Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursing..

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
Ok, wasted is a strong word. I did finish, I do have the degree, I do have options. But..

Here I sit, my first RN job ever and newly pregnant, and finally realize 100% that nursing is not for me. In fact, it never was for me. I just kept letting my head override my heart. And I never trusted my gut instinct. I never trusted myself and, as usual, looked to everyone else to tell me what to do and make my decisions for me.

I posted here likely hundreds of times about my uncertainty but was still unable to go one way or another when it came to pursing the degree or not. There were always people there exclaiming the pros, still others reminding me about the cons. So I just stayed in limbo.

I went through school excited to learn new things..but that was about it. Not excited to help people. Not excited about being so up close and personal to people. Never felt like I was making a difference..I spent clinical days counting minutes to the end of the day. I pushed and pushed to get through. And I did. But that is exactly what it was, PUSHING.

Fast forward to now, my first job, and it feels just like clinical. I watch the clock at work and there is nothing I enjoy doing. I just kept telling myself all through school I would find my niche, it would be different in the "real world" of nursing. But all it is is WORSE. As a nurse you are EVERYTHING...the social worker, the dietician, the housekeeper, the psychiatrist, the doormat...seeing the big picture it no longer seems worth it.

Add on to that pregnancy hormones and discontinuing my mood stabilizer and everything is wacko. But strangely, I feel a sort of peace that maybe I am finally able to admit that I made a mistake. I feel stupid in front of my family but all I can say is I am sorry, right? I guess I never would have known FOR SURE unless I had went for it, I have to look at it that way. My previous job really was going nowhere anyway.. I feel an excitement to walk away from hands on care, never put in another IV, start another foley. I guess if you truly feel that way it was never meant to be.

I was trying to push through the first year, you know, to get experience. But is there a point if the field is not for you and you don't enjoy what you are doing. No, if you HATE what you are doing? My thoughts now are to just cut my ties, pass my NCLEX, but stay working at my non clinical hospital job. It pays much less, but to be honest, the wage of an RN hardly seems worth the stress either. I don't want to spend my first pregnancy unable to take breaks, pee, or even eat lunch. I don't want to feel stressed ALL THE TIME. And I don't know if there is any area of nursing that is not like this.??

Anyway, I am rambling really. Don't know where to go from here, other than find a way to make ends meet, try to be less stressed, and enjoy being pregnant as much as I can. I guess I am not a failure because I did learn much about myself in school and can finally say I don't want to be a nurse. I just don't know how I am going to proceed from here. Quitting while still in orientation is sure going to be hard. I guess all I can do is apologize, really.

I found this site that describes how we wind up on the wrong career path. Basically everything I have been telling myself for two years. :-(

http://www.employmentspot.com/features/WhyWeWindUpOnTheWrongCareerPathAndWhatToDoAboutIt.htm
 
(((((HUGS)))))

I am reading very strong emotions in your post, that overall feel like relief that you now feel like you can acknowledge your decision and therefore validate your feelings for the past few years. For that I am grateful!!!

I don't think you ever regret going with your heart. Ever. Yes, you may have to scramble at times, but if you're scrambling because you followed your heart, I think you're still okay.

I don't think you made a mistake along the way, either, for the record. I think it's a good thing to sometimes listen to your head (how else would we do anything but work out and play in Catheland???). At this stage of the game, though, I really think that your body, your baby, and your heart are all telling you something- and soon enough, your head should pay attention to all of those voices!!

Again, (((((hugs)))))
 
I know the medical field can be very stressful, nursing especially. I've been associated with the medical environment for about six or seven years now - not clinical... I'm a medical writer, but I have lots of contact with medical professionals. So I have some idea of what you face as a nurse, and I don't blame you for feeling discouraged.

Have you ever considered going into administration? I worked with a lady who had her bachelor's degree in nursinng, and then went on for a master's so she could still remain in medicine, but be a little more removed from constant patient contact.

