mad when it comes to your kids? I am usually an easy going person but when someone says something about one of my kids I get so pissed off and want to go grab them by the hair of their head. My sons coach told my husband tonight that one of my boys isnt proving himself as soccer player. My son is a darn good player come game time but when they do these little foot drills he doesnt always pay attention and then when its his turn he doesnt know what to do. but the coach hasnt even had a so called practice game yet to see what myson will do in that situation. another thing is this guy has had my son and knows in the game that my son does good. My son actually is a better player than his son of the same age. My older boy is very athletic and doesnt have to struggle as much as my younger boy but my younger boy really gets bored during practice times ,he told me anyway but I am ticked off at this guy and just want to tell him what I think. My DH didnt say anything when he said that to him. My DH doesnt think its that big of a deal but I just get so mad. I have always felt that my younger boy is the under dog with people and dont know if that is why I am so defensive about this. I do however get like that with my other two kids as well. sorry to keep rambling. thanks for listening.
how do you deal with someone when they make you
- Thread starter laura35
- Start date
Vee
Cathlete
Laura,
Your boys are really lucky to have a mum like you.
I dont have kids but I get really upset when adults are judgmental or over-critical of kids. Children from an environment that is encouraging and uses positive re-inforcement to enable each child to blossom, turn into adults who are confident and who can balance competitiveness with playing fair.
When your kids grow up they will need to face up to and deal with jerks. An important part of how you son will learn to cope will develop form the support you give him, from what he observes of how you deal with those that pick on him and how you guide him in fighting his battles.
I think having a dad who considers such issues as not a big deal and a mum who cares deeply is a good balance for your sons. They get the empathy from you and he sets an example to not let unfairness drag them down.
~* Vrinda *~
Your boys are really lucky to have a mum like you.
I dont have kids but I get really upset when adults are judgmental or over-critical of kids. Children from an environment that is encouraging and uses positive re-inforcement to enable each child to blossom, turn into adults who are confident and who can balance competitiveness with playing fair.
When your kids grow up they will need to face up to and deal with jerks. An important part of how you son will learn to cope will develop form the support you give him, from what he observes of how you deal with those that pick on him and how you guide him in fighting his battles.
I think having a dad who considers such issues as not a big deal and a mum who cares deeply is a good balance for your sons. They get the empathy from you and he sets an example to not let unfairness drag them down.
~* Vrinda *~
SirenSongWoman
Cathlete
I don't have kids but in I get the impression that many men who coach little boys seem not to understand just that. That they're LITTLE. They seem to have a strong desire to make the poor little guys into MEN. I wonder how many men wind up really messed up because some little league coach, desperate to exercise his OWN demons, terrorized him as a child? Seems to be epidemic in the U.S., judging by my co-workers stories and all the violence between fathers and coaches you hear in the news every summer.
But you're right to be upset and to step in when some grown man tries to take your son to task. What kid DOES pay attention all the time? It's what makes them kids, and if Coach Jerk-Off doesn't understand that perhaps he needs to step off.
But you're right to be upset and to step in when some grown man tries to take your son to task. What kid DOES pay attention all the time? It's what makes them kids, and if Coach Jerk-Off doesn't understand that perhaps he needs to step off.
thanks ladies, I appreciate your support and advice. Ithought maybe I was going to sound to harsh by saying what how mad it gets me. and believe me when I am mad I dont care how big the person is or if its female or male I will tell face them without hesitation, especially if it has to do with my kids. I really have to watch myself because I do get very upset if I feel someone is degrading my children, I wont stand for it. The next time I see this guy is saturday and I will be civil but my mind will be thinking what an ass is he. I thought if garett did well saturday about what I could say but I know that isnt the solution.thanks again.
ldy_solana
Cathlete
we are moms its our job to be pissed!!!and you are right if they tried some practice games they might find he is the "man" on the field. i was like him, i hated practice drills, lets just play!!!!! that is how i practiced,by playing!
i get ppl being rude to my child or myself all the time. once they get schooled on autism by me they feel pretty dumb for judging at first site. she struggles with following directions but if you show her hands on then she will knock your socks off with her ability!!
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com
YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
i get ppl being rude to my child or myself all the time. once they get schooled on autism by me they feel pretty dumb for judging at first site. she struggles with following directions but if you show her hands on then she will knock your socks off with her ability!!
