

Just keep on keepin' on. You're on the right track, the best track, so just keep following it.:)
 
Stay with it, Heather, you are in inspiration to me. I always love reading your posts. I think they are jealous of you, instead, they should be supporting you in your efforts, but that's not always human nature. A lot of times "misery loves company". In other words, I think you're making them look bad. Keep your eyes on your goal. Someday, they may be coming back to you and asking how you did it, and to help them to get in shape.

Obsessed? I should be doing yardwork and instead I'm watching the Tour of Georgia bike race on TV, and during commercials, logging on here! I always wonder about people that aren't obsessed about anything. Heck, it's always been something or other with me, horses, volleyball, cycling. Keeps life interesting.

Keep it up, girl! Don't listen to anyone else! You'll never make everyone happy, you'll go nuts if you try. As long as your life is balanced, you're being responsible, not neglecting family then you're doing great.

Stay the course!

Jeanette

:7
 
You are most definitely on a journey and growing (while shrinking;-) ) spiritually, emotionally and physically. You say that your friend is obese and thinks you need to talk to a pastor, perhaps she can't be objective especially if she sees your shared path diverging on the physical level. She can't hide behind your shared obesity and your weight loss may threaten what she perceives as a big factor in your common bind. This does not give her permission to judge you as a 'nut' or 'obsessed'. I say this without judgement but gluttony is considered sinful but you don't throw that in her face. In my choices and decisions in life I want to maintain my spritiual integrity and constantly ask myself when at a crossroads 'is this choice or path not only for my good but for the greater good.' You have chosen health which is for your greater good as well as the collective greater good, your decreasing weight and increasing health will ultimately place less demand on the health care system. Your increasing health will give you more energy to do the work in the community that you are compelled to do.

Worrying about hurting your family's feelings at gatherings is noble but not for your greater good. Giving into these temptations will leave you feeling full of self loathing later, their feelings do not supercede your feelings, you and you alone must live in your skin. You have chosen your path, love is not food and food is not love. Habitual over indulgence in food can temporarily serve to fill the lonely, wounded places from within but it is fleeting and cyclical and certainly not for the greater good. Unconditional love does not purposefully put temptation in front of you and try to weaken your resolve.

At restaurants avoid foods using descriptions like fried, battered, buttered, smothered, sauce, gravy, cream....go for grilled, broiled, steamed, baked. When in doubt ask your server, get your dressings and sauces on the side. Avoid the bread basket before dinner. Try to avoid appetizers, I find that when dinner includes an appetizer and a salad I am sated before the entree. Eat slowly, savour your food and it's textures, appreciate the culinary delight as they are occurring in the moment instead of mindless rushing and shovelling while eyeing the last roll in the bread basket as soooo many folks do when eating out. At family gatherings serve your own plate and do not be bullied into consuming more than your body requires.

I lost 50lbs years ago and will never be that fat again. I was using the wrong salve (food) to heal the hurts from within, losing weight has allowed me to take my talents out from under the bushel and more fully grow to my unlimited potential. It is a powerful thing but it is a threat to those who hide behind their weight. Food is still one of my passions, perhaps more so now that I appreciate it's value for fuelling my body and bringing joy into the moment as I share the gifts from the earth with my family and friends. You can do this Heather (you already are doing it!!!), what you have achieved is amazing, you have taken control of your life and not allowed yourself to be seduced by temptation, do not compromise your hard won spiritual, emotional and physical victories. You do right by your family and friends to love them unconditionally. Are they doing right by you? Tempting and goading a friend to finishing a gluttonous bowl of ice cream is most certainly not an act of love and it's wonderful that you had the strength in the moment to resist. I am not insinuating that your friend doesn't love you but it seems that there are conditions on that love and you deserve more than that. Change is hard and requires a lot of support from people who love you and want to be a cheering section for you to realise your full potential. I am proud and honoured to be a part of that cheering section Heather. I sincerely hope that nothing I have said is hurtful, it is not my intent. You are so strong in your resolve and right in your heart, your path is most definitely for the greater good, keep on walking the walk Girl!

