MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP!!!!...

S

SassySean

Active Member
My son is getting married next year. He and his bride-to-be are the most conservative people I have ever met. She is in her early 20's and he is in his late 20's. The wedding colors are white, champagne and black(tuxes for the dads).

The groomsmen will be in white tuxes with champagne vest and ties. The dads will be wearing white shirts with champagne vest and ties. My son and the bride will be in all white---however she is looking at white dresses trimmed in champagne.

She has asked her mother and myself to wear champagne, like the bridesmaids. I am very fair skinned as is her mother. We are gonna look like some washed out rags in that color. I will have to wear make-up as thick as a clown so that I won't blend into the dress/and background.

I am already having a hard time dressing under her because of my worked out body and the "Plain Jane" dresses she is picking for herself.

You guys tell me should I just look dead in the champagne, grin and bear it??? Or, can you help me find a tactful way of asking her can we wear a different color maybe soft coral or lilac (her mom's favorite color)???

Any suggestions at all will help me. This is my only child and I don't want to upset my future grandkids parents. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
 
Wear the champaigne color and look dead...it's not your day.

Asking her to wear something else may upset her, it would have upset me. It's her day, she has a "vision", let it be all about her (and your son, of course). You're answer should be "whatever will make this the happiest day of your life, dear".

My opinion...
 
Absolutely, champagne and make up. Don't get off to a rocky start that that couple in Dani's thread.

Lorrie
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

Would it be out of line to wear a dressy scarf/wrap or shawl with the dress, like maybe with a soft lilac or rose print or sheer silky something (organza?)nothing bright, but a touch of color? That way, you could add a splash of (conservative) color, but would be able to set it aside for the official pictures and maybe the walk down the aisle? I'm just asking here - I've heard the 'it's all about the bride' line before, but it seems like there should be some way of making everyone happy. The way I look at it, it's your day too, and one you will remember for the rest of your life.

Are you buying the dress yourself? Or did future DIL pick one out? If you're doing the buying, I think you can have a little latitude in the accessorizing. If the scarf/wrap thing is too outrageous, how about some tasteful jewelry that picks up your best colors?

Just ideas, anyway...
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

This is my view on the subject. The mother and mother-in-law are usually not part of the wedding party. The attendants are. Yes, you will be involved in pictures, but not usually asked to color coordinate.

Mothers are to be respected, of course the bride is too--I agree it is her day. I think it is a little nervy of the bride to suggest what the mother's should wear. They are the parents for goodness sake. Maybe this is a new way of doing things, but sounds a little bizarre to me. I think she should give you the leeway and respect to choose something tasteful and flattering on your own. You aren't a bridesmaid, you're the mother (or mother-in-law).

Lori
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

Both my mother and MIL asked me, and made me go shopping with them. Not that they were willing to go with me to get my dress... I had more conversations with them about their stupid dresses than my own. I swear.

I'd question what you want to think of when you look at the photos of you, your son, and his wife that will soon be plastered everywhere for years. Do you want to be glad to see their beaming faces that make everything pale in comparison, or do you think you would only see your "drab self" when you look at them?

It's really their day, but you have to live with yourself if every time you see the photos you cringe at your perception of yourself. I like the shawl suggestion.

Seems like the whole thing will be kind of drab in the photos anyway, with champagne and white and black. Could you talk to the photographer and get some suggestions for what color would coordinate and not dominate? I'd do that- they sometimes really know their stuff.
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

Yes, I would definitely try to coordinate with the champagne, and consult the mother to see what she is wearing, which it seems you already have. :)

Lori
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

I also second the shawl suggestion. I think that would be nice.

They have beautiful faux and real pashminas at www.shawlsetc.com

I ordered mine and some for my bridesmaids from there for my wedding, and the customer service is great! I have pics in my first link below.

Good luck!
 
I just saw that new movie Wedding Crashers and the bridesmaids were in champagne and it looked beautiful. Might not be so bad. I would get some fake tanning cream. :D

bella
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

"The way I look at it, it's your day too, and one you will remember for the rest of your life."

