Hi, there! This is my first time in this particular forum "Moment of Truth". I wanted to post a basic message but couldn't figure out how to, without actually "Replying" to someone. I am at work and so I have to make this quick. I just need someone to vent to. I have a little secret problem that I hold inside and I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about it because it is so embarassing and I don't even like admitting it to myself. I think I might have a problem and I have even considered finding a support group. I began working out about 5 years ago. I am a wife and a mother of two and over the years have come to LOVE fitness like crazy! I also, have developed good nutrition habits and am trained to eat about 5-6 meals a day.... so that I don't get hungry~ In fact, my meals are so well balanced with fruits/veggies/fats/wheats/grains/beans/dairy... I don't lack anything in my diet. I work out hard and eat right! I don't count calories, but have pretty much memorized good nutrition and portions! Also, I give myself a cheat day... or, if I have eaten more through that week, then I will limit myself to only "one cheat meal" on the weekend. Here's the problem..........
Now and then (2-4 times a month) I just completely lose control and binge like you've never seen! Most of it is stress related, but I will literally stand there in the kitchen and just stuff my face to the point that I am bending over at the kitchen counter because my stomach hurts and I can't stand up straight. I then, will STILL continue to eat until I am so miserable I have to lay in bed and crawl into fetal position. When I eat like this, I can look down at my stomach, and there is so much food in there that my stomach will be full/tight and lopsided. Rugularly, I am about 110 lbs and range up to 125 aroun the holiday months at the max. So, I guess I am not that big. However, I amaze myself how much I can eat! The thing is, it's not that I am hungry.. it's almost an addiction (like when I used to abuse drugs or alcohol)... I do it primarily to deal with stress and I lose control. AFter these binges, I lay down for an hour and then I make myself throw up. I am very embarassed about this because I feel all alone and am afraid to talk to people about it. Is this more common with people than I realize?
Well, I was just hoping that perhaps this forum could be a "support group" for me. The weekends are the toughest for me.... After a stressful week at work, I go home on Friday night and that is usually when I lose it. Sometimes I want to just hide in a room and eat where nobody can see me because I will eat so much that it's embarassing! I feel out of control in this area of my life.... especially after it happens, I hate myself for a few days and feel guilty! It's seems like I have gotten so used to eating healthy, that I don't know how to have a "cheat meal" and leave it at that.... instead I always figure "well, I blew it - so I may as well just eat till' I can't eat no more", then I throw it up. Even at dinner time... every night I prepare two different meals... one for the family and one for myself! Now and then, if I give in and have just a few bites of the "familys' dinner" I can't just stop there, something just goes crazy in my brain and I lose control of myself.. then I will scour the kitchen and eat till' I can't eat anymore! It seems that I am fine when I follow my regular eating routine, but I don't know how to control myself if I go off it for a meal... or a nibble... does this make sense? I feel like nobody would understand or relate.
I hope you ladies can try to understand and not critisize me because this is the first time I have told anyone. I have admitted it to my hubby a few times, but he just gets angry... and so I don't talk about it. I can't afford counseling or anything like that... any suggestions? My first thought is always things like, "on Friday nights, make it a point to get OUT of the house".... things like that just don't work because Friday night is our family movie night! Even keeping tons of healthy stuff around.... nothing suffices when I get this "out of control" feeling. Any advice ladies? Thanks for listening.
