Parents & competitive sports

R

red_mct

Cathlete
I just got back from my 7 year old's swimming lesson. I admit, while standing there watching him struggling compared to some of the small fishes in his age group, I felt really guilty because I have never been one to emphasize athletics. I mean, my kids are fit, they spend a lot of time outside, etc., but I do not like competitive sports (I think they induce craziness in general and are far too overemphasized in our society), thus I don't get them too involved. We tend to play soccer and take karate and now the swimming lessons. So I was standing there feeling really guilty when one of the fathers struck up a conversation with me. He asked what sports we play (apparently this is normal poolside convo) and told me that his kid (who is the same age as mine) plays baseball, basketball, football, soccer, wrestles, takes karate, and is on the swim team. He looked very aghast when I told him what WE do, which seemed rather miniscule in contrast, but then I was like...

Does your kid ever read a book? Play with legos? Climb a tree? Daydream? Watch a movie? Think about what he wants to be when he grows up? Spend 10 minutes a day thinking about something besides besting the competition?

I guess that's kind of harsh, but I just don't understand why you'd emphasize sports to the exclusion of all else. Do you think that's more about the parents than about the kids?

Marie
 
Hi Marie! I'm with you on this. I don't understand why it's ONLY sports, but on top of that, why it is about a bazillion different ones to boot. Seems like to be on "top" the kid has to be enrolled for every spare minute of their time. That's a huge thing around where I live in NY - people have way too much money so they give their kids everything. Every lesson, every toy, blah blah blah. I do think that kind of thing is for the parents indeed...and the poor kids are going to burned out by their teen years. I have no problems whatsoever if my son would want to participate in sports or what have you, but not to the degree that every spare moment of his life is scheduled. I mean, Aiden is only 2, and already I hear discussions around the sandbox about how much these kids do. Crazy, isn't it?


"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"


Debbie
 
I, too, don't understand why parents fixate on one thing and make their kids do it ad nauseum. Around here, it's academics. It kills me to see parents prohibit, literally prohibit their kids from playing because it takes away from study time. Then the poor kids shake in their shoes if they get a "B" in PE (can't imagine WHY they got the B in PE!!!). My dd was at a friends house when she called me to come pick her up. They had finished the project and her friend's father was livid because he came home early to find them playing in the sprinkler system (his dd was not studying - never mind that the project was complete and they got an "A" on it - and all of the homework was finished).

Sports are important for physical fitness and for learning to be part of a team. Academics are important too, but I think people forget how important it is for kids to be kids. To play together, make up their own games, day dream, relax and enjoy.

I think we all want our kids to be the best, in whatever we deem is important that we don't think of our kids best interest. I hope this changes soon.
 
I wonder if alot of parents push their kids in sports because they have thoughts of an 80 million dollar pay day down the road.

I agree kids need time to relax and daydream and also, be bored! If my memory serves me correctly, being bored led to all sorts of creative things, when I was a kid. We made up games, talked about "what if?" and rambled through the woods with no real destination in mind.

Sparrow

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I do think it is about the parents "living through" their kids, in a way. Many parents push their kids in competitive sports because they see the child's performance as a reflection on themselves. Like you, I think competitive sports are emphasized way too early for our children, and I don't think we should be stressing that winning is everything. I agree that kids need fun, free time to make up games and just play. Another thing that is big here is summer activities and camps. Many parents enroll their kids in several structured activities and day camps in the summer, so there's not much lazy time like we used to have. I think parents can overdo it when it comes to structured activities and lessons, especially when kids are so young. ( I can't believe that a seven year old is involved in so many sports! When does he get to just relax and spend time with his friends and family and just be a child? )
 
I lived right next door to a school yard growing up...they held soccer games there on weekend mornings...I would wake up to these crazy parents SCREAMING at thier kids over this stupid game....It used to make me soooo mad! I wanted to go out there and smack them all across the face! GRRRR!x(

If Joey wants to play sports, I say go for it, that's great but I too do not agree w/getting involved to such a degree that he has no time for anything else...I simply will NOT allow it. I don't think it's healthy at all!
 
My philosophy is that I let Sophie get involved in what SHE wants to get involved in. She takes music lessons (piano and voice) because that was her choice. She takes swimming lessons because she LOVES the water (plus I think with swimming there's a safety factor in making sure your kids are comfortable in the water). We've tried a few other things. Karate (she wasn't aggressive enough), dance (she likes to make up her OWN dance moves). I have no interest in spending all my spare time ferrying her around to a million games/practices/lessons and I think all that rushing just causes way too much stress, not to mention the pressure to excel.

Kids need time to just be kids.:)
 
Marie,

I think it is unfortunate that parents sometimes bombard their kids with so many activities. The kids end up resenting it later, because they feel like the parents wanted them to do it to keep them out of their hair, because it “looked” right, or because it was something they wanted to do when they were younger but couldn’t. Activities of all sorts are great, and the things you mentioned, like reading a book and learning to use your imagination, shouldn’t be overlooked.

You are doing good by your kids by not pushing them too far. It’s great that you expose them to different things. When parents push too much, the activities are no longer fun, and that is really what it should be about.
 
