Input on a weird situation

My first reaction when I read this was the same as Shannon's - personally, it strikes me as a rather odd request. If I were him and your daughter suggested it, I would discourage the idea in the first place. But my suspicion, as others have said, is that the dog-walking is just another ruse to be part of your lives. Also, his reaction when you told him you wanted to talk to your SO about it raises a red flag as well. Am wondering if he intended the walks to be a daily thing? I wish you luck - this sounds like a sticky situation.

-Cathy
 
I agree with the majority. It sounds like he just wants access to your life in another way, besides Sophie. Heck, it sounds like you have a hard enough time getting rid of him when you and SO are there, what happens when he comes to "walk the dog" when you aren't!?!?!?!? His reaction about having to think it over was also way out of line! Especially since the dog isn't 100% yours! I would be very leery of this guy!
 
This incident reminds me a bit of a friend. Her ex kept trying to get back into her life after she recovered from their split and moved on. Suddently his ex wife became the "other woman."
 
Shelley, I can't believe he is trying to make you feel guilty about talking to your SO about it. That's ridiculous!

I think you should talk to your SO, but talk to Sophie too if you can work it into the conversation. I would just ask her if she really misses the dog while she's at her Dad's house or something like that. From her response, you'll be able to gauge whether it was her idea or not.

By the way, my niece was raised the same way and she turned out awesome. (Her Mom and Dad survived too ;) )
-Nancy
 
First of all, I agree with Melody. I think it's YOU he wants to get closer to.

Secondly, I don't agree with recommending that he get a dog of his own unless he's really a dog person. If he were a dog person I would think he would already have a dog. If he isn't a dog person, there would be one more dog in a sad and lonely situation (except when Sophie is there).

Finally, I want to applaud you and all of the other mothers who "share" their children with their dads. My mom HATED my dad and whatever it was that happened between them (basically what I can get is that she was a witch to live with yet she kicked him out - I'm sure in a fit of anger as I've seen it with her and other men) and made is SO difficult for us to see him that he finally gave up b/c he didn't want to put us through that anymore (we were little - like 4 and 5 years old). My mom had us so freaked out about him coming over that she would yell "Your father's coming" and we'd go hide under the bed and scream and cry. On the one hand she would always tell us growing up that he was going to try to steal us (had us terrified) and on the other hand she'd say he didn't want anything to do with us - whatever made him look worse at the time. When I was 30 I finally met my dad (even though he started trying when I was 18 and not under my mom's influence as much - or so he thought). AWESOME man. Let me just say that my mom is on her 6th marriage and my dad's been married to the same woman for 30 years. It's been 40 years since they've been divorced and she still tries to get in little digs about him, although nothing of any substance and tried the guilt trip thing on me really bad about seeing him until I told her enough was enough. And I've seen the way my mom behaves in relationships (obviously through 6 marriages). NOT NICE. I just had to mention that last bit in case anyone felt the need to stick up for my mom for "protecting" us from the evil man. :)

So I just love when I hear parents trying to at least fake getting along so that the children can benefit from being raised with both parents in their lives. Unless there is some kind of abuse (physical, sexual, drugs, alcohol - which in our case there wasn't) I think whatever happened between the parents should stay between the parents. Way to go to all of you!!!

A final note - my mom did finally find an ANGEL who she married 3 years ago (she's now almost 75). He treats her like the queen she thinks she is and all is well. I told her when she got married to him she better behave and sometimes when I ask her how married life is treating her she'll say "I'm behaving."

Whew - sorry that was so long!!!

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
Shelley, If you really want to sport with his head, you could say "Yeah, sure...come walk the dog everyday". Then when your ex arrives...he learns you are not there, instead he is received by your SO. Next day, same thing. "Shelley is out running errands". Next day "Shelley is getting her hair done...gone for a walk...drink with friends". Or better yet...direct SO to not even offer the information. Yes, you may have to be gone everyday but not for long before he gets the point! Hell, don't even go anywhere...hide in the closet until he's gone! Have SO just say your gone! He won't be hanging around to chit chat with your SO!
 
Sarah - you're evil. I like that:)

Sophie has never ever brought up with me coming to walk Gilbert when she's not with her dad. And he never said "Sophie would like....".

I talked to my SO and he said "tell him he can come and walk the dog ONCE if he signs your Separation Agreement". Yeah. It's been five years and he hasn't signed it. So I think that about sums it up right there.

Oh, and he can't have a dog in his current residence. So telling him to get his own won't help. He stopped by here last night on some pretense or other and said to the dog "oh, you should come home with me."

I'm gonna tell him to go pound salt.

Thank you all so much for your input and support. I really appreciate it.
 
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