I feel old :(

Timber99

Timber99

Cathlete
OK, don't laugh...I am 31, single (but in a long term relationship) with no children (BF has a 12 year old daughter) and feeling old. Two things are bugging me...

1) At the gym last night, this guy approached me telling me that his friend was interested in me. Right away, I had a good giggle b/c its been along time since a guy was afraid to just approach me and chit chat without having a friend "check first." Anyways, it turns out that his friend is 25 (6 years younger than I) and even younger looking than that. He was rather handsome but even if I were in a position to go out with him, he's just a baby!

This was the first time ever that I had the feeling that someone was too young for me. In the past, I have always dated guys older than I but aside from that, there as never a guy interested in me that I thought was "too young" (partially b/c I was always young too ;) )!! I guess it just hit me in the face that I am really getting older b/c now there are people out there that are too young for me! I know 31 is not "old," but do you guys know what I mean?

2) That, coupled with daily questions about my marital and child status, really is making me feel old today. Am I really at the point where I need to start a family? Is it "do or die" time? I guess people are asking b/c we have been together for a long but I am just not there yet. I always planned to start a family around 34 - 35, but lately I feel that maybe my plan is "off?"

Christine :(
 
Okay:

1) You should be completely flattered that a young guy like that thinks you're hot. And 6 years younger is NOT too young for you. My SO is 10 years younger than me.

2) Don't you listen to those silly people asking about starting a family. You do it when the time is right for YOU, not when other people think you should. There's no "proper" age for having children. And 34-35 is fine. I had my DD when I was 33, and it's worked well for me.

And dude, if you're old at 31, then what about all of us in our forties? Ain't no way in hell anyone is telling me I'm old;)
 
Christine,

Can't comment on the guy thing except to say oh well, we all get older, don't we? Just think how much wiser you probably are!

But I'm right with ya on the child/marriage thing (I'm almost 29). When people ask and I tell them I don't plan to start a family until my early to mid-30's, I get all kinds of shocked, scared looking expressions followed up by a biology lesson on how much more risk I have of not being able to conceive or worse, producing offspring with birth defects. So, what should I do? Hurry up and have children now just out of fear when I don't feel ready yet (I'm not even married yet!)?

What always makes me feel better is what I know about logical mistakes people make in their thinking about risk (not to say I don't or I'm brilliant or something, but through my graduate training in psychology, I know alot about the way people think! Or at least, I should know...). Yes, its true that there is more risk, but when you actually look at the base rates, many many many women in their 30's have perfectly healthy babies. We are here, so we are thinking about health and keeping fit.

You are not old, you're just older than your mother's generation in terms of starting a family, but my impression is, that's true for most women our age! So, rock on, you modern woman!
 
Hey Christine!

I agree totally with Shelly! You should feel so flattered that a younger guy (which I don't think 25 is too young for you either) was interested in you. I think I would have laughed too if someone sent their 'friend' to talk to you.

And as for the family thing. You will know when it is time. If having kids is something you want to do, you will know when the timing is right. Don't go by what others say. I have a friend who had her first when she was 39 and that is when she was 'ready' to have kids.

And remember...you are only as old as you feel! And if you are doing Cathe, you probably feel and look 25!!!! :)
 
Yes, to all of above.

Not to sound like a broken record, but don't jump in to any of these important decisions because someone else thinks you should. Didn't your mother ever ask you if you'd jump off a bridge etc. etc.

And if 31 is old, my o my, what am I at 50. You are as young as you want to be!
 
Aw Christine--

I'm not laughing and I do know how you feel. You are not old. This is really a "numbers" thing, just like stepping up on the friggin scale to see how much we weigh. Sometimes we're better off if we ignore the numbers and pay more attention to how we feel and look, and to how agile our minds are.

As for whether or not a 25 year old guy is too young for you? Again--I don't look at age in terms of chronology--I pay more attention to the level of maturity. I'm 4 1/2 years older than my DH. We were married when I was 29 and he was 25, but he was a very mature 25 year old (although he seems to have regressed somwhat as we've gotten older--Ha!). He had been through college and was half way through medical school when we tied the knot.

As for childbearing. Well, that's up to you again. I find it so ironic that our best years for childbearing are during our 20's, yet we're so much more prepared emotionally when we're older. Hey, if you're not ready don't sweat it. My mom was 41 when she gave birth to me--43 when she had my sister and we're both fine--I think--yeah--we are--I'm sure--I think. LOL!

Michele
 
Hi Christine,

I agree with Michele. Isn't it amazing how much POWER a number can have? Now I understand why when I was growing up and I would ask my dad how old he is, he would always say "I'm 29"! LOL!

As for having children...I sometimes worry I'm too old too, even though I'm older than you! But then I think, when my mother had me she was 38. I'm turning 37 tomorrow. And I came out ok! (I hope!)