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com
YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
0 Push ups
Cathlete
Laura,
You sound like a great mother. Understand sometimes a coach will see potential in an athlete and get frustrated when that athlete doesn’t push themselves to the level they can achieve. He sounds like he like any good coach. looking for 100% from your son. A good life lesson for you son in anything he doses.
You sound like a great mother. Understand sometimes a coach will see potential in an athlete and get frustrated when that athlete doesn’t push themselves to the level they can achieve. He sounds like he like any good coach. looking for 100% from your son. A good life lesson for you son in anything he doses.
Sunshine 1528
Cathlete
I think that sometimes coaches are quite aware of how children are at different ages. Younger children need to have "fun" drills to keep their attention.
I was a coach to my DD's teams from the co-ed under 6's to the girls only under 10's. It was very challenging to do drills that kept their attention, but having been a frequent parent helper in the classrooms from kindergarten all the way up helped me see how they learn when you can keep their attention.
Drills can be fun - I may be dating myself, but we played Ninja Turtles during soccer practice. The kids on the sidelines had to dribble and kick the ball at their teamates in the middle. Then they got to be in the middle. They had a blast. I also chased them or had them chase me so they could increase their endurance.
Not sure how old your son is, but making practices fun when they are younger is the key to keeping their attention. Maybe you can work with your son a little more on his drills by giving him some fun things to do so he can be even more outstanding when out on the field during his games. Or, if it may work, make some drill suggestions to the coach?
Was happy that our soccer league actually had those of us coaching younger children go to a clinic to learn some drills that the younger kids would enjoy.
Hope all stays well with your youngest - nothing more disappointing than having them dumped upon because they get bored with drills.
I was a coach to my DD's teams from the co-ed under 6's to the girls only under 10's. It was very challenging to do drills that kept their attention, but having been a frequent parent helper in the classrooms from kindergarten all the way up helped me see how they learn when you can keep their attention.
Drills can be fun - I may be dating myself, but we played Ninja Turtles during soccer practice. The kids on the sidelines had to dribble and kick the ball at their teamates in the middle. Then they got to be in the middle. They had a blast. I also chased them or had them chase me so they could increase their endurance.
Not sure how old your son is, but making practices fun when they are younger is the key to keeping their attention. Maybe you can work with your son a little more on his drills by giving him some fun things to do so he can be even more outstanding when out on the field during his games. Or, if it may work, make some drill suggestions to the coach?
Was happy that our soccer league actually had those of us coaching younger children go to a clinic to learn some drills that the younger kids would enjoy.
Hope all stays well with your youngest - nothing more disappointing than having them dumped upon because they get bored with drills.
thanks, he is 8 one of the youngest on the team. the group is 8-10 yr olds. I thought the same thing so I am trying to show him stuff and I also told him to not be first in line with the drills so he can watch a couple of kids ahead of him go first and see how they do it. He didthis at the game and did well with their warm up drills. thanks!
Bill,
First things first, way cute avatar whats the "411" on that angel???
I was going to say almost word for word what Bill said.
I don't coach sports, I work with Scouts. I get grief from parents all the time looking for some requirement to be signed off that isn't ready. When I teach first aid, survival, map and compass etc, that Scout is going to know it cold it could be the difference of life and death if not for the Scout then someone else.
Those drills are dull, but they build on the fundamentals of the game. In high school we had a soccer drill that everyone hated. Two lines of players. One line had balls, the other line didn't. A player would run from his line straight at the player with the ball in the other line. when they were about 5 feet apart the player with the ball would kick it at the approaching player. It taught us not to jump when faced with that scenario in a game.
Do you remember the goalie in the movie "The Mighty Ducks"? He was afraid to take a shot. The coach fully padded him and tied him to the net and had the team take shots on him. It showed him that with the padding he wasn't going to get hurt.
Are these drills mean, fun? Do they build on a skill, remove a fear and could it make the difference in a game? Confidence and self esteem acquired through sports and education are key for the basis a happy confident adulthood.
My own son, has battled autism his entire life. When he started karate 3 years ago, his Sensei and I had a verbal agreement. Scott had to earn his belts with no accommodation for his disability. Scott is competing in the AAU regionals in Albany NY this weekend. He could go on to the nationals.
Don't be too hard on a coach, especially if they are volunteers.
