husband's mess

Enjoy the fair!!!

Yes, it has stuck. And on the rare occasions now when she does again "lose" something, I ask her if she's looked in her room first. She sighs and rolls her eyes - LOL - and usually finds it in there!! Oh to be 13 again and have nothing else to worry about ... LOL!!

Carol
:)
 
I guess I understand compromise differently to all of you. To me, making him clean up his act because I want him to is not compromise: instead it is determining that the whole house should run by my rules.

This I disagree with. You marry a person who comes with qualities you love and others you dislike. But then, so does he. He likes bits of you and probably is driven crazy by others.

Compromise is accepting that he's not perfect and neither are you, that he has good and bad behaviours and so have you.

You hate his clutter: but have you asked him what drives him mad about you? You can't hope to change anyone if you yourself are not open to change also.

My husband is very messy. I am not about to be disrespectful of his belongings by throwing them out, I find that rather juvenile. It's part of his personality, period. He has, on the other hand, fabulous qualities. He works harder than I do at a job he hates to support me in grad school. So, am I really gooing to fuss about some mess? No, I will live with it, tidy it up, because when the chips are down he cares desperately for me and the kids and shows it everyday as he sets off in his car and comes home late and puts food on the table. Plus it drives him mad that I'm a night owl, that I pile up my books on the floor, that I take ages to wake up in the morning and get down to work, that I want everything to be so clean all the time. Since when did super squeaky clean be normal? Who says so?

So, if you really want him to improve on this area, then make a deal with him: in return you will stop doing some other thing that he hates about you. Maybe this would work.

This is my opinion. This is how I understand compromise.

Clare
 
What's juvenile is not picking up one's sh@t! That's the way 2 year olds act.
Try taking a few dives down a set of stairs because stuff hasn't been picked up after you have asked about 30 times for it to be done and see how you feel then.
 
Clare, excellent post!

My husband can be a bit of slob on occasion. But then, I have my days too. Life is too short to be stressing about junk on a dresser top. If the slobbery is causing a health or safety problem, that's something that needs to be addressed. My DH would jump in shark infested waters for me and if he gets toothpaste on the bathroom mirror, big whup. No one is perfect, including me! :) When I'm on my death bed and reflecting on my life with DH, I'm not going to be lamenting that he didn't pick up his socks every day and left dirty dishes in the sink. I'll be thanking him for being the kindest, most loving man I know. For being a rock when I needed him. :)
 
Hey Trevor, which day is garbage pickup day where you live? I need a few things ... }(

Carol
(in desparate need of a barf bag right about now)
 
Hey Carol!
That's good! LOL! Just remember you gotta haul it away yourself missy!
I could use a barf bag right now myself........if you get my drift.
T. :)
 
Not a problem ... I'll be there with a U-Haul!! LOL!!

And a shovel and some hip boots ... OMG!! It's so deep in here I'm about to drown in it ... if you get MY drift ... }(

Carol
:D
 
Well, there is one way...

I shared a tiny office with a boss that simply could not put anything away in a file cabinet. It was his way of avoiding making decisions or facing confrontations with folks.

One day I cleaned stuff up and then (ta-da) *I REMOVED ALL FLAT SURFACES FROM OUR OFFICE*. Yup. Just removed the tables, removed extra shelves.

The joke was that I could also have built a big pyramid shape on top of any flat surface so that papers would have just slid right off.

An lo and behold, he stopped piling papers. He started filing them & putting things away. He even created several "in boxes" on his own desk and stacked papers in them. But at least they weren't in my work area!

In your case, you might consider putting a couple of shelving cubes overtop his chest of drawers - stacked all the way to the ceiling - and storing bulky things (like sweaters) in them so there's no nooks and crannies to stuff things in.

Next put a key hook by the front door and find a drawer in the kitchen or somewhere near the front door and put a little basket in it. He is to put his things in the drawer when he comes home and CLOSE THE DRAWER. Ta da! It's not your problem anymore!

