I'm still here!

[pjlippert]

I've missed my Cathlete sisters! It's been crazy busy with finalizing the divorce, selling the house and working as much as possible to become financially independant of my VERY soon to be ex-husband/alcoholic.

I made a decision that it is in my son's best interest (and mine) to finish out 4th & 5th grade for him. He had a Troll of a teacher in 2nd & 3rd and got his dream teacher for 4th (current year) and 5th (he loops). So, once the house sells (40+ showing in about 110 days- exhausting! but at least my house has stayed very clean).

I decided that both my DS and I need some time to heal in every sense of the word and will rent a nice but affordable townhome in Colorado and get our bearings, get the finances in order, establish a new life for the both of us.

It isn't fair to uproot my darling boy after ALLLLLLL that he (and I) have been through with his addictive/alcoholic/abusive father. He will be leaving his childhood home, the divorce will be final and I feel with ALL of my heart that it would be devestating for him to go to a new State, leave his childhood friends, his awesome teacher and pretty much all that he knows. It just would not be healthy for him. California can wait. My son is my #1 priority. We found a great townhome complex where there are some kids that go to his school, friends he has known for much of his life.

Bottom line, we just need to chill, simplify and heal.

Please pray that all continues to go smoothly - at least relatively smoothly!

Hugs & it's good to be back!

Pam

 

[tralaiven]

I am glad for you that you are going to take time to just chill and readjust to life and heal. I pray that you can forgive your husband for your own sake. Even though he sounds terrible, I am sure he is the bigger mess than you (not that you are a mess...but we are all just a little bit..aren't we?). I hope he gets his life together for the sake of your son.

When I went through horrible times, I really did need time with just no stress whatsoever because I had been through so much stress. I had to learn how to be human again and enjoy the life I had been given. I just had to learn how to live again, as strange as it might seem.

I am so sorry for the trouble you have had, but I also know that you can come out better and stronger for it. Some of my worst times wherein I have suffered have served to deepen character and make me more empathetic to those who suffer. While I would never wish trouble on myself or others, my suffering has actually made me a better person. I hope this is true for you.

Blessings

 

[Ivy]

I am sorry to hear that you have gone through such troubling times, but you sound like a very good mother and a good person. It is amazing what we are willing to go through for our children, and yet we would do it again and again if it were called for. I wish the two of you peace and happiness, he sounds like a lovely young man, kids are resilient, with your love I am sure he will be fine and I know that you will be as well.

 

[maddiesmum]

Chill, simplify, heal. Sounds like a plan to me. Good luck Pam! Thinking of you.....and goodbye to the ex.

I'm waiting 2 more years until both girls are at college, and then I will be doing the same. My husband is a decent man, but he's boring me to death, there's no love coming my way and I feel my life is running out and I'm not really living it, at least not with him. It's a hard road to step on and go down and I am already starting my grieving for this marriage. I feel sad all the time. Is this normal?

Clare

 

[mini-natty]

Pam,

I wish you the best of luck during this very rocky time in your life. I went through my own devastating hardship a few years ago, and although I sometimes look back upon it with great sadness and resentment, I have come to the realization that those toughs times can either make you, or break you. We are strongest in the places that we're broken.

I admire your brave spirit and finding the courage to make your life better for you and your son.

Positive vibes from me to you {{{}}}.

Natasha

 

[pjlippert]

Chill, simplify, heal. Sounds like a plan to me. Good luck Pam! Thinking of you.....and goodbye to the ex.

I'm waiting 2 more years until both girls are at college, and then I will be doing the same. My husband is a decent man, but he's boring me to death, there's no love coming my way and I feel my life is running out and I'm not really living it, at least not with him. It's a hard road to step on and go down and I am already starting my grieving for this marriage. I feel sad all the time. Is this normal?

Clare

Hi Clare- yes, the pre-mourning is totally normal. It IS a death of sorts and the grieving process will rock your world when you least expect it- so brace yourself! It is a very scary path to travel and full of major trials, adversities and breakdowns. I'll be praying for you as well!

