Sleepover question

pjlippert

pjlippert

Cathlete
Okay, so I wanted to know what your thoughts are on sleepovers. My DS (7 y.o.) and the daughter of one of my best friends whom we have known for years - since the kids were about 2 years old are gonna have a sleepover. I got chided by another mom because "at this age" she believes that it's not appropriate to have a boy-girl sleepover. Other than she believes in her overy judgemental prudish mind that it is somehow inappropriate- she did not have a better reason.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I off base here or is she just overly cautious?

Pam
 
I really don't think I'd have one. I don't think there's anything inappropriate about it other than setting a precedent that will be hard to overcome when he's older and there's more to worry about.

I didn't have to worry about this because, while my daughter does have friends that are boys, none are good enough friends that she'd even consider hanging out with them outside of school. If she did, sleepovers wouldn't be allowed.

I just see it as asking for trouble down the road.
 
Hi MD, I guess I can see your point. I suppose I didn't think anything of it because the kids are basically like cousins. Our families spend most Hoildays together, go to church together, etc.. Sheeese, I guess I need to give it more thought. I mean, it is all so innocent, the kids play games, we bake cookies, watch movies, etc.. So, would it matter if we were all blood related and they were really cousins.

Things that make you go hmmmmm...

Thank you for your feedback!

Pam
 
It's all fun and games until they start playing the old "I'll show you mine" game. ;) Define "sleepover". Are they sleeping in the same room, same bed, etc... I think just having the girl over and her staying the night isn't necessarily a big deal as long as they aren't going in your DS's room and closing the door. I would just tread carefully and use your best judgment. You know your son best.
 
I agree with the above. I don't think sharing a room or a bed is appropriate. Separate rooms maybe. "Like cousins" doesn't matter. I remember having a big crush on one of my cousins at that age.
 
There's probably an age when they're young where its ok because they won't explore yet but as they get a little older it should stop...and then when they get old enough you really can't control their sleepover schedule! ;) If you want to give your kid the sleepover "experience" but put some clear boundaries with them, you could offer to sleep in the room with them if you're not going to put them in separate rooms. Maybe that's a little weird to some people, but when I go to visit my insanely huge family in India, we have so many people sleeping in one room its a bit hard not to get an "elder" in there.
 
I like Hottie's idea about sleeping in the same room. I definitely don't think it's we're that your family sleeps in the same room. From all my experience with my Indian friends at work, I would find it weird if you didn't!

But I think if you sleep in the room with them, it will let them have the fun but will keep it as an experience where you don't have to explain down the road why it was OK for the sleepover when he was 7, but not 12.

What does his friend's mother think about the whole thing?
 
Even being cousins can be a problem, the issue is that the kids don't really understand much of anything and will do things that shouldn't without understanding the ramifications over time, so no sleep overs of the opposite sex.
 
May I ask why they are going to have a sleepover? Is it a party and there will be other children there? Are the adults going out for the evening and won't be home until late and this easier instead of waking a young child to take them home? Or are they just kids and want to have a sleepover?

I'm not a fan of the co-ed of sleepover but not against if circumstances warrant it. For example my step daughter has two friends they are brother and sister, they now live an hour from us. For her birthday she invited both of them, for ease and convience for both parents I allowed for both of them to spend the night. The girls shared her bed and he camped out on the floor.

If the children are just looking for a play date, let them have one but I think I would nix the sleep over.

Jenn
 
At 7, I would sy you have to really assess the children involved. Some children are furthur along in their development at that age.

When my son was this age, he had a b'day party with all boys and one girl who was very much a tomboy and was best friends with all the boys. I don't think it would have been a big deal at all if they had a sleepover. She had no girl friends.

I would be careful to not make too big of a deal about it if you decide not to do the sleep over. You don't want to cause your son and the little girl to feel badly about being friends - as if girls and boys can't be friends, you know?
 
I'm not a Mom, but I used to be a little girl and my best friend growing up was a boy. We both stayed over at each others' houses almost every weekend from age 6 until my family moved away (around age 12 or so) and we never did anything dicey. We're still friends, and we never did anything that would have made even the most uptight Victorian governess in the universe blush, not even a little!

Our parents supervised us pretty carefully, but honestly, we were just friends, and it wasn't complicated at all. In fact, based on my own experiences, I'd say you've got a lot more to worry about when a bunch of girls are having a sleepover!

I don't know if that helps or not, but we always appreciated that our parents just accepted our friendship and never made us "feel weird" about it - we got plenty of that kind of stuff at school.
 
One of my daughter's best friends is our neighbor, a boy. She's slept over there a number of times and it's never crossed my mind that it was inappropriate. We have a GREAT relationship with the entire family (regularly do the 6:00pm random "Hey, come over for drinks and dinner tonight! See you in 5!") which likely helps a bit - I have no worries at all.

They are 7, not 17.
 
Hi Jenn & others,

I forgot to mention that the Mom of the girl had to work at a fundraiser that evening and would get home very late. The Dad works nights and they were kind of in a pinch. They don't have a problem with the sleepovers. His room is right across the hall from mine so I have always kept an ear out.

Both my son and their daughter are pretty darned innocent and have never tried anything even remotely close to anything inappropriate. But after reading the numerous posts and talking with some other friends, I agree that they are getting closer to the age where it is probably best to keep sleepovers with his best male buddies.

I really appreciate all of the candor and thoughtful comments.

Thanks a bunch!
Pam
 
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