Limecat's Friday Eve Question of the Day
- Thread starter allwildgirl
- Start date
martijean1
Cathlete
I don't know if I would change anything...As others have mentioned, many pieces of the past make us who we are today...At the ripe old age of 29, I'm a mom (at age 19), successful and bonusing manager for a midwest retailer, own a new car, have a house, a dog, 2 cats and a manchild who loves us (most days)...What else do we need??? The lottery couldn't make our lives any smoother...
MJ in MN
In hindsight, I could change WHO my DD's biological father is...But since she has 2 GREAT dads, I'll deal with him 'till she's 18....
MJ in MN
In hindsight, I could change WHO my DD's biological father is...But since she has 2 GREAT dads, I'll deal with him 'till she's 18....
I would have pursued my dreams of fashion designing instead of taking the more practical route and going into business (specifically - accounting).
ETA - Not sure exactly what impact it would have in my life as I am happy with all the other aspects of my life and I suppose I wouldn't be where I am had it not been for the decision that I made.
And, Limecat, I think we'll all be tuning back in to see your answer! ;-)
ETA - Not sure exactly what impact it would have in my life as I am happy with all the other aspects of my life and I suppose I wouldn't be where I am had it not been for the decision that I made.
And, Limecat, I think we'll all be tuning back in to see your answer! ;-)
sahara
Cathlete
>I would have pursued my dreams of fashion designing instead
>of taking the more practical route and going into business
>
B, I so hear you. All of my regrets center around my career choices. I had aspirations to be a fashion designer too. I had been accepted to college and had my plane ticket bound for California. I allowed my family to talk me out of going to fashion design school (I don't have a supportive family. I didn't realize it then, but I know it now). Every thing I mentioned doing (beauty school, interior design, etc...) they found a way to discourage me. I realize now that I allowed them to discourage me because I was afraid (which is perfectly normal for a 19 year old about to go out on her own!).
I joined the Army to escape their clutches. I regretted it the minute I got there :7. But, I was determined to tough it out becauce I knew there was nothing to go back home to. I look back on the Army now as one of the best things I ever did. I met my husband in the military but mainly I was there to realize how strong I was. Before I joined the Army, everyone always described me as quiet and sensitive (aka doormat). I realized quickly that quiet and sensitive does not cut it in the military, especially in basic training :7 and my strength and determination emerged as a result.
Of course when I got out of the military, rather than continue on the path I had previously chosen, I decided to get a business degree rationalizing that I could do anything with a business degree. What I once saw as a plus is now a big negative. That is the problem with a business degree. You *can* do anything but is it what you want to do? It's a degree that doesn't require a lot of thinking and soul searching. It was the easy way out. I understand that things happen for a reason and I have recently tried to adopt the outlook that all my choices, whether I thought they were good choices at the time or not, worked out for the best.
Somehow, telling myself that as far as my career choices are concerned does nothing to placate my feelings that I messed this up big time.
Tracey
"Where there's a will, there's a way."
>of taking the more practical route and going into business
>
B, I so hear you. All of my regrets center around my career choices. I had aspirations to be a fashion designer too. I had been accepted to college and had my plane ticket bound for California. I allowed my family to talk me out of going to fashion design school (I don't have a supportive family. I didn't realize it then, but I know it now). Every thing I mentioned doing (beauty school, interior design, etc...) they found a way to discourage me. I realize now that I allowed them to discourage me because I was afraid (which is perfectly normal for a 19 year old about to go out on her own!).
I joined the Army to escape their clutches. I regretted it the minute I got there :7. But, I was determined to tough it out becauce I knew there was nothing to go back home to. I look back on the Army now as one of the best things I ever did. I met my husband in the military but mainly I was there to realize how strong I was. Before I joined the Army, everyone always described me as quiet and sensitive (aka doormat). I realized quickly that quiet and sensitive does not cut it in the military, especially in basic training :7 and my strength and determination emerged as a result.
Of course when I got out of the military, rather than continue on the path I had previously chosen, I decided to get a business degree rationalizing that I could do anything with a business degree. What I once saw as a plus is now a big negative. That is the problem with a business degree. You *can* do anything but is it what you want to do? It's a degree that doesn't require a lot of thinking and soul searching. It was the easy way out. I understand that things happen for a reason and I have recently tried to adopt the outlook that all my choices, whether I thought they were good choices at the time or not, worked out for the best.
