BelovedHeather
Cathlete
It has been a few months since I have posted an update on my journey. I have a long history of starting challenges I never finish, but 2008 is the year of faithfully finishing what I start! I am learning to persevere and keep pressing on even if my performance is less than perfect. God taught me a powerful lesson last month. I made a commitment to walk a few miles at the lake on a Friday night. After securing a spot for the July Road Trip, I was ready to celebrate that night. I drove to the lake before sunset, listened to my iPod filled with my favorite praise music, started walking, and made it halfway to my destination when a powerful storm hit. The sun was setting over the lake, and the sky was filled with flashes of lightning. It was a sight to behold and reminded me of God’s awesome power. I wanted to sing, “How Great Thou Art!” I was soaked by the driving rain and felt so alive and free. As the winds picked up and the storm intensified, I thought about retreating to my car. I prayed, and God told me to keep pressing on and go the distance. I felt peace about being out there alone at night and trusted God to protect me from the storm. He reminded me that I always give up halfway to the finish line, and that is why I have been going around the same mountain with my weight for almost 5 years. I kept putting one foot in front of the other even when my feet were tired and sore, and I walked to a bridge over the water. My feet were wet as the rain soaked my running shoes. The sky was suddenly clear again, and the calm after the storm took my breath away. I took seashells, prayed, and released one for each burden and care I surrendered to God (including all the anxiety from a super stressful week, my food stronghold, and my weight). I danced and enjoyed the overwhelming peace that followed the storm and washed over me. I learned a powerful lesson that glorious Friday night that I can apply to my fitness journey. There are blessings and rainbows on the other side of the storms of life, but I need to persevere, keep my eyes on the prize, and continually walk by faith. If I give up and retreat every time the way is the lonely and the journey gets rough, I will never reach my goal.
I learned another lesson that night. Cell phones and Cathe friends are precious gifts from God! I was so captivated by the glory that followed the storm that I lost track of time and started daydreaming. When I returned to reality, I realized that it was pitch dark. The lights along the walking path were not working. Thankfully, I had my cell phone with me and called my Road Trip roomie. Pennie encouraged me and “walked” me to my car. My feet were tired and wet (and she could hear me sloshing around in my shoes), and I did not think I could take another step. Carrying 100 extra pounds makes walking a few miles a big challenge! She had to pray me up the hill, and we praised God together when I saw my car! Thank you, Pennie!
I shared earlier this year that I started a Biggest Loser challenge with my church family. Most of my team members gave up and dropped out of the challenge along the way, but I faithfully completed my first 16-week challenge even though I had a few big setbacks (including a serious food allergy crisis). When all was said and done, I lost 10 pounds in 16 weeks. That is not an awe-inspiring loss, but I am slowly being transformed from the inside out. It was tempting to give up when I had an allergic reaction to a protein bar and gained 10 pounds, but I did not let that deter me. I lost it momentarily last month and started sliding down a slippery slope with emotional eating, but I got right back in the game and kept pressing on. I am so glad. The guy who was leading this challenge encouraged me that my countenance has changed, I am more relaxed in my spirit than I was when we started this journey in January, and I made more progress in 16 weeks than I realize. He also reminded me that relapse is part of recovery, and my temporary backsliding was part of the journey.
With that challenge behind me, I am training for the Road Trip and STS! I am not striving to lose weight before the Road Trip this time. I am focusing on fitness gains more than weight loss because I want to be strong, healthy, and bursting with energy so I can enjoy every class to the fullest! After registering for the Road Trip, I joined a 4-week cardio boot camp challenge at the club. Oh my! I knew by the second week that I was in way over my head. These are the kind of classes that Aquajock would love, but they wipe me out, push me over the edge, and leave me begging for mercy. The trainer is more Jillian Michaels than Cathe, and she pushes me to the limit.
I hit another rough patch in the journey last week. Last Wednesday was one of those days. I had a feeling that it would be as soon as I woke up to another stormy morning. I have SAD, and stormy days slay me when the sun does not shine all week. I did not sleep well again the night before. I was caught in another hormonal hurricane with my cycle too. I had an emotional breakdown. I battled the blues and was on the edge of backsliding into a pit of depression. I could not wait for the work day to be over so I could drive home and cry and pray. I was sad and tired. My head was in a fog. What hit me?
I was flying high a week ago Sunday night after my 1-mile run. I crashed last Monday night. The cardio boot camp class pushed me over the edge. I felt like I had been run over by a steamroller. I was still tired beyond description 48 hours later. The tidal wave of depression that was rising up against me caught me off guard. The sadness in my heart was unexplainable and out of place. I knew that I should be excited and looking forward to a fun get-together with friends Memorial Day weekend and the July Road Trip, but nothing was giving me joy. The dancy Lower Intensity Step warm-up did not even make me smile that morning.