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
Hi Heather,

I have not been in your shoes as far as having a lot of weight to lose but the eating thing is a struggle all the same. Congratulations on how far you've come! I would imagine that it is difficult for your obese friend to watch you take control of your life because it emphasizes how out of control hers is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you seeking out a healthy lifestyle and getting support where you can is not obsessive! So don't let them get you down!!
 
This person is no "friend." It sounds like she's jealous of your weight loss and want to sabatoge you. I'd be thinking about putting some distance between you and her.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Heather, I lost 50 pounds several years ago and know a little bit about where you're coming from. After transitioning to a healthy lifestyle, friends and family do have a hard time accepting it. I've come to the conclusion that it's their insecurities about their own health that compels them to push food at you and/or make comments about your exercise regimen. It took a while not to take offense or to feel hurt by it but in the end it's my health I'm taking care of not theirs. One of the best things I've learned along the way is the power to say 'no thanks'. After sticking to 'no thanks' enough, those food pushers will eventually quit trying to make you eat things you shouldn't. Believe me, once you show them that they don't have any power over you, they'll give up. The only person who has the power to put anything in your mouth should be you and only you!

Heather you've done an amazing job and you should be sooo proud of yourself. Most importantly, you are not a nut. If you are, then all of us here on the forum are too! I have 40+ exercise DVDS now (and I sold off a lot of my, Cathe's next four on preorder, Turbo Jam on the way, and I'm now eyeing some of Mindy Mylrea's new stuff. Trust me, we could be doing a whole lot worse with our time!
 
Heather,
If someone like you needs counseling, then the whole world is upside down. I think you're doing fabulously well!

On a different note, as someone who once lost 70 lbs., I want to caution you about something. When you have a lot of weight to lose, you have to be somewhat extreme about your eating in order to lose the weight. For me (and I've heard that this is true for many others), the hardest part was to start to ease up on my strictness when I hit my ideal weight. Maintenance was the most difficult hurdle. Low-calorie eating has some addictive aspects to it. Not only can you become addicted to the joy of losing weight, but studies have shown that eating light can actually elevate your mood. I know you still have further to go, but at some point you should start to think about what you're going to do when you get to the other end.

If you're a nut, Heather, we should all be so nutty! :D
-Nancy
 
Laurie, that was an incredible post! Wow. Heather, she is right on.
Good luck.
Oh, and if you are stuck in places like Applesbees/Chili's/Ruby Tuesdays/etc, although most of their food sucks IMO, they do have some "Lite" and Weight Watchers menus. My BF travels a LOT and he has been able to find lighter/healthier foods at those places. Also, dressings on the side, lots of fish (check the suace descriptions), veggies (steamed, please).

Wendy
 
Heather B. I have heard a lot of people that have gone through this they have to understand you have changed for the healthier. I would also like to say that I am proud of you for being able to make this commitment. You have done a fantastic job and we are all here for the same reasons this is not a fantasy world but all members of something that we have a desire and passion for that people around us can not give or support us. They say people that have things in common are good together we have a common interest that we can share our ups and downs trials and tribulations I look at it as having all kinds of accuaintances around the world. Without this forum I would not be getting all the knowledge I have in the past 6 months.

Good Luck

beth6395
 
Hi Beloved,

I always tell my young adult stepson and stepdaughter that they will continually have to ask themselves a very important question when it comes to healthy friendships, and that is: "How does this person enhance my life?".

Try thinking about that when your friends are being negative, or seemingly have remained stuck in their unhealthy ways.

In the meantime, clearly your new friends on Cathe's forum have indeed enhanced your life!

Accentuate the positive!!!!

X
 
Heather, first off, congrats on your excellent progress and taking control of your life - A Healthier Life!!

Your friends will just need to respect the fact that this is where you are. If you can love them unconditionally, they need to love you the same way.

