I need advice

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
Sometimes I like to eat ice cream. It's my one junk food indulgence, and it hasn't done me any harm. Anyway, I love it. The problem is my DH. He has the worst sweet tooth I've ever seen on a human. By the time I get around to eating MY ice cream, not only has he been eating it, but he's been diving for the chocolate chunks. The ice cream looks gross when he's been picking at it, and it ruins it for me.

To try to deal with the situation, I buy two containers, one for him, and one for me, figuring he'll leave mine alone. But by the time I get to mine, he's already done with his and started on mine.

The worst part is, he doesn't buy ice cream, I think because he knows he can't handle it. So I feel guilty for buying the stuff. His doctor says he's bordering on pre-diabetic. But I love my ice cream so much, if I had to decide between it and him, I honestly don't know what I would choose! :eek:Any ideas??
 
Have you told him how this makes you feel? Maybe if he knew how much it irritated you he would stop (wishfull thinking?) Lay it out for him, tell him if he does not stop then you will have to stop buying yourself ice cream and how much you enjoy it and how his actions will then stop you from having a treat.

Ya never know, I found if I really made my husband understand why I was upset then he would do something about it.
 
I know you're kidding about choosing your DH over ice cream (I hope), but this would be a no-brainer for me. Your DH has no self-control over ice cream, so you cannot bring into the house.

My DH has high cholesterol/triglycerides and very bad eating habits. If I have a craving for fried foods, pastries, etc., I eat it outside of the home.

I love my DH and would do everything I could to help him stay healthy. Diabetes is a terrible disease and I wouldn't want my DH to have it.
 
How about single servings like say an ice cream pop or sandwich or even a cone? Something that is wrapped. I like to buy ice cream that way anyways so that I only eat that much and no worrying about how many 1/2 cups I have eaten. My favorites actually are little cups of about 100 calories and I am dying for some right now.
 
Is there an ice cream place nearby? You could always go and get a scoop (or two!:p) for yourself.

DH and I love ice cream, but rarely keep it in the house. We'll go out for a cone every now and then, but we know if it's in the freezer, it won't last two days!
 
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MadnNatsmom said:
I know you're kidding about choosing your DH over ice cream (I hope), but this would be a no-brainer for me. Your DH has no self-control over ice cream, so you cannot bring into the house.

My DH has high cholesterol/triglycerides and very bad eating habits. If I have a craving for fried foods, pastries, etc., I eat it outside of the home.

I love my DH and would do everything I could to help him stay healthy. Diabetes is a terrible disease and I wouldn't want my DH to have it.
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I agree 100% with this. You really have to put your husband first, here. I know if I were DATING a man who kept bringing temptation around me it would be the end of us because, like your husband, resisting would be impossible. It's not even a little funny.

If you absolutely have to indulge, carry a spoon around and stop off at your grocer for a pint when you're out and about. But be considerate and don't bring that container into the house - even leaving it empty in the kitchen trash. Your husband is an addict and even the sight of that container would be torture for him.
 
I pretty much agree with what the others have said. It looks like you won't be able to bring ice cream into the house anymore. However if you haven't told him why you buy two containers and are just assuming he knows one is for you only I'd try telling him first. Another trick my WW leader uses to keep her dh away from her single serving ice cream is to put in in a spinach bag! Most guys would never find it in there.
 
When I was at the grocery store the other day, buying ice cream for my boys who have similar complaints and issues with each other I bought small single serving size containers of Ben & Jerry's, Haagan Daz and Starbucks. They were on sale 10 for $10.00, yeah I know ounce for ounce it isn't as good a deal as a carton but they really liked having their "own" and not having to scoop too. I came home and put five in one ziplock and five in another and labeled it with their names and the words "contains five ice creams".

In your case, perhaps you could show him the bags and tell him because of his health concerns he should only eat one a day. Show him the serving size, nutrition content information.Tell him you love him and that portion control is what you both are going to work on while enjoying every bite of your own portions. :)
 
Well, as usual, I do not agree with everyone else.

