It's so hard, Andrea
I can imagine what you're going through right now. There are so many emotions to sort through after a miscarriage. Some people don't seem to understand that even though you didn't "look" pregnant and you hadn't felt the baby move yet, that it was still a baby to you. There's also the feeling that there was something you could have done to prevent it, even though that's not the case. It's also hard to fathom being pregnant again.
I had a miscarriage in March of 1996 when my first child (my son) was 2 1/2. It was an early miscarriage, at 8 weeks. I had gone in for my first prenatal checkup, they did an ultrasound to verify dates, and there was no heartbeat. It was very upsetting to me. I always wondered if a stomach virus that I had around the time I became pregnant was the cause. My doctor said probably not. I was told to wait until I had one normal menstrual cycle and then I could try to become pregnant again. It took only two months, and for that I was grateful. However, I was on pins and needles until I passed the point where I had miscarried the other pregnancy. I was afraid to become too attached to the pregnancy for fear that I would miscarry that one, too. From what I understand these feelings are very normal. I insisted on progesterone levels and an early ultrasound with this one, too, and my midwife and doctor were very understanding and very patient with me. I can't describe the relief and the joy I felt when at 8 weeks I looked at the ultrasound screen and saw that tiny heartbeat. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and now I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl. I know this may sound strange, but in a way I'm thankful that I had the miscarriage. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have my Caroline.
Please give yourself time to grieve, and don't let anyone minimize the way you're feeling right now. Realize that people often don't know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage, and things that may seem thoughtless are said because people truly are trying to help you through your difficult time. Also, please know in your heart that the vast majority of women who have miscarriages go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. I truly feel for you. Please feel free to email me if you need to talk.
Kristin