Need Advice- Work

[clothesminded]

I work at a school where mediocre is accepted. In my particular dept., the members don't welcome change, will stab you in the back and gossip about you if you don't participate in their negative way of thinking. When I first moved here, I tried to fit in- ate lunch with them, asked about their husbands, kids, weekends... but I was ostracized, left to find my own way in a job which I was unfamiliar with. I've never experienced such a hateful, nasty group of women. I've asked myself if it was something I did or didn't do and I honestly don't think I'm a fault here. It's not really personal to them. It's just that I welcome change and challenges. I don't, however, try to force that on anyone. I stay to myself. I don't gossip, backstab, frown, be a glory hog... nothing.

Fast forward three years- new boss and new rules now dictate that people actually have to work for their paychecks. I know. Shocking! I was recently told that I will be the head of this department next year, which I am excited by. I like challenges and the chance to turn a dept like this around. However, I am HATED. Seriously. So much so when this job opportunity was posted, many members of the dept who are a part of this negative group (there are only 2-3 who aren't) went to the boss and told him not to put me in the position because I am not social. Uh.. since when does talking crap about people you work with during lunch is being social?!? But the truth is that I will have to find some way to bond with this group. They already see me as part of the force for change, which I will be and have been since I've been here. I know that I need to get over the bitterness I feel because of how they have treated me.

Any suggestions on how to be a leader over a group of people who don't like you and who you don't really like and certainly don't respect?

 

[slwitt]

You are certainly in a tough situation. I am a human resources director so I am used to dealing with these types of issues. It is going to take some time to build relationships with them. I would recommend some team building exercises that help to build trust between this group and yourself. The exercises are usually fun and help develop trust between the team members and yourself. There are books out there that you can get that have ideas in them. You need to be fair when making decisions that effect the group and I would document the decisions/interactions that you have with the staff. You have to be patient above everything else, because it is going to take a long time to get to the point where you want to be. The situation didn't develop overnight and believe me it will take ten times a long to overcome the issue. Hope that helps. Good Luck!

 

[mrsmel]

I just read this article today:

http://rogerschwarzassociates.poweredbyeden.com/files/106/12022.pdf

It's written for people who are already in management, but I think the techniques could be applied to your situation. You're going to have to build trust. That's the bottom line, IMO.

I'm not in charge, but my team is in the process of becoming a self-directed work team. We're meeting with a consultant in a couple of weeks to get training on how to do that.

I agree with the previous poster that you need team building exercises. Is there any budget to bring in an outside party?

I agree it's a tough situation, but what you want to do can be done. I used to work at a place where one department was the dumping ground for all the problem employees. My friend became the manager of that department and it became sought after. Everyone wanted to be transferred to that department because it was so well run. You can do it too! Good luck.

anne

 

[clothesminded]

Thanks for all of the encouragement. I will check out that article you sent, Anne. I'm reading the book "Five Dysfunctions of a Team" right now. There are some good team building ideas in that book.

I kinda feel like everything just needs to be in the open- kinda have a discussion over all of this, but that would prob make it even worse. Could get ugly!

 

[mrsmel]

I think a frank discussion is exactly what you need, but the ground rules need to be very clear. Nobody gets to be defensive, nobody shuts down, everybody listens intently. All that stuff. You'll read a little bit about it in that article, discussing the undiscussables. I don't know how to do that yet, or I would offer some more advice. But that's the kind of thing that really clears the air, in my opinion.

Having said that, you need to build trust first so people can say what they really feel and others won't take it as retaliation/attack. This is going to take time, but you can get there.

 

[slwitt]

I agree with mrsmel, you need to build trust first before you can have that type of discussion. If and when you do, I would recommend "no harm, no foul," rule so everyone can say whats bothering them with out any retaliation from anyone. It will definitely take some work but it can be done!

 

[earlyexerciser39]

We have had this woman, Cathy Hamilton, come to our district a few times. She will tailor her day to what your needs are for your school. I can't remember her pricing, but it wasn't outrageous, since no schools in Michigan have money right now! You might be able to use some grant money to have her come and speak to your school.

Anyhow, she was pretty blunt with our staff about how we were being polite to one another, but not really communicating and therefore getting to the needs of our students. We worked on a mission statement for our building and trying to also build a professional community. It is a long process when you are just "faking it", but her words helped us to get started having the difficult conversations.

She is from the south and speaks about poverty and our schools, too. She is a very good speaker. (I have no affiliation with her, just experience in attending her workshops through my district). I found a website:

http://www.cathyhamiltonassociates.com/index.html

Good luck! Working with women isn't fun! Glad I'm not like most of 'em!!
Jenn

 

[clothesminded]

Thanks for the link, Jenn. I'll check it out and see if it's possible for my school.