Somehow, telling myself that as far as my career choices are concerned does nothing to placate my feelings that I messed this up big time.
Tracey
"Where there's a will, there's a way."
allwildgirl
Cathlete
My biggest regret is letting someone put this ridiculous green fruit rind on my head and then letting them take a picture without scratching their eyes out.
Only one thing...I would have begged one of my friends to buy the house next door to us that they looked at. Instead, they bought a wonderful house in a sweet neighborhood, similar to ours. She, her husband, and their two small children were brutally murdered in that house last year, in a random robbery.
I know that it's stupid, but when I think about what happened to them, I also think about the day her husband and older daughter walked across our yard after looking at the house next door. I picture myself saying something, anything, that would have made them choose differently.
I know that it's stupid, but when I think about what happened to them, I also think about the day her husband and older daughter walked across our yard after looking at the house next door. I picture myself saying something, anything, that would have made them choose differently.
kathryn
Cathlete
>I would NOT have bought my house. I would have waited and
>looked around more instead of pouncing on the first appealing
>deal that came our way...x(
I agree with this.
I would have waited for less of a 'fixer upper' that has a more accessible driveway.
Interesting question. I sometimes think back on my past, and wonder how my life would be if I had take 'road B' instead of 'road A.' Luckily, most of the alternative existences I imagine are not as appealing to me as my real one.
>looked around more instead of pouncing on the first appealing
>deal that came our way...x(
I agree with this.
I would have waited for less of a 'fixer upper' that has a more accessible driveway.
Interesting question. I sometimes think back on my past, and wonder how my life would be if I had take 'road B' instead of 'road A.' Luckily, most of the alternative existences I imagine are not as appealing to me as my real one.
Believe me, Nancy, a lot of their friends were doing the "what if" or "if only." Mine was very small compared to others. Great, wonderful family. Their biggest mistake was accidently leaving the front door ajar when the husband picked up the newspaper on New Year's morning. The guys who did it weren't from around here, but had someone who was show them neighborhoods to target. I won't even begin to go into it here.
I was going to answer that, as much as I screwed up when I was younger, the mistakes that I'd made, didn't matter, because my life is really great. But, then, I thought about my "what if." Of course I couldn't have talked them into my neighborhood, and I wouldn't have tried that hard, because the neighborhood they went to was my and my DH's second choice when we bought our house. They lived close to friends and the neighbors loved them (hell, the whole city did; they were very well-known and actively involved, as were their daughters, in their schools.) Unfortunately, if it hadn't have been them, it would have been someone else. Their murderers had killed before, and went on to kill their accomplice and her family four days later.
Believe me, I have had quite a few things in my life that made me sit back and take stock. This one, well, I'm not sure I've learned everything I need to from it, yet.
I was going to answer that, as much as I screwed up when I was younger, the mistakes that I'd made, didn't matter, because my life is really great. But, then, I thought about my "what if." Of course I couldn't have talked them into my neighborhood, and I wouldn't have tried that hard, because the neighborhood they went to was my and my DH's second choice when we bought our house. They lived close to friends and the neighbors loved them (hell, the whole city did; they were very well-known and actively involved, as were their daughters, in their schools.) Unfortunately, if it hadn't have been them, it would have been someone else. Their murderers had killed before, and went on to kill their accomplice and her family four days later.
Believe me, I have had quite a few things in my life that made me sit back and take stock. This one, well, I'm not sure I've learned everything I need to from it, yet.
Yes, they were caught. Although there were two of them in the house, only one committed the murders. Very brutal murders. No guns. He confessed to everything, so when it went to trial, it was for the sentencing: life in prison or death. Four counts of capital murder. He got life for my friend and her husband; he got death for the murder of their daughters, age four and nine.
The other guy was put on trial for the murder of the woman who helped them (they both had dated her, but were tired of her-his words) and her very innocent family. He got life. Probably because no children were involved.
They just had the two separate trials, and didn't try them for the other's crime. I'm glad; the community just didn't need to go through the details again. I think one of them is, or will, stand trial in Pennsylvania, where he killed his own wife days before coming here.