I was so tired and depressed that I could not imagine facing Cathe again or enduring a weekend of her workouts. Not to mention, I would not want to drag anyone down. I am an extravert. With my personality, I love being with people. The more, the merrier. But I prefer to spend time with one close friend when I am depressed. That is one time when the thought of a large group overwhelms me. I drafted an e-mail to one of the Road Trip coordinators asking her about the deadline for cancelling my Road Trip registration. I even entertained the thought of leaving the forums. I called my Road Trip roomie first because I knew that she would pray for me. Just hearing her voice cheered me up and lifted me out of the dark pit. Pennie is such a great encourager. Thanks again, Pennie. Words cannot express what a blessing you are to me!
If you have never battled depression, it is hard to explain these feelings as they are not logical or rational. Dark and rainy days slay me. It is difficult to describe this condition to someone who has not experienced it, but a dark fog settles over me. It is hard to focus on anything. It disrupts my sleep cycle. I am easily given to tears and want to sleep all day. Then I cannot sleep at night. I fall asleep after work, wake up around midnight, and stay up all night because I am wide awake and cannot get back to sleep. That starts the cycle. Thankfully, light therapy resets my circadian rhythm. There is a nutrition connection too. Food is an addiction for me, and breaking free from that will likely do wonders for my hormones and depression.
I am walking through trials and storms, but I am not losing heart. I faithfully finished my cardio boot camp challenge tonight. I was tired today, and it was tough. I stayed for the whole class too. I did not lose any weight this month, but I finished another challenge when the temptation to give up was overwhelming. When the storms of life assault me (including stress and depression and rejection by those I love), I will stand firm in my faith and will not be shaken.
I apologize to my PYGFO sisters. I have not been faithfully checking in this month as I have been using my energy to keep my head above the water, but I have been keeping y’all in my thoughts and prayers. Liann, your hug via PM was greatly appreciated and touched me more than words can say. You had no idea what was going on in my life, but your message was a bright ray of sunshine. Thank you for being faithful to send me a message when I was on your heart. I have been making an effort to keep up with the messages in my inbox too. If I missed responding to anyone, please do not take it personally.
I did not cancel my Road Trip registration, but I am not going unless I can be a blessing to Cathe and everyone there, so I am making a firm commitment to do whatever it takes to get well physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I have a game plan, and I am putting my game face on. I am breaking free from the bondage of destructive eating habits that have taken a toll on my body, and restoration will be radical.
Michele, thanks for all the Psalms--the Great Physician’s cure for depression. Kathy S., thank you for taking a break from Road Trip planning to send me love and hugs. Kathryn, thanks for answering all my veggie nutrition questions. Thanks to all the forum members for the joy and smiles you bring to this place.
This journey is not easy and not always fun, but it is worth it. I am worth it. By God’s grace, I will keep running the race with perseverance and victoriously cross the finish line. It may not be in a record time, but it will be my personal best in His perfect timing. Just like the release date for STS, I cannot make any promises of when I will reach my goal. I am an overcomer, and I have faith that I will reach my goal come hell or hormones or depression or whatever other obstacles are in my path, and it will be worth the years of sweat and tears when I dance on that glorious mountaintop and celebrate a sweet victory!
Blessings,
Heather B.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
I learned another lesson that night. Cell phones and Cathe friends are precious gifts from God! I was so captivated by the glory that followed the storm that I lost track of time and started daydreaming. When I returned to reality, I realized that it was pitch dark. The lights along the walking path were not working. Thankfully, I had my cell phone with me and called my Road Trip roomie. Pennie encouraged me and “walked” me to my car. My feet were tired and wet (and she could hear me sloshing around in my shoes), and I did not think I could take another step. Carrying 100 extra pounds makes walking a few miles a big challenge! She had to pray me up the hill, and we praised God together when I saw my car! Thank you, Pennie!
I shared earlier this year that I started a Biggest Loser challenge with my church family. Most of my team members gave up and dropped out of the challenge along the way, but I faithfully completed my first 16-week challenge even though I had a few big setbacks (including a serious food allergy crisis). When all was said and done, I lost 10 pounds in 16 weeks. That is not an awe-inspiring loss, but I am slowly being transformed from the inside out. It was tempting to give up when I had an allergic reaction to a protein bar and gained 10 pounds, but I did not let that deter me. I lost it momentarily last month and started sliding down a slippery slope with emotional eating, but I got right back in the game and kept pressing on. I am so glad. The guy who was leading this challenge encouraged me that my countenance has changed, I am more relaxed in my spirit than I was when we started this journey in January, and I made more progress in 16 weeks than I realize. He also reminded me that relapse is part of recovery, and my temporary backsliding was part of the journey.
