Just want to try and explain something to all of you ...

C

Carol_is_fit

Guest
Hi everyone. I'm not usually the type to bare my soul on a public message board, but I feel compelled to write this post. I want to apologize for anything I've ever said on here that has offended anyone, or made them wonder where my heart is. I know my faults. I'm not a child - I'm 46 years old - and I know who I am, and I know my strengths and weaknesses. I'm a true Scorpio, in that I have strong opinions about everything, and I'm not shy about expressing them. I also can be intolerant and impatient with people, but that is a reflection of the perfection I expect in myself more than anything. It's difficult to "talk" in the cyber world. We can't see each other's facial expressions, and we can't hear the inflections in each other's vocal tones, and it's easy for things to be misinterpreted and intentions misconstrued. Even when we believe we're carefully choosing our words, someone may read them in a totally different way, even though that was never our intention. The posts on Alexis's "peanut" thread yesterday are the most dramatic example on here for me thus far, at least as far as I know. I also have received a couple of off-the-wall private messages for things I've said on here about Dr. Phil and something else (I've forgotten what now). These two messages came not from people who had posted to me here, but through the private message system on this forum. To be honest, I simply deleted them without answering. I felt they were unjustified, and I'm not in the habit of arguing with people in emails or on message boards. It's not mature, it's counterproductive, and I simply don't have the time. Part of my recent "transformation" has been to surround myself with positive people and positive energies whenever I can. I'm a work in progress though. We all are. Life habits are difficult and often impossible to change, but I do keep trying.

I could tell you about my life - my childhood and all the bad things that have happened to me, but these are not reasons to behave the way I often do. Bad things happen to all of us. I believe in learning from them, and then moving on. I'm not a person to dwell on my past, or the things I've gone through. I believe people and situations are placed in our path for a reason. We have a lesson to learn, and until we learn it, we will continue to repeat the behavior or the pattern. This is only my personal belief of course, but it has helped me tremendously. Still though, none of us are perfect, and when we point out a fault to a stranger, we had best first make sure there is no blame in what we have said or done as well. That kind of karma has a way of coming back tenfold, and it ain't always pretty!

Be that as it may, it's really been bothering me the entire night as I've worked that this happened yesterday. As I said, I know who I am. I know I have a quick tongue (in this case, quick fingers!), and I know I don't always think before I speak or type. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, or offend other posters. Obviously I won't be everyone's bestest bud on here, or in "real" life. That's silly and not realistic, but it bothers me to think people may think of me as a bit*ch who is unkind or intolerant of others' opinions. That is not someone I want to be.

So ... I guess this is a public apology as well as a cleansing ritual of sorts. If anyone has anything they need to get off their chest, please email me and let's talk about it. I don't think this forum is the appropriate place in which to hash anything out, but I'm offering to "talk" via email to anyone who has a problem with me and my posts, and wants to let me know about it. I promise not to bite.

Thanks for reading this, and Happy Thanksgiving to all! You can't imagine what this forum means to me. I've transformed myself in the past seven months, and all of you had more to do with it than you will ever know. Cathe's workouts have changed my life - quite literally, and I want to continue posting here.

Carol
:)
 
Doesn’t Dr Phil conjure up some strong emotions! lol … a while ago I said something about him and wow … was I blasted! Ouch! The pain! But hey, I’m entitled too express my opinion and I guess I shouldn’t be upset when others express them back. I have no idea of what "they" sent to you on private message, but I think there is no need for anyone to get “funny” or “nasty” on private message. It is totally uncalled for and if its upset you that much you should report them to the website (this one).

You shouldn’t have to justify a response or feel the need to publicly apologise. I have read many of your posts on various subjects from weight watchers to Dr Phil and everything in between and have never found you offensive, in-your-face or anything but honest and expressing your opinion.

