Hi Reese,
I am not a regular poster but I would like to note how sorry I am. I have not owned cats, but my mother has seven dogs that I worry myself crazy over. I can't imagine how you are feeling; our pets are quite "human" to me and I do not even want to think of losing one. I know it's a small comfort, but it is obvious you care about your cats and remember that you loved her and that's what counts. Personally, that's the only way I could even try to deal with it.
Take care,
Christine