:) Nicole
 
Christine - what Shelley said. ;)

You're not old. And you're not too old to date a 25-year-old. Even though you are in a relationship, so it's not an option, just remember, you're not too old (and he's not too young). :)

Second, don't let people pressure you into the whole family thing. You do it if and when you are ready. Your ovaries don't shrivel up and die at 30. :)

You're only as old as you feel. So stop this negative thinking and think to yourself "I'm young! I'm beautiful! I'm not too old for anything!" :D
 
Thanks guys :) Trust me, I know that 31 is not terribly old at all, even for child bearing, but it is just getting to me this week. It seems as if EVERYONE knows I have PMS and wants to capitalize on it ;)
 
Christine -

Another Christine here. This one is 41 and damn proud of it! I took up mountain biking at 32 and got pretty good at it. Don't do it now as I don't like the accessories (the brush burns, bruises and odd tan lines). I can do Cathe and keep my manicured nails... (I still hike long distances)

The 25 year old? Feel flattered. Obviously you don't look your age (and for any woman over the age of 21, that's a good thing). The friend asking - well, you are out of high school - he's too young for you - not age wise, but maturity...

As for kids... One of my best friends has a 4 year old - her only child - and she is 45. Another of my friends is pregnant with her first and she is 36. My sister had her first at 34. You have time, plenty of time. And you know what? If you decide to not have kids at all - that's okay too.

I think the 30's are the best time for a woman. She knows where she's going and what she's doing. Physically she is more aware of her body and will actually excel over younger women in many endurance sports because she has more patience and more ability to think ahead. It's a wonderful time to discover more about yourself. Enjoy these years.

FYI - I'm enjoying my 40's, too.
 
Christine, you're not old! You're just more discerning! :) :) :)

I never date younger guys (well, I have an SO so I shouldn't be dating anyone, lol).... I just think it is too much work to train them! Much better to get one that's someone's had an opportunity to work on.... hehehe.

Cheers,
Marie
 
for the guy thing i would go with the thinking "yes you are cute but you are not MAN enough for this woman"LOL and for those poking their noses in about when you decide on marriage and children, just let them know its none of their business or make a wise crack. ppl hate it when i do that to them. they are always asking if we are going to have another child and i ask them if they are willing to pay my bills and more therapy being there is a 60% chance i will have another autistic child. they usually don't like my demeanor on that but they shut the hell up about it :)
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
Please, I get the "your to old for that" thing all the time and I'm 30! I just went to a Motley Crue concert and stayed out till 5am (I work nights so it was actually my day) and got the 3rd degree from my parents, and husband. I have no kids yet, but everyone is always bugging and pleading. I feel and look better than I did at 20 and if I still feel good enough to do something, then I will. My mother in law is 53 and dresses and acts like she's 25. She's beautiful and looks half her age. She's my hero. She's been married 34 yrs and has a terrific marriage. I hear people all the time say "why doesn't she just act her age, look what she's wearing!" She looks great wearing it and I think that people in general are jealous underneath it all. Age is such a hard thing to accept. It's really just a number but in America that number means so much! In other countries aging is actually looked forward to! I have a 24yr old co-worker who is interested in me. He finds the fact that I'm such a fitness buff so interesting. I'm flattered I can still attract the young ones. I went to a carnival this summer and did the guess your age thing and the guy thought I was 24!! Boy, was I walking around all day with a smile! hee hee. Embrace your age and hey there are plenty of 20-29 year olds who don't feel or look half as good as you do so who's really younger in reality anyhow?
 
I just turned 35 and haven't started trying yet...so I hope it's not too old!!!

My hubby is 4.5 years younger than I too!
Angela:7 :7
 
Hey Christine --

I'm pretty much going to echo a lot of things already said. I used to have days where I felt the same as you but then I changed my way of thinking and don't pay much attention to numerical age anymore (I just had my 34th birthday).

As for the 25 year-old: first, take it as a compliment that he must have thought you were about the same age. So that should make you feel YOUNGER...not older. I dated a guy 6 years younger than me a year ago. It wasn't a big deal at ALL and we actually had a LOT of fun because he wasn't some "old fart" laying on the couch all day bitching about how busy he was at work and how he has NO energy or needs viagra :) So don't think of Mr. 25-year-old as "just a baby". Don't limit your thinking like that! It WAS cute to have his friend "check first" though...awwww.

As for the daily marital/child questions: I don't know why people think those personal decisions are ANY of their business. So, first, it's none of their business and you should put a stop to their questions -- either by telling them "flat-out" that it's none of their business, or making a joke that essentially gives them the picture that it's none of their business. There's no time-frame/schedule/"right way" to go about life. You will do things when you are ready and a number on the calendar shouldn't rush your choices. I wouldn't say your plan is "off"...it just needs some revising so that the "34-35" numbers are GONE. You'll do it when things are right...not based on an age.

And, lastly, since you are on this forum -- I assume you workout and eat healthier than the majority of the people on the planet. For that reason, numerical age doesn't mean much. I know people in their mid-40s and 50s that look and behave younger and healthier than some people in their early 20s.

Age doesn't mean a thing.

Shonie


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3655618&
 
First of all I am way jealous - a 25 year old finds you hot? Don't feel old - feel fabulous!!

Second, I met my hubby on my 34th birthday, had my first daughter at 36, second at 38 and not at almost 42 am in the best shape of my life. And I am so very happy with how my time table has worked for me, my marriage and my dear children. Honey age is a number. Don't buy into the myth of the younger the better.

By the way, got that 25 year old's number?? Ha!

All the best,
Julie
 
Christine,
Enjoy it. Age is only a number:) . Don't limit yourself because of that number. I married a great guy younger than myself and I'm very happy.

Robin:)
 
I think people who work out stand, and move, and look younger than others their age.

I get the comment a lot. I don't see it myself, but I'll take it!

My hubby looks younger than he is, too.
 
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