I'm kind of worried and need to talk

Hi Shannon!

I would like to second some of the suggestions you're getting here. Although it sounds as though you are leaning toward skipping the doc, I think it wouldn't be a bad thing to go. We lost my father-in-law this year to a heart attack completely out of the blue. He was young and a healthy man. Because of this incident, both my husband and I both went to the cardiologist and received full screenings and tests on our hearts. We are both 28, and excercise a lot and take care of ourselves. Our friends and collegues thought us over-reactive and maybe even silly, but we didn't care. It even made more sense for my hubby to go, since he now has family history, then for me to go, but I didn't care! At least what we got out of it is clean bills of health and records of the state that our cardiovascular system is in, so that we can have something to compare it to years down the road.. so I don't see it as a wasted visit.

Although it seems that your difficulties lie more in your handling of stress - having a clean bill of health from the doc can actually help aid you in this department. Then you won't have the added worry of that on top of things. If you happen to have this pain again, you will be able to know it is nothing vs. becoming even more stressed with the double worry of 'oh no it's happened again something must be wrong!' and 'why didn't I go before!'

Anyway, sorry so long. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't let feeling silly about it, or your healthy lifestyle hold you back from a visit to the doc.

I hope things get better for you and your boss listens to you!
 
Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Shannon,

I don't understand why women tend to put themselves last. If this was your daughter or your husband or your parent you would DRIVE them to the doctor yourself, you would accept no less then having them COMPLETELY tested & diagnosed & treated.

The chest pain you described is totally consistent with a heart attack - in women it is NOT the typical crushing chest pain radiating down the right arm, etc.

My MIL is the hugest martyr there is and a very controlling personality. She too would never go to a doctor unless broken bones were protruding. I remember DH once describing her as the type of stoic personality that would characterize being nailed to the cross as 'discomfort, really, it's really because I'm so heavy, and it's more of a pull, not pain...'

Well she had a TIA last week and the doctor told her she would be DEAD of a stroke within a year. DEAD. Not paralyzed or disabled, DEAD.

I told her we never expected her to see her grandkids graduate from school because she ALWAYS put herself last. Her daughter's last plea? "Mom, I know you won't put yourself first. Please put ME first, and my first priority is to keep you healthy & alive." That fell on deaf ears too. My conclusion is that she has a very low self esteem and NOT taking care of her health is a way to demand attention in addition to her martyrdom actions & talk. She LOVES having people plead & beg for her to go see a doctor. She is ADDICTED to being rescued - I can't describe how many HUNDREDS of times I've given her my antibiotics or my daughter's cough medicine because she WON'T go see a doctor.

For goodness sakes, get yourself to a doctor. Stop dragging your feet. If you skip this you WILL skip getting medical treatment when you DO have a heart attack or a bleeding ulcer or a crippling infection like hepatitis. For goodness sakes, why should strangers on an internet forum have to tell you how to minimally care for your own health?

AND QUIT harping on yourself for eating a decent high-protein meal after a stressful day. Do you really criticize yourself for eating eggs & peanut butter? It reminds me of the reality shows about anorexics & bulimics and the way they CONSTANTLY criticize their eating habits and obsess with their diet. People could be dying around them and they are worrying about a bagel they ate...

If you refuse to get treatment do NOT post your complaints here just to get reassurance from complete strangers that your condition is benign. That's a total cop-out - a way to avoid personal responsibility, being able to blame complete strangers if your condition proves to be serious.

And that's essentially the smack on the rear that I WISH I could give to my MIL.

Please take care of yourself, we can't do it for you.
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Wow. DawnP -that really was a smack in the rear! Thank you, however, for your honesty... I think.;-)

First, I hope you'll consider your words here and please share them with your MIL. There still is time to help her - or let it be known that if she won't help herself, then nobody is going to do it for her. Isn't that what you're telling me?

Tell you what. I work at a hospital, and in a week or two they're giving free health screenings. I went last year, and I'll go again this year. Last year, they said I had borderline high blood pressure so I monitored it for a while. Guess what? On weekends and vacation, it dropped like a stone. During the workweek, it stayed higher. Imagine that. This year I think the screenings are a bit more extensive. I'll get them all, and if anything the least bit odd shows up, then off I go to the doctor.AND if anything suspicious happens before the screenings, I'll go right then and there.

I kind of feel better about doing it that way, so if I do go to the doctor, I have something concrete to present.

For being a complete stranger, you give good, from the heart advice. Thanks.
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Shannon,

Well I'm very relieved you didn't take my advice as a rude personal attack because DANG I can really put it out there - but can I take it?

I think 99% of what I said REALLY was about my MIL and how frustrating it is to not be able to help someone you truly love because they really don't want the help. I have certainly tried to send this message time & time again to her. At this point a therapist has told me the less time I devote to her & her health issues the less she will act out in an unhealthy manner. I guess it might be true because I've certainly tried everything else!

I'm a healthcare professional too - I'm a pharmacist and I work at a hospital. I see so much of what you see - women who put themselves last, men who smoked & worked stressful jobs to support their families, sweet hard-working single moms that just deserve so much better.

And the hardest thing for me is my MIL and extended family calling me and asking for half-hearted advice (could this medicine be making her short of breath with swollen ankles? No, congestive heart failure does that. Can she treat her bronchitis with over-the-counter Primatene mist? No, she needs antibiotics and professional treatment) They NEVER follow any of my suggestions. EVER. The therapist told me to detach 'with love' and just share my feeling that I do care about her and has she asked her DOCTOR (or her other son who IS a doctor) and what did he recommend? Time to get uninvolved.

