How do I deal with a psycho mom?

I agree with everyone here.

You must say "no" to your daughter going for a sleepover at her house. You cannot place your daughter's well-being into this woman's hands. End of discussion. You could invent a reason to explain this refusal to your daughter, but I have always preferred the truth, and I do not underestimate my children's ability to understand my reasoning.

I would refuse the invitation with a perfunctory, "no, I'm sorry, my daughter cannot come." That's it. I would also try to explain my reasons to my own daughter in words she can understand. I am sure she can understand that you are afraid the other mother doesn't look after children very well, and you are afraid for her if she stays there the night. Your love for her and desire to keep her safe: she can understand that.

In your shoes I would still attempt to get the two girls together, in safe situations, away from either house, as another poster suggested.

But the woman needs meds, and it is up to her family to see that she gets it, for her daughter's sake, if no-one else's.

Clare
 
Honey, you've got to just say no. You don't want anything to do with a woman like that, and you sure don't want your child in her home. If it were me, I would not have any type of playdate anywhere- don't even get it started. DO NOT feel apologetic about saying no, and remember that you owe that woman no excuses or explanations.
 
We have a similiar situation with my son. We, DH and I, have explained to him how we trust him, but not the mom and he is welcome to play with his friend at school, but not at our home or the boys home. My son(7) understood, as he saw with his own eyes what this mom was capable of. The kids are now in different classes this year, and everything seems fine. So I would NOT let your daughter sleep over, but I would explain to her why and your concerns. Let her know it is her you trust, not the mom.
Good luck,
Deanie
 
Thank you for all the great advice, everyone. I was all ready to talk to her today, being Friday, to get it over with. My lines were, "Thank you for the invite ... since DD's never done this before, quite honestly we need to get to know you all better before we can let her do that." And if the mom persists: "We know there have been some incidents with you and other families, so we want to feel more comfortable before the girls get together outside of school."

Of course, the chances of me being "comfortable" are slim to none.

So I mentioned to a friend that I had to go talk to her about something, and my friend said, "Oh not now!" A deer was hit by a car right by the school, and the mom was sitting next to the deer petting it until the authorities came. This was not something I wanted to say when she was upset! So I'll have to either call her this weekend or see her Monday. OR since I know they are going out of town tonight and because I'm a big chicken, I *could* call and leave a message. }(

I'll keep you posted ...
 
I may be going out on a limb here, but if you tell her you have to get to know them better before you'll allow a sleepover, she'll want to schedule time to get to know you better! You don't want that! Because then you're stuck telling her the real reason: you know about other "incidents", which is not going to go over well. She will want to know what you're talking about. It seems like you might dig yourself a hole.

IMO, just politely decline the invitation with a simple, "Thank you for the invite, but no." And if she wants a reason, give her a classic mom response: "Because I'm the mom, and I say no."

I remember Dr. Phil saying that anyone who doesn't accept no for an answer is attempting to control and manipulate you in some way, and I think this woman fits the bill! I've run into a couple women like her over the years, and I compare them to venomous snakes. Not in a million years would you apologize to a venomous snake for not allowing your daughter to play with it. You wouldn't feel guilty nor feel the need to give an explanation. I don't see how this situation is much different.

(Sorry for being a bit passionate-- I have dealt with this myself, and I have no patience with women like this. They're toxic.)
 
>I may be going out on a limb here, but if you tell her you
>have to get to know them better before you'll allow a
>sleepover, she'll want to schedule time to get to know you
>better! You don't want that! Because then you're stuck
>telling her the real reason: you know about other "incidents",
>which is not going to go over well. She will want to know
>what you're talking about. It seems like you might dig
>yourself a hole.
>
>IMO, just politely decline the invitation with a simple,
>"Thank you for the invite, but no." And if she wants a
>reason, give her a classic mom response: "Because I'm the mom,
>and I say no."
>
>...I've run into a couple women like her over the years, and I compare them to venomous snakes. Not in a million years would you apologize to a venomous snake for not allowing your daughter to play
>with it. You wouldn't feel guilty nor feel the need to give
>an explanation. I don't see how this situation is much
>different.
>
>(Sorry for being a bit passionate-- I have dealt with this
>myself, and I have no patience with women like this. They're
>toxic.)
>

I agree 110%!!! I agree with every single word ;)
 
>Simply say that there is something else that your daughter
>needs to do that evening. End of story.
>
>You do not owe this mother an explanation and to be honest,
>the less you tell her the better off you will probably be.


Hmm. I thought I responded to this, and I don't know where it went! Post monster strikes again.

Anyway, I whole-heartedly agree with Wendy here. The less you say, the better. Simply be busy. Since in this instance you already told the mom you had to think over whether or not DD was ready for a sleepover, I would say, "We weren't sure if DD was ready for a sleepover or not, but as it turns out, we have a family commitment (or whatever) that night, anyway, and she can't make it. Sorry."

As others said, I would not tell her you need to get to know them better, or you're opening yourself up to more contact. And I would definitely NOT refer to the incidents with other families as you are only going to set off a maelstrom with that one.

As Beavs said, keep yourself, your garbage cans :), and your child as far away from this woman as possible. You don't owe elaborate explanations to anyone.

Good luck!

[font face="heather" font color=brick red size=+2]~Cathy [/font face] http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/wavesmile.gif
"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
>As others said, I would not tell her you need to get to know
>them better, or you're opening yourself up to more contact.
>And I would definitely NOT refer to the incidents with other
>families as you are only going to set off a maelstrom with
>that one.

I agree.
 
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