First things first, way cute avatar whats the "411" on that angel???
I was going to say almost word for word what Bill said.
I don't coach sports, I work with Scouts. I get grief from parents all the time looking for some requirement to be signed off that isn't ready. When I teach first aid, survival, map and compass etc, that Scout is going to know it cold it could be the difference of life and death if not for the Scout then someone else.
Those drills are dull, but they build on the fundamentals of the game. In high school we had a soccer drill that everyone hated. Two lines of players. One line had balls, the other line didn't. A player would run from his line straight at the player with the ball in the other line. when they were about 5 feet apart the player with the ball would kick it at the approaching player. It taught us not to jump when faced with that scenario in a game.
Do you remember the goalie in the movie "The Mighty Ducks"? He was afraid to take a shot. The coach fully padded him and tied him to the net and had the team take shots on him. It showed him that with the padding he wasn't going to get hurt.
Are these drills mean, fun? Do they build on a skill, remove a fear and could it make the difference in a game? Confidence and self esteem acquired through sports and education are key for the basis a happy confident adulthood.
My own son, has battled autism his entire life. When he started karate 3 years ago, his Sensei and I had a verbal agreement. Scott had to earn his belts with no accommodation for his disability. Scott is competing in the AAU regionals in Albany NY this weekend. He could go on to the nationals.
Don't be too hard on a coach, especially if they are volunteers.
pink_fortitude
Banned
I have to say that I agree w/ Bill and Dave here w/ everything that they said. We have had coaches that are hard on our kids before, some fairly and some not so much, but we have always used whatever the coaches give us to help our kids to be the best that they can be and to reach their full potential. I think it is definitely a motherly instinct to want to protect our kids, and that is a good thing and the mark of a great mother, but there are times when we need to step back, put the protective shield down and let them learn things and listen to input and advice that we may not want to hear. I have coached and done some girl scouts and I can't tell you how difficult it is to lead when there are so many parents to think that there children can do no wrong and see any kind of input or advice as an attack. Coaches really - for the most part - are just looking for what is best for the players and trying to bring that out of them and build it up. And if they are volunteers they are doing it because they love kids and the sport, not because they are wanting to find ways to make people feel bad.
Honestly, if I was in this situation I would encourage - nay, expect my son to respect the coach by paying attention when he is demonstrating foot drills or whatever it is and to do what he is supposed to be doing. Whether it is boring or fun, the coach is nice or mean doesn't matter. To me it isn't how the coach behaves it is how my child behaves that is important.
I can relate to how you feel about feeling like your younger son is the underdog because I feel that way about my middle son. He is very sensitive, has a harder time making friends than DD and when anything bad happens in this family it usually happens to him. If a meteor were going to hit Earth, I know where my money would be. I want to put him in a bubble and wrap that in bubble wrap and not let him leave home w/o it! But always trying to protect him would be so harmful to him in the long run because it wouldn't allow him to learn life's lessons, bad AND good, or let him meet his full potential or feel pride at achieving something on his own. I just make sure that I am there to help him up, encourage him and direct him in the right direction. I do not give him special treatment from my tougher, more confident children. I just love him by teaching him what is right and wrong and make sure he is involved in things that will build his confidence... like martial arts!
This was much longer than I had thought, I guess I kind of got going and couldn't stop, but I think that you are a good mom and he is lucky to have someone who loves him so much.
I am happy to hear that the game went well.
Missy
Honestly, if I was in this situation I would encourage - nay, expect my son to respect the coach by paying attention when he is demonstrating foot drills or whatever it is and to do what he is supposed to be doing. Whether it is boring or fun, the coach is nice or mean doesn't matter. To me it isn't how the coach behaves it is how my child behaves that is important.
I can relate to how you feel about feeling like your younger son is the underdog because I feel that way about my middle son. He is very sensitive, has a harder time making friends than DD and when anything bad happens in this family it usually happens to him. If a meteor were going to hit Earth, I know where my money would be. I want to put him in a bubble and wrap that in bubble wrap and not let him leave home w/o it! But always trying to protect him would be so harmful to him in the long run because it wouldn't allow him to learn life's lessons, bad AND good, or let him meet his full potential or feel pride at achieving something on his own. I just make sure that I am there to help him up, encourage him and direct him in the right direction. I do not give him special treatment from my tougher, more confident children. I just love him by teaching him what is right and wrong and make sure he is involved in things that will build his confidence... like martial arts!