I can't count how many times her daughters have told her they're taking her to lunch and they drive her to a doctor and tell her they've made an appt and TRICK her into going. She is PISSED. But she gets over it and forgives them because after all, they're her kids. Now imagine if your daughter-in-law did this - you'd disown her, wouldn't you? So I don't have many options.

I'm sorry my words were harsh - they were honest, true, but probably too direct for public consumption. Frankly everyone posts on an internet forum every so often just to hear some consensus from others that their opinion or plan is not crazy - I have too.

But this hit a nerve, the chest/shoulder/neck pain just seemed to be so out of character for you. I personally wish you the best and hope that you don't ignore your symptoms - even if you're afraid of what they might find. Because you ARE number 1, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I hope your health screening goes well although they do not perform extensive cardiac scans or check your blood for heart attack enzymes or check to see whether you have clogged arteries. But if you can describe your symptoms to a doctor or nurse perhaps they can advise you, coupled with the health screening info (blood pressure, blood sugars, etc). I think they do cholesterol scans on the spot with a finger prick at these screenings, so that might be good info too.

Please take care & know I truly wish you the very best.

Dawn P.
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Dawn -
Your situation is a tough one. It kind of sounds like your MIL might even be pushing for free advice, free medication, or whatever, since you're a pharmacist. I'm not sure of course, but I know a couple of those sorts of people - don't we all! I think the advice you've been given is good, to get uninvolved. "Tough love," right? I do hope your MIL seeks medical help before it's too late.

My best friend is experiencing a similar problem with her mother, who is in her 70s. She has been doing poorly for quite a while but refused to see a doctor because she just "knew" she had cancer and basically didn't want to know for sure. My friend finally got her to go, and tests indicated possible liver problems. Again, her mother refused further treatment. Finally it became an emergency situation, she was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with advanced liver disease (cirrhosis). At best, she has a year to live. I'm actually angry with the woman for being so selfish and basically wanting to die, and for putting her daughter through this when it could have been so much less stressful and traumatic. But my friend was trying to give her mother the respect she deserved as an adult by letting her make her own decisions instead of forcing her to go to the doctor.

Oh, and really, the reason I originally posted this Friday night was because there truly was nobody in person I could talk to. Family was away, friends were busy - and I certainly wasn't going to dump this on the friend I mentioned above - she has enough problems! I am pretty dependent on my family emotionally, and I talked about it to my mother Saturday. I like most of the people on this forum - everyone seems very nice, and many seem to truly care. I've kind of developed a trust here, so that's why I posted. It did help, because Friday night I was really wound tight. Thanks, everyone!
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

If you are worried, it bears looking into. I would see the doctor just to alleviate your fears and I would look into stress reduction and relaxation techniques so you can have the tools to deal with the hustle of life at your finger tips. Heart problems in women often manifest themselves differently than in men and, of course, men are the ones who are studied. But the tools used don't always apply to us so see your doctor and find out what that was. You are most likely as healthy as healthy can be but it's best to err on the side of caution. See the doctor!
Bobbi



Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Shannon,

Thanks for the kind words about my MIL and your tale about your friend's mother as well. My MIL is 74 by the way. It is very hard to trust people to be adults and take care of themselves when they don't appear to be able to do it, yet you want to show them respect.

There certainly is an entire generation that was raised to 'not speak ill' or discuss illness or investigate illness or be proactive, as this is considered impolite or bad luck or something.

I have a grandmother who let a case of obvious breast cancer go to stage IV because not only was she afraid of the disease, she was afraid of the treatment. I think sometimes older folk really *do* know what is wrong with them.

There isn't much you can do.

And I do understand your need to vent and get support at a time when most of your loved ones are unavailable, that is very tough. I do think most folks here are very friendly & caring here at Cathe.com. The internet has a way of luring you to believe that these are 'real' relationships and I am fearful that some folks might substitute that for medical advice from a medical professional.

I wish you all the best Shannon, please let us know what advice you come across that helps you. There is likely 20 lurkers following your ordeal that will learn from this, you never know

Dawn P. ;)
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Hey Shannon, I get wicked chest pains when I'm stressed. I went and had an ekg once because it was so bad, and they did a blood test for heart attack enzymes...nothing. I got rid of my ex-husband and the chest pains went away too!}(

That said, my 42 year old, fit, health conscious, nurse neighbor died of a sudden heart attack. It's no big deal to just go have a few tests run.

Wishing you the best,

Bella
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

Simply put. If you take a little time to have it checked out, your stress would be relieved enormously. Just do it!
 
RE: Go to the doctor for goodness sakes, quit AVOIDING it!

I agree with many of the posts here that this probably is just from stress, but as a heart nurse I would urge you to have it checked out. I can't tell you how many people I take care of that "ignored" symptoms because they are basically healthy, eat well, exercise... so it can't be heart. Usually the younger we are the more we tend to think it can't be heart problems. Please do have that checkup and hopefully everything will be fine. I also find that women are the worst about having things checked out. We may not have the same classic symptoms men do, also.

I hope all is okay and that it is just due to stress. But you only have one heart, and when the muscle dies it usually does not regenerate. You can't be too careful!!

Best wishes, and I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Lynn:)
 
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