Need opinions

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
As many of you know, tomorrow morning is my stepson's wedding. My DH is very happy and this is a big, important day in his life, and in both our lives.

My SIL called tonight and when she found out that her adult children are going to be sitting at a table with their younger cousins, rather than with other adults, she made it very clear that she was not happy with the seating arrangement. She would not shut up about it and she chewed his ear off for at least 15 minutes. I lost my temper and picked up the phone and told her off and my DH thinks I overreacted.

But what could she hope to accomplish by complaining about the seating the night before the wedding, other than upsetting us? Why would she be more concerned about where her kids are sitting for a few hours than happy for us and for her nephew? Granted, I'm very on edge the night before the wedding, but I would think that she would have realized that.

My DH explained his apparent lack of reaction as his desire to not engage his sister in her attempts to start an argument. He said that when people overreact emotionally, the are not open to listen to anyone or anything else. He said he felt that at the time (the night before the wedding) and considering the emotional state she was working herself up into, it was best to just let her say what she wanted to, until she tired of talking. Then, if the opportunity arose after the wedding, he would decide if it was worth re-opening the disagreement. He thought it was a mistake for me to pick up the phone.

What is your opinion?
-Nancy
 
Tough call, Nancy!! I'm sorry you had to get upset.

I completely agree with you about the seating chart!! And after the meal, nobody sits in their "assigned" seats anyway. Sheesh.

That said, it was your DH's sister and not yours, so I can see his point too. I think I would have done the exact same thing as you, though. I just hope your day tomorrow isn't affected by this silly conversation tonight.

Maybe tomorrow you and your DH and SIL could take a second (ha ha) and just say you were all on edge, you had made the best choices you could given seating constraints, etc, and that you don't want it to affect the wedding celebration. That way, you aren't apologizing, but you're letting her apologize. :D

Good luck!!! I'll be thinking about your stepson, his soon to be wife, and the rest of your family on this exciting occasion. Take care,
 
I have a couple of opinions hear...

#1. I think your DH was correct in assuming she wouldn't listen to anyone...If she was THAT worked up, everyone who didn't agree with her was wrong in her eyes...Period!

#2. Dinner is usually about an hour or so?? It's not like they're stuck at the table the entire night with these kids!

#3. I PERSONALLY think families should be seated together...IE: Kids with their parents...It's not someone elses job to babysit!

#4. Did YOU do the seating arrangement?? How did she find out about it the day before the wedding?

#5. If her children are grown, why is she concerned about where they sit?

#6. Sleep it off and enjoy the BIG day! I know my step-mother was MOM (and a LIFESAVER) on my wedding day!!

Hope all turns out great!
MJ in MN
 
Well, as women we ARE emotional beings...men typically are NOT. So, to understand why you picked up the phone, your husband would need to speak the language of "women" fluently. It sounds like he doesn't, or else he would have realized why you did what you did. :p

With that said, when someone is clearly working themselves up into a frenzy over a wedding seating chart that is 1) too late to change and 2) not their decision, anyway, I think such behavior is in poor taste and lacking consideration for those who have worked tirelessly to make all the arrangements (and anyone who has planned a wedding knows how much work goes into all the arrangements - especially the seating chart). With that said, I, too, would have picked up the phone and had a thing or two to say to someone who was so inconceivably rude as to call and dump on me their emotional turmoil over a "silly" seating chart at the very last minute when there was nothing that could be done about it. I don't think my harsh and retaliatory comments would have been in short supply, either. In fact, I probably would have even said something like, "Well, if you don't like the seating chart, and think that where your children are sitting isn't good enough, then don't come to the wedding. At this point, I've got more important things to worry about than this petty nonsense and whether or not you are happy with the seating chart...and I think you would be grateful to share in the joy of this event instead of upset over where your children are sitting. Now, if you don't mind, we have a lot to do before tomorrow morning and don't have time to listen to this rubbish from you any longer. Good night!" As you can tell, I don't have much patience for inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish people who seem to be so stuck on "appearances" that they can't see anybody else's needs but their own.
 
Nancy....I can relate to DH and the there's no point in talking to someone who is in an emotional tizzy. But.....I have to say I would've done the same thing.

Blow it off and get a good night's sleep. You and DH have a wonderful time tomorrow. And remember, there's always always going to be someone who is not satisfied. And that is on them not you.

Have a wonderul day!
Kali
www.PictureTrail.com/kkali
 
Excellent point, Kali! Someone IS always unhappy, so Nancy should not beat herself up trying to make everyone happy. That's impossible.

Nancy, the only people who need to be happy on the big day are the bride and groom. If someone else tries to interfere with that happiness with petty complaints, well - shame on them! But that's not your fault.