I have once or twice (or thrice! lol) said things i shouldn't of … but being adults we all forgive and forget and move on. ClareMc (I think I got the name right?) I think I said something to her once that upset her, but, now when I post something I find most times she has a repose that I’m always happy to hear. She clearly does not hold any grudges. I think that most of the people on here (95%) are really genuine and you couldn’t find nicer people, ClareMc, DebbieH and many others…

Anyway, enough of my ramblings… you take care, don’t worry and always have an opinion.

Wayne x
 
Carol,

I haven't read all of the "peanut" messages, so I don't know that you had anything to apologize for. I'm just writing to say that I'm impressed. So many people say they're sorry and that's the end of it; you went the extra mile and tried to make up for the "damage" you believe you've done.

I'm a teacher, and I teach my students that simply to say "I'm sorry" isn't enough. I ask them to take a positive step in addition to trying to retract a negative one. To do this, I ask that they talk to the other person(s) involved (with a mediator, of course, and after they've calmed down) and try to understand how the other person feels. Then I ask them to try to make up for any damage they've caused--to ask the other person what they can do to make things better. This usually ends up being simply a sincere apology, instead of the cursory apology the student offered at first, and it does a world of good in healing hurt feelings and patching up differences. Some of these students even end up friends.

I think you took a very positive step in offering what is obviously a heartfelt apology, and I just wanted to say that it takes a big heart and a lot of courage to do that. You go, girl!

Shari
 
Aaaauuuhhh, Carol. I knew you were hurt. I thought about e-mailing you but then reconsidered - we're all big kids here and I knew you would work it out.

I think we should all take a Pledge of sorts that reads something like: I will post my opinions. I will not react to others posts with my opinion unless I am asked. Nothing on these posts is personal, unless I make it personal.

There's a difference between giving one's opinion and telling someone else that their opinion is wrong. I've seen some of that and it makes me sad.

Chin up my friend. You done good. Alexis
 
Hi there,
I think you handled this in a very good manor.I read the "peanut" post and I actually thought it was gonna be about cathe fans who eat nuts!:) Reading it now, I realize that I am the only one who is nuts around here.And I still would of thought it was about nuts if I hadn't read it.
Its funny b/c when I saw how many responses the post had, I knew that somewhere along the way it got sour.And thats to bad, b/c there was bit of a party go'in on there for a while.
I find this message board very offensive sometimes, so thats why I don't bother to say anything that may offend someone else.If I don't agree with something, then I don't bother to respond.(most of the time)
I responded to a post one time.It was a post that was brought over here from videofitness...I typed before I even thought about what I was gonna say,but God forbid someone should say anything bad about Cathe.I went over to the videofitness site later, to see that they were chatting about my response.They had some not so nice things to say.But rather then cause anymore trouble, I left it alone.
I think we all have to learn at times to keep our thought to ourselves.I also think that we can pretty much judge when something could get nasty.It doesn't mean that we shuold sit back and let someone walk over us, but lets just be kind to one another.If someone as an opinon then maybe we should leave it at that!:)
I love this forum as well.I have been comming here for a while.Its the first thing I check in the mornings and the last thing before I go to bed.Its not b/c I am addicted to this place, but I just love the company here and the advice you get from someone who as been there and done it.I don't know many people who workout and diffently not as much as I do, so I relate to people here.
Anyway,I just wanted to let you know that its o.k.Don't worry about it, you apologized and thats all you CAN do in the cyber world.
Happy Holidays,
Lori:)
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

Awwwww....Carol!!!!! It is my opinionated view that you have every right to express your own opinions, too!! I saw nothing wrong with anyone's post on that thread. Sure, some strong opinions were expressed, but no one got heinous about anything and started freaking out. No shame in expressing ourselves with passion!!!

I understand your need to apologize, though, and I think you're brave to do so.

((((((Carol))))))

Hollie

:) :) :) :) :) :)
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

Carol,

I wasn't offended by anything you said. Type on!

Susan G.
 
