My boss is driving me insane - please help

F

Fitnik

Cathlete
Please help. I am so fed up of working with my boss. He never admits when he has made a mistake yet lands on me (and my colleagues) like a ton of bricks if we make a mistake. I am so fed up of the double standard and the hypocrisy. I have just been in tears with my secretary because of yet another run in with him.

He sent out an agreement to a client which was full of mistakes. He’s only now realising that and trying to cover up the mistakes by lashing out at me. He makes me feel as if I am bad at what I do. I am now losing sight of when the mistakes are mine or when they are actually his own doing. He has a habit of being really sarcastic about things that I have done wrong and I hate that. I find myself constantly having to bite my tongue when I feel like being sarcastic right back or even like hitting me. I hate the fact that he can affect me so much and make me feel so unworthy. I would never put up with this kind of rubbish in my personal life yet find myself having to do so at work just to remain professional.

He’s been a lawyer for over 25 years whereas I am only 4 years qualified. I feel as if, time and again, he’s expecting me to see issues that only someone with more experience could see.

Can anyone offer any advice - please? I am at my wit’s end and am very close to resigning but don’t have another job lined up - even if I did, what if my future boss is worse?

And I recently found out that a new partner starts in the department in a week’s time and that I am to give him my office and share an office with my boss!! I am absolutely distraught and would welcome any advice about coping with this.

Thanks very much in advance.
 
My hubby works with people just like that, he does maintenance on the yogurt machines to keep them running, and they did the same thing, when they made a screw up they would blame the maintenance crew till one day one machine this man prided himself on screwed up and insisted he was right and didn't believe my hubby instead claimed he screwed up the machine till my sweet hubby fixed it right in front of his face and boy did his face turn bright red and since then he has not been rude to him and has been more pleasant towards my hubby, don't know if this will help or not but just my input there on what happened to my hubby with the same kind of boss.
 
If you really cannot take the guy anymore try to get transferred within your company to an area that is away from him first. If you cannot do that then you have two options obviously: put up with the crap or put up with the crap until you get another job lined up and then quit, giving 2 weeks notice of course. I guess you could try something through HR but I have found HR groups in general, at least at my company, to be worthless.
As for the question about your future boss being worse---that's a risk all of us take whenever we get a new job. It usually takes time to figure out how people really are and you generally cannot get a feel for a boss until you have worked for them for awhile.
Good luck!!
Trevor :)
 
Hi, Fitnik. I think you need to look for a new job, which is, of course, more easily said than done. It's unlikely you will be able to get him to change his behavior but putting up a boss who makes you miserable shouldn't be your only option. You might sit down with pen and paper and brainstorm potential solutions, everythng from having a calm talk with your boss about how you feel to looking for a job which doesn't stress you out!

Good luck! It's a tough situation but a solution is out there!

I know you must be delighted to leave work and get home to Max! He is beautiful!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Eleanor Roosevelt. I believe someone on this site uses that as a quote.

If you don't attempt to resolve conflict with a person, how do they know their behavior is affecting you negatively? Have you attempted to communicate with your boss to let him know how his behavior affects you? That would be the first step in asserting your right to be treated appropriately. Have you made an attempt to assert yourself at a non-emotional level?

I have been in the workplace for over 25 years and have found that people will treat you the way you let them. Every workplace will probably have an ogre to deal with. I know it's much, much worse when it's your boss. But, learning to deal with them instead of running away is a better approach, IMO. If you are a non-confrontational person, the first few times will be very scarey, but I have found in this life, sometimes you have to fight back to gain respect. As in 'fight', I mean standing up for yourself.

If that doesn't work, then make plans to change jobs. Take a positive approach and KNOW your next boss will be better. When you interview, ask questions about the morale of the people working there. Turn your radar on for that sort of thing because it's sometimes as important as the paycheck.
 
