mountain out of a molehill?other kids making fun of handicapped kids

[ldy_solana]

the other day while waiting for my daughter's bus as it was coming down the road i caught two boys laughing,pointing, and making fun of handicapped kids(its the special needs bus b/c anybody that knows, my dd is autistic). the one little boy lives across the street and the other boy lives around the corner though i am not sure which house.

i was very mad about this b/c the little boy around the corner is rude and disrespectful to begin with. he always shouts profanity at passing cars and racial slurs,even one day he jumped in front of my husbands car out from the bushes.

i am not as upset about the boy across the street(i think he is peer pressured easily) but i still feel i should discuss this with his guardian. i know kids will be kids but i think if i made the parents/guardians(not sure if its his aunt raising him or not) of it then she can discuss it with him. he knew it was wrong b/c by the time they got near me the one boy stopped while the other kept going. i didn't say anything b/c i really don't need a child accusing me of something b/c i yelled at them. but these kids across the street are always asking for a ride when they miss the bus, or a cup of this and that(milk,sugar, fill in whatever here) so i think its rude to knock on my door and ask for something but make fun of mentally handicapped kids including my child.

am i upset over nothing b/c i am just a parent whose feelings get easily hurt on the subject? or should i have this discussion with the parents to let them know its unacceptable behavior even if its just kids being kids? these kids have to learn this from somewhere. i feel very much for my DD b/c she loves everybody regardless of the color of your skin,your handicaps, or if you are popular or not. she just loves being around other kids even though its hard for her to fit in socially. just doesn't seem fair she was blessed with unconditional love of ppl that many don't have but gets unfairly judged b/c she talks and acts a little different.

thanks for any advice i have been really upset all weekend about this. she is 10 and is reaching that critical age and i was so afraid of this.

kassia

 

[jackie7]

I don't think you are overreacting. If I were the parent of this child, I would want to know that he is behaving poorly. As a parent, it would be a good learning opportunity for my son and I would like to nip this behavior in the bud!

 

[Govtgirl]

I understand your being upset. It's bad enough that the children have to deal with disabilities, and then jerks too.

But, for all you know, their parents will also be jerks and not take the news well if you inform them. Or, they will be decent people who could be mortified on the inside, but on the outside, embarrassed and angry at you for pointing out their kids bad behavior.

Is there any way you send them an anonymous note, and at least let them save face?

For what it's worth, in my last office there was a woman who made fun of people on the "short bus", and would imitate them by smacking herself. She's in her 40's and should know better, and seeing that she easily weighed 300 pounds I didn't think she had much room to make fun of or pass judgement on anyone. I let her know that my brother is developmentally disabled, and it shut her up.

 

[ldy_solana]

I understand your being upset. It's bad enough that the children have to deal with disabilities, and then jerks too.

But, for all you know, their parents will also be jerks and not take the news well if you inform them. Or, they will be decent people who could be mortified on the inside, but on the outside, embarrassed and angry at you for pointing out their kids bad behavior.

Is there any way you send them an anonymous note, and at least let them save face?

For what it's worth, in my last office there was a woman who made fun of people on the "short bus", and would imitate them by smacking herself. She's in her 40's and should know better, and seeing that she easily weighed 300 pounds I didn't think she had much room to make fun of or pass judgement on anyone. I let her know that my brother is developmentally disabled, and it shut her up.

OMG that is exactly what this child was doing. i do intend on talking to the woman across the street only b/c i give her older boy a ride to school(i work at his high school) to let her know b/c i really don't think she raises her kids that way. its just hard to catch her sometimes and i don't want her to think that i feel its a reflection but i think this other boy easily influences her younger kids and that maybe she should be on the lookout. its a shame good kids get tangled up with these bad eggs and get themselves in trouble. he wasn't doing the smacking and noise but he was laughing which i find just as bad.

but that other one OMG, i am pretty sure there is more to the story for his behavior but my dh has had it with this kid personally and when i told him what happened he was infuriated. he really doesn't care how the parents take it, b/c as he says we don't bother anybody. we go to work,keep our property in order, and raise our family. we don't get involved with the gossip or care how others are living their lives but if for one minute they think they are better then us or going to make fun of any child(there are several in the neighborhood with severe disabilities) then he will let them know exactly.

