Just caught my 7-year old daughter ...

hokypoky

hokypoky

Cathlete
... searching for "sexy videos"! What on earth?! She was acting suspicious and pretending she was playing Webkinz. Well, no 7-year old is pulling the wool over my eyes ... a couple clicks and I had her history right there.

So first she completely denied it, bawling. Then realized she couldn't lie to me. Still bawling. Begging me not to tell DH or else she'd run away. I remember being a kid, and feeling that terrible pit in your stomach when you're in trouble. I assured her we still loved her, she's not in trouble but should never do this again, and explained that there are very bad and wrong things on the internet.

What else do I need to say to her? I feel like this is one of those teaching moments, but this is a new one. Any advice?

I asked her if anyone had taught her this or showed it to her, but she said no, it was just her idea.

(Oh, and I just spent the last hour with customer service, fixing our Net Nanny program, which I had been putting off for a couple months. Net Nanny is happily back on the prowl, blocking all inappropriate content on my computer.)
 
Wow. But, then again, I remember when my cousins and I would sneak to read our teen-aged aunts' "True Romance" magazines and racy books ("God's Little Acre" comes to mind), when I was 7 or 8 (thankfully one of my cousins was two years older, and could help with any words that we younger ones didn't know!!!)

I think you did the right thing, but I'd still let her know that her dad is going to be told. And then I think I'd ban her from using the computer for a while.

JMHO!
 
I think they hear things from other kids and are curious. I think you did all you can by talking to her and putting a block on the computer.

I caught my 16 year old son looking at porn. My DH's additude was oh well, he's a boy. But I wasn't at all happy about it and kicked him off the computer for months.

It's not an easy thing to deal with.
 
I am wondering if all the hype about Sex and the City may have peaked her interest.

You hear it all over and see it in so many places. Could have been at school too.

Glad to hear you have fixed the computer to help prevent it in the future.

And then I think sometimes the more you make of it the more they are curious too. Wow I'm glad mine are much older now !
 
It sounds like you handled it ok. Where's your computer? Is it in a family area or in her room? If I had kids I don't think I would allow them to have computers or TV's in their rooms. Times are just scarier than when I was a kid.
 
Thanks for your thoughts - reinforces my thoughts on just having one computer with internet access!

I clicked on some of the sites, hoping she just saw some girls photos in bikinis ... no such luck. One was just awful, a video right off the bat. I wish I could erase this from her mind! She's just a kid.
 
LOL I'm sorry but I had to laugh. Not at your situation but I remember being interested in sex at a young age...(lost my virginity at 14:eek: ) I can imagine how embarrassing it must be for both of you.

If you havent already I'd say it's time for the birds and the bees talk. Im not sure how your relationship is with your daughter and Im not trying to tell you how to raise her nor am I condoning what she did. But mom you gotta keep one thing in mind...If your not talking about it, you better believe some bad ass children her age are. You'd be surprised how much kids know...or dont know for that matter.

Should you decide to sit her down I dont think you should make her feel stupid. Stress the fact that it's something 2 ADULTS in LOVE engage in and a child her age isnt ready for that and shouldnt even be thinking those thoughts. Ask her if she has any questions and let her know you are there for her to talk to. Give her an environment where she can feel comfortable talking to you...otherwise she'll probably shut down.

Not sure what else to say other than put bars up on her bedroom windows:7 (I'm kidding)

Tassha
 
Thanks, Tassha - I needed that!

Yes, we did the birds and the bees talk a couple years ago ... I was afraid of some kid beating me to it. I've been thinking lately it's time for a refresher course. I told her it's important for us to be able to talk about these things.

I'm considering the bars LOL ... DH and I have always known that this is the daughter we have to keep our eyes on!:)
 
Great post, Tassha. :)

The "sex" part is probably just childish curiosity, as TeTe said, we had books and our older brothers' magazines, kids now have computers. May I suggest looking into some books with age appropriate discussions of human sexuality, that you guys can read together? I think with all the garbage out there these days it is so important to protect our kids', and especially our girls', sexuality. And no, I don't mean their virginity or innocence. I mean their power to be who they are and want to be in spite of horrendous media images.

I too would let her know I was going to tell her dad. If she threatens to run away again, pack a bag for her. :p

Sparrow
 
>Thanks for your thoughts - reinforces my thoughts on just
>having one computer with internet access!
>
>I clicked on some of the sites, hoping she just saw some girls
>photos in bikinis ... no such luck. One was just awful, a
>video right off the bat. I wish I could erase this from her
>mind! She's just a kid.

I really don't think you need to worry. It really was just curiosity. We are so surrounded by sexy images and the words sex and sexy. A child can't possibly wrap a meaning around that.

My best friend and I were like porn addicts as children. We found her parents videos and saw everything. I found porn magazine at a friends house and scramble to look at them at every opportunity. It was just so fascinating. I really don't think children react to it in a negative way, of course, unless it's forced upon them and such. It's just inquisitiveness.

My boyfriend's sister was telling us that she checked her computer's history and found a porn site called something to the effect of old ladies. So she angriyly confronts her husband and he swears he didn't look at it. Then he blames my boyfriend that he was over maybe he looked at it. Finally she confronted the kids and the youngest one bursts out in tears saying it was she who looked at it. She is a very imaginative little girl and wanted to play the role of an old lady so she googled "old ladys" and voila - porn. We had a good laugh at this little tale.
 