Yeah, I agree with you on the working with women thing. What the heck is it about women? I def. don't consider myself a part of that crowd.

 

[aveggiegirl]

"Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company." George Washington

 

[clothesminded]

Oh, that's a great quote!

 

[gidget1978]

I'm not sure if there is a way into their little group. I'm sure your new boss (in time) will see what these women are really like. Chances are, if they are complaining about you, then they are complaining about someone else as well....within time, he will see their true colors. He gave you this title for a reason and it as nothing to do with fitting in or getting along with the other ladies.

Although I don't work in this kind of enviroment the small town I do live in is kinda like it. The women here can be a little nasty, if your DH doesn't make good money then you are frowned upon and gossip? if there is none...then they will make something up. I use to be really good friends with one of these females and over the years I have discovered that we aren't on the same page anymore. She is to involved in money and talking about other people and I want no part of either one of it. In saying that before it got to this point, there was a point in time when I wanted to be included in things. Over time I just realized that I would rather be alone then to be part of such a group!

It may be best for you stick to what you have been doing. These women will rub off on you and even though they may pretend that you are fitting in with them, they will talk about you as soon as you finish your sandwich! You will be paranoid and unhappy. Your mind will be consumed with trying to fit in.Just stay away from these people. If you try to do something nice, they will see the negative in it....negative people are like this. Tell your boss your whole outlook if you must. Go to work...come home...and don't think about it.

Lori
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[Shadowpup]

IAny suggestions on how to be a leader over a group of people who don't like you and who you don't really like and certainly don't respect?

I grew up in an academic family, and was a successful academic for a dozen years, so I feel your pain on what is going on in your department. Unfortunately while some departments are wonderful, others are how you describe.

You have captured the problem beautifully in terms of what *you* control. Somehow you will need to build a measure of respect for these individuals. You cannot expect people you feel contempt for to follow your lead. Leadership is not the same as management, and while it's particularly important for the leader to have a vision, it truly helps if the leader also sees responsibility for those who are led. Somehow you will have to find a way to let go of the past, and seek to see the good in those you will be *serving* as a leader. That doesn't mean letting go of quality, it means seeking for whatever good there might be in your new team and building from there. The "not liking you" part is not within your control - but your own attitude is. A consultant may be able to help, but only if you bring one in with a spirit of accepting the need for change on your own part and not in the spirit of having the consultant transform the faculty.

I realize it is far easier said than done. I am constantly, constantly, constantly reminding myself of the same thing... I've never seen it turn out well for the long term if the leader hasn't been able to make this change of heart, especially in academia, because you do not usually have the ability to change your team. All they need to do is outlast you.

 

[pressju]

OK maybe this is a bit of tough love, but as someone who is a boss I thought I could add some value here.

From what I have read, your comments indicate that you dislike your employees, that you see yourself in many ways above them. You may not have spoken that out loud to them, but they know it. Look at their reaction to your appointment. So, if you were told you were getting a new boss who feels that way about you, how would you react? I know how I would feel - demoralized.

So I would suggest that, in addition to what folks said here about open dialogue, changing your perspective will be the MOST critical success factor. Every one of those people is just like you - they want to come to work, connect with other human beings, and maybe - despite with the uphill battle that is academia these days - make a difference in the lives of students. They've been beaten down by budget cuts and life in general, but they are still hanging in there. Can't we all relate to that? So they get together and gossip. So? Isn't this blog somewhat of a gossip section, albeit on perhaps more substantive topics. Instead of dropping out of socializing with them, you could have just changed the discussion and your input. You are going to have to find a way to hang with your team to win their respect, and that comes off as genuine. Which means putting aside your idea of being better than, smarter than, etc. Great leaders are positive leaders. Great leaders lead people to perform their best work. Great leaders make people feel good about themselves.

I have learned every single lesson above the hard way. I still think I know all the answers sometimes, and have to hold my tongue. My fall back is to ask questions. "What do you think we should do here?" Or "My idea is not going to get us to 100%, I know that. What will?" or "We have hardly any budget to do what we need to do. So let's all get creative. What can we do with the brains we've got in this room?"

I thnk you have what it takes to be fantastic in your new role. So do the people who appointed you. They believe in you. But you will only win if your team believes in you. You can make that happen with an adjustment in your thinking and the hard work you are already going to put in. Trust me, it will make coming to work a lot more fun for you.