me i hate confrontation and sometimes i do over react and get upset easily i just couldn't tell if this was one of those times. if it were my day my mother,grandmother and the rest of my family would slap me into next week so i didn't return until friday for making fun of anybody for the way god made them.

i hope when i bring it up to this other woman she can give me some insight on what to do about the other family. i have never had any issues with her kids other then the middle one using the 'n' word all time and she caught him and really gave it to him. she kicks many neighborhood kids out of her home for these behaviors so i don't think its her or how she raises her kids so i don't think she would get upset at me personally,just at the situation.

thanks for your insight. i hope i can get this off my chest and straightened out.

kassia

 

[GMonkey]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with talking to the kids yourself. I certainly wouldn't yell at them (it would be hard not to, though) but maybe by just opening up to them and letting them know that you are personally hurt by their comments might shame them into changing behavior without getting their parents involved. If they are rude back to you, then definitely speak to the parents.

 

[janie1234]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with talking to the kids yourself. I certainly wouldn't yell at them (it would be hard not to, though) but maybe by just opening up to them and letting them know that you are personally hurt by their comments might shame them into changing behavior without getting their parents involved. If they are rude back to you, then definitely speak to the parents.

I've done this ALOT! I'm nice enough and gooffy enough with all the kids that they don't think I'm mean or anything but when I hear crud like that it just down right pisses me off somethin feirce and honestly, . . most of the times they learn it from their parents so I go straight to the source. The kids sorta look at me like "Wow she's mad." Typically they get embarrassed because I make an example out of them in front of their friends. I've asked my kids if I embarrass them by doing it and they tell me no because it is the right thing to do. Sometimes all it takes is one person to make a change. Mostly I feel sorry for people who are so ignorant they don't get it. Once during my son's base ball game one of the kids said to this woman who was walking by who happend to be an after school care teacher "Do you exercise? Because you're really fat?" I happened to be standing there and I put my face 2 inches from him and said "Apologize right now!" "That was cruel and mean." I made him apologize but it took some time. I felt bad because the teacher was so embarrassed she told me not to worry about it and walked away, . . but I was soooo mad. I told him after the teacher left in front of all his friends that that was horrible and he wouldn't like it if someone treated him that way. It was so quiet you could hear the crickets chirp. All of this with his dad standing a few feet away and saying nothing. I really want to set an example for my kids (my son is autistic) to stand up in the crowd and do what is right. Forget about what is popular because when all is said and done 20 years from now you'll look back and regret not taking the oportunity to say and do the right thing.

 

[hokypoky]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with talking to the kids yourself. I certainly wouldn't yell at them (it would be hard not to, though) but maybe by just opening up to them and letting them know that you are personally hurt by their comments might shame them into changing behavior without getting their parents involved. If they are rude back to you, then definitely speak to the parents.

I completely agree. When I was a little kid, I was sitting at the bus stop throwing rocks at cars (not thinking of the consequences), when a woman pulled over and gave me quite the talkin' to. I was embarrassed and sorry and I never did that again! (And still remember it to this day.) I think sometimes it's better to hear it from a non-parent ....

 

[pinkquinn]

My oldest dd is autistic as well, so I know how you feel. I can only tell you what I have done.

I correct the child, telling them frankly that it hurts my feelings when they make fun of my daughter, and that it would hurt her feelings too. I bet they(the offending child) don't like to be made fun of either.

When the parent is available I speak to them.

I keep my cool and if my dd's feeling are hurt I tell her "I know it hurts, it makes me sad too. Sometimes people do things like that. I got made fun of....probably still" do

 

[janie1234]

I got made fun of....probably still" do

I think most people have been made fun of at some point in their lives, . . but hey if anyone makes fun of you now you let me know and I'll send them the evil stink eye. I think you are fabulous!

A lot of the mom's here make fun of me because I exercise and eat right (my poor kids come home a lot and say "Mom why am I the only one that doesn't get Lunchables and Doritos for lunch?") and also because I'm a recluse and anti social. I just don't enjoy large crowds and gossip. It exhausts me. I guess when it boils down to it we can't control the ignorance of others but we can do what we feel is right and live by example, . . with the hope that our influence, . . influences them.