And there are other options. I work for a Quality Improvement Organization (QIO) now. There are many RNs on staff who do not see patients. Instead, they work with administration in hospitals, doctor's offices and nursing homes to help improve the quality of care - they conduct seminars, continuing education,etc.

So don't give up! Keep your eyes open, and keep at it. Good luck!
 
I think you've just taken a step in the right direction. I feel like I can relate as I got a Bachelor's degree in music and I knew it was wrong a year into it. Looking back though, I'm ok with it. I'm now in a degree program that makes sense to me.

I think that although you don't want to be a nurse, you may be able to use your degree for something you love. I'm assuming you love fitness? I'm sure tons of people would LOVE their personal trainer to be an RN. I think the degree you have warrants automatic respect from lots of people and there's probably tons of stuff you could do with it. In the degree program I'm in there's an 'ex nurse'. She's over 50 and getting a new degree and starting in a new direction so I don't think this is all uncommon at all.

Good luck with what you decide to do and congrats on your pregnancy!

Carolyn
 
I think you are a very strong person to realize that this path is not for you. Do you know that they are thousands of people that have taken the wrong path and are still on that path afraid to admit to themselves that it is wrong. You had the courage to realize this and make a choice.

You should have no regrets and remember there are no mistakes in life. Everything we choose is a learning experience. Take the positives from this experience and use it to move forward in life. You will find in the years to come that this experience had value in your life. You may even help someone in the future because of your experience.

Be gentle with yourself as life is the ultimate teacher. Enjoy your pregnancy and know that you are a brave person.

Best of luck to you and your family.
 
I'm an RN and I can relate how the job is tough. I still work in nursing but now in education (patients not nurses). Anyway if it's truly not for you I'd say get out find another job. The time isn't wasted. You may do better in a different medical career.

However the first year of nursing is tough and it's only experience that makes the job easier. In my experience and what I've seen it takes about a year to become more seasoned and learn how to juggle priorities, get your breaks, figure out what has to be done now and what can wait and gain some confidence that you're not going to kill someone along the way. This never happens overnight just with time and experience. And most good nurses aren't in this for others they do it for themselves so don't feel bad about that. I like nursing it's interesting not as demanding as a physician and I'm good at it. My job involves helping people but that's not why I do it and I really don't look to that aspect at all as far as finding what I do rewarding. For anyone in your shoes my advice would be to get past that first year of jitters or at the very least complete your residency before making a decision. Things will look much different when you're not so new. People like you who are questioning things and aware of how difficult things are and don't have rose colored glasses on also usually end up being the best nurses after you've had some experience. I also wouldn't want to make a permanent lifestyle decision while pregnant either. The other advantage to sticking it out a little while longer is that with the nursing shortage right now you can pretty much write your ticket after you've had a year of experience. It may not be nursing in general that's not for you maybe just your current position. There are so many fields and areas that you can move into later. Even if you do decide long term to leave nursing or even healthcare in general by having a year of experience you can switch to an on call position and pull in more bucks while training for something else.

Good luck with your decision.

Diana
 
Word to the wise: If you hate something -- if it feels so much like work that it hurts -- then it's not the right career choice. People are supposed to LOVE what they do. If everyone loved what they did for a living, we'd been one mighty awesome country, let me tell ya!

I really LIKE what I do for a living, so I guess you could say I'm pretty happy with my career choice; however, it's still not what I LOVE! I recently realized that I LOVE writing...and I LOVE the idea of fixing up houses (and I think it's something I'd be good at if I could learn a few of the ins and outs and get a few reliable contractors behind me). So, now I'm in the process of taking what I love and figuring out how to turn it into an income. I suggest you do the same! Figure out what it is that you love, research career opportunities in that area, and find a way to turn it into income. Good luck!
 
First of all, I don't think you owe anybody an apology. A big THANK YOU for their support and love along the way, yes, but this is your life. EVERYBODY does things that ultimately don't work out, but to think that you owe your family an apology that you didn't live up to some supposed standard they had is not what you need to do. That thinking is what made you spend two years acquiring a degree that deep-down you knew you didn't want in the first place.

