I feel the same as like the baby blues, I dont wanna him to grow up, I just love having babies around (he is my third boy) and I know that the first birthday is something to be looked foward to, but I am not. I am trying to talk my hubby into #4..yaya I know I am nuts, but I would really like to try ONE more time for a girl and like I said I really love little kids. The hubby is teetering back and forth on the fourth try, which i think this is adding to my anxiety...I am not ready to have the "baby stuff" over with quite yet. It just hurts, like that hurt you feel after you've had a baby and you feel like hormonal and sad not to have that connection with the baby inside of you...any of you felt the same?? i am kinda embarrassed by this post, but I know there are intelligent feeling women on this forum and need some support...thanks
I'm going nuts cuz my little one is turning one soon
- Thread starter groundhog
- Start date
I completely understand how you are feeling! I have a 10 1/2 month old and also am feeling that first birthday creep up. I get weepy when I look at pictures of my tiny, brand new baby. I want him to stay my sweet, little baby. It is so hard!
Did you feel this way with your first two, or is it just coming now because he is potentially your last baby? My child is my first so I know there will be more. I'm sure having another child will require some serious decision making on you and your husband's part. A lot of the ladies in the pregnancy and postpartum forum have brought up the point that you will never regret having another child, but you may regret not having another one. Just a thought for you.
Hang in there, that is all I can offer. I haven't found a solution for my sadness. I'm just trying to savor every day I have with him before he grows up! (Oh, just saying that is making me weepy!)
Did you feel this way with your first two, or is it just coming now because he is potentially your last baby? My child is my first so I know there will be more. I'm sure having another child will require some serious decision making on you and your husband's part. A lot of the ladies in the pregnancy and postpartum forum have brought up the point that you will never regret having another child, but you may regret not having another one. Just a thought for you.
Hang in there, that is all I can offer. I haven't found a solution for my sadness. I'm just trying to savor every day I have with him before he grows up! (Oh, just saying that is making me weepy!)
I can TOTALLY relate! I have two little boys 4 and 2 and I just can't get rid of the baby stuff. I love the baby stuff and would love to have a third. However, we worry about $$ and I'm 37 - is that too late? We're still going back and forth. I love babies - don't like the sleepless nights.....but love babies!
oh..its nice to know I am not alone...we are going back and forth (well hubby is) on #4. People tell me four kids, your nuts, but I tell them in response I am not like other people so, so I am not gonna apoligize for trying one more time for a girl. My children are loved to death and I would cut off my arm for them, they are happy and loved and we try to provide them with decent clothes toys, etc. haha I dont like the sleepless nites either, the first 8 or so weeks are tough stuff, you feel like hell, your fat and nothing fits and your hormones are CRAZY!! But I love babies too!! I am trying to slow down a little to enjoy my babies moments though..goes by so quickly and I want to savor every little thing. I dont think 37 is too late, as long as you take care of yourself, which you do because you work out with Cathe.
To Emy:
No, I did not feel like this with my other two... I think because I am getting older and did have a hard time concieving my third, it is all just pressing on my "mommy" nerve, ya know. I think we will end up trying sometime next year if its gonna happen. I do agree with fact that you will never regret having one, but might if not trying again. thanks for that thought... enjoy your baby and baby dust to you in the future
No, I did not feel like this with my other two... I think because I am getting older and did have a hard time concieving my third, it is all just pressing on my "mommy" nerve, ya know. I think we will end up trying sometime next year if its gonna happen. I do agree with fact that you will never regret having one, but might if not trying again. thanks for that thought... enjoy your baby and baby dust to you in the future
I have enjoyed each and every stage of my children's growth. There is so much to enjoy and cherish as they get older.
We need to sing the praises of the older child!
My kids are 7 and 10 and a total delight. There is no way I would want to go back to just keeping them as small babies or toddlers! Those stages are great, but kids grow, we can't stop it and to weep too much for the baby that they were is to miss out on sharing with them the new developments in their growing maturity each day!!
To watch a child try so hard to master the task of tying her own shoe laces, to watch them dashing off around the block with their friends on their scooters, to see them help eachother out when they have lost something precious in their messy bedroom, to see them learn to play violin in one semester, to watch them gradually come out of their shell and volunteer in class, to watch them penning letters to their grandparents and sharing a reationship independent of you, to watch them make their own breakfast, to wash their lithe, young bodies in the bath, to see them splashing eachother at the beach, all these things are a complete joy and my reason for living: and to be able to sit back for a moment with your husband and watch this proof of their growing independence as testimony of the endless hours you put into raising them, explaining things to them, teaching them things, is even more wonderful, is proof that you did something right in this world. And now you get to share all this with your husband and rediscover your relationship with him, time for you and him, get balance back into the family structure.
Remember: from the minute they are born, we are preparing our kids to leave us, to be independent of us. That is our job as parents.
Don't weep for the passing baby too much: there is still too much to look forward to! If I were you, I would not divert my attention away from the little ones I have for the sake of possibly having a girl, or possibly not. Cherish what you have and give your all to the three children you already brought on the planet. The baby stage is coming to an end, that's normal, it's life and it's normal to feel a little sad: mourn it a little, and then move on with grace to do your best for the three lovely children you already have. They still need so much from you, in fact more from you each day, way more than a baby needs!!!