He is an adult human being and needs to manage his own health himself. He has no right to start on your tub of ice cream. There are no excuses. Nobody finds discipline easy, we all have to work at it. Discipline is not encoded in anybody's genetic make-up. He needs to work at being disciplined to put limits on his self-indulgence and also his pilfering. He needs to man up enough to realize that only he can make changes in behaviour that will lead to improved health. It's not your job. You are not his mother and that is not what you signed up for. Do you expect him to plague you and police your behaviours for you to make sure you are making healthy choices?

I don't let my husband get away with this crap. If he eats my chocolate, I give him hell because he already has his own stash and just like your husband with the ice cream, he will eat his in double quick time and then start on mine because I do not inhale it as a necessary food group in the same way he does. However, I make no bones about telling him that I am not and never will be his mother. I tell him that if he has put on a belly over the winter, that is his problem and he needs to deal with it. Go exercise, eat less crap, don't give me excuses, I'm not interested.

I love him but I am responsible for my children's health, not his. And I do not see why I have to go without chocolate in my house just because he cannot contain himself.

If I were you, and I agree with you, the choc ice cream with the chunks stolen from it is not appetizing, I would empty the rest of that tub onto his lap while he watches his fave TV program, and say, "here, since you like my ice cream so much, please finish it..."

The only other alternative you have is to get extremely pissy in his face every time he steals your stash. Do you want to do this? Or, you have to get your ice cream fixes outside the house, say on your lunch break or on the way home from work. Does that suit you? Personally, I don't see why you should have to do either of these things. Also, these solutions seem to somewhat enable your husband's "inability" to develop the necessary discipline to make healthy choices.

Does the man not care that he is close to being diagnosed diabetic?!?!?!?!?!

Dunno if any of this helps.....btw, what dress did you choose?

Clare
 
Myself, I would not buy ice cream for anyone who is pre-diabetic ... it's not the same as normal sharing, where you could safely have his'n hers items.

Over on the SparkPeople site, where I've been for the past three-ish years, there are sites where people vent or ask for help with their difficulties. Probably the biggest complaint that I see is that the spouse/SO is buying/leaving tempting food around while they are on a diet. People get very stressed about this - I don't think they are making up stories when they say that they have no control. They really believe they don't, that they "have to" binge, and many become very resentful over what the other person is 'doing to them'. Personally I think control over what we eat is something that can be learned, and I agree it would be nicer if you could leave food around without having it eaten - but based on what I've observed over at SP this skill of staying out of tempting foods isn't something all people can learn overnight. Also, the individual has to *want* to learn. If your husband truly "can't" stay out of the ice cream, until he gains that skill/desire, you're going to continue to be missing chocolate lumps!

There are all kinds of things you personally could try, from laying down the law to avoiding ice cream altogether, and a lot of ground in between; but perhaps you could approach this as a couple. What does DH think? Would he be willing to learn how to leave tempting foods alone so that you can enjoy your treats? Would he be willing to try the kinds of ice cream that are lower sugar, aimed at diabetics? Do you like those? Would you be willing to enjoy your ice cream away from the house on a temporary basis while he learned to gain better control over how he eats? Or can you buy it on the day you plan to eat it, putting less stress on the will power? There's nothing right or wrong about any of these choices. Just what's right for you and your marriage, at least in my opinion, take it for what it's worth :)

More importantly, I'm really sorry your DH is pre-diabetic. My step mother is a full diabetic, has been for most of her life, and the number of health problems she has is horrible. My dad is also affected by having to help her in her recoveries from a diabetes - the condition once triggered a stroke, and more recently, she has two ruined feet which came about because she could not feel the hills as she literally walked them to shreds. So many activities have had to be changed because of her disease flaring up, it affected her ability to work, and the difficulties of constantly having to monitor her eating/blood levels is draining to both. It's a real strain on the marriage. Diabetes is treatable, of course ... but I really hope you can work with DH on getting his condition under control so that he will not get to that stage. Good luck to you, however you deal with this!
 
