Many M/C - Living Child free life

A

amhess

Cathlete
Hi all,
I've had a long tough road of trying to conceive since 04/2006 with 4 m/c under my belt. I'm nearing 40 and DH and I have decided that adoption just isn't for us at this point (for a lot of reasons), so have decided to live 'childfree'. Right now it's painful as our journey of ttc will be done in a few months.

Anyone in the same boat and does the pain get easier as the years go by...with no kids in your life (after dreaming of a life with kids ever since I was a kid)?

Thanks in advance for sharing your feelings/stories as I really need the support.
Thanks,
 
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Anne, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. When I got married 25 yrs ago, we tried to conceive for about 4 yrs, using fertility drugs, endless doctor's appts, etc. We weren't sure adoption was what we really wanted, so we finally decided that if we were meant to have kids, it would happen. It never did, but once we stopped trying, it was like a weight had been lifted from my chest. No more depression each month when it was apparent I wasn't pregnant, etc.

I'm 54 now, and at times I still regret and resent the fact that we weren't able to have kids, but we have filled our lives with animals (at one point we had a cockatoo, guinea pig, floppy eared rabbit, and a dog all at the same time). Now we just have our dog that we dote on WAY too much...and an aquarium with lots of fish kids. :) The holidays are tough sometimes, but I enjoy being with family and friends, and that's what life's about. It's unfair...:mad:, but it really does get easier as time goes by.

I'm sending lots of hugs your way. Take care and good luck to you.
 
lrusso/Denise - Thanks for the replies. I appreciate you both sharing your stories and am sorry you've had to go through the same heartache, but am happy to know that life does go on...I'm sure time will help.
 
((I'm so sorry))

I'm 48, married, and childless....yes, happily. My situation is a bit different,...when I was younger I never thought I wanted kids. Then I got the urge in my late 20's, met a jerk who swore he wanted kids too, got married, then he admitted he lied, and never wanted kids at all, and only said that to get married.

We divorced; that lie was the topper to many other problems. By then I was 38, clock ticking, and met the wonderful man I'm married to now. I knew by then I'd never have kids (medical problems too) and he was ok with that.

Some things just aren't meant to be the way you planned them, but it doesn't mean you still can't be happy, and give joy to kids. Like, did you know, Dr. Suess never had kids? But look what he gave to millions of kids over the world. Maybe that's a dumb comparison, but it made me feel better when looking at my situation. Maybe you can work with kids, or sponsor a child, or something.....

I can't imagine emotional pain of the miscarriages. I'm so sorry you had tfo go thorugh that. (((hugs))))
 
My situation is also different, but I understand your pain. I never went through MC's though, that must be so difficult.

I got married in 2005 and immediately started TTC. By the end of the year, at 34 years old, I was having all the signs and symptoms of menopause. I was devastated--I had always wanted and planned on having children. In Feb 2006 officially diagnosed with complete menopause.

I started to look into adoption because it's what I thought I was supposed to do, but just didn't feel right. I do have a step-son who lives with us full-time. It's been a few years now and I love him but it's also not the same. It was SOOO painful for the first two years...everyone asked when we were going to have kids, watching other (very fertile) family members announce 3rd, 4th and 5th pregnancies, etc. So not fair and very difficult to understand.

I'm in a much better place now and I feel ok. It's really hard sometimes though, because I work in a children's hospital and see teenagers popping out babies and people who really don't care about their kids.

It does get easier with time, but still a touchy subject. However now I don't cringe and cry when people announce pregnancies and have babies, I'm truly happy for them.
 
Ellesan - I'm sorry about the early menopause. I couldn't imagine what that would be like either. Regardless of miscarriages...I think if you wanted kids and were told you can't, it's not any easier. I totally feel the way you felt when people announce pregnancies and hope to get to the point where you are at today. There is one gal in my church that was preggers 3 times that I was and I see her and her 3 blond little ones and wonder why that can't be me. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Thanks for the hugs Pinkquinn!

Govtgirl - I'm sorry about your first husband. That had to be rough to be lied to about something so important, but that's great that you have found your soul mate. I kind of feel like my DH and I are meant to make each other happy for the rest of our lives together and to enjoy every moment that we have together, so that helps fill the 'gap'. I didn't know that at all about Dr. Suess either. I think that God has a plan for my life and just need to figure out what that is...

Thanks again all, this helps me a lot.
 
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I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you. I don't have a personal story - but I have many close friends and 3 sisters-in-law I have traveled w/ down this painful path. Each one has had a different outcome. First, I encourage you to find a support group in your area so you can be w/ other women who understand. And some I've known have adopted, some haven't. I don't know what your reasons are for not adopting. All I can share is one friend had decided not to adopt. Then, through a series of crazy circumstances that fell into her lap, adopted. She is over the moon happy.

I would never tell someone - especially in this situation I know nothing about - what to do. But find some good support. Not that you can't here, but you need a physical hug sometimes.

My thoughts and prayers are w/ you. I look at those babies lost and I die a little bit for you.

Jen
 
Hi Anne. I just wanted to say "hello" to you.... I think of you often & cherish our friendship throughout the years.

(hugs)(hugs)
 
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