Question for moms with little kids

C

Calee

Cathlete
When your kids were young, did you stay home with them even if it meant recieving gov. assistance? I know, what a weird question...
The reason being is, DH is going back to school and I've yet to go back to work full time. My little girl just turned one a week ago, and ever since my maternity leave was up I've been working 2-3 days per week. Lately I've been doing MWF but that doesn't qualify me for benefits at work. I worry about health insurance and paying our mortgage, obviously, but her first year flew by and I don't want to miss even more than I already do, they're only babies for such a short time.
I feel like we'd be those people who everyone resents if we applied for WIC or food stamps and medicaid and I'd be swallowing my pride big-time. Any advice, experience, thoughts?
 
I think that if the cost of you working full time is more expensive than having you stay home (once you factor in child care, which can be extremely costly), then you should continue to stay home, regardless of circumstance.

Overall cost is definitely something to be considered. Healthcare is very important, of course, too. So I would sit down and do the math. Figure out which option costs you more, and then you kind of have your answer.
 
Hmmm, . . . I hope I don't come off sounding cruel but if you need to work to raise your child then you need to work.

I think that WIC and food stamps are for people who are not able to work not for people who choose not to work, . .like people who are disabled and are limited with their ability to earn more money. I could be wrong maybe someone else will clarify but it sounds more like you would rather not work so that you can be home for your child. I think if everyone did that our nations budget crisis would be worse than it already is. I mean who wouldn't rather stay home with their kid, not work, . . and have financial assistance from the governement.

Before I come off sounding like an insensitive mean person. I should say that my son was diagnosied autistic at the age of 2. My husband and I choose to be a single income family, . .which meant sacrafices, . . and budgeting. I had to be home to manage my son's therapy. My husband made to much for us to qualify for assistance yet my son's medical bills for his therapy were in excess of fourty thousand during the first year of his diagnosis. To make due we budgeted, . .and I mean budgeted. Single car family, . .walked everywhere. No vacations, no $5.00 latte's, . or eating out. We went to the library to borrow DVD's for entertainment, . . went hiking and graciously took handme downs from other kids, . .shopped second hand stores. My point is that it can be done for many families if you just made some lifestyle changes.

Maybe your husband could apply for financial aid for school and take night classes. My advice is to keep your part time job, . .those are very hard to come by.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Calee said:
When your kids were young, did you stay home with them even if it meant recieving gov. assistance? I know, what a weird question...
The reason being is, DH is going back to school and I've yet to go back to work full time. My little girl just turned one a week ago, and ever since my maternity leave was up I've been working 2-3 days per week. Lately I've been doing MWF but that doesn't qualify me for benefits at work. I worry about health insurance and paying our mortgage, obviously, but her first year flew by and I don't want to miss even more than I already do, they're only babies for such a short time.
I feel like we'd be those people who everyone resents if we applied for WIC or food stamps and medicaid and I'd be swallowing my pride big-time. Any advice, experience, thoughts?
Click to expand...

My ex went to school part time and worked full time so I could be home with the kids. Like Janie said, it takes a lot of sacrafices.
 
With yours being so young, would it be possible to work full time overnights (for benefits, etc...) and STILL not need child care?? Not sure where your part-time job it, but consider somewhere that you'll get a discount on everyday expenses (Walmart, Target)...Just a thought??

MJ in MN
 
I stayed home for the first year for each of my two sons. I did not get paid time off, so we saved money before each baby and budgeted and cut back so that I could stay home. It was hard, and we did get into a bit of debt, which we have finally paid off this year. I could have taken a second year off and still kept my position, but I couldn't afford it and so I went back. Is it hard to do? Yes, of course it is, but we have to provide for the children we bring into this world, that is part of being a parent as well as being nurturing and interacting with our children.

I agree with the other poster that suggested your husband go to school and work. Perhaps two part time incomes can equal one?

Kristin
 
I have to agree with janie1234. Not to be mean, but collecting government aid because you choose not to work would be totally abusing the system, and even worse in times like this when it's already stretched to the max by people who really can't find work. I don't really know the specifics of how the application process works, but I would hope that the fact that you voluntarily left your job would disqualify you, as it would if you were applying for unemployment benefits.

