How DO you age gracefully?

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
I recently turned 40 & the last few years have really taken their toll on my skin. I'm trying to take it in stride, but sometimes something happens that really brings me down. Last night at the gym some guy I'd never met came right up to me & asked me how old I was. Setting aside how inappropriate the question was to a stranger, when I told him his response was "yeah, I thought you were up there." WTF? UP THERE?!?!?!?! What does "up there" mean anyway? And why do I LOOK like I'm up there? (I won't even give you the details of the time some guy guessed my age at 52)

Of course it kept me awake last night. There are some things (physical condition, hair, etc.) that I can control, but I can't do much about my skin. I get botox for the frown lines betw. my eyes but I'm resisting getting it where I have smile lines (eyes & mouth). Someday I'll probably get laser treatment. Mostly I feel like it's OK to look my age, as long as I don't look pi$$ed off all the time. :+

I need some sage advice so I can accept the aging process & not feel like life as I know it is over.
 
40 is the new 30. I mean how old was this guy that asked you? Cause he sounds like my 7 year old. Not only is it rude that he asked you that it was totally inappropriate. He probably asked because he knew you could run circles and out push up him. I have to say I think a lot of women feel the way you do with the way the media "expects" us to look like. I took it hard when I turned 30. Okay I sorta "flipped a lid" as my hubbie would so politely say, but I've grown to be happy with what I look like even after 2 kids. I mean that does things to your boobies you never thought possible. Personally I've accepted growing old gracefully sans any sorta poking, probing, cutting, or lazer zapping. Just think Joan Rivers. Your beautiful just the way you are!
 
Hi LauraMax,

Welcome to the over 40 club. I suggest you start by going to a local esthetician and book a series of microdermabrasions. I would start off with an aggressive schedule of one microdermabrasion per week to remove the dry skin and fine lines off your face. Stay out of the sun. This is key to maintain a youthful complexion.

You may also want to consider an herbal/chemical peel. Be warned, though, that you want to do this and stay indoors for several days as your face will look red and then will peel for several days.

Hope this helps.
Lorrayne
 
Ok first the guy who guessed you were 52 was he blind or just pi$$ed because you look so good. I'm 32 and I hope and pray I look half as good as you when I'm 40. The guy in the gym I agree with the other poster he was ticked because you could run circles around him and probaly outlift him.

I don't think life is no way over for you. You are a beautiful strong woman and a role model for all women.

Farrah
 
Hi Laura,

It's really hard, I know. First of all it doesn't help (feeling up there) with rude people. How dare him! ignore the small people and get down to facts and focus on what life really is.

We all know we will get old someday, this is going to happen whether we like it or not. There is nothing we can do about it. But there is a lot of things we can do to prolong it.

I feel you are doing it already. You exercise on a regular basis, what you eat is the best nourishments for your body, and you have regular scheduled check ups with your doctor. You choose to be healthy and fit.

Besides all that, you need people around you that love you and care about you. Do things you have always wanted to do that interests you. Continue to be kind to people.

And don't worry be happy.:7 Oh, by the way, you are picking up a lot of knowledge along the way, share it with people.

I'm now 58 (at least I think I am) enjoy your 40's, those are good years. You still have many many more to come.

Janie

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The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 
Janie1234, that does not help at all! Although it did make me laugh.....Joan Rivers is most definitely NOT the look I'm going for! LOL!

You know what I think is part of my problem? I'm single & I feel like whatever men are left in my age range that are actually single & not insane won't be interested in an old cougar like me when they could have some pretty, firm 30 YO. x(

Lorrayne, thanks for the tips--I'd love to do that stuff frequently but it's so darned expensive, I just can't find it in my budget. So I'm trying to figure out how to deal w/the fact that, as Janie said, aging is inevitable & there's just nuthin' I can do about it.
 
A lot of women swear by the oil of olay skin products. They are reasonably priced. They just came out with an micro abrasion treatment that many rave about. It could help even out your skin. Also, go to a Glo minerals counter or a Mac counter and get make-up and skin care tips for free!

I'm turning 46 and noticed my nasal folds are getting deeper. I want a face lift and plan to get one in the next couple of years. Not a Joan Rivers pulled look. Just something natural to lift the sag.
I've had a breast lift. My surgeon refuses to touch my face until I'm 50. He just pats me on my back when I ask, and says, "not yet".

