People & their ridiculous gossip

[Timber99]

I'm a professional woman. I work as an attorney, where a fair majority of my collegues are male, though more and more, we are starting to "even out." That said, I have a few rather good friends that are male.

As some of you know, I am recently engaged and planning a wedding. I couldn't be happier in my personal life. My fiance is the best and I am a lucky lady.

I got a call from a close male collegue today that was SO disturbing! He indicated to me that "people are talking" about us. First, a trusted friend told him that he and I go to lunch a lot (which actually is not true at all - maybe once a month and usually with others!) and that people might get the wrong idea. He felt that this friend had maybe heard more than he indicated and was looking out for him. Second, someone outright ASKED him and then told him that it's a much spoken about rumor in their office. Third, someone elbowed him and gave him the male "thumbs up" on our friendship (as in "great score").

I am going to say this, not for any other reason than you all having the right information. This is a guy that I hit a friendship off with right away and we have been close ever since. When we met, at work, we were both in relationships. His ended about 9 months ago. He actually threw me an engagement party amongst the work folk, along with about 2 others, at his home and invited these very same people that are talking. We do spend time outside of work and if it is on the weekends, my fiance is there (though I doubt that these people even know about that). There is NOTHING inappropriate about our friendship whatsoever.

I realize that people may not have anything else to do, but wth do they think they are? This makes me laugh and get very upset at the same time. You'd think that people in my field have better things to do and/or that they are a little more grown up. Apparently not. I am furious right now...............

So do I change nothing, ham it up or address this with the people I am sure are gossiping about it.

 

[JeanneMarie]

One of my favorite saying is, "It's none of my business what other people think of me!"

I know the rumors are disturbing, but I would let it go. You know the truth. Your friend knows the truth, and your finance knows the truth. Other than the 3 of you, it doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks.

I wouldn't dignify any of it with a response of any kind.

JMHO!

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

 

[melimcn]

I'd ham it up! Get the rumor mill really going! As long as it's not causing any professional issues with anyone else in the office, and all of you directly involved know what's up...stir the pot!
But that's just me. I work in an office where the rumor mill is how we find out most company information. Few "announcements" are ever made.

So go for it. Get them good and confused and see how far you can take it. To my mind, that's better payback than attempting to set the record straight. They're still going to talk about you, so you might as well make it juicy!

 

[LauraMax]

I think you should ignore it. Christine, like you said, you're a professional woman & an attny to boot. I'm not saying you should let it bother you, but by the same token I'm pretty sure a lot of your business comes from word of mouth & you don't want to lose any b/c of water cooler gossip.

Stay cool & be above it all. It's really the best course.

 

[Dela]

Ignore it and continue on as you always have, sorry but I have to disagree with the above poster to stir it up even more. I think that can only be more damaging. But I would not lessen the amount of time you hang out with your friend, or ever feel like you need to make excuses when you do.

And just wanted to say, it sux you even have to deal with such nonsense.

 

[trixie108]

I actually have that same problem. People in my office think I am sleeping with one of my co-workers. We think it's hysterical (especially since he's married with 3 kids). I just ignore it, and continue on the way it has always been. He's my "work spouse" and I don't know what I'd do without him

 

[Matiana]

It is a shame a man and woman cannot be close friends or closely acquainted without it turning into sexual gossip.

I was an assistant to a male lawyer and we were very close and spent a lot of time outside the office, but it never lead to anything, nor did I even contemplate such a thing, nor did he suggest such a thing. Turns out the legal community thought we were having a full blow affair. Even his wife with whom I worked and who was allegedly my friend thought I was shagging her husband.

I just ignored the gossip. I knew the truth and so did he. I wasn’t going to lower myself to the morons explaining the situation or explaining myself.

 

[LaughingWater]

It is a shame a man and woman cannot be close friends or closely acquainted without it turning into sexual gossip.

My thought exactly.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this Timber. I've never had this happen to me, so I have nothing helpful to offer.

If it were me, I'd be angry (we recently had a moment when someone questioned the fidelity of our marriage, and both DH and I were pretty ticked...long story ). I'd probably confront a few people (as politely as possible, of course) and set the record straight. It might not eliminate the rumor, but at least I'd feel like I tried to fix it.

I don't know if that's the right approach though. You'd probably be better off taking advice from those currently in the workplace.