Family is a different story. I still battle with my mom (bless her heart) with food. She's Italian and makes some excellent food. Every Saturday I go there for lunch. Last Saturday I had my last binge day. I usually give myself one day a week to just binge. Well, after last Saturday I said NO MORE! So yesterday I went to see my mom, we had our lunch and I controlled what I ate. She made pizza and soup and I had one cup of soup and two slices of pizza. Believe me, I could have eaten a heck of a lot more. So we're sitting there and she says, "Do you want some ice cream?" I said no. She said, "Do you want some cake?" I said no. She says, "Do you want some hot chocolate." I said, "Mom, I'm fine. I'm full and I can't eat anymore."

Hello!! Why can't they take NO for an answer. Anyways, what I do is I just simply tell my mom, "I'm not hungry." Period. Usually she leaves it at that. If she keeps pushing it on me I'll take what she gives me, I'll eat one serving (she usually gives me enough for three servings) and then I'll push it aside and tell her I'm so full I'm going to get sick. She quickly takes the plate away from me. LOL! That one seems to work the best.

So remember, eat one serving only. Try not to eat the sweets but I know thats easier said then done. And remember, the ones who need to be committed are here cheering you on!!!
 
Debbie-
Your post reminds me of the bits Ray Ramano used to do when he was a stand-up comedian:

"The mother whose world revolved around food. Who believed any problem could be solved with food. The mother who could never accept that you were actually full.

You want a lot? Tell her you want a little.
You want a little? Tell her you don't want anymore.
You don't want anymore? You have to shoot her.

Whatever you do, do it quick. Don't hesitate. As soon as you feel you've had enough to eat, just stand up and announce, "I'm done." Then pull a gun out of your vest pocket.

"Put it back in the bowl, Mrs. Romano . . . nice and easy. Now hand the spoon to Ray. That's it, thaaaaaat's it . . . Keep your hands where I can see them . . ."

"SHE'S GOT A CANNOLI IN HER APRON!"

Shoot her! You have to shoot her. And land one. Don't graze her, that'll just piss her off."

Sorry, just couldn't resist.
-Nancy
 
Hi Heather!
I just wanted to tell you I think you are an inspiration!! You have traveled a long way on your own personal journey!! And keep on traveling!!! I have to agree with everything everyone has said on this forum!! And You are not a nut!! Whenever you need support just know that there are so many people rooting for you and praying for you!!
Jen
 
Thank You!!!

Wow! My heart is so full right now. Thank you for all these responses. You have blessed me so much. The support I have found here is priceless.

Debbie (Boybert), I am inspired by your success! Do you have a PictureTrail? It encourages me to know that you have maintained your weight for so many years. Congratulations! Learning to live again is a big challenge, but it is a big adventure too! I am ready to embrace the challenge.

Melody, thank you for the encouragement. I am glad that you are inspired by my rambling posts. And an excellent example is exactly what I hope to be.

Lori, the image of you having a fit made me laugh. I have a hard time believing that anyone would be jealous of me. I am in average shape right now, and anyone can accomplish that. I think insecurity and fear are at the root of this.

Shelley, thanks for the laugh and the encouragement.

Jeanette, thank you for reminding me to keep my eyes on my goal. I needed to read that tonight. Thank you too for sharing that you love reading my posts. I tend to pour my heart out at times, and it is hard to know how the words I write will be received.

Laurie, what can I say?! Wow! This post is a keeper for sure. This whole thread is! Girl, what you wrote did not hurt me at all. Truth in love is always a good thing. I am inspired to know that you lost 50 pounds. I did not realize that so many Cathe girls used to be that heavy. Thanks for being my cheerleader!

Elaine, thank you for the encouragement and affirmation.

Honeybunch1, I pray over all my relationships. I have had to distance myself from several relationships since I started this journey. It was with much sadness, but I knew that it was time and God’s will for me. Not in this case. When I was trapped in the pit of binge eating and morbid obesity, God sent an angel to me. Gretchen is a fitness instructor who teaches advanced classes much like Cathe’s workouts. Even though she is in amazing shape, she never judged me or condemned me. She developed a friendship with me and modeled for me a lifestyle of health and wholeness and fitness (physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional). She accepted me and loved me unconditionally. When I was ready to change, I knew that she was there for me. She invested 9 years in me before I finally came to the end of myself. I am so grateful for all those years she loved me and prayed for me. I want to be that kind of friend to others who are stuck in that same pit. It is my desire to demonstrate unconditional love to those who feel unlovely and offer hope to those who feel hopeless.

