JEALOUSY

april71rn

april71rn

Cathlete
My DH's best friend and his wife have never worked out much and have always commented on and admired my dedication to my workouts. The wife always states how she wishes she had my abs and admires how strong I am. (Of coarse I love that). Well, the past month or so due to changing jobs, a favorite pet dying and so on, my workouts have lagged and I've been eating everything in site and have gained about 6-8 pounds. Well, in the meantime, DH's friends wife has joined a gym and gotten a personal trainer and lost about 10 lbs. and really toned up. Well, instead of being proud of her and congratulating and encouraging her, I'm extremely JEALOUS. How dare she look better than me! I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I liked being the in shape girl, and now I feel like a fat blob! So this week so far I've been working out like a fiend and watching my diet, so maybe I can catch back up with her and THEN congratulate her.
 
Oh no!!! Girl, you must get a hold of yourself and banish all this negativity, self-loathing, and jealousy. These bad feelings will lead to nothing good. Be a real friend to yourself and forgive yourself for gaining a bit of weight--it's really not a big deal! And be a real friend to your friend and stop looking at her weight loss as some kind of competition with you or as having anything to do with you at all. Acknowledge her success now, not once you've decided you're worthy again (you're worthy now!). Do it without thought of yourself because it's the right thing to do and because she worked hard and earned it. Let her have her moment--she's let you have yours. Come on, woman up!

I hope you don't get offended by my opinion; I just get so sad about all the crap we women put ourselves and each other through. Final piece of advice: check out the thread up right now entitled Loving Our Bodies. I think it may help you have a little attitude adjustment. ;-)
 
>Oh no!!! Girl, you must get a hold of yourself and banish
>all this negativity, self-loathing, and jealousy. These bad
>feelings will lead to nothing good. Be a real friend to
>yourself and forgive yourself for gaining a bit of
>weight--it's really not a big deal! And be a real friend to
>your friend and stop looking at her weight loss as some kind
>of competition with you or as having anything to do with you
>at all. Acknowledge her success now, not once you've decided
>you're worthy again (you're worthy now!). Do it without
>thought of yourself because it's the right thing to do and
>because she worked hard and earned it. Let her have her
>moment--she's let you have yours. Come on, woman up!
>
>I hope you don't get offended by my opinion; I just get so sad
>about all the crap we women put ourselves and each other
>through. Final piece of advice: check out the thread up right
>now entitled Loving Our Bodies. I think it may help you have
>a little attitude adjustment. ;-)

Well said Amy!! ITA ;)
 
You are the one that probably inspired her! You should be proud of her.And maybe now you just might have a new workout buddy-lucky you!

Everything Amy said...you are just feeling bad about yourself over a few little pounds, so thats why you feel like this, I know when I feel bad about myself I tend to get into comparing myself to seemingly more fit and "prettier' girls than me. I hate it, its soo bad for you.
 
Awww, you know we can all relate. This is probably one of the most honest posts I've ever read on this site. I have a friend who I sort of compete with, though I've always felt I had the upper hand. You see, she's straight cardio, with a couple sets of lunges here and there, where I have -duh duh duh- my Cathe weight training secret weapon. Anyways, a while ago I had a knee injury, sat on the couch eating raisin bran all day and gained a few lbs. Felt like dirt, especially since she had just revamped her program and was talking about all her great results. So I came out with it one day while we were hanging out, "yeah, I've gained 5 lbs". And her response was "what, you're thinner every time I see you. where?" It seemed genuine, but even if it wasn't, it's amazing how a little feeling of camaraderie and support can get you feeling calm and inspired. And also alert you to the very real fact that you're your worst critic.

If you're a Cathe junkie, I assume you have some pretty bangin muscle tone, yes? When I fall off the wagon and gain a couple lbs i.e. the sky begins to fall, I force myself to look in the mirror and focus on all the muscle tone I can still see. Yes, there may be a little extra padding around it in some inconvenient areas, but you're already in great shape. If you've always been fit, most of the hard work is done, all you have to do is polish it off. Sorry for the rambling, congrats on your future 6-8 lbs weight loss!
 
ITA with all the wise women who have responded. I would add though, congratulate your friend before you get back to your old self, if possible - even if you are still fighting the jealousy! You'll make her day and feel better about yourself in the end.

Sparrow

"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
Someone else basically said the same thing, but I don't think you're feeling jealousy as much as you're feeling frustrated at yourself. I've been there. We've probably ALL been there, and can relate to how you're feeling. Your feelings are sooooo normal, particularly because you're used to being fit and feeling good about it. Hang in there, don't be so hard on yourself, and good wishes to you as you get back into the swing of your workouts. ;)
 
I personally think this is excellent motivation for you to get back into your training program. I say "KICK HER @SS!!!!"

Show her how it's done!
 
Very humourous, and typical human nature. I say, tell her now how good she looks. She praised you often enough and made you feel good, you should do the same for her. I don't understand why you would have jelous tendencies towards someone who is your friend.

It's not a competition even though sometimes it feels like one. There is no point getting jelous, but rather feel happy she is finally making a change for the better. Don't succumb to ignorant feelings. Start working out for you so you can both be proud of each other, and not just to show her up.
 
I truly never even thought about being an inspiration to her (duh), but it really has motivated me to kick my butt back in gear, especially since we've invited her and her DH and 3 kids to come over for a cookout and to swim in a couple of weeks (bikinis!).And yes, I'll tell her how great she looks! The picture is of me and my family and donkey TicTac. Are you referring to me being the one in the middle as me or my donkey? Thanks for all the great feedback!
 
I love being the in shape girl too, problem is, I keep having babies and I gain a lot of weight each time. After about a year post partum, I get to be fit and enjoy it for 6 months before I become a major fatty again.....This is the last baby, though, so I hope to get my figure back and enjoy it for a while....

Anyway--you look fantastic in your avatar picture--a gorgeous, fit woman in my book any day of the week. You may feel fat, but you don't look it. It's probably just your own self-perception. I doubt anyone even notices that paltry 6-8 lbs.

I also think it's important that you congratulate her. You would make her day. She admires you and she's been working hard.

Keep us posted!

Maggie:)
 
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