Clare
We need to sing the praises of the older child!
My kids are 7 and 10 and a total delight. There is no way I would want to go back to just keeping them as small babies or toddlers! Those stages are great, but kids grow, we can't stop it and to weep too much for the baby that they were is to miss out on sharing with them the new developments in their growing maturity each day!!
To watch a child try so hard to master the task of tying her own shoe laces, to watch them dashing off around the block with their friends on their scooters, to see them help eachother out when they have lost something precious in their messy bedroom, to see them learn to play violin in one semester, to watch them gradually come out of their shell and volunteer in class, to watch them penning letters to their grandparents and sharing a reationship independent of you, to watch them make their own breakfast, to wash their lithe, young bodies in the bath, to see them splashing eachother at the beach, all these things are a complete joy and my reason for living: and to be able to sit back for a moment with your husband and watch this proof of their growing independence as testimony of the endless hours you put into raising them, explaining things to them, teaching them things, is even more wonderful, is proof that you did something right in this world. And now you get to share all this with your husband and rediscover your relationship with him, time for you and him, get balance back into the family structure.
Remember: from the minute they are born, we are preparing our kids to leave us, to be independent of us. That is our job as parents.
Don't weep for the passing baby too much: there is still too much to look forward to! If I were you, I would not divert my attention away from the little ones I have for the sake of possibly having a girl, or possibly not. Cherish what you have and give your all to the three children you already brought on the planet. The baby stage is coming to an end, that's normal, it's life and it's normal to feel a little sad: mourn it a little, and then move on with grace to do your best for the three lovely children you already have. They still need so much from you, in fact more from you each day, way more than a baby needs!!!
Clare
I have to watch it because my 3 year old started telling her dolls to "Quit growing so much!". Do you think her mom and grandmoms have said this to her quite a few times?
Love em' when their little, love em' when their older.
It's a joy to watch my 12 year old really come into her own even though I know she has a ways to go.
On the other hand....I'd love to have another baby....the smells the middle of the night feedings....the whole nine yards. DH says at 39 we'd better thank God for them....but...
Take care, and yes, I too miss the baby stage. But 12 and 3 have really been a hoot this summer...we're having so much FUN!!!
Love em' when their little, love em' when their older.
It's a joy to watch my 12 year old really come into her own even though I know she has a ways to go.
On the other hand....I'd love to have another baby....the smells the middle of the night feedings....the whole nine yards. DH says at 39 we'd better thank God for them....but...
Take care, and yes, I too miss the baby stage. But 12 and 3 have really been a hoot this summer...we're having so much FUN!!!
candi
Cathlete
I have an unpopular position regarding your post.
Babies do grow into adults. As Clare said, that is our job as parents, to teach them to grow independent of us and learn how to get along in the world.
Many women and men alike procreate to fulfill something inside of themselves that is lacking. It's a deeply psychological need based on very selfish reasons. I know people absolutely hate to hear that but it's true. I see this as very damaging to the child. If you only truly value your child as a baby and try to keep him as a baby, how does that help him develop? It doesn't!
Once you have a child, it should not be about you and your wants and needs, it should be about theirs.
I know you said you need support. Sorry to give you such a "Dr. Phil" answer. At best, maybe it will help you to think about your situation a bit more. At worst, you can just be pissed off at my response.
Babies do grow into adults. As Clare said, that is our job as parents, to teach them to grow independent of us and learn how to get along in the world.
Many women and men alike procreate to fulfill something inside of themselves that is lacking. It's a deeply psychological need based on very selfish reasons. I know people absolutely hate to hear that but it's true. I see this as very damaging to the child. If you only truly value your child as a baby and try to keep him as a baby, how does that help him develop? It doesn't!
Once you have a child, it should not be about you and your wants and needs, it should be about theirs.
I know you said you need support. Sorry to give you such a "Dr. Phil" answer. At best, maybe it will help you to think about your situation a bit more. At worst, you can just be pissed off at my response.
I dont think I am being selfish, I deeply love my children and I also adore my seven year olds quirky humor and artistic flair and how loving and affectionate he is. I adore my three year old for his spice and strong personality and how affectionate he is. I love my baby for all that he is, he is a truly delightful son. I value my children for who they are not what age they are. I was merely stating that I do this age. That does not mean once they pass the age of one they are of no value to me. Children are gods gift and do not take that for granted, EVER. I put my childrens need FAR before mine, I think you took this thread and turned into something ugly... It was a discussion between mothers who love that baby stage and love children. Yes, it does resemble a "Dr. Phil" answer, I dont have much respect for him and I think you can figure in the blanks
To clare: I do agree with you say, I do have other children and to watch them milestones it is quite amazing. The first time my oldest read a book from cover to cover with such passion made me bawl. When my 3yr old rode his bike for the first time this summer it was great. I dont take time away from my other children because I want a girl, I thank god for them everyday. I think people took this post wrong and I am sorry. I am a very loving giving mother and I enjoy my children so. I am just an emotional person. I am sorry if the readers of this post think that they opinions formed of me are true. all I can say is that they are not
Of course you are a loving mother! Just wanted to pop in and say I didn't read your post wrong at all....I do know what you mean...I get that baby feeling whenever I am in Toys R Us and see those cute little sleeper jammies in the 3 month sizes! I just love babies! I just wanted to say I get where you are coming from.....it is wonderful when people truly love being parents!