TK, you are in amazing shape. I never would have guessed that you were 50 pounds overweight at one time. I am so inspired now. Thank you for sharing that with me. Thank you for the encouragement too.

Nancy, I think we all are nutty. But I love nuts! Thank you for the warning about maintenance. I am fully expecting that to be a challenge. I have reached several milestones along the way, relaxed a bit, and lost some ground. Thankfully, I have always been able to turn it around before I got out of control again. The best news is that Cathe’s circuit workouts and cardio workouts are major calorie burners for me. I have not had to resort to extreme measures with my eating. I average around 1,800 calories a day with 70 percent carbohydrates. I try to keep my fat below 40 grams a day. I also enjoy a free day once a week. That is practice for a lifestyle of maintaining my weight. I eat my favorite foods. I have learned to make cleaner versions of them. I use whole wheat pasta for example. I battled anorexia in high school and purged with laxatives and diuretics in college. I starved off 111 pounds in my 20s by eating nothing but small bites of food a day and regained every ounce of it. I gave up dieting for good when I started my journey to living fit and free on July 4, 2003. No more extreme diets for me. It has taken me 2 years and 9 months to shed 80 pounds, but it has been worth the trade because I have not returned to binge eating!

Wendy, I have a problem with food at the restaurants you listed because I am very sensitive to chemicals and additives. If I eat grilled chicken or a salad at one of those restaurants, I often gain 10-15 pounds of bloat in a matter of hours! Thankfully, we have Cheddar’s in Texas with some clean options like steamed veggies that have no salt or junk added to them!

Beth, thank you for the support and encouragement.

X, I appreciate your reminder to accentuate the positive. That is vital.

Debbie (Fitnessfreak366), thank you for cheering me on and sharing your experience with me. I will keep you in my prayers. I am so glad you are leaving those binge days behind you for good. At least my family is not Italian. I love Italian food!

Jen, thank you for rooting for me and praying for me. I need all the prayers I can get!

If I missed anyone, I will catch up with you tomorrow night! Love and hugs to you!

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
Heather,

GOD BLESS YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY!!

Here is what I told my friends when they gave me drama about "exercising too much" or "eating too little."

"Friends provide you with positive support where you are in your life. I love you in the place that you are. You need to love me in the place that I am. I am getting healthy and you need to get on the train or get off the tracks."

To be honest some stayed and went for a walk with me instead of the buffet...some went to the buffet and thought I was a nut...in the end...its all about what me happy. You got one life don't waste it living to make other people happy.

KIM
 
Heather-
My experience in life has been that people come and go in our lives for many reasons (both theirs & ours). Anytime 1 person of a group changes the dynamics it is human nature that others feel suddenly "judged" even if you do or say nothing to do so. I found it true with kicking the smoking habit.... the few smoker friends I have still feel very uncomfortable with me not smoking although I in no way am an obnoxious ex-smoker. I just "love them thru it" realize its their journey to deal w/ it and if it no longer feels good to me to have them in my life I pray and release all of us to our higher good.
I too have a family trip planned "home" in June. The first since I have started truely respecting my body on all levels.
My plan: I have already told my sister (who I stay w/) that my appetite has become very picky lately (without telling her why) and that I need to hit a grocery store on the way in from the airport. I just said: "Sis- I dont want you wasting money (which she doesnt have) on food that I wont eat, please just let me shop for what I think I want that week." She was actually really good with saving the $$$$!!!!!
As far as my workouts: I will not fight the lifestyle that my family has and its always a vacation that is non- stop juggling of time with various relative.... What I am doing is a 3 week INTENSIVE weight / cardio just prior to going and then taking those 5 days as recovery. I am very hopeful that the Push / RECOVERY will actually do wonders for muscle confusion and the family wont have the opportunity to make me feel like I'm 3 again!!!!!
Best to you!
Traci
 
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