Okay "wise" ladies, about this silent ethic.....

C

claridge

Cathlete
we have amongest ourselves.

Thy shalt not go out with, date, or sleep with ANY of our sisters/girlfriend/boyfriends ex partners!

My daughter (24) wants to start dating her girlfriends etc boyfriend. That relationship has been over for 3 years, but they were going out for 4 years and were quiet serious.

I told my daughter, she will be heading into trouble here with her girlfriend if she did, but she told me her girlfriend said it would alright.

Knowing my daughters girlfriend very well, I just know she has only said that because she doesnt want to put any conditions on who my daughter dates.

So what do you think?

Is 3 years long enough and its time to get over it and move on, or
Is it NEVER long enough, and we just shouldnt go there at all.

Marion
:)
 
RE: Okay

I'm not saying there's anything wrong about it, there isn't. But from life experience...I wouldn't touch that situation with a ten foot pole.

Ruth
 
RE: Okay

Marion, depends on how mature they both really are, you will find out soon............ it really should not make a difference... Rhonda
 
RE: Okay

I think that in a perfect world it would not matter but I think if they hung out together, things could get interesting. Reasons for why they broke up (was it pleasant, bitter, etc) and how their relationship was beforehand I think could come into play. What if they got back into that, "inside relationship" mode? meaning had inside jokes, memories, etc. that might naturally come into play because they did go out for so long?

Bottom line, I do not think she should go there.:)
 
RE: Okay

Marion,

MHO: Your daughter is ready to mount a psychotic horse that will run straight into a burning barn!!!

While maturity certainly is the deciding factor here, one never knows!!! Best of luck to her:)
BooBoo39
 
RE: Okay

I don't know...it depends on the people involved. My sister is actually married to my ex-boyfriend. Of course, he and I were never serious.
 
RE: Okay

My DBF dated my girlfriend casually before me. Very casually-they were neighbors and hung out when they had nothing else to do. But they were, um, intimate. I'm not friends with her anymore. That's not the only reason why, but it grossed me out always thinking about them together---she's one to share TMI about her personal life. I wouldn't do it again. Hopefully I won't have to worry because we plan to marry sometime. I miss my gf at times, but there were other reasons our friendship faded. Just too close to home to me....someone will have hurt feelings.
 
RE: Okay

When I was a freshman, I dated one of my best friend’s (Jen) ex-boyfriends. It was a teen soap opera. Jen and MJ were dating for a few months maybe… she had an inappropriate encounter with HIS brother… they broke up… she cried and wanted him back… he asked me out… I refused because of my friendship… he convinced her it would make getting over him easier if he dated me… then, he convinced my parents to allow me to date prior to age 16… BS extraordinaire :) … then, my mother and friends (including Jen) convinced me to date him… I guess deep down I wanted to date him. }( Maybe I should wear a scarlet letter. :) Well, 18 ½ years later we are married with children, dogs, house, the whole kit and caboodle with the exception of the white picket fence. Jen and I remain the best of friends.

Of course, we were teenagers and the relationship dh and Jen shared was not as serious as the situation you describe. As others have said, it depends on the situation.

Autumn
 
RE: Okay

My best friend (from birth onward) dated my first love (we were together 3 years) for a while several years after we broke up. She asked for my permission in advance and would probably have refused to see him any more if I had asked that. He's a great guy and I loved hime dearly. Still do. He just wasn't right for me. I would have been delighted if he and my best friend had hit it off. They gave it a try, but it didn't last, and she and I are still best friends. I guess it has to do with jealousy. If any of the parties involved is the jealous type, or if there are any strong feelings still in play, I'd say it's a really baaaad idea. But sometimes it works out just fine.

Shari
 
RE: Okay

In all candor, IMHO your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, even if those decisions come back to haunt her, which this one may or may not do.

A-Jock
 
RE: Okay

I second A-Jock's opinion. Our children need to learn by their own mistakes...that's part of the growth process.

I don't know about you guys but the best life lessons for me came from experience...not by advice from friends or family.
 
RE: Okay

Oh I agree ladies - she IS old enough and mature enough to make her own mistakes and learn from them, but its my normal "motherly love" and "concern" that I give her all the facts and figures about situations she may find herself in, and THEN she can heed by them or not! and I will always respect the answer she chooses.

Just because your child may be 24, 34 , 44 - doesnt mean you listen to whatever it is they ask, then go

"Well, dear, your old enough and mature enough to make that decision yourself, so I have no comment"

Sometimes it is ONLY other people they will listen to, and if those other people have experienced the same, good or bad, all the better

I think she will find some of the comments on this post very interesting. Not having been in this situation before, it will if anything, give her food for thaught.

Thanks everyone for sharing your thaughts

Marion

:)
 
RE: Okay

Marion, I agree, we always as mothers want to protect them from things that can hurt them or be bad for them, no doubt........ Rhonda
 
RE: Okay

Claridge,

As long as your daughter is seeking your advice, I think it's okay to share your feelings on the matter. If your daughter has not asked for your advice, I think it's prying. IMHO.

I wish her much luck with her decision.



"Just because your child may be 24, 34 , 44 - doesnt mean you listen to whatever it is they ask, then go "Well, dear, your old enough and mature enough to make that decision yourself, so I have no comment"



Actually, with my daughter I've found this is the best approach! Unless she asks my opinion, of course.:)
 
RE: Okay

Hi Marion,

Isn't if 'fun' being a parent!! I too have a 20 year old and I try my very best not to give unsolicited advice. But, I am a 'mom' and sometimes just can't help it!!}(

If I were in your situation, I would definitely voice my advice. I would however, say that it was just my opinion and what "I" would do. Of course, the final decision would be his to make.

The situation your daughter is thinking of confronting would be "difficult" to say the least. However, it could be the 'one-in-a-million' that might actually work.
 
RE: Okay

I have NO problem giving my grown son advice! LOL But he knows he can take it or leave it.
He often has said to me, "Mom, you were right."
But the choice is always his.

Ruth
 
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