When I planned my wedding, I said, "This is my wedding, and this is what I want. I can do the best I can to satisfy everyone, but if someone isn't happy with something, that's not my responsibility. If they wanted a say in how it was planned, then they should've stepped in and offered to help me with the arrangements."
 
All I can think is shame on her for making a scene the night before you and your DH's son's big day. The day isn't about her or her children. I agree with the above posters who say that talking to someone like that who is so worked up she won't listen to reason is pretty useless but I can see why you did what you did and I would have probably done the same thing.
 
Guys, I just want to say thank you so much for responding. My DH and I don't usually disagree about things that matter, so I felt like maybe I did something wrong. And it was really getting to me. But I couldn't talk to anyone because I don't want anyone who is coming to the wedding to know about this.

It's 6:00 a.m. now, and I want to have the right attitude towards this day, not be angry. If anyone else did what my SIL did, I probably would stop speaking to them just because it was so thoughtless and uncaring. But with my SIL, it would be throwing out the baby with the bathwater. She's rather low-class and petty at times, but she can also have a heart of gold. She adores me and my family and is always telling me how happy she is that I married her brother. In fact, I may say that to her today. "I don't really understand what you were up to last night, but whatever it was, I forgive you because I love you." I don't think she'll have any quick comebacks for that. LOL!!

Thanks so much again you lovely ladies! Pics to follow!!

-Nancy
 
Have a great time today Nancy! Enjoy this special day. Can't wait to see the pix that follow! You are one special StepMom!!!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie")http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Nancy,

Unfortunately, your husband was right. I know you feel like you were protecting him but it appears he had everything under control. It's his sister and his son's wedding, after all. You taking the control out of his hands was like a neon sign telling him you didn't trust his judgment and it appears he was thoughtful about his approach.

My cube mate just attended her nephew's wedding and was upset about the same thing. Her feelings were hurt because she felt that they should be seated as a family. She spent a lot of money on a shower gift, a wedding gift, and new clothes for her husband, herself and her two children because it was a formal affair. She mentioned it was approximately $1000. She felt that entitled her family to sit together at the wedding reception. I can't say I blame her. I believe when planning a wedding the couple should give more consideration on how much time and money other people are spending to be part of the celebration and not be selfish to think this is their day only.

JMHO
 
Thanks so much again, guys.

We just got home and the wedding was awesome!!! These kids are the greatest. They were so inclusive of everyone. They even included my brother and his family in photos, which wasn't necessary. My niece just turned 18 so they had had her sign the marriage license just to acknowledge her adulthood. I mean, this is the groom's stepmother's niece. They didn't have to include her, but they did. They did a million little thoughtful, inclusive wonderful things like that. They are just the sweetest, most thoughtful young people you would ever want to know, and perfect for each other.

I felt so proud to be a part of things. And everything was lovely and went off without a hitch. My DH could not have been happier. He was just beaming from ear to ear.

All in all, a lovely day!! :D :D

-Nancy
 
Nancy, that's wonderful!!! I know you had a lot of thoughts headed your direction today.

I'm so glad to hear you're so proud of them, and that your pride is well-deserved! That's wonderful.:)
 
Amy, you are so sweet. Thank you so much for your good wishes.

I just realized I didn't even mention that the kids actually had a picture of my father (who died last year) on the mantel in the ballroom. When my Mom saw it, she cried. I mean, my parents aren't even really related to my stepson, yet they thought to put the picture up. Can you believe that? I mean, how sweet is that?

P.S. My SIL was very well-behaved, very complimentary, even verging on apologetic, as I knew she would be, so there were no problems there. She really loves my stepson, and I knew she wouldn't do anything to take away from his day.
 
That's awesome. My DH and I did a bit of the same thing- we had a board by our guest book and had asked relatives for photos from their weddings and "marriage advice", which we then posted.

Some people are really good at not seeing a line between blood relatives and non-blood relatives. I admit my DH is much better at that than I am. He's got a huge family, with all kinds of wacky remixes, and just accepts everyone right away. It's awesome.

I think for you it would show you how much your stepson and his wife care for you and your family. That's tremendous. It seems you're just as loveable in the "real" world as you are around these boards! Good for you!
 
Oh Nancy,

I'm so glad for your family that everything went so well. What wonderful and loving touches the bride and groom thought to add! This is quite a testament to your relationship with your stepson;) :+

Michele
 
WOW Amy, thanks!!:D I'm not so sure that everyone here would consider me to be all that loveable. I can be insecure at times, and when I am, I'm not as nice as I'd like to be. But people like you really inspire me to try harder.
 
Michele- thank you so much for your post. I try to be a good stepmom. but I don't always do as well as I'd like to. I'm always trying to improve, though.
 
It's all in the striving--that kind of effort shows and pays off!! Your stepson clearly loves you and thinks alot of your family as well. Good job woman!!

Michele
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top