You've just realized exactly what YOU want, now stay with that. You know that traditional nursing will not make you happy. Good. Start forging ahead -thinking of ways you can use this degree to your advantage in any way possible while still staying true to yourself; or find something else entirely. Or nothing else. A great passion in your life will help things, but, if you're like me, and you don't quite yet have one, don't push it. You can't force yourself to be passionate about something you don't truly care about. Maybe what your meant for hasn't come along yet.

You are an incredibly intelligent, well-spoken, sympathetic woman. (I've been around here for many, many years :) ). Don't try so hard to comform to what you think others want from you. Let yourself be, and I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy!
 
Diana,

I totally hear what you are saying with getting the 1 yr in and all. I totally don't expect to feel comfy for atleast another year or more but I hate that feeling as well. I feel so stressed out in general that basically being tortured for another year sounds like a death sentence. If you aren't loving-heck, atleast LIKING-what you are doing that stressful first year looks even more daunting. I wonder how I even expect to make it? Plus, ignore the fact that the 13 hr shifts are killing me in the first trimester and I won't have any FMLA.

In addition, I am still so awfully uncomfortable with all skills...I fumble and fumble...can't remember how to do this or that...sometimes even can't remember the things that are vital....sometimes I think this is because I am operating so far outside of my comfort zone. Maybe I am this way because I am not meant to do this? I feel like a fake most of the day, just going through the motions hoping I don't kill anyone and hoping that I don't look like a jackass to everyone. Living life everyday like that, well isn't that bound to take it's toll?
I know the first year is like "paying your dues". In nursing you just have to get through it to come out on the other side. And that sucks....even if your lifelong dream has been to become a nurse. If it hasn't....well, how do you stay motivated when I can make enough to pay my bills somewhere else with less stress and less responsibility?
 
Janice...I so agree with Sara's (sblordita)'s post. I have known you here thru these boards awhile and you are a very sweet caring lady. I know this has to be such a tough struggle for you. Although I have never been pregnant I can only imagine the fluctuating hormones playing a part also. My heart goes out to you. I have always felt that we are so incredibly lucky to find the job that fits and makes us happy. I was blessed to find that 17 years ago. I went back to something I tested high for in a High School exam about what you were interested in. I don't know how to help, but please know you are in my prayers for an answer...
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

I just have to echo the others' comments that you shouldn't feel like you are a failure or that you've wasted your time/energy/money pursuing something that's not for you. Very often we *don't truly know* what a job entails until we gain on-the-job experience. Which is why so very many people switch careers once or more in their lifetimes. I am one of them.

I worked in politics for five years before making the switch to teaching and was absolutely terrified when I went to do my student teaching. I feared I would fall flat on my face after so many years of post-bac schooling. Naturally, I made mistakes, but I learned a lot, too, and was lucky to have some wonderful mentors. I was hired for the next school year, and as low-man-on-the-totem-pole, I was given the kids with the worst behavior problems. I also had to teach six classes (one more than I was contracted to teach), run the yearbook (I had no experience), and did I mention I was teaching from a cart, moving from room-to-room? Needless to say, it was a HARD year. One veteran teacher would joke to me on a regular basis, "I don't know how you keep comin' back every day." But all that being said, amidst all the challenge and uncertainty, there were also rewarding moments, and I never doubted this is what I *wanted* to do - I just didn't know if I would be any *good* at it. That first year sure did test me.

I'm a firm believer in trusting your gut instincts and tend to agree that if you absolutely DESPISE going to work every day, you probably have not discovered your niche. However, I also believe that any new venture is uncomfortable and takes adjusting to, and it is often the rookies who get the raw deal. But it *could* get better with time or you *could* discover a related profession within the health care field that *is* the right one for you.