Hi Dayna

Not much help here but my 7 yr old daughter uses the word sexy from time to time with no idea what it means. She'll dance about the house singing 'oooh sexy' or things like that. She's heard the word at school from friends (songs/videos, etc.) and just messes about as it sounds funny to her.

Sounds to me like you handled it really well.
 
Scary! I'm so glad we didn't have a computer at home when my kids were that age. I think you are doing a good job keeping track of how your DD uses it! I have a co-worker who had the same thing happen with his DD of about the same age, so I think it must be normal curiosity. Still scary though. Make sure your DD understands how dangerous the computer can be. She may make friends with all kinds of wierdos, like fitness freaks, for example!
 
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm wondering if there isn't a parental lock you can put on the computer?
I'm thinking there is one available.
Maybe you could call Best Buy's Geek Squad and ask them for guidance on how to lock out adult sites.

Good luck to you. I think you handle it wonderful if that helps any:)
 
The one thing I might add to other great advice given here is that you tell your daughter that the next time she is curious . . . she should get your help in looking for things on the computer. That way you can help her find what she is looking for, without her stumbling on something dangerous. If you want your daughter to come to you before she makes decisions about sex, then she needs to feel like you are a safe zone for this topic.
 
I remember sneaking peaks at daddy's "magazines" when I was probably about 7 or so. I turned out okay. This might seem like an odd suggestion, but maybe you should buy a Playboy or whatever and sit down and look at it with her. Explain that some women choose to show their bodies like this to make money, but that it's only "entertainment". Maybe make fun of some of the models' fake ta-ta's and compliment the ones who look "healthy". It might be a great way for you to impress upon your daughter a healthy body image and an acceptance that the nude body can be a beautiful thing - coz you know how so many people are so prudish and self-conscious about their nudity. Maybe you can even make light of the whole situation. This would also give you a chance to ask your daughter what she finds so appealing about sexual images, and to let her ask you questions about it. She might not feel so awful if you and she were to look at the magazine together and discuss what you're seeing. And stress that posing for these kinds of photos is not the same as pornography, which is something strictly for adults to look at and something not to be engaged in until she is out of your care. Take the mystique out of it and maybe she won't be so fascinated with it.

Anyhoo, my suggestion might be a bit unorthodox, but sometimes taking an unorthodox approach is the best way. Of course, you'd have to be comfortable with this and be willing to talk OPENLY with her. I mean, she's going to find out about this stuff from SOMEone eventually, so it might as well be you right now, right?
 
I think you handled it well, and the Net Nanny should help. When I was about 7 or 8 (early 90's) my mother decided to block MTV from our cable. I remember thinking it was so unnecessary and overprotective and soooo uncool. These days I don't watch a lot of TV, but I happened to catch some MTV recently and holy moly! I actually thanked my mom for blocking it the next time I talked to her. Don't even get me started on the Pussycat Dolls (who *target* 7 year olds). So, my point would be, it might seem like you against the world, and sure, you won't be able to protect her from everything, but every little bit (like using Net Nanny, and just letting her know what is in fact inappropriate) will help.

And I think I'd tell DH and let her know you're telling DH. You'll need all the help you can get with this sort of stuff as she gets older. Especially if you can get him to talk to her the same way you did- let her know she's loved, that both of you are concerned. I think it's easy as adults to forget how much influence our words have on children- just the simple act of letting them know what WE think is wrong.
 
My six year old, who had just found the google search engine typed in candy man, to see if she could order some candy online. We have a home office and I was sitting right next to her whole she was doing this, opening mail. Needless to say, she did not order candy, she didn't understand why there were 2 men naked on her computer and what they were doing and i was sitting there dumbfounded that I hadn't thought of the more sinister meanings of the candy man (which is an actual candy store). I felt like maybe the dumbest person ever. we now have a program similar to net nanny and her own account that we only allow her to a few certain web sites. I think you have done all you can do, and remember it is a constant supervision with computers and tv. Good luck!
 
I think parenting today involves so many challenges that we don't always know to anticipate! I think you handled it well, and I agree with a lot of the advice here. I have identical twins who are almost 15, and I think completely open and honest communication is critical. I also think that as parents today we just do the best we can and, if you are so inclined, pray A LOT.

When my girls were in elementary school, one of them did a project on identical twins -- we quickly learned that Googling identical twins will bring up a lot of interesting websites, too!

Hang in there and keep your eyes and ears open!
 
Pussycat Dolls! OMG!

I actually think seeing a woman posing naked would be better than watching a Pussycat Dolls concert! But I guess it would depend on the pose. But those PDs are slutty little things. I joked with my husband that they seem to know only 2-3 moves: 1) Toss the hair; 2) Shake ta-ta's; 3) shake the booty; oh, and a fourth: Grind the air like a man is there.

I mean, sure, I was sneaking peaks at the nudie magazines at 7 years old, but I didn't have anything as in-my-face as the Pussycat Dolls or Britney Spears. Not even Madonna was as bad!
 
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