Question for Parents of teenagers.

runlikeagirl

runlikeagirl

Cathlete
Hi

My son Zack will be turning 13 in a week and he wants to have boy girl birthday party. He wants it to be a pool party. When did you allow your son or daughter have a boy girl party or even go to one??? I haven't allowed him to go to girl boy parties he's been invited to. He went when he was in preschool but since he has been in middle school we haven't allowed him to go.

I know we are reaching a point in his life when we are going to have to let him do more with girls. x( x( But I guess I am just worried because of things you see on the news about what the teens are doing now at a younger age. Do you think I am over reacting?

Any advise that you might have would be great...Thanks in advance.
 
Hi!

In my opinion, 13 is way too young for that stuff. I have four children, the youngest being 13 and she has asked several times to attend those and I just don't think they are necessary.
I think the parents who do those type parties are trying to be "friends" with their children instead of "parenting" their children.

Just my opinion though... Sounds like your gut instinct is right though!!!!

Dianne
 
It's funny, my DD's friends are all turning 13 now (she's still 12), and not one of them has and boy-girl parties... my DD is still in the boys-are-invisible phase.

That said, if you son has requested this party, and it's supervised properly, why not? It's a good opportunity for boys and girls to learn to socialize together in a respectful manner.:)
 
I've got 3 kids. My youngest is 12. They all started going to boy/girl parties at 12. Of course, my permission was/is alway contingent on a lot of details. There has to be ADULT supervision. I have to know the parent(s) or know another parent that I trust who knows the parent(s). I need the address and phone number if they are getting a ride with a friend. Etc. Of course, since you would be having the party, you supply the supervision. :)

iris123
 
>
>Of course, my permission was/is
>alway contingent on a lot of details. There has to be ADULT
>supervision. I have to know the parent(s) or know another
>parent that I trust who knows the parent(s). I need the
>address and phone number if they are getting a ride with a
>friend. Etc.

I'm not even a parent (so feel free to not listen to anything I'm saying ;) ), but I know that these would be my guidelines. A well-supervised boy-girl party would not bother me at all. Supervision by trusted adults is the key. Just my $0.02
 
That's so interesting to me, my kids (all girls) are 12, 16 and 18. There has never been a boy/girl or girls only rule...some of the parties they've been to were girls only or a mix and some of the ones we have given have been girls only or a mix. I guess it all depends on the individual and the group dynamic within the classroom....either way parental supervision is a must, especially with a pool party. Surpervision can be effective without being intrusive. Certain parts of the house would be off limits and I'm sure 13 year old would have no problem respecting that, but I suppose that's where the supervision is required. I agree that it's a great opportunity for learning to socialize all together.

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
My feeling is to allow the party and any other get togethers at your home from here forward. it is easier and safer to have your home as a hang out instead of someone elses. You control the rules. I have an almost 16yr daughter and believe me when I say many, many parents are very liberal. Most of her friends don't even have a curfew!
 
Hmmmm...well, I guess it would depend on whether or not it's supervised. If the parents are there, and not hanging out in the living room while these kids are doing whatever, then I'd consider it.


Yeah, I know...Teri is still only 7...so my opinion might change in 6 years....
 
I have two daughters that are 18 and 19. So we've been through the age you are talking about.

I think the suggestions offered by others (well supervised, parts of the house off limits, etc) are good. I have allowed my daughters to have these kind of get togethers in the 13-14 age range. I was big on supervision though.

I also totally agree that it's better to have your house as a place kids can hang out some. You get to know their friends and who they are hanging out with. It is so very true that many, many parents are very liberal. I cannot believe how many other kids don't have a curfew and the stuff they allow to go on in their homes. Very risky....
 
I thought I was borderline conservative since I don't plan on allowing my sons or daughters to casually date. I won't even let my girls do sleepovers. But, your question has me thinking I'm a flaming liberal! :7

First of all, I have friends who would never go to a pool party, much less allow their children, due to their views on modesty. I grew up differently in Florida. My schoolmate invited everyone in 6th grade to her daytime, parent supervised pool birthday party. I don't know if we were innocent back then compared to some kids nowadays. But, we had fun! There wasn't anything sexual going on. At least, I wasn't even thinking in those terms. I was more focused on beating all the boys in arm wrestling. ;-) My son invited a handful of close friends (boys & girls) and his cousins to his 16th daytime, adult supervised pool party a couple of years ago. They had a blast.

