Is anyone else sick of this Rihanna story?

jonahnah said:
Obviously, my DD & I have discussed the matter and I've explained that once a guy crosses that line, he'll cross it again and again. Pretty sad that even smart teens might think that guys like that shouldn't be kicked to the curb forever. Sadder still that someone as talented and beautiful as Rihanna would even put up w/ that abuse once.
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You really think guys like that can not change with counseling and getting help? Maybe not overnight, but if they realize they have a problem and want to get help, I'd hope they can stop.

I was with a guy for awhile that would just snap and get rough with me (hit, throw me on the floor), but when we were out in public he would be the nicest guy ever. I'm out of that now and away from him, the guy I was with never admitted to having a problem or even said he was sorry for when he did hit me. I often worried about the next girl he would be with and still hope he would realize his problem and get help and be ok one day.
 
With regard to the Chris / Rhianna story, those of us who have worked in the field of domestic violence intervention (which I did for almost eight years) see it as a fairly textbook example of a domestic violence episode: assault, report and medical intervention, review of case by prosecutors and possible charges, and later reconciliation between the abuser and the victim. And dropping restraining orders filed by the victim. And asking prosecutors or the court to drop a no contact order issued from a pending criminal case. This is far more common than a victim separating from her abuser and staying separated, especially victims in Rhianna's age group.

I think this is an important story to keep playing for awhile, because it at least sparks dialogs within families and within social groups as well as in the media at large. I did find it gratifying that (I think) MSNBC posted an online story stating, importantly, that strangulation ("choking") within the context of a domestic-violence event is a very good indicator of future homicidal violence. Strangulation has come under increasing scrutiny in the field of domestic violence intervention, and many states have now made it a felony to strangle an intimate partner regardless of the level of injury sustained.

Regarding "helping" intimate-partner beaters clean up their act . . . meh. The domestic abuser is of a very distinct personality type, and that personality type feels he is doing nothing wrong. Very gifted at presenting a meek, calm face to the world (as well as to the victim in the early stages of the relationship), the mask can come off in a second when the abuser is in the mood to control by whatever means necessary and whatever the abuser is in the mood for. And I have yet to see a successful treatment program for that.

A-Jock
 
I was in an abusive marriage, and am glad domestic abuse is in the spotlight, maybe it took someone famous to put it there. What is important however, is that the news and magazines offer helplines and make it clear that this is WRONG period. Just today at my dentist office, the assistant left her fiance because he was abusive...its all over, just never really talked about. I hate that she went back, but sadly that is what happens alot. If I had a kid, I would sit them down and talk about it.
Frankly I get enough of the economy and Barney Freakin' Frank crammed down my throat on an hourly basis...it gets old, its important, but it gets old.
 
nightowl81 said:
You really think guys like that can not change with counseling and getting help? Maybe not overnight, but if they realize they have a problem and want to get help, I'd hope they can stop.

I was with a guy for awhile that would just snap and get rough with me (hit, throw me on the floor), but when we were out in public he would be the nicest guy ever. I'm out of that now and away from him, the guy I was with never admitted to having a problem or even said he was sorry for when he did hit me. I often worried about the next girl he would be with and still hope he would realize his problem and get help and be ok one day.
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I'm very glad you got away from this guy!

I agree w/ Aquajock. I think that it's considered such a cultural norm in America (and hopefully, the developed world) that boys should not hit girls that a guy who does hit his girlfriend is NOT "fixable."

This wasn't a one time slap (which would be bad enough!) Chris Brown beat the crap out of Rihanna and this was NOT the first time either. During this incident, he told her he was going to kill her when they got to her place. It was an intentional, vicious, and prolonged assault. He is not able to control his temper nor does he see the need to--otherwise he wouldn't do it, period. The fact that she never told her family about the earlier assaults is very troubling. She needs help big time to understand why she thinks she deserves that. :(
 
aquajock, i'm with you.

my dad was a very awful man. beat on his first 2 wives, my older brother, me, and my younger sister.
years ago we got in a horrible fight over the phone.....he denied he ever hit any of us.
his mom was beat by his dad and stepdad. my dad obviously "learned" this from them. she said to me "its just something you get over, dear" ummm, no, grandma!
i see my brother being too rough with his son.
it is a horrible horrible thing that is passed down in our family.
my dad is now on his 3rd wife and i have no clue what their marriage is like behind closed doors. they are terribly unhappy people tho.
i see my dad every other month or so but i would NEVER leave my girls alone with him. never. he "joked" about spanking my 1-day old newborn because she was crying.
when my oldest dd lost a tooth he said, trying to be "funny" - "did your boyfriend knock that out?" she had no clue what he meant. you do NOT talk to a 6-yo like that. or anyone for that matter.

women, RUN from men that hit.
 
Cakebaker, Tneah, and Chefkate-just sending ((((((((((hugs)))))))) for what you've gone thru. You have my boundless admiration for being able to escape and overcome those awful situations.
 
I just was at the grocery store, and the cover story of one of the gossip mags at the checkout stand was about Rhianna, and how she needs surgery to repair damage, and that her DH gave her diamonds and flowers and promised to never abuse her again. Yeah, right.
 
OMG, I'm so tired of the media using people's life situations as a four ring circus. Yes, it was horrible and any women who would stand for that is beyond me, but the media did the same thing with Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan to name a few, and I think there are other concerns we should be worried about now. Let these people manage their own lives. Who gives hoot! I sure don't.
 
Then watch HLN.

Actually, CNN's sister-channel HLN does all the time. Especially Jane Valez Mitchell on Issues 7 p.m. Eastern Time and Nancy Grace.


LauraMax said:
IS it? I mean, is it really? Because CNN never discusses statistics, resources for abused women, what to do if a woman is in that situation, or much of anything other than Rihanna, Chris Brown, & occiasionally Oprah's opinion of the whole debacle.
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Very sick of it. At this point, I've gotten enough info to make up my mind about it (I was initially not). It is what it is. He's made his decisions, she's made hers and now they have to live with them and accept he consequences. Sounds harsh, but clearly being a 24/7 news story hasnt stopped her from going back.

I do believe he can change IF he is willing to put in the work and admit he needs help/

But yeah, tired of hearing about it and seeing it on every magazine
 
I believe Oprah said on her show "If a man hits you, he will certainly hit you again. I don't care what his plea is."

Ellen Degeneres grilled P. Diddy (or whatever his name is) about offering his home to the couple after this incident. He replied that he was just helping his two friends and that "You (Ellen) were not in the car."

What an @sshole.
 
tie her tubes & give him a vasectomy!
that would be the REAL way to help them!
if thats the life they want (abuser/abusee)....fine! just dont bring any children into it!
 
Did anyone else see the picture of him when they first reconciled? They were on jetskis, and he knew he was being photographed and he held up his fist to the camera!!!!! Truly disgusting.
It was on TMZ.
 
bjbowers said:
Did anyone else see the picture of him when they first reconciled? They were on jetskis, and he knew he was being photographed and he held up his fist to the camera!!!!! Truly disgusting.
It was on TMZ.
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I doubt the fist was a 'yeah I hit her and I'm free' gesture. It was probably more of a greeting/pose
 
ladysaraii said:
I doubt the fist was a 'yeah I hit her and I'm free' gesture. It was probably more of a greeting/pose
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It also could be a european gesture, equivalent of the finger (the French do the 'bras d'honneur'---hit your bicep with one hand while sending the forarm of the hit arm up in a 'fists up' gesture---certainly easier to show than to describe!)
 
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