I don't get it

dr.mel_PT

dr.mel_PT

Cathlete
Sunday I had a BBQ at my house. It was kind of impromptu but I sent the invites out Wednesday and 2 people replied. Fri I sent a reminder out and asked everyone to let me know who was coming so I knew how much food to buy and a few more people responded. The day of (after spending over $100 on food, mind you, and busting my butt to get the house in order and make appetizers), the only people who showed up were the 2 who initially RSVP'd!!!! People who said they were coming did not even show up at all, and I've been friends with them for over 15 years!!!!!!!!!! This seems to happen a lot and I just don't get it; how could people be so RUDE???? I love throwing parties and hanging out with friends but sometimes it's more aggravating than it's worth.
 
Yeah, we have this problem with our groups of friends as well. My easiest remedy (that I found incredibly satisfying...becuase I'm petty :) )was to only buy enough food to cover the people had RSVPd that they WERE coming.

When extras showed up, we didn't have enough, and I was the first to explain that that was a problem we had becuase they hadn't RSVPd. One trip to to the supermarket later to get their own food, and we haven't had an issue with them since. It's petty, but it works. I firmly believe that sometimes you have to stoop to their level.

As for the people that DID respond. That's just plain rude. I'm not sure if you're comfortable calling them out on it, given the money that you spent for them. I don't think I would - I'm much more passive aggressive. But man, that sucks!
 
Don't get me started on this one........let's just say it is one of my biggest pet peeves.

I don't blame you one bit for being ticked off!
 
This is strange to me. I have never hosted a bbq, but growing up, my mother's problem was always that more people came than was invited. it happens to one of my friends and her husband now - always more people AND hours late.

same rudeness though. my mother's and my friends solution? - they both stopped holding bbq's.
 
Geeze, very inconsiderate.

I would ask them what happened, let them know they were missed, and mention that you ended up with a lot of leftovers.

Or maybe next time you invite that particular group, make it a potluck. I would think people who commit to bringing something are more likely to show up, and that way you aren't the one footing the whole spread.
 
That's why we don't entertain. What happens to us is that we plan ahead, get all the "Oh, yes! We'll be there!" At the last minute, everyone has things they "forgot" they had planned already or just cancel lamely with some stupid excuse. I have determined that we really have no friends, just people who find it convenient to have us around when it suits them. So, I gave up trying to get people together for anything.

Oh, well. We have each other at least!
 
I think "common courtesy" has often been replaced with "common rudeness" these days.

I'd be really ticked off at those who said they were coming and didn't show.
 
syzygy314 said:
I have determined that we really have no friends, just people who find it convenient to have us around when it suits them.
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Agreed!! Even for my birthday, people didn't show who said they would. It really made me feel lower than dirt because I consider myself a very good friend, so I don't know how people could do this to me. I've cleaned house with so many so-called friends though, and I really need to do it again. It stinks how selfish and inconsiderate people are!!

I used to feel obligated to go to parties and events that my "friends" hold, but not anymore. It's sad but like in any relationship, you need to give some to get some.
 
Here's the thing: things like barbeques have become obligations rather than a good time. It's not that we don't like you and barbeques, it's that there isn't enough time to do everything we'd like to do and still spend time with our families, do our jobs, clean our house, work out, etc. So we don't RSVP or we do RSVP and then not show up, not because we don't want to go, but because we really do like you and we want to go but life just gets in the way and because we kinda sorta hope that somehow magically we will be able to attend after all. Adulthood in this century kinda sucks- we never get to do what we want to do, only what we have to do, and things like having fun with our friends are first to go.

In these days of being overworked and underpaid and still holding on to your job with both hands and all ten toes, the real good time is not doing anything at all- not having anything you have to do, anywhere you have to go, anyone you have to be other than yourself.

Not saying this doesn't suck for you, just trying to explain why it all went south.
 
I know exactly what you are talking about! I am throwing a baby shower for my closest friend on Sunday and as of Monday I had maybe 4 responses when about 24 people were invited. I had to have the guest of honor's Mom contact people to see if they were coming, and sure enough almost all of them said they are coming. So, if I had only counted on the 4 RSVP's I received, and now 18 people are showing up, imagine how short on food I would have been. Do people really just intend to show up and expect that you will have food, beverages, door prizes, etc. ready for them?

Katie, UW
 
morningstar said:
Here's the thing: things like barbeques have become obligations rather than a good time. It's not that we don't like you and barbeques, it's that there isn't enough time to do everything we'd like to do and still spend time with our families, do our jobs, clean our house, work out, etc. So we don't RSVP or we do RSVP and then not show up, not because we don't want to go, but because we really do like you and we want to go but life just gets in the way and because we kinda sorta hope that somehow magically we will be able to attend after all. Adulthood in this century kinda sucks- we never get to do what we want to do, only what we have to do, and things like having fun with our friends are first to go.

In these days of being overworked and underpaid and still holding on to your job with both hands and all ten toes, the real good time is not doing anything at all- not having anything you have to do, anywhere you have to go, anyone you have to be other than yourself.

Not saying this doesn't suck for you, just trying to explain why it all went south.
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I hear what you're saying and I do understand that things come up that prohibit going to whatever event is being thrown, but a call or even a text message to give me the heads up would have been nice. One person said they were coming late and I waited up, having no clue what time they would show and they never did. To me, that is just plain out rude. I have tons of obligations too, but when I say I'm going to do something I do it, especially when it comes to friends. You can't expect to have any if you don't put any time or effort into the relationship. Friendships don't thrive on texts and Facebook messages alone, at least not for me.
 
I don't get it either!

How hard is it to call or text? We had family over on Mon and they were all very busy, but grateful they didn't have to cook!
 
It really tanks!

That's why we we only buy food and beverages that we would consume anyway (not anything special for somebody else), and only food that can be frozen or not opened.
 
It's amazing to me. And lest we think it's all the younger generation, my Mom, who is past retirement age, was telling me the other day how one of her friends had asked if she could ride with her to a funeral if she met my Mom at her house. The day before, my Mom called to confirm she still wanted a ride and the woman revealed she wasn't planning on going. If my Mom hadn't called to check, she would have waited on this woman to arrive at her house for the ride and would have been late for the funeral. What are people thinking?
 
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