i am shocked beyond words-warning personal

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aseay

Cathlete
a few days ago a maintenance man came to fix a loose tile in my apt. very nice guy.i have known him for 7+ yrs. he started asking me personal questions then asked if i wanted to have XXX with him. he left and said let me know if your interested. i know i should report him but i feel bad getting him in trouble. maybe i should just let it go since he never tried to harm me. what would u do?

laura
 
What started all this now, after 7+ years? Did his wife just dump him or something? Or are you a long-standing crush for this guy and you just didn't know it? Or did he just figure it was a great opportunity to proposition you so, what the H*ll? Do you have cause to be afraid? I mean, he's a maintenance guy and has access to your apartment. Years ago, when I lived in San Diego, a landlord made my life a living H*ll for a solid year when I wasn't interested in his advances (a real nut-job). I could never have found a comparable place elsewhere with rent that low so I put up with it. When things in my apartment went missing I convinced myself it was all in my head.
 
i have never had a crush on him and he did not make me afraid. i dont know if he is or was married.and yes,he probably thought it was an opportunity to ask. i guess i should wait and see if he causes any more trouble.

laura
 
No, I was asking if HE may have had a crush on YOU and you're just finding out - or if he just saw an opportunity. Yea, wait and see but, just in case, document everything. It could be his ham-fisted attempt at romance, in which case he's probably already sorry he did what he did. But you can never be too sure.
 
I'm a bit conservative when it comes to things like that. I'd probably feel really awkward seeing him after being asked so many personal questions, especially when he has to fix something in my apartment. D:

I don't know how you feel, if you feel there was no harm, then see how he is when you see him again. If you are worried or he continues even after you made it clear you aren't interested, then trust your gut and report him. Do you live alone? If so, just keep a closer eye on things, your apartment and yourself.
 
Depending on how the suggestion was worded, was it vulgar and disrespectful, was it polite and seductive, would be the deciding factor.

If it was vulgar and disrespectful, it should get the "radar" up. If it were flirty and respectful and you're saying no makes it go away then I wouldn't take it any further.

He asked, you told him you weren't interested. Legally, sexual harassment hasn't happened yet. If he persists after you told him no, then it is occurring and should be followed up on.
 
I wouldn't worry just yet. Some people just are not savvy in making advances *and* other people do go for that sort of an advance. We do live in a world where such an advance would work successfully, though it horrifies me sometimes :) Maybe today was the day that he decided to just go for it, who knows?

I've had people say some very shocking things to me and I think "wow, really? did he just say that and expect a positive response?" but nothing ever becomes of it after that.

I'd say that if he respects your denial, leave it alone. Remember he didn't pressure you and simply left the invite on the table. That may be all you ever hear of the subject. If he does bring it up again, be very clear that you are not interested and that he is making you uncomfortable. Then I'd say to report him to the staff. You need not get into detail but can just say that he has made advances on two occassions and it has made you uncomfortable.

That said, do be careful. If he is there, maybe have a friend for coffee or chat on the phone so he is aware that someone knows you are there with him. Keep an eye out and be smart but don't overthink it either.

good luck!
 
I agree with Dave on this , too. But I would be vey careful coning into the apartment.
Ellen
 
Just wondering if the "personal questions" had anything to do if you were attached or available? If you are "available" then maybe that was the reason for the questions and the "proposition".
 
i do think the ?s were asked for that reason. i agree with everyone else to wait and see if anything else happens. thanks for your support!

laura
 
It is very possible he has other women in you apt complex that do invite him in for sex. He may have just been feeling you out to see if you were one of those women.
I worked for UPS several years ago, and there are women who invite the delivery man in for a little romp. You would be shocked to know how common it is.
 
Wow, he crossed a line here. If I were in your situation I wouldn't let him come in anymore, I am afraid that he will not ask for your permission next time? My parents always told me to have somebody, a friend, in the house with me if I am expecting a repair guy.
I am shocked that he didn't at least ask you out first!!
 
I agree with everyone who said wait but be cautious. A lot of us don't approach it this way but there are many people in this day and age who skip the getting to know each other part and get right to hitting the sheets. So, in his world, asking you to dally might not have been that bizarre. By way of example, I had a married friend do something similar to me. One day he just up and suggested that we begin an affair. By his reasoning, the fact that we were both happily married provided the perfect opportunity - sex with no fear of either of us wanting more than that - hard to believe I passed *that* up, no? x(

Anyway, my point is, to him the request was not odd at all. Meanwhile, I was looking around for Allan Funt. :p

Sparrow
 
>It is very possible he has other women in you apt complex
>that do invite him in for sex. He may have just been feeling
>you out to see if you were one of those women.
>I worked for UPS several years ago, and there are women who
>invite the delivery man in for a little romp. You would be
>shocked to know how common it is.
>

Yea, well, some of those UPS men are HOT!!! :)
 
I hope you didn't answer his personal questions. When someone starts asking me questions that I feel are personal, I become very vague with my answers or simply say, "Oh, I don't think we need to talk about that." With a smile on my face. And then I immediately change the subject.

So, what do you do now? Well, unless he makes anymore advances, I'd move on and not say anything. If you say something, you could stand to pi$$ off a guy that was unrefined enough to outright ask you for sex. If you don't say something, he might just think you're not interested and move on to his next potential score. The second option is definitely more preferable.

Now, if he gets a little freaky-deaky and makes another proposal, simply say, in a polite, neutral tone of voice, "Your first offer made me uncomfortable, and now that you've done it again, I'm even more uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in sex with you." If he has any decency, he'll feel bad for making you uncomfortable. And this response also makes it clear you aren't interested. In other words, "Dude, do not ask me again, or things could get ugly. You're freaking me out."

I'd keep your eyes open for anything unusual. Get a can of mace or some kind of item you can use as a weapon, such as a metal fingernail file, a "persuador" (a 4-inch blastic "keychain" that has many uses), or even a fine-tip ballpoint pen. These things can be the difference between "getting away" and "getting pulled into the van".
 
No offense, but I don't think there's anything polite or seductive about coming out to someone and just saying "wanna get it on?" - To me this is really rude. It would be different if he said "hey, want to go to dinner sometime?' because that would show he was truly interested in her as a person and wanted to build a relationship.

If he just wants to get off, he can take care of that on his own!
 
Hmm, tough one. If his questions and offer raised your "radar" enough that you're asking here, you obviously felt something was off. Women are taught from an early age that it's far better to go with the flow than to cause a fuss, so that really dampens a lot of our natural instincts. We feel a sense of alarm, then dismiss it because we don't want to cause a fuss, and it must be our imaginations. Predators know this, and use it to their advantage.

For this one, I would take the Teddy Roosevelt approach - Walk softly and carry a big stick. I would assume that he is harmless and lacks major social skills, but should I need maintenance, I would make sure I'm not alone with him (have a male friend over). If he has access to your apartment via maintenance keys, etc, I would be cautious going home for a while, and perhaps have friends stop by at random times so he never quite knows when I'm alone.
 
you described me perfectly. i havent been going out to my regular club because of that. i do believe he is harmless but i will be careful.

laura
 
>No offense, but I don't think there's anything polite or
>seductive about coming out to someone and just saying "wanna
>get it on?" - To me this is really rude. It would be
>different if he said "hey, want to go to dinner sometime?'
>because that would show he was truly interested in her as a
>person and wanted to build a relationship.
>
>If he just wants to get off, he can take care of that on his
>own!
>

I agree!
 
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