I just want to cry!

I think you should try Bobbi's approach first. Maybe your mother will hear you. If she doesn't hear you, then at least you tried the most loving approach first.

Then I would move on to setting my boundaries very, very firmly. I love the Dr. Phil comment, "You teach people how to treat you" because it's a true statement.

Whether we like it or not, our parents have one of the most strong emotional influences on our lives, from the the time we are born until we die. It's so sad when parents don't realize it and treat their children this way.

IMHO, I think your mother has some very deep rooted emotional problems. Much more deep rooted than her obesity problem...
 
As much as I adore Bobbi, I have to totally disagree with her on this one. Cookiebaby, I really don't think it's your job to take care of your mother. The parent is the one who needs to be the nurterer. You have no responsibility whatsoever for your mother's problems or unhappiness. Your only responsibility is to yourself. If your mother happens to learn by example from watching you take care of and nurture yourself, great. But you must take care of yourself first and foremost. Obviously your mother has been hurt in her life. But if she has done nothing to help herself, that is her problem. You need to continue on with the great work you have been doing on yourself, and part of that means taking a stand with your mother and telling her that you will not stand for her hurtful comments any more.

Unfortunately, anyone can become a parent. You don't have to be pre-screened, licensed or registered anywhere. You don't have to take any courses or successfully complete a training program. It's the most important job in the world, and anyone can do it. IMHO, it's a dirty, rotten shame.
 
I think a softer approach first might make the outcome easier to live with. Do I think it's going to work....NO. But, at least she tried with love first. She doesn't need to follow her mother's example.

I just hope she does something.
 
Gosh, these Forums are real downers! Seems everybody is having such a difficult time from their inner circle. Brother in Laws detoxing in workout areas, jealous husbands, and now cruel parents!

I can't believe that any mother would speak to her daughter in such a cruel manner.

It's difficult to ignore comments like that from a parents.

My mother was always trying to control me. She finally died and I have been in peace now since 1988.

I can't imagine treating my 21 year old daughter that way.

All these people trying to keep exercisers down!

I seldom visit these forums, it is true, but today has convinced me that a lot of people here are in some type of dysfunctional situation and this is their lifeline.

I am lucky and the day my husband insults me or tells me how to spend my money will be the day he will find himself neutered!
 
I doubt you'll be able to change your mother. Keeping you on the defensive is one way that she keeps the upper hand, and she will try to keep it no matter what.

Next time she says something like that, look her in the eye and say "I beg your pardon!" This sends the message that you will not be trampled on, but does not confront or insult her.

At some point in the future, when you're more secure in your weight loss and lifestyle, you may be ready for a talk with your mother, but even that may not change things.

A support group such as OA might be helpful. I'm sure there are people there who've been through this with a loved one. You need positive support to counteract the negative stuff from her.

Much luck to you.
 
Amy! is there something YOU want to vent?

Your comments are always wanted, and your opinions appreciated, although not also agreed with, but I have found some of your "comments" particuly harsh and rather "too much to the point" today

You yourself have experienced a disfunction in your own family. You said you had a controlling mother, and only found peace when she died. I surpose I was expecting more sympathey from you.

EVERYONE has a disfunction of some sort in their family or extended family. The "degree" of disfunction is the only difference. And if this forum is thier "lifeline" and the ONLY place they feel comfortable talking about it, then more power to them, because it STILL takes alot of guts and courage.

This is life Amy. The good, the bad, and the ucly

Im very glad you have a wonderful and thaughful man in your life. Some of us have not, AS YET, been as lucky.

Marion
 
Cookie - I keep coming back to this post hoping that you'll have given an update on what you've done to help improve this situation. I'm concerned about you! I'm so hopeful that you won't let your mother sabotage your progress and that you'll lean on us to help you.
 
If you do a search, you will find that Cookiebaby generally does not come back and post an update with her problems.
Sorry.
 
Wow. For someone who works for a charity, she sounds pretty uncharitable to you. Sounds like nothing you do will satisfy her. I hope you don't live with her, that would be unbearable.

Surround yourself with people who will be supportive of the good things you are doing for yourself, like your internet pals here. And avoid as much as possible toxic people like your mother, even if they are family.
 
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