I like this answer about going with "her" color and accessorizing, but do you HAVE to pick a dress that is ultra-conservative? Really, couldn't you get away with sort-of-conservative? Go with her color, but don't try to look too-too plain-Janey. True, it's the bride's day, but you don't have to give in 100%. There IS room for individuality here.
Just Do It! :)
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

You, as a mom, are not IN the wedding so I don't think it's fair that it be dictated to you what you and the other mom should wear...I'd request another color...JMO. :)

Besides, I can not understand why a bride would request the moms be in the same color as the bridal party! The bridal party is supposed to stand out among the crowd, no?

Actually though, now that I am thinking about this...maybe you should take this color request as a compliment that they want the moms to stand out and "shine" along with the bridal party because you 2 ladies are very important in thier lives...but still, I don't think it would hurt to ask about an alternate color....:)
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

I'm with the group that suggests dressing as she requests. It's your opportunity to make her day as lovely and memorable and "perfect" as she envisions it, and she will bless you for your unselfishness. What you see as plain Jane, she may see as understated and elegant.

With that said, however, there's no reason for you to be uncomfortable. I like the tan idea, and I don't think a soft scarf in muted pastels is at all out of line, although I would ask her if she would like you to remove it for the pictures.

Your glow of health and shapely, Cathe-worked body could be stunning in a champagne dress with a terrific cut that quietly accentuates the results of all your hard work. And I don't think I'd overdo the makeup, either. Your smile and beautiful jewelry will light up your face sufficiently to make up for any washing out from the dress color.

Shari

P.S. When all is said and done, we want to see pictures!
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

What's that saying - choose your battles wisely, or something like that. It's probably not worth starting off on the wrong foot with your new daughter-in-law over something as small as a dress. I'd suck it up and wear the color of her choice. However, I'd pick out a style of dress that compliments your fit body and that you'll be comfortable in. Perhaps you could get your hair done professionally and wear some great jewelry.

Good Luck,
Shelbygirl
 
I had to wear a bridesmaid dress in a color that was less than flattering on me (washes me out,just not "my color" type of thing). I used some light self tanner on my face, then had a make up artist do my makeup. I ended up looking pretty good, the pictures we even used for my christmas cards! Makeup can really help you if it is done properly, it doesn't have to be thick (but it will be more makeup than normal otherwise the photography will wash you out). It is worth the $ to pay someone to do it.

Very funny...the married couple gave me a sweater the following christmas IN THE SAME COLOR because they said "it looked so good on you". ha ha ha!!!

(BTW, I think Champagne can look very nice on some fair skinned people, depending on the tone and what flatters your skin tone).

Hope this helps.
Jen
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

Thanks you guys. I appreciate every single response. I'm leaning towards "dead and bear it" and prayer. I like the jewlery/shawl idea as well. I put the bug in my son's ear and he says "I don't have anything to say about that, and I'm not saying anything".

However, I will pay well for professional make-up application.

My son and I agreed on a dress. If I can I'll up/download it for you guys.

Thanks again
Sassy
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

I just saw that new movie Wedding Crashers and the bridesmaids were in champagne and it looked beautiful. Might not be so bad. I would get some fake tanning cream.


I agree with Bella. The champagne shade could very well look lovely on you!
 
RE: MIL is asking what to wear at wedding??????? HELP...

I've also seen a wedding where the bridesmaids wore champagne dresses and they were stunning!! :7
 
I am so glad you decided to go with the champagne dress --- it kind of seems like your daughter-in-law may have specifically wanted to stay away from anyone standing out, which if you chose a different color, you may have. I mean not many brides dress their groom and groomsmen in white!! Some people like to leave white only for the bride so that SHE will only stand out.

In the long run I think you are doing what is best for your son and future daughter-in-law, in giving them the wedding presentation that they (or she) wants!

Good for you!
 
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