One thing you can do is get the most "up to date" hair cut and color. I think out of date hair and make-up age a woman more than anything. Spend money on a quality dye job!!! My color job cost me $165 4x's a year. Worth every single penny too.
The woman that owns the salon where I go, is in her 60's and sports a trendy cut with a really great dye job. She looks FABULOUS!!!

Oh gosh, there is a woman I see in the grocery store who wears her hair from the 80's or some era close. She looks so freaking old!!! I just want to grab her and take her for a makeover!!!

If you budget for anything....budget for a good stylist!!!
Look at Jane Fonda. No face work, but her style keeps her young looking.
 
Invest in good skincare. Obagi Nu-derm is incredible, it erases years of sun damage, gets rid of wrinkles and leaves your skin beautiful. You do go through a peeling stage, but after that, you will be amazed. Plus it lasts forever!

Your body looks better than most 20 year olds and you are really pretty, I am horrible at guessing ages, but I thought you were in your early thirties, so there!;) That guy was an arse, wish you would have commented on the size of his penis or something equally humiliating!}(

I turn 42 this month and for the first time since 40, am happy with my looks. I do not want to talk Botox, good lord, that is a touchy subject round here, but I will tell you again to look into the Obagi.
 
What a JERK! Was he really young? Young people can be insensitive and not very good at age guessing. :)
Think of all the amazing looking women who are well into their 40s (Demi Moore, Madonna, Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, CATHE - for goodness sakes!). 40 is nothing but a number let me assure you. I think you are being WAY too hard on yourself here.

Carolyn

PS: I've heard that Retin A can do wonders for the skin - if you don't already use it. :)
 
>Invest in good skincare. Obagi Nu-derm is incredible, it
>erases years of sun damage, gets rid of wrinkles and leaves
>your skin beautiful. You do go through a peeling stage, but
>after that, you will be amazed. Plus it lasts forever!


Oh yes! I used that with some retin-a blender! REALLY good stuff!
 
Hi LauraMax,

I will turn 40 in August, and I often find myself thinking the very thoughts you describe. Sometimes I will fixate on certain wrinkles, or my no-longer-perky boobs, or some other part of my body that looks . . . well . . . 40ish. This may not work for you, and it may sound hoaky, but when I find myself thinking perhaps too much about these inevitable changes, it helps me to read or watch stories such as Tuesdays With Morrie or that "Last Lecture" video that's been circulating around. They usually help put things in better perspective for me. (Heck, even reading the newspaper about the earthquake in China and other such tragedies can sometimes do the trick!)

Don't get me wrong, I apply my various creams and such every day in an attempt to fight the aging process, and it's hard not to feel the never-ending pressure to look young (especially for women). But when I do find myself feeling that pressure just a bit too much(which is quite frequently) I always try to remember that I'd much rather be described as "someone who is kind, generous, compassionate, engaged, principled, etc." than "someone who looks really young." (And I doubt those guys at the gym can lay claim to any of those prior qualities!)

And, regardless, you are a very beautiful woman.

Have a great day!
 
Hi Laura. No offense to the men out there but men tend to mature a lot slower than women. I mean my husband is still referred to in our house as my third child. I have to admit being happily married helps me accept growing old gracefuly, heck my hubbie is 15 years older than me I never have to worry about having more wrinkles than he does. But heck Laura if I had a kickin bod like yours at 40 I'd be doing the "happy dance!" I have to admit I was shocked to read your post because to me you look great and I'm not just saying that, because I wouldn't say it at all if I didn't mean it and if it means anything I wouldn't have guessed that you were 40 by your picture.

As far as face goop though, I just make sure to use sunscreen I like Aveeno products and a hat when I'm out in the sun. I don't know if they help de-wrinkle me but I know sunscreen helps keep harmful wrinkle causing rays at bay.
 
Thanks guys for the compliments. :) Truth is, the pics on my picture trail are a couple of years old--I think I was 38 in the most recent--& don't really show the rapid degeneration I've gone through recently.