They also were tried and convicted for mugging and almost killing a guy in another part of the state and of the murder of a woman who lived about two hours from here in a random robbery of her house, too.
You know, one of the things that gets me, and it's really so silly, I guess? All they took from my friends' were two computers, the husband's wedding band (they found it on their accomplist's finger when they found her body), and a basket of cookies.
The other guy was put on trial for the murder of the woman who helped them (they both had dated her, but were tired of her-his words) and her very innocent family. He got life. Probably because no children were involved.
They just had the two separate trials, and didn't try them for the other's crime. I'm glad; the community just didn't need to go through the details again. I think one of them is, or will, stand trial in Pennsylvania, where he killed his own wife days before coming here.
They also were tried and convicted for mugging and almost killing a guy in another part of the state and of the murder of a woman who lived about two hours from here in a random robbery of her house, too.
You know, one of the things that gets me, and it's really so silly, I guess? All they took from my friends' were two computers, the husband's wedding band (they found it on their accomplist's finger when they found her body), and a basket of cookies.
bjbowers
Cathlete
Oh my goodness TeTe, I know you apologized on another thread, and this is not even my thread, but I, for one, don't think you need to apologize. I'm loving Limecat's questions. I haven't answered this one, because it's hard to describe my regret. It's been a very thought provoking thread, and I've loved people's honesty here. This is tragic, and your feelings about your "what ifs" are understandable. My regret is similar to yours, in that I wish I had done something differently before my brother was killed, to prevent it. We never know when something tragic is going to happen, and when it does, we're left with a million what ifs. And they sit with us, no matter how we move on, and how we cope. Thank you for sharing your story here, and I'm sorry about your friends.
I've loved reading the good, the bad, and the honest here. Thanks Shelley, and everyone who has responded.
Brandi
I've loved reading the good, the bad, and the honest here. Thanks Shelley, and everyone who has responded.
Brandi
chachi
Cathlete
I've come back to this thread so many times not sure if I wanted to TRY and answer b/c it's so difficult to describe my regret as well. When something tragic happens, in my case my younger sister Heather was killed by a drunk driver on August 17, 2000 (she had just turned 21) you're always told by "people" not to think about the "what ifs" b/c you can't change the past. I've never been accepting of that I guess. Probably is the reason why I haven't been able to accept she's gone and move on with my life. She was my best friend and I miss her so much ;(
As silly as it sounds my biggest regret would be that I moved away from her (3 hours away) in 1998 after graduating from college when my husband got a job in Ann Arbor, MI. I guess I've lived with the thought that if I was still in the same town she probably would've been with me instead of the car she was in that night. I know I can't be certain of that but in my heart I just feel that I could have changed things...I should have been there x(
Thanks for helping my share something so personal...I have a really hard time expressing myself but I seem to be able to open up a bit here with you all.
Take Care
Chastity
http://www.geocities.com/rodriguez_family2002/
As silly as it sounds my biggest regret would be that I moved away from her (3 hours away) in 1998 after graduating from college when my husband got a job in Ann Arbor, MI. I guess I've lived with the thought that if I was still in the same town she probably would've been with me instead of the car she was in that night. I know I can't be certain of that but in my heart I just feel that I could have changed things...I should have been there x(
Thanks for helping my share something so personal...I have a really hard time expressing myself but I seem to be able to open up a bit here with you all.
Take Care
Chastity
http://www.geocities.com/rodriguez_family2002/
Lian,
I to had the same thing happen with my best friend of 15 years. I was there for her during her marriage,her children and her divorce. The late night phone calls at 1:00 am. Financial support when she had no money. Oh, I could go on and on. It took a long time to understand why she said the things she did. God,prayers,my understanding husband really helped me through it. I shared alot of stuff with her. I guess loyalty meant more to me then her. So you see, You are not alone in your life experiences. Pray for understanding and you will see Time heals all wounds.
KKerry
I to had the same thing happen with my best friend of 15 years. I was there for her during her marriage,her children and her divorce. The late night phone calls at 1:00 am. Financial support when she had no money. Oh, I could go on and on. It took a long time to understand why she said the things she did. God,prayers,my understanding husband really helped me through it. I shared alot of stuff with her. I guess loyalty meant more to me then her. So you see, You are not alone in your life experiences. Pray for understanding and you will see Time heals all wounds.
KKerry