I have to agree that it is mostly for the parents. We were at our daughter's soccer game when she was 4(she has since quit that because it was too rough, at 4!!!!), and a father of a little boy got mad and left the game screaming at the boy because he joined the others in watching a plane go by rather than playing. Everyone laughed at him but my heart broke for the boy knowing what kind of future he will have.
Kids need to be kids. I miss the simpler times of when we were kids without all the sports and electronics. We had to use our imaginations. Even the dolls cry and act like humans now!
I think my neighbor, who is a kindergarten teacher, says it best that when the kids come in at night from outside and they are dirty, they've had a very good day!
 
Hey All,

Had to pipe in here. Kids, like adult need down time. I think a lot of parents forget that. I have one daughter 10 and son 6. They are allow only one sport at a time. Like know they are both playing baseball but that is it. My daughter was taking gymnastics and I told her if she wanted to play softball then she had to choice one or the other. It becomes to much if they try to do it all. The key word is BALANCE!!! Not only for them but for us as parents who work then spend the nights and weekend running around. Right Ladies?

Therese
 
60 Minutes did a story on this last year. Psychologists agree that keeping children's time structured on sports and other activities 100% of the time is detrimental to their emotional growth and their ability to develop coping skills needed for stressful times as an adult. These children find it difficult to function if their time is not planned out for them and this can stay with them into adulthood.
 
Someone dissed summer day camps. Summer day camps are a form of day care for many people. So if you diss the day camps, why are you not dissing the people who work full time and put their kids in day care.
Day camps are good for a child who is not old enough to stay home all day by themselves, but is too old for day care.

Yes, some people go way overboard. But on the whole, most people are good parents and take their kids into consideration.

I have an 18 year old who has done soccer since 6(liked it and did it all the way through High school), tried baseball(hated it and quit in 3rd grade), took tennis for awhile, liked it OK, but got tired of it. Loves marching band and jazz band, and swam on a competitive swim team from age 7-17. These activities helped him mature into the adult he is now. He always had the choice to pick and chose,and these activities taught him to manage his time, and kept him healthy, fit and well rounded, and created great friendships.

My 13 year old daughter started swimming at age 5(her choice not mine, had to keep up with her brother), tried soccer, hated it, loves playing softball, but stays with the recreational league not the real competitive fast pitch league. Stopped band, because she was not interested, but wants voice lessons, because she loves choir. She is also a very good artist, although does not take lessons right now, because she wants to do it her way, so would not like a teacher right now. She loves to swim, has great friends on the team.

My experience with these competitive teams....about 5% of the parents are pushing too hard. The rest are good people and have the interest of their child. What you see when you go to a swim practice, or soccer practice though are that 5%. The rest of us take our kids, make sure the coach is there, and find something else to do for the time the practice is on, because it is the kids activity, not ours.

So be careful judging parents who are putting kids in these types of activities.
 
Marie: Very good topic.

My daughters attend a Charter School. No athletic Program. They are music, drama, karate, girl/boy scouts. I can put them in a sport through the public school because the city does allow non residents for a bit more of a fee, but they do not have to worry about all the sports hype, I will say on my behalf we are not sports fanatics either, however, I did attend a large, above average public school and I know that I did not want my children to be influenced by all the drama that circulates. They should be able to focus strictly on academics and all the rest should be in moderation. Why should some students be "classified as nerds" or book worms" Jock etc.... Yes they will have access to drama but with only 300 children from K-8th grade there is less of it. I am a huge believer it all starts at home. My children have my undivided attention we do everything read, draw, I am into crafts big time so anytime I find something we are doing it. I want them to make the decision of what they want to be after they have the necessary education. Maybe I will have a artist, maybe a stay at home mom it will be their choice. But at least they will have the brains to do either.

beth6395
 
>>My experience with these competitive teams....about 5% of the
>parents are pushing too hard. The rest are good people and
>have the interest of their child. What you see when you go to
>a swim practice, or soccer practice though are that 5%. The
>rest of us take our kids, make sure the coach is there, and
>find something else to do for the time the practice is on,
>because it is the kids activity, not ours.

I agree. I played competitive soccer from the age of 9 until 17 and competed in gymnastics from 9 until 13 (until it became too much). I was also a straight A student and an avid reader and had a social life.

I can't tell you how lucky I feel that my parents put so much effort into letting me travel down that path. The friendships I made, the lessons in life I learned, the travel we did...so many things were learned more than "just the sport."

At the time, our high school did not have girl's soccer and it also taught me how to stand up and fight for a cause I believe in. Now that may be small compared to world hunger, but again it was a great lesson for me. And we did win eventually :)

Colleen
 
I think the question is that if the child chooses the program and the parent is supporting or is it the parent is pushing the child and the child is complying.

Both my children are in non team competitive sports, my son is in karate and my daughter in figure skating. They chose these sports for themselves, they continue to choose the level that they want to participate. The only time I get involved is when it interferes with school work or some other obligation. Otherwise I'm just the driver.

In figure skating I've seen nothing short of child abuse towards pre adolescent kids. The parents are trying to live their dreams through the child. My wife has stopped me numerous times from getting physically involved with an abusive parent. I saw a 10 yr old girl blow her program and fall down, ended the program in tears. Instead of a hug from her mother she got slapped, "How could you let us down!". I've never hit a woman before but I could have killed her on the spot.

These kids will grow up and abuse their kids, the cycle continues.

Dave
 
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