I think I'll look into all your tips. I will definitely check out the Obagi--I've been using Olay Regenerist for years & I swore I wouldn't buy any obscenely expensive skin care products after Consumer Reports rated Olay #1, but if Tneah uses it, well then, it must be special. ;-)

I'm also considering a new 'do. I've had the same hairstyle for about 25 years. Probably it's time for a change but it's something I'll have to wean myself into since I haven't done anything different w/my hair for so long.

The guy at the gym yesterday was 45. I don't think it matters what age, I think guys are just totally clueless!

Some dude whistled at me out his car window when I went to lunch. Of course he didn't see me close up, but after last night I must admit it made my day. Funny, that kind of stuff used to annoy the hell outta me, now I eat it up!
 
Laura,
Check out ebay for the obagi stuff. It is much cheaper.
LD
http://pic40.picturetrail.com/VOL395/10721112/19111645/307955868.jpg[/IMG]
 
Laura,

Go to a young, hip stylist. Everyone in the salon I go to is SUPER hip. I first went to this salon for eyelash extensions and when I saw how great everyone looked, I booked a consultation for hair.
After I felt comfortable with the stylist. I gave her free reign over my style.
My color is Da bomb! I'm not kidding she took my aging, mousy, darkened color and brought it back to life. I wish I could figure out how to post a picture. My hair color is so natural looking.

Bring pictures of styles you like. Talk about length. I love short, but I went shoulder length because I like to put my hair up in a pony tail for beach and workouts. After my girl colored and cut my hair, she spent another 30 minutes teaching me how to style it.
 
>Laura,
>Check out ebay for the obagi stuff. It is much cheaper.
>LD
>http://pic40.picturetrail.com/VOL395/10721112/19111645/307955868.jpg[/IMG]

The problem with ebay stuff is you never know what you're getting. I've read reports of cosmetic having urine in them! I honestly would be afraid to get it.

It is best to get obagi from a physician. You can go to a plastic surgeon or a dermatologist who carries the line. Some of Obagi product are prescription only. I used a blender with retin-a cream. You need a prescription for the two.
 
>>Laura,
>>Check out ebay for the obagi stuff. It is much cheaper.
>>LD
>>http://pic40.picturetrail.com/VOL395/10721112/19111645/307955868.jpg[/IMG]
>
>The problem with ebay stuff is you never know what you're
>getting. I've read reports of cosmetic having urine in them! I
>honestly would be afraid to get it.
>
>It is best to get obagi from a physician. You can go to a
>plastic surgeon or a dermatologist who carries the line. Some
>of Obagi product are prescription only. I used a blender with
>retin-a cream. You need a prescription for the two.
Well I wasn't telling her to buy prescription products from ebay. Sheesh

LD
http://pic40.picturetrail.com/VOL395/10721112/19111645/307955868.jpg[/IMG]
 
Runnergirl,

I wasn't implying that you were. I was pointing out that the line has products that are prescription only. If you are considering using the line, you would benefit greatly by seeking the advice of a professional who carries the line.

I wasn't trying to offend you in any way. I used Obagi for years. I've had their chemical peel too.

I use to buy cologne and cosmetics on ebay to save money until I began reading ebay's community forums. You learn A LOT about fakes in Ebay's community forums. Several reports about fake cosmetics from Japan and how MANY contained human urine.
I personally do not want to chance putting someone else's urine on my face!!!
 
I recommend using a moisturizer with SPF 30 for the face. I use Neutrogena it's light, not greasy and doesn't smell like suntan lotions, and inexpensive. I have a friend who is over 40 and worships the sun all summer long and I hate to say it but she's getting wrinkly especially around the eyes.
 
He was probably impressed with your fitness level and therefore found it necessary to comment on your age, as most women that age are starting to lose tone(= clueless, but not evil). Frequently men do stick their feet in their mouth.

I agree with the new hair style comments. My SIL is 43 and has same long hairstyle, it used to make her look young, now it is coincidentally making her look older. She needs an update, but good. Doesn't have to be "short".

Every time I see a recent picture of Teri Hatcher I see evidence of someone who is struggling to grow old gracefully and so far isn't. Her face looks frozen, she used to be so pretty, soft and natural. She is way too thin and has used too much botox. I hope she re-centers herself, as she is really talented.

Jen
 
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