My Stepson ! Gees OT

M

merrybaker

Cathlete
Ok This time he took 20$ From my drawer.I didnt figure it out til after he went home . He's Back in two weeks .. I so gotta give him a talk . I cant ground him ... Ideas on a way to deal with this ??? Its a big deal to me !!!!. Hes 11 yrs old ,almost 12
Edited... Hubby feels the same as me .We have 2 weeks to decide what to do ...
 
I'm assuming he's your husband's son?

If that's the case I would think that your husband should deal with the problem instead of you.
 
If it were one of my kids or one of the neighbors kid's, I would have him work it off. Like one dollar an hour doing things like cleaning gutters, cleaning baseboards, all those nasty things. What does DH say? And you are right, it is a very big deal.

Missy
 
It IS a big deal, and speaking as a stepmother myself, do yourself a favor, and talk to DH about this. You two need to be in total agreement on how this will be handled or your step son will play you two against each other (and if DH and his ex do not have a good relationship - it will rebound even further). As long as you two are together on what's to be done, you should be okay. I like the idea of chores. I think it's a wonderful way to teach him that taking things that are not his is painful. Give him 2 chores a day for an hour each when he's at your house. He'll work it off eventually - and he'll remember the lesson. But whatever you two agree upon - that's up to you.
 
DH and X dont have a good relationship and throwing me in mix is worse ,for her .. We Decided not to talk to her ...YET ... That is ..She actually incourages his bad behavior over here !!! Its truly unbelievable
 
Mary - I'm sorry. I've had a similar situation and it is not easy. My dh's ex divorced him, then blamed him for, 12 years after their divorce, marrying a younger woman. She actually told someone that I was the reason for their divorce (which is really interesting as I met dh 10 years after they divorced). I think my official name in her household is The Blonde Whore. *shrugs* I've been called worse by better. My dh's ex is actually so unstable that we now have total custody of the 16 year old (the 22 year old is too old for custody issues).

But it's good that you two are on the same page. He's only 11/12 and right now his mom has a lot of influence on him, especially as he lives with her. Believe me, as he gets older, he'll see through that. Kids are not dumb. As long as your dh and you stand together (and it sounds as if you are), then how you decide to handle this is how you decide to handle this. Remind dss that once he steps over the threshold into your house, dh and your rules are the ones that apply.

And good luck! I'll be thinking about you.
 
I agree with everyone else. Have DH talk to him and his mom. Have him explain to BOTH of them that he does need to work it off. If she wants to continue to encourage her son to flaunt deviant behavior, she is only hurting her own son...because he will be the one racking leaves and scrubbing floor boards!
 
Sara - if his ex-wife is anything like my DH's ex, that will only incite things further. I would not discuss it with her until she brings it up, and then calmly and rationally explain why you are doing what you're doing. Technically, it's not her business anyway. As long as you are not physically or emotionally hurting the boy, you have every right to punish him as you see fit. That's why I would explain to DH's SON that these are your rules and that you expect him to follow them. For all you know, his mother encourages him to take money from her without asking. You define what is acceptable and expected in your household and as long as you two stand with each other on these rules, things will work out (a lot of family counseling has gotten us to the point we are right now).
 
I hate to say it but His mother would Hi 5 Him if she knew . I really stick to the "These Are our rules " With this child . Oh and he gets worked if she knows and then its even harder . This will be done quietly ,swiftly and ..He wont want his mom to know !!! Its a sad thing I think ...We as parents should be able to talk this out all 4 parents that is !!!! . Its really for his own good . He has NO idea from right from wrong . I figure when hes about 16 in trouble and needs an attorney ,she'll send him our way !! x( x( .Its very sad .. I could go on and on !!! Thanks for helping me ,your all great ...HUGS :)
 
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