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nancy324 said:
The worst part is, he doesn't buy ice cream, I think because he knows he can't handle it. So I feel guilty for buying the stuff. His doctor says he's bordering on pre-diabetic.
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I can really relate to this, and this alone tells me that he doesn't want to eat the stuff and that he is trying to set himself up for victory - I do the exact same thing, if I can't control something and don't trust myself to not put it in my mouth and never stop I won't bring it home. When DH brings home the crap (and he doesn't do it that often) that I am trying to avoid, I end up binging and feeling lousy afterwards - and most of the time I don't even realize what I am doing until it's gone or I'm half way through. The worst part is, I do feel guilty and like DH doesn't care about how I feel. It isn't a matter of self control, people around me will tell you that I am one of the most self-disciplined people they know... with everything except sweet baked goods... I can't explain what it is, I don't know if it is a chemical addiction or what, but I know that if your DH is trying to avoid certain foods you shouldn't bring them into the house and essentially be a stumbling block for him. Yes, he is a grown man, but it seems as though he really is trying and helping him out seems not only reasonable but also loving. I really appreciate it when my husband is supportive of my struggles, and I try to support him too. With your DH being close to diabetes it would be a no brainer for me: what you want isn't as important as what he needs.

Good luck :)
Missy

p.s. I like and would try some of the other ideas that people presented, and I REALLY like the idea of hiding your ice cream in a spinach bag... that is brilliant actually! as long as he doesn't know it's there, that is ;)
 
I should explain something. DH's pre-diabetic condition, according to his doctor, is caused by his being overweight. His overweight condition is caused by his high-fat, high simple carb diet. I tried for twelve years to teach him how to eat right, and finally became exhausted and gave up. When we're out, he'll always stop for cookies and chocolate bars and eat them on the way home. He thinks hot dogs and french fries are "dinner". When we order groceries, I see the tubs of chocolate-covered raisins on the receipt and say nothing. Why he thinks it's okay to buy chocolate and not ice cream, I don't understand. Eating the low-fat frozen yogurt and ice cream that I occasionally buy is not what's making him fat.

He credits me for influencing him postively, and he eats a lot more fruits and veggies now than he did when we first met, but I'm done with trying to control him. I honestly don't understand how someone can think it's okay to be on high blood pressure medication instead of losing weight. I do sympathize with people who have trouble losing weight, but my DH just doesn't seem to try very hard. I don't understand people who don't care about their health. His parents were the same way. Mine are the opposite. We come from different worlds. But I have my faults, and we've learned to live with each other. What can I say?
 
Okay, I have to chime in here...!

It isn't your responsibility to control your husband and his diet. It's great that you've helped him make positive changes in his diet. It's great that you set a fantastic example. It's pretty clear from your post that even if the stuff isn't in the house, he'll be eating it anyway by picking it up on his way home or making other bad choices.

The fact that you buy yourself ice cream or yogurt is great! You deeserve your treat. However, if he is going to eat it, he also ought to buy it and he really shouldn't pick at it (my mom used to do that and it's gross!). Don't get me wrong - I will wrestle my fiance for the chunks of cookie dough but I won't pick them out :)

Edited to add: Maybe if you started stopping for some individual scoops for you and not keeping it in the house, he'd be more apt to understand the picking thing and comply!?
 
Next time he notices you eating from your container, pretend to lick the top of the ice cream lid and container. That would deter me! :) Seriously, when DH and I used to eat Ben and Jerry's the same thing would happen to me. I just gave up...

As for his health, I think life is to short to spend it nagging. You can't MAKE someone take care of themselves! IMPOSSIBLE. DH and I made a pact in January (no, not a new year's resolution) to take better care of OURSELVES. We both had noticed that we had become lazy in more ways than one. We started STS, cleaned up our diets and resolved to quit the couch potato after work routine. Four months later, we have both lost weight, we sleep better, we look better and we eat better. Keep in mind neither of us MADE the other do it. We did it for ourselves. Sometimes, sadly, a health scare seems to be the wake up call for people who make unhealthy choices. SAD but TRUE.

Good luck to you Nancy! I agree with the others about all you can do is to not bring the junk food home from the grocery store.

