Miscarriage

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Andrea

Guest
I hope it's okay to post this here. If not, just let me know. I am just curious if anyone here has ever miscarried, and how long was it until you were ready to have a baby again. I have one toddler, and just miscarried at 12 weeks. I was sick with both pregnancies, so am not only shying away from being sick again, but also going through another miscarriage. It is emotionally draining, and quite humiliating (I went to the emer. room). Physically I am feeling pretty well. Thanks to any replies.
Andrea
 
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betsyl

Guest
So sorry that you lost your baby!

And I do understand about your reluctance to try again. I have had 3 miscarriages (not consecutive) and also have 3 children. It is a very emotional experience and I had a hard time dealing with anger and the "why me's". But I was eventually able to have the children that I wanted and that helped alot.
It is a very scary thing to get pregnant again after a miscarriage-the fear (terror-?) of losing another baby never quite goes away. It is hard to describe unless you have experienced it. And the emergency room thing is not fun either. In fact with my final miscarriage I refused to go in because I could not stand the thought of another d & c-probably not exactly a wise decision on my part but I just couldn't bring myself to go through all of that, and everything did turn out all right.
Anyway, to answer your question, I was told to wait about 2 menstrual cycles to try to become pregnant again and it usually took me about 3. I was so determined to have a baby each time that I was able to overcome the fear of it happening again (and of the morning sickness).
It is also hard to deal with people's reactions to a miscarriage-most mumble something about being sorry but then don't act like it's really that big of a deal-especially if you were not very far along. But it IS a big deal to you, and it helps to have a supportive husband and family. There are some great books on the subject-check your public library. The vast majority of people go on to have successful pregnancies and you probably will too. Hope that I was some help. Good luck!
 
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michelle

Guest
I am so sorry Andrea

Andrea,

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I know that you are feeling just terrible right now. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy - we found out at about 11 weeks that the baby never made it past 8 weeks. I was beyond crushed. It took me a couple of months to get over the "rawness" of the feelings, but in about 3 months I was ready to start trying again. I did get pregnant again as soon as we started trying, so once you are ready, don't be too discouraged or afraid. Good things will happen again, although it's hard to think that way right now.

Hang in there, and be sure to let yourself grieve in any way that you feel you need to.

m.
 

Cathe Friedrich

Administrator
So sorry to hear!

<center><font size="1" color="#ff0000">LAST EDITED ON Sep-28-99 AT 01:34PM (EST)</font></center>

LAST EDITED ON Sep-28-99 AT 01:32 PM (EST)

Oh Andrea, I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I can only imagine the emotions you must be experiencing. I am very pleased to see that others out there have shared their experiences and offered their support. I'm sure it feels better just to know that you are not alone in dealing with this hard time in your life. Although I can not speak from experience, I would just like to say take it one step at a time, day by day, and give yourself a chance to work through your emotions. Your own inner strength plus the strength of your family and friends will guide you along and help you through all your difficult decisions. We are also here if you need someone to talk to. Take care of yourself. Warm hugs to you! Cathe
 

Val C

Cathlete
So sorry, Andrea.

Dear Andrea:

Your post certainly brought back memories for me. I can't believe that it was 20 years ago that I miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks.
It was a very painful experience. I was told that I could try again after I had one menstrual cycle, which I did. I had the miscarriage in October and got pregnant the following March.

I have a friend at work whose wife miscarried at least twice in between successful pregnancies. He said that each time she would say, "I'm not doing this again," so I guess it was very emotionally draining for her, too. For me, when I did get pregnant, I was so nervous through the whole pregnancy, but thankfully every was okay.

Just hang in there. It is a difficult thing to go through, and quite a loss, as anyone who has been through it can testify to. I wish you well and success in whatever the future brings for you.

Valerie
 

Kristin Aziz

Cathlete
It's so hard, Andrea

I can imagine what you're going through right now. There are so many emotions to sort through after a miscarriage. Some people don't seem to understand that even though you didn't "look" pregnant and you hadn't felt the baby move yet, that it was still a baby to you. There's also the feeling that there was something you could have done to prevent it, even though that's not the case. It's also hard to fathom being pregnant again.

I had a miscarriage in March of 1996 when my first child (my son) was 2 1/2. It was an early miscarriage, at 8 weeks. I had gone in for my first prenatal checkup, they did an ultrasound to verify dates, and there was no heartbeat. It was very upsetting to me. I always wondered if a stomach virus that I had around the time I became pregnant was the cause. My doctor said probably not. I was told to wait until I had one normal menstrual cycle and then I could try to become pregnant again. It took only two months, and for that I was grateful. However, I was on pins and needles until I passed the point where I had miscarried the other pregnancy. I was afraid to become too attached to the pregnancy for fear that I would miscarry that one, too. From what I understand these feelings are very normal. I insisted on progesterone levels and an early ultrasound with this one, too, and my midwife and doctor were very understanding and very patient with me. I can't describe the relief and the joy I felt when at 8 weeks I looked at the ultrasound screen and saw that tiny heartbeat. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and now I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl. I know this may sound strange, but in a way I'm thankful that I had the miscarriage. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have my Caroline.

Please give yourself time to grieve, and don't let anyone minimize the way you're feeling right now. Realize that people often don't know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage, and things that may seem thoughtless are said because people truly are trying to help you through your difficult time. Also, please know in your heart that the vast majority of women who have miscarriages go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. I truly feel for you. Please feel free to email me if you need to talk.

Kristin
 
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honeybunch

Guest
How long to wait?

<center><font size="1" color="#ff0000">LAST EDITED ON Oct-01-99 AT 12:26PM (EST)</font></center>

I had a stillbirth at 7 months 28 years ago, and what sticks in my mind was how badly I felt and how it seemed everyone else (including family) wanted me to just "get over it." I heard, "You have your whole life ahead of you to have kids," and all the other cliches unthinking but supposedly well meaning people blurt out.

You WILL get over it, but it will take time. Let yourself grieve, and cry, and all that as much as you feel you need to.

I wanted to get pregnant right away, and it was six months later when I succeeded. It's tough, but there are many of us who have walked in your shoes and know how you feel. My advice is: if you want to get pregnant again, DO IT! Don't listen to anyone but yourself on this one.
 

LOlson

Member
Andrea,

Wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I wanted to recommend a book - Motherhood After Miscarriage, don't remember the author. I found it very helpful, and it covered both emotional and physical aspects of miscarriage. Since you've had a successfull pregnancy, you almost certainly will again. Like others said, you will know when you are ready to try again, and we will all be pulling, praying and/or thinking of you.

I understand what Kristen meant, my happy ending was found through adoption and if we hadn't gone through everything we did, we wouldn't have Marissa (who in my eyes is the prettiest, cutest, smartest baby ever, but then I'm very biased - notice I didn't say best behaved lol).
 
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susan p

Guest
Oh come on now. . . .

You know that little Marissa is an absolute ANGEL!!
-susan p
 

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