My mom stayed home because there were 10 of us kids and there really was no way she could possibly have worked and paid that kind of childcare, and we still never had government aid except for one time when my dad was unemployed for over a year. We always wore hand-me-downs (including my mom!) and NEVER ate out, didn't go on vacation, didn't participate in sports that you had to pay for, etc. etc. It can be done. You just need to really take a hard look at what's most important to you.
 
I think that once you put your child in daycare for an extended time, you'll find peace with it. I didn't become a stay at home mom until I had my second child and my husband had moved up a bit in his job. It was very tight, but we managed.

I have loved being a SAHM, but I actually found that when I worked full time, I appreciated the moments with my children more and had MORE quality time. When you're away from your children all day, you really value those moments together... Nothing is taken for granted. Weekends are more fun, evenings are more special. When you stay at home, time gets lost on housework and you spend SO MUCH time with your little ones that sometimes you forget to make the most of it.

It's a decision that no one can make but you. But, you probably would feel better about yourself if you tried the work/daycare thing first. There will be guilt from either aspect. If you work, you feel guilty for not being there. If you don't work, you feel guilty for not contributing. But since your situation seems pretty dire, I'd definitely keep working. I think you'll be happier about that decision. And believe me, you won't miss anything. Every "first" your baby has doesn't count unless you see it... (If that makes sense...) :)

((hugs from one momma to another!))
 
I also agree with janie. I worked full time and naturally conceived twins and was sick with hyperemesis and chose to stay home because of course my income would have barely paid for child care.

We are also self employed and have struggled with bouts of no work. We pay for our own Health Insurance and we have many times lost it and have gone without, we have no dental, and we owe the IRS big time.

This is my own personal feeling. We chose to have kids not to have the government or familty or friends take care of them. It has been ten years. I have been on 1 vacation I went home to suprise my mom for mothers day but my hubby still had work off so I could. I am struggling just now to decide to go to school I am praying financial aid will go through and i will be in school when they are.

If it bothers you then I think you know in your heart the right answer.

Good Luck
 
Thanks for the thoughts. I definitely don't want to be a leach on society, especially with the way things are right now as mentioned! Maybe I should ask another question; as Melissa mentioned, child care is so expensive. It wouldn't be responsible to quit and rely on others so I will for sure keep the three days, but what I'm concerned about is adding two more days of daycare. Has anyone been able to find inexpensive yet quality care without leaning on family? Do you ask neighbor moms to tend? I just wonder how to add days and qualify for full time benefits without losing the money I've added to child care.
Jeez, I'm a whiner! What a pain to unload on my Cathe friends, thanks for listening :).
 
Calee said:
Thanks for the thoughts. I definitely don't want to be a leach on society, especially with the way things are right now as mentioned! Maybe I should ask another question; as Melissa mentioned, child care is so expensive. It wouldn't be responsible to quit and rely on others so I will for sure keep the three days, but what I'm concerned about is adding two more days of daycare. Has anyone been able to find inexpensive yet quality care without leaning on family? Do you ask neighbor moms to tend? I just wonder how to add days and qualify for full time benefits without losing the money I've added to child care.
Jeez, I'm a whiner! What a pain to unload on my Cathe friends, thanks for listening :).
Click to expand...

Trust me I feel your pain about having to pay for daycare. When was thinking of going back to work again my son was 5 and my daughter 3 they wanted $1,500 a month for full time day care.
You know if your husband is going back to school full time, . . .a lot of state or UC colleges have affordable day care. My friend was able to find someone who charges only $25 a day for 4 hours in the morning.
You could also just have your husband go to school and night and or online so that you can keep things the way they are.
Good luck.
 
I wanted to stay home 13 years ago with my soon to be born and had been going to school up until a month before I had him so I opened a dayhome. I have been doing it ever since. Now I just take teacher's kids and take the same holidays as them (unpaid). It is awesome and I didn't have to worry if they were okay or not :) I am also my own boss!
 
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