 

[booboo39]

I do not believe you over reacted in any way. Our job as parents is to protect our children from ugliness. You have every right to feel the way you do and should not even question it. I admire all these ladies here who have handled these situations well. Me, well I am protective and I was bullied a lot as a kid so there is absolutely no room for tolerance when it comes to mean kids. When my daughter was about seven years old there was this boy who kept teasing her about her hair. She has very very corkscrew curly hair. He used to tell her she had n..... hair. After the third time she came home and asked me what n------ was I lost it. I walked my daughter to the school yard the next morning and found the kid and cornered him, told him that if he didn't stop making fun of my daughter that I was going to tell all the kids he ate his boogers (sp?). He stared at me and said "but thats not true" and I said "I know but everyone will believe me because I am a grown up." Lo and behold he offered her some of his lunch that day! I have to include that this same kid slammed another child's head into the spout at the water fountain and this child cracked both front teeth. My point is that often times kids can be just plain mean and nasty and the parents seem to think that kids will be kids, or that they will work it out on their own or some other ridiculous nonsense and these kids are not held accountable for their meanness. I hope you find a solution and put this mean kid in his place because if no one stands up to him he is only going to get worse. Maybe this kid has never been confronted and maybe the shock of your husband doing so may put an end to his nastiness. Best wishes
Booboo

 

[ldy_solana]

booboo that was funny about telling others about the kid eating boogers! LOL i just keep that one in my memory banks and pull something out if i catch it again.

thanks ladies,i just might keep my cool on this but will let the mom across the street now. IIRC i don't think that one child is allowed around her son anyway so this might help her out too. but ooooohhh did i want to slap him into the side of the bus. the child across the street i feel for b/c he is a younger boy with not many kids his age to play with so he is around this older kids that are trouble makers.

kassia

 

[pinkquinn]

I think most people have been made fun of at some point in their lives, . . but hey if anyone makes fun of you now you let me know and I'll send them the evil stink eye. I think you are fabulous!

A lot of the mom's here make fun of me because I exercise and eat right (my poor kids come home a lot and say "Mom why am I the only one that doesn't get Lunchables and Doritos for lunch?") and also because I'm a recluse and anti social. I just don't enjoy large crowds and gossip. It exhausts me. I guess when it boils down to it we can't control the ignorance of others but we can do what we feel is right and live by example, . . with the hope that our influence, . . influences them.

I totally totally agree

 

[Fembot40]

I would be cautious about talking to the parents, you never know who you're dealing with. When I caught seven boys ganging up on my son after school one day, calling him retarted and a loser that nobody liked (with big boy swears for added emphesis), I gave them all the stink eye, and they all ran as fast as they could in the other direction. I relayed the scene to my husband when he got home and he thought it best not to talk to the parents (many of whom over the years would envite all the boys from class to birthday's, except for my son and a boy with CF) and that he would have a "discussion" with the boys next time he saw them out together. Next time he saw them, he had a man-to-man about finding someone else to pick on, especially since these same boys were vandalizing a new home being built and that one more slip up, there would be a police officer ringing their bell. He said there eyes were as big as saucers, and we haven't had one other issue. I think it helped coming from an angry man and not an emotional mother. ; )

 

[Beavs]

I completely agree. When I was a little kid, I was sitting at the bus stop throwing rocks at cars (not thinking of the consequences), when a woman pulled over and gave me quite the talkin' to. I was embarrassed and sorry and I never did that again! (And still remember it to this day.) I think sometimes it's better to hear it from a non-parent ....

I made fun a developmentally delayed girl on the bus when I was in Kindergarten. I wanted to fit in with the other kids who were making fun of her but I was the one who was caught doing it. I was yelled at but looking back that adult could have been better about it (a teaching moment lost). I didn't understand at the time what the girl's issue was but I knew she looked and acted different. I figured things out fairly quickly and to this day I feel bad about it and no, my parents did not teach me such behaviors.