I don't really have any advice for you but I don't that I would stick around much longer.Is there any openings anywhere else? IS there anyone above him? You may need to look into that.
My boss is also a pain in my backside.She doesn't blame us for stuff but she is self-employed ( she owns a hairsalon and we work for her) She is always complaining that there is no money,but yet she finds lots to gamble with.She is always turing down the heat b/c she is hot,while everyone else is freezing.She doesn't run the business like the last owner,who NEVER complained about anything.Plus, she has her family issues that she like to bring to work with her.
In my situation I can block her out or change the subject but its bad when you have to take the shi&y end of the stick.Look into some other options, you don't want to stay there to long and lose your confidence in your job.
Lori
 
My advice to you is to RUN. People like this don't change. You have 4 years experience, now is the best time to cut your losses and find something new before it is too late to get on the partner-track elsewhere. This guy sounds like he is sloppy and soon that reputation will spill over to you.

From what you have described, there is no way you will be able to share an office with him.

Good luck.

- Shopgirl :)
 
Sounds awful. I agree with those that suggest looking for a new job if you can. I was in a similar situation - I was the Supervisor (1 of 3) and my Manager was awful. All 3 of us went to her boss and tried HR. Eventually we all left and all are much happier now even though at the time we resented the situation making us feel like we had no choice. Staying was dragging us down - emotionally and professionally. Good luck.
 
Can you approach the boss of your boss about this? This may be a totally wrong suggestion, since I'm not in the business world and haven't had this kind of problem, so take it with a grain of salt!
 
Get out !!! Really it is unlikely to get any better.

I have a WONDERFUL boss now.. after a psycho.. at the last place. I was let go and it was the BEST thing to ever happen to me. I had time off more time with the kids, got to find what was really important.

If you stay you will probably keep trying to make it better, but unfortunately these sound like personality traits that aren't really workable.

Good luck.. sure something BETTER is out there for you .
 
Fitnik - I've been in your shoes! I have one thing to say: "Life is to short!" I would start looking for another job and get out of there! As far as getting a boss that's worse, you now have more questions to ask when you "Interview" your new perspective employer. That's what I did. You need to ask them about management style, etc. Unfortunately this is a learning process, but get out as soon as you can - he is not going to change!

Jo

PS I LOVE your pictures! Max is soooo cute!!
 
Hi Fitnik, I'm going to take a little bit of a different approach here. I really couldn't say what you should do in this situation. And in the end your the only one that can decide what is right for you. Either way though, your going to be spending the next weeks/months in this situation. My advice... READ!! Let me explain... I am a huge fan of self help books. I'm always trying to improve my confidence and self esteem. There are so many good, interesting books out there that deal with your exact situation. The first book that came to mind is a classic. How to Win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnagie. The title is a little misleading, as I find it deals mostly with improving ones emotional intellect and ability to deal with people in difficult situations. Some may laugh, and argue that self help books are nonsense, but I really believe the right book would help you in this situation. If you end up staying, the advice given in the right book may just have a technique or method of dealing with your boss that makes your job less stressful. On the other hand,if you decide to leave, maybe one of these books will help you get the upper hand with him before you leave. Either way it will make it more interesting, and you'll gain some insight into dealing with difficult people and situations. I wish you Good Luck! Carolyn
 
Thank you all so much for your advice which is very much appreciated.

Sadly, my boss is the senior partner of the firm as well as being head of my dept. so there’s no-one to report him to. Neither can I move somewhere else within the firm. I will clearly need to think of coping strategies, especially for when I start sharing an office with him as there is no other option for now - there simply is no space left in the department once this new partner starts unless I sit on a different floor to the rest of the team which I don’t want to do.

My angel of a secretary discreetly asked one of the other associates whether he had they same issues with my boss and he said yes, that he’s had to accept that’s my boss’s manner. It’s so frustrating that the behaviour is just accepted but c’est la vie.

I have been pursuing a change of career to a career in television and in view of this do not see the point in moving into yet another legal role in the interim. I am also likely to be moving out of London within the next year anyway so for now it makes sense to stay put.

Re. the fact that I myself am allowing my boss to make me feel this way - yes and no. It takes a lot of energy to remain positive when you’re constantly being put down! On day’s when I’m feeling full of energy, great. On other days it’s just too exhausting.

And I agree - my son is very cute and puts my life in perspective!

Thanks again.
 
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