How do I deal with a psycho mom?

hokypoky

hokypoky

Cathlete
There is a parent at our elementary school who has a history of weird behaviour. When we were at preschool together, she would spy on the kids at the playground through binoculars, I guess making sure there was nothing bad going on. Many, many more things happened. (This year, they were not allowed to come back.)

Presently, she has driven up to moms who were out running, asking why they didn't say hi to her. Or waited for them in their driveway. I have tried to just be pleasant, hoping that would be enough. But at my daughter's bday party at a skating rink (last month), her daughter fell, hurt her arm (did not cry or anything), and the mom was on the line of accusing me of causing a fracture. (Amazingly, the "cast" was off within a week.) A few days later, she went up to another child and said in a very mean and sarcastic tone, "The next time someone skates by you, don't yell 'Watch out' because you'll make them fall!" This was in front of the boy's mother, who has forbidden all contact with the daughter.

The kicker is that her daughter, who is VERY sweet, has become "best friends" with mine. After the skating incident, DH and I decided it would be best to avoid any playdates after school. None at my house, in case something would happened that could get blown out of proportion, and none at hers because I have no idea what could happen in her own home. Because of her stalking-like tendencies, we were just going to be "busy" a lot. But now, her daughter has invited mine over for a sleepover! I told the mom I was discussing it with DH, if DD is ready for an overnight, but what do I do if she says, "Well, then she can come over and just play."

I'm afraid (chicken!) to tell her we just don't trust her, for fear of the repercussions. There are SO many more incidents, and I know she goes on and off medication that affects her moods, but do you have any advice? Our girls are in class together and I hate to have my 8-yr old affected by all this.
 
That's a tough one.

The mother certainly sounds like she's in need of meds (and/or a restraining order?) and is someone to avoid.

On the other hand, I feel for her daughter. She must have a hard life: and if everyone avoids her because of her mother, soon she'll be left all alone with this mentally unstable woman.

Is there no father in the picture?

What does your daughter think? She might have an opinion/observation on this.
 
I feel for her daughter, too ... she is as nice as can be. I can't imagine what the teenage years will be like for her. I had her over once, and the mom backed into my trash can as she pulled out of the driveway. As soon as she got home, she called me, asking if I had put it there on purpose. At that point, I decided playdates were too risky!

The husband is sort of an enabler - he goes along with whatever she says.

I haven't talked to DD about the mom ... she pretty much believes what any adult says. She was campaigning last night that she's old enough for a sleep over (other than family), so I did clarify that it didn't have to do with her being responsible, it involved the mother. DH wants to be open with our daughter. I just don't know if I want to be open with the mom ....
 
I do not think I would send my 8 y/o to this house AT ALL, and especially NOT to a over night sleepover where God only knows what might happen! I really think you need to step up to the plate and say NO! In my opionion 8 is too young for a sleep over anyway. Your DD is too young to be dealing with this type of behaviour from an adult no less. I have no other advice other than please don't send you daughter over there!!!

Mary
 
I agree. Don't let being afraid to say no to the mother cause you to put your DD at risk. Just say no politely and then explain to your DD.
LD
 
Unfortunately it is usually impossible to try to be rational with someone who is not getting the proper professional attention and/or medication, particularly if they suffer from persecutory delusions. it probably won't matter whether you try to soften the blow or not, she will draw her own conclusions in spite of any evidence otherwise.
 
IMO your daughter is your first priority and if the woman makes you uncomfortable that is the end of the story and no interaction between her daughter and yours. It is not fair to "psycho" mom's daughter but honestly that is not your issue. If the dad is "normal" and just checked out then he can deal with how to keep his wife from ruining it for the daughter.

For your daughter I would just explain that this is a complicated adult situation which as a kid she just won't get.

Hope everything works out.

KIM
 
I agree ... I definitely don't want DD over there - any ideas how to phrase it? Or at Beavs said, anything I say will be twisted anyway.
 
Whew. I think no matter how you phrase it, she'll be kooky. I'd just say whatever you deem appropriate and keep your daughter away from her. She has some serious personality issues going on from what I can tell.


Debbie

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.
-Ellen Degeneres
 
I'm guessing she suffers from mental illness and is in a catch 22 where she feels lonely/isolated/victimized but her behavior alienates her from any potential friends that could help ease her pain. My friend's wife suffered from a mental disorder and when she was off her medication she was delusional and she became impossible (if not frightening) to deal with. One can only be compassionate to a point. If I were in Dayna's shoes I'd keep myself, my garbage cans, and my children as far away as possible.
 
I have to agree with everyone else. I would not allow my daughter to play over there let alone sleep over. Your very first priority is the safety of your child. Really with this woman anything can happen and the idea that she could be off her meds is plainly terrifying.
 
Safety first above all else and really who cares how this woman reads anything you say. I'd simply say you feel your daughter is too young for sleepovers and explain to your daughter that this mother has an illness that is untreated and you do not want her going over to her friends house alone.
 
I feel really sorry for her poor daughter, but YOUR daughter has to be your #1 priority. I would simply thank her for the invitation, tell her that you feel your DD is too young for a sleep over, and then just do your best to avoid her altogether. If she calls (I assume you have caller ID so you'll know if it's her or not) don't answer the phone and just let your machine or voice mail pick it up. Don't return her calls and eventually she'll move on to someone else. I would be careful what you say to your DD. She's young and she might slip and repeat it to the wrong people ;) . It's really sad but you have to protect your DD from the crazies of the world. If at any time you feel this woman is a threat I would report her to the authorities.
 
Simply say that there is something else that your daughter needs to do that evening. End of story.

You do not owe this mother an explanation and to be honest, the less you tell her the better off you will probably be.

What an awful situation. I feel sorry for your daughter but I don't blame you one bit for your concern. Your daughter is going to have to understand.
 
I have to agree with the others. Although it is too bad for the daughter of the "psycho", you are responsible for your DD, and it seems that you know that it is best not to be involved with that family. Just say no, it won't work out.
 
When my kids were younger, there were some friends whose parents I did not trust. Those kids either played at our house, or we met them somewhere for a playdate. I think this is definately a situation like that. Don't let her stay over, maybe have the friend over, or meet her somewhere. This would also be one friendship I would not encourage. Your daughter comes first.
 
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