Hugs!
 
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I find this a hard one to answer - there are many different sides.

Why should you be punished because he can't control himself??

On the flip side: I seriously wouldn't want my DH bringing in chips and dip when I don't possess the ability to help myself. I think, for me, that would just be so cruel. To be fair - he probably doesn't view it as cruel that there is ice cream in the fridge.

All health issues aside - I think open communication here is key. I'm not sure if you talked about how him picking apart the ice cream upsets you. That has to help somehow - silently resenting him isn't helping anything.

It really isn't fair not to have the ice cream at all - the thing is you have to be willing to work around his weaknesses - overlook it and understand that he doesn't want to take all the ice cream & upset you - he is simply unable to help himself. (you wouldn't be upset with an Alzheimer's patient because they can't remember, right?) So work around it and hide the ice cream in the spinach bag. It really is a great idea. It'll be there - intact - when you want it.

Just my 2 cents.
 
I haven't read the above, but i doubt anyone has advised this:
Do as my two oldest little boys do with treats they don't want to share. Lick it. That's right. Open the container and lick the entire top of the ice cream right in front of his face. Mark your territory and maybe he'll stay out of it. My DH would be totally repulsed by this and wouldn't go near it. LOL

(Yes, I've been living in a house full of boys so long that it's rubbing off on me a little too much. :p)
 
When you want your ice cream

Buy it in a pint and eat it at that time. Don't give him a chance. My mother buys the haagen daz bars and hides it under the peas and frozen peaches lol. She throws out the box. :D
 
Oh my gosh Nancy my husband does the same thing!!! I hate it, so I've resorted to hiding my stash in the freezer behind several bags of soy beans. Pathetic I know. The kids are always saying "Dad, quit eating all the ice cream!" The look on their tiny little dissappointed faces doesn't seem to work so I just Costco it and buy him and the kids their own stash. What really bugs me is that I eat slow. Real slow but when I do have access to my tiny indulgences he'll devour everything in sight like a tazmanian devil so I find myself trying to race him and when I eat fast I feel like puking my guts out. It is really bad when we're at a restaurant and I'm having creme brulee.
 
Nancy, there's only one thing for it and that's to label your ice cream and rig it up as shown here on this old advert for a chocolate sold in the UK on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG3isfUKPb0 :p :D

Seriously though, I sympathise with you both! Perhaps you could suggest a deal such as his agreeing to do an STS or P90X rotation with you if he eats your ice cream :) Or worse... eating a whole plate of sprouts ;)
 
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So try this...

nancy324 said:
I should explain something. DH's pre-diabetic condition, according to his doctor, is caused by his being overweight. His overweight condition is caused by his high-fat, high simple carb diet. I tried for twelve years to teach him how to eat right, and finally became exhausted and gave up. When we're out, he'll always stop for cookies and chocolate bars and eat them on the way home. He thinks hot dogs and french fries are "dinner". When we order groceries, I see the tubs of chocolate-covered raisins on the receipt and say nothing. Why he thinks it's okay to buy chocolate and not ice cream, I don't understand. Eating the low-fat frozen yogurt and ice cream that I occasionally buy is not what's making him fat.

He credits me for influencing him postively, and he eats a lot more fruits and veggies now than he did when we first met, but I'm done with trying to control him. I honestly don't understand how someone can think it's okay to be on high blood pressure medication instead of losing weight. I do sympathize with people who have trouble losing weight, but my DH just doesn't seem to try very hard. I don't understand people who don't care about their health. His parents were the same way. Mine are the opposite. We come from different worlds. But I have my faults, and we've learned to live with each other. What can I say?
Click to expand...

Nancy,
I have pretty similar issues with my DH and though he's much better than he used to be (if I really stress that something is MINE I'll be LESS likely to find it gone). Having said that, here's my best advice, invest in something like this:
http://www.banksupplies.com/catalog/product_info.php/cPath/547_593/products_id/2300
It's a locking bag. You keep the keys with you, or hidden.

It's the only thing I've found that works :)
Good luck,
Mattea
 
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