With that challenge behind me, I am training for the Road Trip and STS! I am not striving to lose weight before the Road Trip this time. I am focusing on fitness gains more than weight loss because I want to be strong, healthy, and bursting with energy so I can enjoy every class to the fullest! After registering for the Road Trip, I joined a 4-week cardio boot camp challenge at the club. Oh my! I knew by the second week that I was in way over my head. These are the kind of classes that Aquajock would love, but they wipe me out, push me over the edge, and leave me begging for mercy. The trainer is more Jillian Michaels than Cathe, and she pushes me to the limit.
I hit another rough patch in the journey last week. Last Wednesday was one of those days. I had a feeling that it would be as soon as I woke up to another stormy morning. I have SAD, and stormy days slay me when the sun does not shine all week. I did not sleep well again the night before. I was caught in another hormonal hurricane with my cycle too. I had an emotional breakdown. I battled the blues and was on the edge of backsliding into a pit of depression. I could not wait for the work day to be over so I could drive home and cry and pray. I was sad and tired. My head was in a fog. What hit me?
I was flying high a week ago Sunday night after my 1-mile run. I crashed last Monday night. The cardio boot camp class pushed me over the edge. I felt like I had been run over by a steamroller. I was still tired beyond description 48 hours later. The tidal wave of depression that was rising up against me caught me off guard. The sadness in my heart was unexplainable and out of place. I knew that I should be excited and looking forward to a fun get-together with friends Memorial Day weekend and the July Road Trip, but nothing was giving me joy. The dancy Lower Intensity Step warm-up did not even make me smile that morning.
I was so tired and depressed that I could not imagine facing Cathe again or enduring a weekend of her workouts. Not to mention, I would not want to drag anyone down. I am an extravert. With my personality, I love being with people. The more, the merrier. But I prefer to spend time with one close friend when I am depressed. That is one time when the thought of a large group overwhelms me. I drafted an e-mail to one of the Road Trip coordinators asking her about the deadline for cancelling my Road Trip registration. I even entertained the thought of leaving the forums. I called my Road Trip roomie first because I knew that she would pray for me. Just hearing her voice cheered me up and lifted me out of the dark pit. Pennie is such a great encourager. Thanks again, Pennie. Words cannot express what a blessing you are to me!
If you have never battled depression, it is hard to explain these feelings as they are not logical or rational. Dark and rainy days slay me. It is difficult to describe this condition to someone who has not experienced it, but a dark fog settles over me. It is hard to focus on anything. It disrupts my sleep cycle. I am easily given to tears and want to sleep all day. Then I cannot sleep at night. I fall asleep after work, wake up around midnight, and stay up all night because I am wide awake and cannot get back to sleep. That starts the cycle. Thankfully, light therapy resets my circadian rhythm. There is a nutrition connection too. Food is an addiction for me, and breaking free from that will likely do wonders for my hormones and depression.
I am walking through trials and storms, but I am not losing heart. I faithfully finished my cardio boot camp challenge tonight. I was tired today, and it was tough. I stayed for the whole class too. I did not lose any weight this month, but I finished another challenge when the temptation to give up was overwhelming. When the storms of life assault me (including stress and depression and rejection by those I love), I will stand firm in my faith and will not be shaken.
I apologize to my PYGFO sisters. I have not been faithfully checking in this month as I have been using my energy to keep my head above the water, but I have been keeping y’all in my thoughts and prayers. Liann, your hug via PM was greatly appreciated and touched me more than words can say. You had no idea what was going on in my life, but your message was a bright ray of sunshine. Thank you for being faithful to send me a message when I was on your heart. I have been making an effort to keep up with the messages in my inbox too. If I missed responding to anyone, please do not take it personally.
I did not cancel my Road Trip registration, but I am not going unless I can be a blessing to Cathe and everyone there, so I am making a firm commitment to do whatever it takes to get well physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I have a game plan, and I am putting my game face on. I am breaking free from the bondage of destructive eating habits that have taken a toll on my body, and restoration will be radical.
Michele, thanks for all the Psalms--the Great Physician’s cure for depression. Kathy S., thank you for taking a break from Road Trip planning to send me love and hugs. Kathryn, thanks for answering all my veggie nutrition questions. Thanks to all the forum members for the joy and smiles you bring to this place.
This journey is not easy and not always fun, but it is worth it. I am worth it. By God’s grace, I will keep running the race with perseverance and victoriously cross the finish line. It may not be in a record time, but it will be my personal best in His perfect timing. Just like the release date for STS, I cannot make any promises of when I will reach my goal. I am an overcomer, and I have faith that I will reach my goal come hell or hormones or depression or whatever other obstacles are in my path, and it will be worth the years of sweat and tears when I dance on that glorious mountaintop and celebrate a sweet victory!
Blessings,
Heather B.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