Only you know what's right for you at this point, so I wish you luck with your decision. It sounds like you are learning to listen to your gut, and that is a first step in the right direction as you begin to explore your options.

One thing I learned in my roundabout way of arriving to teaching is that there is often great value in what we may initially consider to be "detours."

Best of luck!
Cathy :)
(formerly seeking_guns)
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

I can relate to your feelings in this awkward first year of bedside nursing. I remember it well and it sounds exactly like what I went through. I hated it too and I also felt unsafe. You'd think the nursing profession would be more welcoming to new nurses, but it definitely is not, at least not in the hospital I worked in. At that job, nurses ate their young, if you know what I mean - and it sounds like you do. However, I struggled thru the first year and gradually gained confidence and became a good nurse and stuck with it for 7 years.

However, I never truly liked what I was doing and now I am a bookkeeper for my husbands trucking company. It was always the plan that I would eventually do the books for the company and thankfully I absolutely love it! I don't think of my nursing degree as a waste though. I learned a lot about myself, helped a lot of people, and now I have a comfortable "back up" plan if I should ever need it. It's nice to know that if something ever happens to DH or to the company, I can always gain employment as a nurse.

Before you give up entirely though, maybe you might research what non-clinical jobs could be available to you. If you like starting IV's, maybe see if you can be in the IV department. Maybe discharge planning, administration, or maybe even a different department or facility entirely. Sounds like maybe your patient ratios may be too high? If so, find a facility that can do better. Maybe also ask for a longer orientation period? Perhaps voice your feelings to your supervisor (if that person is willing to listen) and see if they may have any suggestions for you? Could you work 8 hr. shifts instead? Maybe get some extra time off? Most facilities right now are desperate for nurses so they might be more willing to work with you than you might realize.

Just remember, you have lots of options. Talk to folks who are in the field and see if maybe they can give you some more specific advice for jobs in your area?

Figure out what it is that you would consider your dream job and see if maybe you can find a good mix with nursing. If you love finance or management, then maybe administration might be more up your alley. If you love teaching, perhaps you can find a job that involves patient teaching or teaching at a local nursing college? For a slower pace than a hospital, maybe consider a doctors office. Also, don't feel bad leaving nursing entirely for a while and chasing your dreams. Nursing is not going anywhere and if you keep paying your state dues for your licence, then you will always have your degree to fall back on.

I wish you all the luck in the world.;)

Angie
 
Janice,

I'm sending [[[hugs]]] and support as you face this big decision and possible change. You know I understand what this time is like! I know you have struggled and wondered what is right for you, career-wise, for a long time. Now, with your pregnancy and the wonderful (!) changes that are coming for you, I hope you can feel a sense of peace and calm about proceeding in a different direction. The learning you've done in the last couple of years "counts;" who knows how you might end up using it? I know you're going to be great at whatever you decide to do, and I think you're very brave! You have so much to look forward to, and I wish you the best! Keep us posted,

Allison
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

Just a thought. Have you thought about becoming a school nurse? A few women in my neighborhood do it and love it and it works out great with their childrens summer vacations and holidays. Don't let your nursing license expire, my friend let it lapse and she nearly had to start over from the beginning to get it back. Another friend of mine helps educate newly diagnosed diabetic patients and she loves it.
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

Hi,

I don't know how old you are, but since you just finished your nursing training, and are newly pregnant, I'm going to assume you're still "young" - which means there's plenty of time to figure out what you want to do, and even continue school in a different career path. I work with a woman that has spent about 12 years in government service - in our area, the cost of living is low, but good jobs are hard to find, and ours is considered one of the best jobs to have! She is leaving in a week to be a nurse (go figure ;-) and she is about 44 or 45 years old ). It was a life long dream of hers though. She's good with math and loves being busy and it just works for her. So, she's taking a major pay cut and is going through with it. She took alot of flack for her decision though, from friends and family.

