How do I Stop Feeling Guilty?

[sparrow]

Well I hope it is okay if I post this here. As a newbie I don't want to be boo hooing all over the boards, but I feel the need to talk about this and can't with my family.

On Memorial Day I was visiting my folks. My niece and nephew were there. I so adore them and would do anything for them. I don't have children of my own, nor will I, so I have a good position in helping to raise them. My sis calls me her "wing man." Anyway, my husband came to pick me up. He did not know the kids would be there, and brought his parent's dog along for the ride (we are dogsitting while they are on vacation). I knew the dog was not used to kids, so we had her on the short leash, sitting next to my husband. I let her sniff the kids hands, and then told them to leave her alone as she was not used to little ones. My nephew, who is 7, forgot and, seeing as he has dogs at home, and eventually turned and spontaneously got right into the dog's face to give her a hug. She was startled and nipped him. He needed nine stitches right above his lip. Now, he is going to be fine by all accounts. The dog is healthy, the doc says he is so young there will not be a scar most likely, animal control chalked it up to a fear response not an unprovoked attack and my sister and her husband don't hate me; their attitude is"these things happen, kids get hurt, let's move on." Plus, my sis said that she knows I did what I thought was necessary to keep the dog and kids apart. So, why do I feel so horrible and guilty? I feel like I let my nephew down in a huge way, because I put him in a sitch where he got hurt and also, that I was not fast enough to stop it from happening. I saw him get into the dog's face and started to say, "get away from her please" but I couldn't get it out before the dog snapped. Add to that the fact that we have to tell my husband's parents that the dog, their baby, snapped and nipped a little kid. UGH UGH UGH. I feel like I am never going to get past this, and that I have failed as an auntie.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Sparrow

 

[sarahinva]

Sparrow ~

Let me just restate what your sister said. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!! We try and try and try to protect our children, but try as we might, some things are going to happen in life that we can't prevent. Don't keep going over the "if only's." Time will make the guilt lessen.

My dad worked with a man whose wife accidentally backed their SUV over their 3 year old son, killing him instantly. That poor woman has suffered so much over the past few years. I just cannot imagine being her. Then, a couple of months ago, the same thing happened to a professor's wife at VA Tech. Her little boy was 2, I think. Can you imagine what these women have felt/will feel?!? My heart truly goes out to them.

Now they make SUV's that have the warning signal when you start to back over something. That device would definitely be a worthy investment.

Sarah

 

[BakerGirl]

It sounds like you did everything you could to prevent it, so there is no need to feel guilty. Your nephew has learned a valuable lesson about approaching strange dogs, and luckily was not seriously hurt.

Kathy

 

[Timber99]

Animals are unpredicatable and you had NO WAY OF KNOWING that this would happen. Nonetheless, you are right in the middle of the child, the owners, the parents and you are feeling guilty from every angle, so I understand your feelings. Try to remember that you did try to keep them apart and that you weren't a bad auntie. Things happen sometimes no matter how hard we try to prevent them.

Christine

 

[wutherhi]

My friend's dog bit my son when he was two-years-old, in a very similar situation to yours. Like you, my friend had the dog chained, and my son, who loved dogs and still does, just got a little too brave, and it happened too quickly for any of us to do anything to stop it.

Several years later, my dog bit her son (who was a teenager at the time). Nipped him right on the patootie. Neither incident was a major deal for any of us. These things happen, and the children usually see it that way too, as long as the adults don't make a big deal about it.

I think you should take the parents at their word when they say no hard feelings and forgive yourself just as you would forgive her had the situation been reversed.

I truly had no hard feelings whatsoever toward my friend (or her sweet doggie, who was just doing what comes naturally), nor she toward me. It was one of many injuries our children will inevitably encounter, as all children do. No big deal.

I'm sure you feel worse about this than she does, and for the child's sake, I think it would be best to take it seriously, let him and his parents know you're sorry, then move on. In my opinion, making too much of a fuss over it could nurture a fear of animals in the child, but if you just chalk it up to experience, so will he.

Shari

 

[sparrow]

Ladies, thanks for the replies. They helped me focus my mind on other things this morning and I actually got something done!

Shari, you are right, to make too much of it will make my nephew think it was more of a big deal than it was. I already told him I was sorry, he was so cute, he said "But it wasn't your fault" so sincerely I wanted to burst out in tears

I take my hat off to the parents out there who must go through this kind of thing as a matter of routine. If I were a parent I would be following my kids around in a big van stuffed with fluffy pillows to throw under their behinds whenever life knocked them down!!

Anyway, thanks again. The people on this board are so nice.

 

[Ritko1]

As a parent of 4 children, if I let myself feel guilty of every accident I was unable to prevent, I would never be able to get out of bed for the overwhelming guilt.

When my oldest daughter was 2 (she’s 12 now) she tripped on the carpet and hit her face on a wooden chair that I was sitting in. It left her with a big black eye. If I had been faster I could have reached out my hand and caught her. When my son was four (he’s 9 now) I ran into him with my shopping cart not looking where I was going. It left him with quite a bump on the forehead. If we could only predict the future we could prevent all harm to our children, but alas we can’t. I do wish I could strap them into a helmet and padded snow suit each day when we get up in the morning, but they start to really cranky about it after a few hours. Just kidding I’ve never done it no matter how temped…..ha ha ha


Laura

 

[ColleenM]

It's not your fault BUT I would have someone teach the child that hugging is NOT normally an accepted and natural behavior for dogs. Someone needs to help teach him that even tho the doggies at home my tolerate it, strange dogs probably won't. He just didn't know what would happen, nor did you. But it can be prevented in the future.

I would find out if I was the owner if this is on the dog's record and what the bite laws are in the state.

Colleen

 

[Bobbi]

You sound as if you have a wonderful relationship with your sister. Tell her what you told us and stop feeling guilty. I'd love to have an aunt like you for my kids and if I had a dog, you'd be the best sitter! Nine stitches is very traumatic but under the ciremstances, it seems to me everyone will be able to realize this sort of tragedy happens. If you could change it you would but it cannot be undone. Don't beat yourself up! You are a wonderful aunt and sister and yor nephew and your sister know that. No guilt allowed!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver

 

[kathryn]

>Animals are unpredicatable

As are children!

You have no reason to feel guilty, though I know you probably can accept that intellectually and it's hard to accept that emotionally. You did what you could. The parents understood. Forgive yourself!