Pam

 

[pjlippert]

Pam,

I wish you the best of luck during this very rocky time in your life. I went through my own devastating hardship a few years ago, and although I sometimes look back upon it with great sadness and resentment, I have come to the realization that those toughs times can either make you, or break you. We are strongest in the places that we're broken.

I admire your brave spirit and finding the courage to make your life better for you and your son.

Positive vibes from me to you {{{}}}.

Natasha

Thank you very much, Natasha! I wish you continued healing from your past! Heck, we are Cathletes- aint nothin' gonna break us!

Pam

 

[pjlippert]

Thank you, Tracy for the heartfelt post! We will get stronger and move on with life and be much more at peace. ITA with you about learning to live again. That's where my son and I will be once this messiness is done. It may take a year, it may take 2, 3 - who knows. WE will know when the nightmares have ceased, our hearts are at peace and we can live without the bona-fide PTSD haunting us daily! I continue to pray for healing for ALL who have been or are going through troubled times!

Hugs & blessings to this wonderful community of Cathletes! Your support is very important to everybody!

Pam

I am glad for you that you are going to take time to just chill and readjust to life and heal. I pray that you can forgive your husband for your own sake. Even though he sounds terrible, I am sure he is the bigger mess than you (not that you are a mess...but we are all just a little bit..aren't we?). I hope he gets his life together for the sake of your son.

When I went through horrible times, I really did need time with just no stress whatsoever because I had been through so much stress. I had to learn how to be human again and enjoy the life I had been given. I just had to learn how to live again, as strange as it might seem.

I am so sorry for the trouble you have had, but I also know that you can come out better and stronger for it. Some of my worst times wherein I have suffered have served to deepen character and make me more empathetic to those who suffer. While I would never wish trouble on myself or others, my suffering has actually made me a better person. I hope this is true for you.

Blessings

 

[pjlippert]

I am sorry to hear that you have gone through such troubling times, but you sound like a very good mother and a good person. It is amazing what we are willing to go through for our children, and yet we would do it again and again if it were called for. I wish the two of you peace and happiness, he sounds like a lovely young man, kids are resilient, with your love I am sure he will be fine and I know that you will be as well.

Thank you very much, Ivy. My darling boy is in amazingly strong young man and has the greatest child-counselor I could EVER ask for! She is already working miracles in his beautiful little psyche. She is teaching him coping mechanisms and helping him deal with the horrific nightmares from the trauma brought on by the crap his dad has dealt him. I feel like Violet in The Incredibles- constantly throwing the force field of protection over him- and I know that God is doing the same for both of us and that he has a plan. My DS and I live by Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future"

 

[maddiesmum]

Pam:

well now you just made me burst into tears. But, at least I'm normal. I wish I were Pink: I could turn my anger and sadness into a best selling record and persuade myself "I'm still a rock star."

Well, off to powerwalk now and try and restore my spirits.... Best of luck to you Pam.

Clare

 

[janiejoey]

You are doing everything right. I'm so proud of you. A lot of people just stay in that kind of relationship because they are also affected by alcoholism and become somewhat trapped by it all. I have no doubt that you will be OK, especially with the attitude you have. It will take time to settle in.

I was one of those people who stayed in a 13 year marriage and was on that endless merry go round, and just couldn't get off (leave). Luckily he fell in love with another woman and I had to deal with abandonment, a woman scorned, grieving, and a child who went through hell, and trying to pick up the pieces before I was ready... Seeing a counselor helped save my life (literally). My daughter is still feeling the affects of that turmoil in our lives.

It is now a happy ever after life, thanks to the counseling and support of my family. I had to learn about making wise decisions. It was not easy, and it was a very long road.

Wish you all good thoughts your way,

Janie

 

[story1267]

Huge hugs to both of you, Pam and Clare.

I've been there too, and felt that feeling that leaving would pull every blood vessel and nerve from my body....slowly.

But I had to leave...and I did.

When you know in your heart that the hard thing is the best thing you can take comfort in that. It isn't easy and it can be absolutely devastating.

But when you come through the fire, and you will, the other side is so full of peace and joy and tranquility that it is worth every minute of agony.