If you feel uncomfortable with it, it's not a big dea. It doesn't mean you're overreacting. You might feel more comfortable with a mixed party that has a different activity; one where the kids wear more clothes. That's not saying much these days! :7 Maybe you should discuss this with your dh and ask his opinion. Men should remember what it's like to be a 13 year old boy.
 
Hmmmm...way back when I remember having a girl/boy party for my 14th birthday and probably attended some prior. They were always supervised and my parents are not liberal. I think its ok if its supervised. When males/females are separated too much I think it creates even more curiosity IMHO.
 
I would allow it, but have some constraints. I would limit how many kids were invited to a number YOU are comfortable supervising. I would have total approval on the kids coming. I say this, because I have found that certain mix of kids don't work and I know which ones I have to be glaring down right on top of them to get them to behave.

I have a just turned 14 year old DD, and a 19 year old boy. Both of them and their friends tend to gravitate to our house because I have allowed supervised get togethers. I want them at my house, and not somewhere else where I don't know who they are with, what they are doing, or if they have proper supervision.

So maybe allowing this will open it up to your house being the fun house to hang at, and you will have more insight in what is going on in your sons life as he goes through these next few years.
 
As long as there's proper adult supervision, I wouldn't have a problem with a mixed gender party for a 13 year old.

My oldest is 16 and while there is some cause for concern, the media tends to blow things way out of proportion.
 
Excellent responses to your post here. Dorothy says it all. Supervision, limit the numbers. But if you are not comfortable with it, you won't pull it off comfortably. I think the supervision and limited numbers would help you to pull off a successful pool party. You don't need Hitlerian supervision, just "casual but firm" assurance that it all remains above board, and above the waist!! And all out in the open, certainly no sneaking off to other rooms for anything.....

Clare
 
I must be on the edge of falling off liberal here..

We were blessed with twins, one boy, one girl. Everything for the last 19 years has been mixed gender. Expressed expectations of behavior, adequate supervision has always been in place. Failure to conform to the rules results in withdrawl of priveleges.

Just when would you think mixing things up will be ok? When you send them away to college where you can't supervise or intervene?
 
Parental supervision is an absolute MUST. You really need to be aware of where everyone is:) Also be sure to make it specific hours, say 3-6 or whatever amount of time you like. Have specific activities available, too...my kids (now 15, 18, 21) actually liked croquet, boche ball, as well as volleyball, tetherball (if you have these things,believe it or not the first two will be worth the cost)

AND, as a parent, when your kids are invited to another party ALWAYS call ahead to check with the parents. Most parents today don't do that, but whenever I've called they have appreciated it.
 
If you are concerned about a boy-girl pool party, but still want to offer your son more freedoms, perhaps you could offer him a compromise: either a boy-girl party that is not a pool party, or a pool party that is for only boys. You know your son and his friends better than all of us, and will obviously have a better sense of the best situation for him.

Just a thought.

Personally, I don't think I'd have a problem with the boy-girl pool party, but my perpective is probably a bit skewed.... between family vacations at the lake, club swim teams, lifeguarding, and teaching swim lessons, I practically grew up running around in a swimsuit, with everyone around me in swimsuits, and it was just never a big deal.

Good luck - and happy birthday to your son. :)
 
My kids grew up going to a year round school and had the same kids in class year after year.

They became like siblings for the most part and us parents were close too.

We had and attended mixed parties, many of them pool parties. Many of us stayed and had "Mom's" time and the kids played.

It helped to have a few moms because then usually at least one of us knew all of the kids attending and could "parent" if need be.

In fact, my kids still did much in big groups in high school and even now while they are young adults.

I guess in a nutshell, much of it does depend on the kids themselves and the values they have grown up with.

Hope all goes well whichever way you decide.
 
My dsd is 9 and had her first birthday party at 8. It was a boy/girl party at a supervised place. Some of the boys were relatives but 2 of the boys she is good friends with and when asked whom she wanted to invite always mention these two. One of the boys she considers her "boyfriend" and they have a great friendship. Swim/play dates during the summer. They are always supervised when together and both well be behaved.

As long as there is supervision and the children understand the rules of your home and what is expected of them there shouldn't be problem. Also ask who they want to invite so you know firsthand what children will be there and have a say in the guest list.

Good luck with your decision.

Jenn
 
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