I think that if you're this unhappy in your job choice then you should move on to something else. You're newly pregnant so you need to think of the health of your baby and yourself, and your emotional condition really is a part of your overall health. Perhaps you need to pull back and have some down time to re-evaluate every thing? It is never too late to go back to school though. I just finished my Master's degree last August and I'll be 39 this fall, and I'm married, have a 16 year old child and I worked 40 or more hours a week during this time. It wasn't easy, but it was doable, so don't stress over this!

It sounds like you may be more worried about what your family and friends are going to think than you are about actually giving this career up. I know exactly how that feels! But you know what? Even if someone in your family paid for the classes you took, you still have the right to make this decision for your life. You are in charge of you, so don't let anyone make you feel negatively about your decisions or your current state of mind.

So, if you're stressing the entire time you're there at this job, maybe you should research your options and decide what route is best for you. Talk to your doctor too, because he/she may help you with this decision and how to approach it. If you're wondering what the hospital will think you can "sugar coat" it for them. Say "you've decided to go with a position somewhere else" or "I've decided not to work while I'm pregnant" or something to that effect. Say it with confidence because you have the right to make this decision! And heck - don't even talk about it with others in your family that are making you feel bad. They don't need to be involved!

You have a right and an OBLIGATION to remove negative people from your life too, especially when they are dragging you down and sucking your self esteem away. I hope you feel better about this very soon and that doors open up to something that you'll love doing. Take care! :7
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

Annette Bethela

Have you thought about Parish Nursing Program? Or perhaps becoming a School Nurse. That way I think you can use your knowledge of health, nutrition and exerise to good use. That would be awesome. Just a thought.

Now about wasted time, I spent 5 years in Seminary with a 71,000 student loan and realize that is NOT what I want to do. At least you can go forward with a nursing degree in a different area, whereas I can't.
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

Thank you everyone.

I think at this point I am almost over feeling stupid to my family but I fret over looking back and regretting quitting. Also, while I can make money in my other job, it is not as much, and the fat paychecks of nursing are appealing. When I found out I was pregnant all of a sudden we need 2 vehicles! We had just gotten comfy, with 2 paid off vehicles but neither can haul a baby and hubby's air is broken (his vehicle is also very old) so he really needs a new vehicle too. I guess this is how life is. I suppose if we go out and incur two 300.00 car payments I WON'T be able to quit my job. Maybe that is the problem with me-----I even have the LUXURY of thinking about what I want to do with my life professionally. Some people are trapped and not so lucky. I was so looking forward to starting to make big money so that I could afford some of the "things" hubby wanted...buy him his new 4x4 vehicle, his ATV..blah, blah. Now I got pregnant and everything changed. I almost feel like a failure for getting pregnant!!

Some of your other wasted time stories.....5 years and 70 grand....ouch! I am so sorry about that!

Well, first step is NCLEX tomorrow. Have to go cram today. You guys are great!;-)
 
RE: Pretty sure I just wasted 2 yrs of my life in nursi...

There are so many other opportunities out there for a nurse besides working in hospitals. An aunt of mine made a good living doing private duty and working as a camp nurse. You can write your own ticket. Please take your test and know that the opportunities are endless. You did the right thing by hanging in there.
 
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
As others have said, there are other possibilities for using your nursing degree than just working in a hospital. Instead of seeing it as 2 wasted year, you could see it as a stepping stone to something else, perhaps something to do with health and fitness. Just off the top of my head, maybe something like working setting up health and fitness programs for businesses? Just a thought.
 
Your hormones are probably playing some part in how you feel in all this. I had a friend who felt the same way as you about fumbling and feeling unsure of herself etc. You do have to give any new job especially something as stressful as nursing a chance to get into the groove of things. You will in time start to feel very confident in your skills and in yourself as you become more comfortable. After a few years my friend went into clinical research which she loved much more and you too will find a different path if you choose to. For now I'd recommend plugging along, being kind to yourself and see where this takes you right now. There are so many paths with a nursing degree just focus on learning more in this great new environment and taking care of you and your baby.
 
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