Jen
Jen
candi
Cathlete
I knew I would upset a lot of people with my post but just as I thought, some of you took it in the most totally negative context immaginable. But that's okay, I wear big girl panties and can take the immature insults.
I have seen children be born out of total selfishness and then cast away when they outgrew the "baby stage". Sad thing is, the parents don't even realize what they're doing. Having said that, which is coming too close to sounding like I'm defending myself, which I don't feel I want to do...I discussed this post with my husband last night. He's a therapist who has worked with disturbed adolescents for the past three years. The damage he has seen inflicted on children from well meaning, but selfish parents is so astounding, he could write a book. He reminded me that there is a writing by Kahlil Gibran that answers the mail on how I feel, but in a much gentler way which shouldn't insult anyone.
AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from
you,
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not
their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-
morrow, which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek
not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries
with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path
of the infinite, and He bends you with His
might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand
be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
-excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
I have seen children be born out of total selfishness and then cast away when they outgrew the "baby stage". Sad thing is, the parents don't even realize what they're doing. Having said that, which is coming too close to sounding like I'm defending myself, which I don't feel I want to do...I discussed this post with my husband last night. He's a therapist who has worked with disturbed adolescents for the past three years. The damage he has seen inflicted on children from well meaning, but selfish parents is so astounding, he could write a book. He reminded me that there is a writing by Kahlil Gibran that answers the mail on how I feel, but in a much gentler way which shouldn't insult anyone.
AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from
you,
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not
their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-
morrow, which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek
not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries
with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path
of the infinite, and He bends you with His
might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand
be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
-excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
Candi - quit the psychological analysis and psycho-babble and get a grip. This post was not intended to be ugly or selfish! It was a post, I think, that spoke of a woman's desire to have another child - to give life and enjoy the giving of love during a baby's most vulnerable and needy stages. My mom still says she misses the baby stages with me and my sister - I never take offence to it - is just means she misses all the cuddling and loving - what, on earth is wrong with that? What is wrong with seeing a baby and enjoying his/her innocence? Wanting another child is not selfish - nor is it wrong. YOU are the one with the problem. The women who want another baby are not stating that they wish to 'throw away' thier toddlers or dismiss them as they grow - no one ever said that. As as for your poem " For their souls dwell in the house of to-
morrow, which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams" as far as I'm concerned - their souls dwell in the house of God!
morrow, which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams" as far as I'm concerned - their souls dwell in the house of God!
candi
Cathlete
Well, you finally get it, even thought you don't realize it. You actually said it...to only really enjoy the baby's most vulnerable and needy stages. Therein lies the problem.
What I am saying, if you would stop and think about instead of jumping immediately to anger, is that if you only truly value a child during those needy stages, don't you think that damages the child? Isn't that selfish? To continue to have children for the sole purpose of your fulfillment? If this is the popular opinion, it sure does explain so many screwed up adolescents. Yeah, let's keep having them and enjoying them until having so many, the older children are neglected. Then society can take care of the problems you have created.
And by the way, that's not my poem. I did not write it. I only used it to express my feelings.
What I am saying, if you would stop and think about instead of jumping immediately to anger, is that if you only truly value a child during those needy stages, don't you think that damages the child? Isn't that selfish? To continue to have children for the sole purpose of your fulfillment? If this is the popular opinion, it sure does explain so many screwed up adolescents. Yeah, let's keep having them and enjoying them until having so many, the older children are neglected. Then society can take care of the problems you have created.
And by the way, that's not my poem. I did not write it. I only used it to express my feelings.
What we are talking about is 'enjoying the baby's vulnerable stages' what is wrong with that? I enjoy my toddlers creative stages - and I'm sure I'll look back on those with the same amount of fondness! I'm sure I will also enjoy the other stages that are to come. each stage presents itself with new joys! You are reading evil into something that isn't - seems to me that maybe you were the neglected one during adolesence and you're projecting your emptiness onto those who are merely expressing thier joy and love for babies.
Oh - and I know it wasn't 'your' poem and it expressed your feelings. My point was that our souls belog to God!
Oh - and I know it wasn't 'your' poem and it expressed your feelings. My point was that our souls belog to God!
JMFRANE
Cathlete
My "babies" are 22 and 19. Once in a while I still get that feeling of wanting another baby even though I know for sure that I am done raising kids (I'm really enjoying this new phase of my life as much as I enjoyed raising my children). Many of my friends with grown children say the same thing. I have read that it is a natural instinct to feel this. I feel the orignal poster's feelings are very normal. It has nothing to do with selfishness or being a bad Mom. My children are very well adjusted loving young adults.
Joanne
Joanne