Need help for grieving friend

E

earlyexerciser

Cathlete
My friend's mother was just given 3 days to live. I have listened and cried with her to try to help my friend and this is good, but I want to DO something for her and her family.

Any ideas besides bringing food to them? I really can't think of how to help them right now, and I am sure that one of you has a kind suggestion for me to make this somehow a little easier to handle.

Please help with ideas/suggestions!
Jenn
 
I am so sorry for your friend. She is fortunate to have a friend like you. One suggestion is to be there afterwards. She will probably have a lot of help now and immediately after her mom's death, but then people tend to fade away. So be aware of this and even weeks/months later still be there and with meals, too. HTH
 
I was going to post the exact same thing lala1 did. Be there afterwards...that is when she will be "alone". She is lucky to have a friend like you.
 
Jenn, listening to your friend, being there and crying with her, are more meaningful than you can imagine. Like the other posters have suggested, be there for her afterwards, when the loss and loneliness will start to sink in. She's so lucky to have a friend like you.
 
First, I am so sorry for your friend, that is so sad, I know the family probably feels helpless, as do you.

What about sending them out to dinner or something, and then giving her house a quick clean, like vacuum, dust and the bathrooms, just "pick up". And then leave your food (always a great idea) and a nice flower arrangement? When we are full of grief, its hard to take care of general everyday things like the laundry. Just a thought.

Gosh, its so hard I know, we have a friend with terminal cancer, and its so hard... no one knows what to do really. You are a dear person, my prayers are with you and your friend.
 
Oh Jenn! What an awful time! I have been through this, unfortunately. What helped me the most were the friends who came over and helped out with the children and house. Getting "alone time" was nearly impossible. Also, one of my good friends helped me with the household chores. She came in and helped me out with a word. It was more comforting than anything.

You are a wonderful friend for helping her. She may not tell you but she appreciates it!

Good Luck!
 
Everything everyone else said. Also, I asked a friend if she would like a book donated to a library in honor of her mother. She selected one of significance to both of them and I donated it to a college library with an inscription (the college put the memory plates in the book). She said that would please her mother to know that book was sitting on the shelves in her honor. So maybe when the dust settles you might consider something appropriate to honor your friend's mom. Now off to hug my mom....
 
You might also volunteer to notify friends and relatives and give them details about the funeral when the time comes - that way your friend will not have to repeat the same story over and over and over every time she makes a phone call or sends an email. You could also volunteer to help notify the newspaper about the obituary, have preliminary meetings with the funeral home to discuss options and give that information to the family, organize hospital bills, call Social Security to notify them, any of those pesky bookkeeping details.
 
I think everyone has good suggestions.

I lost my mom when I was 25 and after she died, I had the intense grief to deal with for about a year, plus I had all these "business" type things I had to take care of, like getting death certificates, closing accounts, dealing with her estate and belongings. It was an overwhelming task.

Like someone else said, after the initial shock, people tend to fad away, so make sure you are there for the long haul--it sounds like you will be--

Things that were especially helpful for me
1. some people got me gift certificates for take out--that way I could just use them when ever on those days when I was just too exhausted to deal with cooking.

2. One good friend helped me go through my mom's stuff.

3. Other friends helped me clean her house and do stuff to get it ready to sell.

4. People who just let me grieve and talk about her for as long as I needed to. Those who told me to be greatful for the time I had with her, or that I needed to move on were not helpful.

5. The holidays the first year after she died were hell, so keep this in mind.

If more comes to mind, I'll post--thank you for being so concerned for her.

take care,
Maggie
 
No suggestions... I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what your dear friend is going through & I think she's lucky to have you there for her during this difficult time of need. I agree with what some of the others have said. Your time & friendship may be worth more than anything else you could possibly do...
 
Thank you all for your ideas and suggestions, and of course, for your well wishes.

I have been continuing to be there and just listen. I visited with her the other day when she was able to take a break. I plan to go to her house today and clean a little (That was a great suggestion!!).

It is still just a matter of waiting now. They feel so helpless. They had thought that it would be 3 days, but she is still holding her own. It is hard to know what to say and what to hope for at this point.

Thank you again for everything!
Jenn
 
I pray for you.

I have been there with a few girlfriends - mothers dying young of breast cancer and lung cancer.

I know - it is so hard. I pray for you.



"Life is too short - Be the best you can be every single day of your life!" :)
 
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