I haven't been with this forum very long, but I think there are going to be times when peoples feathers get ruffled a bit. It just seems to happen. Especially when talking about size, weight etc. I was amazed the the "Peanuts" post got so many hits myself. I don't know anything about private messages, but I think if people have something to say...say it here, not privately. It was very nice of you to apologize, and I read back thru those posts and didn't see anything out of line for you. I think Cathe's workouts have changes alot of lives, and I am glad she has changed yours. I believe you are a very kindhearted person...keep up the posting! :) Carole..
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

Hey Carol and Hey Wayne!!!


thanks for your open heart account, but really there's no need. We all go through this. I get angry at stuff too, and write a response and I go through terrible anxiety after it because I know that poor person will feel singly targeted for a total roasting. Poor old Wayne has indeed been the recipient of my sharp tongue! He's not wrong. Sorry Wayne! Problem is it's never really the individual we are blasting but, at least in my case, the societal thoughts, values, and ideologies that underpin a lot about who and what we are that we maintain mostly unconsciously that bugs the hell out of me.

We have to be able to respond on here as we truly feel, and we all have to be adult enough to tolerate disagreement. Our societies require this of us: here in this microcosm, it is required equally.

The thing is that you are aware that some things you have said may have offended someone and you are working on thoughtfully drafting your responses in future. I can tell! I'm constantly working on this too, promise! On the other hand, we cannot always walk about being totally politically correct: to do so would mean not being true to ourselves. I think it is is near impossible not to offend someone sometimes!

Carol, your posts are great, keep them coming.

Poor old Wayne! I do love him really! Wayne you are a friendly soul and I am always happy to read your posts and chat with you. I don't bear you any grudges at all, and that's partly because I sense you bear me none. I think we got through our skirmishes unscathed!!! ;-) What a sharing caring guy!

See y'all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Clare
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

Carol, what a nice thing to do. I, too, agree that sometimes our words are not taken in the tone we meant them. Sometimes I am quite surprised how someone will read a post completely different then I read it! I also think that if we have a true difference of opinion that it is not a time to attack a person. I feel like we should be able to express our thoughts but in a kind and gentle manner. Being negative and mean will not get the job done. It only hurts or angers another. I am happy to say that I don't think we really have a problem here that much??? That is one of the reasons I love this place. Most are kind, caring and sharing. Hope you feel better and will continue to post. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Thanks Wayne!

See Carol. These are the NICEST people! Wayne, thank you for the nice compliment. I truly love coming here. We attract some of the kindest posters here. (with the exception of a few trolls who pop in now & then! ;-)) It is a good thing to forgive & forget and move on! :7
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Thank you, Wayne!! I really appreciate your honest feedback. I enjoy your posts very much, and I'm sure you and Clare have worked things through on here!! As for the private messagers, that's the beauty of hitting that "delete" key!! }(

Carol
:)
 
Alexis, I think that's a wonderful Pledge!! Thank you very much for your feedback!!

Carol
:)
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

Thank you Clare! It's good to know others have felt this way as well. I'm glad you and Wayne are cyber friends!! And, you are right ... we do always need to be true to ourselves!!

Carol
:)
 
RE: Thanks Wayne!

Hey Deb!! I know these are the BEST folks anywhere!! I agree!! It's good to move on, yes!! Thank you!!

Carol
:)
 
Shari, you sound like a very gifted teacher!! Thank you for your feedback - I really do appreciate it!!

Carol
:)
 
Lori I'm sorry you've had such unkind experiences here and at videofitness ...:-( I don't post over there, but I do occasionally lurk, and the atmosphere can be quite different from the one here. But, people are just people, and there are bound to be times we ruffle each other without meaning to. The only thing you can do is apologize, learn from it, and move on. Thanks for your feedback - I really do appreciate it!!

Carol
:)
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

((((((((( Hollie ))))))))) Thank you!! :) Brave is one of the things I do VERY well!! :D

Carol
:)
 
RE: Just want to try and explain something to all of yo...

((((((((( Susan ))))))))) Your post on here means the world to me. I am so grateful I didn't offend you, since we don't even "know" each other yet!! Thank you!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Carol
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
 
Thank you Carole!!! I really do appreciate the feedback!!!

Carol
:)
 

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