I like the other suggestion to cash in on his change too. Once my daughter gathered up all my hubby's change and cashed it in at a CoinStar machine in the grocery store and when they gave her a ticket for over $80 she went and bought a 5-ft tall stuffed leopard.

My husband was completely amazed, he couldn't believe that he leaves that much cash around. And that stupid stuffed animal takes up half of any room it's in - a constant reminder that he doesn't take care of his $$$.

So there's my .02 cents, hope you find a compromise that works. I have to say that stuffing my hubby's slobiness into a single drawer probably saved our marriage.
 
My husband leaves messes all over the house and he's definitely not disrespectful or lazy. The mess drives me crazy sometimes, but I try to keep it in perspective. He's a wonderful guy and I'm so lucky to have him in my life - messy or not. I agree with the other posters who said that it's all about compromise and respect. I'm sure that my husband doesn't intentionally upset me with the messes he makes, being neat just isn't a priority for him. When it gets to the point where it really bothers me, I tell him and he straightens his stuff up. It's temporary, but at least he makes an effort.


When my kids' messes get out of hand, I will sometimes get a bag and throw their stuff in it and make them earn their things back. This works great. But I wouldn't do this with my husband. He's a grown man and I don't think it would be right to take his things.

I do agree about the safety issue. Leaving things on the stairs is unacceptable. A few years ago, my neighbor fell down her stairs and was seriously injured - she tripped on skates that were left on the stairs by her daughter.

I love the idea of getting a nice box so that the sloppy spouse can store their junk in that and it would be hidden away. We would need a very big box though!

Erica
 
Hi Melanie,

I guess in my house, dh and I are equally messy. DH always hangs up towel after shower, but leaves dirty clothes on the floor in the bedroom. The hamper is in the bathroom so I've never figured out why he can't undress in there. For me, having 3 kids and keeping up with all their homework, school papers, newspapers and daily mail plus work is a real chore for me. We tend to have a pile of in the middle of the kitchen table where all important papers go. Then every weekend I go through and sort into recycle, keep, give to owner. Then, if it's something I want to look through but don't have time, it ends up on my dresser in the bedroom-usually to be thrown out several weeks later. The rest of the house gets picked up every night and the kids have a daily chore rotation so that part seems to be working well. I guess you need to pick your battles, if the mess is out of site is it really that critical? Best of luck.

Diana
 
Clare, I don't think you understand compromise differently from all of us, (although, as usual, you articulate it better). Seems to me like Cheryl, Dani and Erica agree with your concept, and for the record, so do I! IMHO, no marriage and no family can work without compromise and LOTS of mutual respect. Thanks for describing the concept so well! :)
-Nancy
 
I agree too, Nancy, and I can't imagine arbitrarily laying down the law to my husband without insulting him. On the other hand, working out a compromise based on these suggestions is another thing all together! Besides, he's exempt from the rules that apply to the kids. He puts in long hours so I can be home with the little buggers, so if he forgets to hit the basket, I'll happily (or grumpily sometimes ;)) pick up after him.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
Whew, was I the only one who thought this thread was going to be a problem with her hubby? I mean a REAL problem! Ha! Glad it's only a problem on his dresser!!!! Melanie, your kids are cuties!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Actually two year olds throw things about, in temper tantrums, kind of like what you described in your earlier post.


Clare
 
People who want to come across as caring and concerned shouldn't mock others in the same thread. Why can't you just let it go? You said something just the other day on another thread about why do we have to make everything such a bone of contention. Isn't this exactly what you're doing with this post? That's how I read it. You have your opinions, and others have theirs. We don't all agree. SO WHAT????????????? Let it go already. Grow up.

Carol
 
Oh thanks for attempting to clear me up on that Einstein.
Actually, I said "throw away" I believe, and not "throw about". Tell me doormat, does your hubby throw stuff about for you to pick up after him?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top