This was much longer than I had thought, I guess I kind of got going and couldn't stop, but I think that you are a good mom and he is lucky to have someone who loves him so much.
I am happy to hear that the game went well.Missy
I was just getting ready to respond when I read Missy's reply. She said exactly what I would have said, so I think I'll just say ditto.
I especially liked the line about how "it isn't how the coach behaves, it is how my child behaves that's important." So true. Teaching a child how to handle himself with grace and confindence in any situation is the key. This is what equips them for real life.
Shari
I especially liked the line about how "it isn't how the coach behaves, it is how my child behaves that's important." So true. Teaching a child how to handle himself with grace and confindence in any situation is the key. This is what equips them for real life.
Shari
I understand what you all are saying but when you constantly see this coach yelling not speaking to the same kids, one of them yours and not doing the same to his own children it gets to ya sometimes. My DH was talking to the assistant coach lastnight and this coach agrees that the head coach yells too much at the kids and it is always somebody elses kids. his boys can goof around and mess up and he doesnt say anything. the coach also said the head coach doesnt really want him helping that he want to control everything. The head coach told his team lastnight that last yr he had a boy that could make a goal from anywhere on the field and he didnt care if that boy took the shot because he knew he would make it but on this team he said there isnt anyone that can make those shots so dont be trying. i personally think thats pretty crappy telling those young boys that they arent as good as his previous player was. I dont mind my son getting in trouble if he isnt paying attention, I am the first one on him if he isnt but be fair and do the same to any of the kids that dont including his own and dont be little the kids teach them and let them know whats wrong but praise them also. thanks for the advice everyone.
Wow, this is a great post and very helpful considering what I have gotten myself into. Let me start by saying that growing up soccer was my life, played it year round, even in college. Playing that sport and all of the things that went with it(criticism, hard work, poor coaches, great coaches) make me what I am today.
Fast forward to now and I am coaching a co ed under 8 team. I have a star who should be playing pro ball at age 8 and 5 other children that could care less, and 3 moderate players my daughter is one of them. This season is purely for fun, but my mind seems to not to be able to think in these terms, you always play to win.
Last sat. our star player got hurt and couldn't play, he cried the whole game. The rest of our team, after realizing edgar was not going to win the game for them fell apart. It was the hardest thing to watch. Of course the parents all blamed me for their loss(and it was bad). So I told them I was rather glad they learned this lesson at age 8 and not age 18. I believe the greatest thing about sports is the lesson you take and use in real life. I hope their massacre sat keeps them from ever giving up like that in real life. Maybe next week we will get somewhere. I just want them to work hard and be proud of themselves. Sorry so long, just thought I'd throw out one coaches perception!
Fast forward to now and I am coaching a co ed under 8 team. I have a star who should be playing pro ball at age 8 and 5 other children that could care less, and 3 moderate players my daughter is one of them. This season is purely for fun, but my mind seems to not to be able to think in these terms, you always play to win.
Last sat. our star player got hurt and couldn't play, he cried the whole game. The rest of our team, after realizing edgar was not going to win the game for them fell apart. It was the hardest thing to watch. Of course the parents all blamed me for their loss(and it was bad). So I told them I was rather glad they learned this lesson at age 8 and not age 18. I believe the greatest thing about sports is the lesson you take and use in real life. I hope their massacre sat keeps them from ever giving up like that in real life. Maybe next week we will get somewhere. I just want them to work hard and be proud of themselves. Sorry so long, just thought I'd throw out one coaches perception!
When I was growing up, my dad was involved in my Scout troop. He would admonish bad behavior in others and try to educate the boys in that small amount of time. Others would say that I was getting off the hook or treated differently. I got to hear about it on the ride home and then over the next few days.
I don't know exactly what's going on on your son's team but any objectivity is lost when you're coaching or observing the coaching of your own kid.
I'm pretty tolerant of volunteers though. If I thought something was that bad I'd take it to the Rec department or School Boards parent committee. Or take my kid off the team.
I don't know exactly what's going on on your son's team but any objectivity is lost when you're coaching or observing the coaching of your own kid.
I'm pretty tolerant of volunteers though. If I thought something was that bad I'd take it to the Rec department or School Boards parent committee. Or take my kid off the team.