I wish you luck! Let us know what you end up doing and how it works out. I'd be interested to learn how to deal with such a thing.

 

[Tess_ATL]

I would let it go. You, your friend and your fiance all know the truth and that's all that matters.

 

[BAM]

Timber, as long as your job is in no way compromised by this then I wouldn't say a thing. My motto is, I don't give a rat's *ss what other people think. When I was in my very early 20's and just starting out in the corporate working world, there were rumors going around about me and this other guy who worked in another department. We had become friends and he gave me a ride home once or twice. He was married and I was VERY naive and innocent. I could be friends with anyone and not think twice about it. Well, when I heard of the rumors I was shocked and mostly because since there wasn't anything going on I couldn't believe people would think that there was, hence my naivete'. I did come to realize that he was developing feelings for me and our friendship dissipated but I wouldn't have changed anything based on other people's need for gossip. We can never control the minds of anybody else nor would we succeed in trying. Only you, your friend and fiance' have to know the truth. That's all that truly matters.

Bam

 

[Timber99]

Thanks to everyone that responded

I normally do not give a rat's a$$ what people think (to quote a poster above!), but this time, I really felt awful that someone might think that little of me to say such a thing. Then again, someone that would take the time to tell such a rumor probably didnt think it through and is just mindlessly talking. Most of these people that I hear are talking don't know me well enough to know *anything* about my personal life.

In fact, the one person that mentioned it to him left her husband-to-be and married the man that she ended up cheating with (whome she worked with). Funny, I never judged her actions....and never mentioned them to her either.

My grandmother always said "be the better person," and so, like many of you suggested, I will not say a word and continue my friendship as it is.

 

[JeanneMarie]

Thanks to everyone that responded

I normally do not give a rat's a$$ what people think (to quote a poster above!), but this time, I really felt awful that someone might think that little of me to say such a thing.

Timber this part of what you said (above) really struck me and I thought it worthwhile to say this to you again. The fact that these people are gossiping and saying ugly things is a reflection of THEIR character, not YOURS!

You will find that these people will find victims for their gossip over and over again. I am sure there was someone being discussed before you, and if you'll give it some time, they'll move on to someone else.

Don't let them rent space in your brain! It just isn't worth your time.

 

[wendybdh]

I feel bad for you. I just don't know if I could ignore it.

I'm clearly not the outspoken controversial type. But, I think I would call people out on it in a somewhat subtle way. For example, next time you're in a situation where you're out with your coworkers (and the other guy) just casually mention that you need to get him a girlfriend so people stop thinking it's you.

 

[janiejoey]

I think you have to let it go. It's unfortunate that people have to be that way, but eventually as life goes, they'll know more about the both of you and it will become yesterdays news. Just brag about your fiance/husband, show pictures if you want, and continue on with your beautiful life. Don't let people get to you.

Janie

 

[lcobb2]

So do I change nothing, ham it up or address this with the people I am sure are gossiping about it.

I would completely address it with the person, but that's just how I am. I am an assertive woman who people have come to know as calling them on their "sh!+", but that's me. I have taught people how to treat me. If they know that I'm going to call them on their stuff, they know now not to do it. However, you have to do what's right for you.

 

[jthornton202264]

Just ignore it -- people are always looking to talk about something! I have a couple of guys who I have been friends with for over 25 years (since high school). When I got married 21 years ago, one was in my wedding party. I still to this day get together with my male friends from time to time -- I consider them my best friends just like my two best girlfriends I've known since grade school! I think in today's society everybody reads so much more into things. The people at work don't understand the personal relationship you have with this individual -- I would just tell them the truth and tell them what a great friend he is and let it be. If they want to talk (which I'm sure they will -- depending on how big your company is, it could be a LOT!), let them. You and he know the truth, so who cares! They're probably just jealous because you have such a great friendship bond!

Just my opinion!! Julie

 

[SirenSongWoman]

Did your friend name names? If so, I'd carefully try questioning one or two of these alleged individuals, just to see what's really going on. Have you been made aware of anyone else whispering about the two of you. If not, this may be all about your friend. Remember how in My Best Friend's Wedding Julia wasn't interested in her opposite-sex best friend in any kind of romantic way until he got engaged to someone else? Like Julia, your friend may be having a bit of a "what-if" crisis. Maybe not. But, If upon asking around, you find out nobody's saying any such thing don't be surprised...