Here we go again...


I don't know how many times I can "get fit" and never get to the end. And life is not easy now, and it's hard to focus. DH and I both out of work, thank God for a little savings - unemployment gone - great gym in our basement - lots of dvd's - but so hard to get motivated. I do a few days, then something pops up to throw my fragile schedule off! I have @ 30 # to loose and it's just so damn hard. Anyone know what I mean? Any advise???
Thanks, Autumn :(
I know exactly what you mean! I struggled fror 8 years gaining and losing the same 20 lbs, then I gave up and put on an extra 10. lol. Last year I finally decided that I was going to do it. I surrounded myself with things to help me be successful - this site, other blogs, podcasts, etc and committed to staying with it. I was really helped by two books in particular - The Beck Diet Solution and the Total Body Fat Solution. They really helped me to change my thinking about eating.

I have a pattern of working really hard to the point of overuse injury, giving up on working out until I was healed (and 20 lbs heavier) and then starting the whole cycle up again. Well 2010 was my year to break the cycle. Well almost...I did lose 25 of the 35 lbs I wanted to lose and KEPT IT OFF but I did work myself into an overuse injury that sidelined my workouts. BUT I didn't put any weight back on from that. I lost the weight over a period of 3 months early in 2010 and then maintained the rest of the year. Now I am healed and restarting the workouts *gently* so as not to get injured.

I went from a snug size 12 to a comfortable size 6 :) My mantra to get there was to be focused on the goal. If I can do it, anyone can!!
Hi Autumn! That is sooo weird, you have been on my heart lately for some reason. I miss when my 'sisters' disappear now and than and just want to send you big ol' hugs and support. You were there for me with words of encouragement in the past.

Hang in there!

Thanks Lisa, I really wish I had support and must come back here and at least use this forum like I use to. Don't have anyone to workout with - hard to explain situation.
And I have overdone it this past year too, hurt knee (better now) and shoulder (also better now). So I have to be careful and push, but not hurt myself.

Pam: wow, thanks so much for saying that. wish you lived in East TN so we could workout together. I'll look for you here on the forums, thanks for the encouragement.

Hi Autumn,

Sorry about your situation--must be so frustrating :(. I don't know what it's like to be unemployed, but I do know what it's like to be sick, depressed and worried about finances, etc. I'm sure your self-esteem takes a big hit and confidence is low. Know that you deserve to be the best you, you deserve to fulfill your dreams and have your best body!

For some reason we (humans) think that motivation comes first, but usually it doesn't happen that way. Just like the spark comes before the fire, so does action before motivation.

Here's what I do when I'm feeling unmotivated:

1. Remember that I want to keep self promises and be true to myself:D
2. Write down what I will do that day in regards to my health, eating and exercise
3. Schedule the time to do it...and do it no matter what.
4. Congratulate myself for doing what I promised to do even if I didn't want to do it. :p

Repeat steps 1-4 everyday ;) The more you "Just do it" the better you will feel, which leads to more motivation.

Other ideas:
~You could start a group challenge here or on another forum or with a group of friends/neighbors--getting support is key!
~I always need a goal (1/2 marathon, 5K, triathlon, etc.) Find something that will give you motivation besides weight loss

Sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself...and during those times I remember this quote:
Hope is the most beautiful accessory a woman can wear.

I don't know how many times I can "get fit" and never get to the end. And life is not easy now, and it's hard to focus. DH and I both out of work, thank God for a little savings - unemployment gone - great gym in our basement - lots of dvd's - but so hard to get motivated. I do a few days, then something pops up to throw my fragile schedule off! I have @ 30 # to loose and it's just so damn hard. Anyone know what I mean? Any advise???
Thanks, Autumn :(

I know where you are, we lived that for over 13 months, it is brutal on both your psyche and health, which in turn sucked the juice out of any motivation I had left. It's difficult at times to look through the haze, but you have to... It will end, please keep the faith in that, as hard as it seems at times. You'll also come away with some definite attitude on how to survive. As far as working out, baby steps...Plan a workout and then attempt to do it. I hope and pray your situation will turn around very soon. I completely understand your situation and wish there was something more I could do.
wow Sandra, thanks for that post. That was so encouraging. Great ideas, and love the quote. It's funny, I'm not into "running" b/c I'm top heavy, and like lower impact activites, but my city is having a 5k soon, and is letting everyone know about it, seeing it on tv a lot latley. I'm wondering if I should just go for it.
You as well DirtDiva - thanks for your post. I'll hang in there.
BTW, got an interview on Friday!!! We will see how that goes, I'll do my best.
AND I did 2nd STS this week. 1st one on Sunday, 2nd one today, plan to do cardio tomorrow w/ some ab work for good measure. Probably kickbox. Lost interest in Step and really like kickbox better latley. For some reason the punching and kicking help releave stress. ;)
Thanks guys, seems I've come to the right place. :) And thanks DirtDiva, send the prayers this way.... :) - Autumn

Super good luck on that interview...

Thanks. I'm a little worried about our weather. We never have snow this early & have already had one snow storm that hit the record books, now we got more last night and more into the morning for tomorrows commute. My interview is at 10. I will call them to confirm, but most things close up around here or are delayed if there's poor weather. A little anxious about that - but otherwise I will prep as if it isn't going to be canceled. I'll post how things went. Thanks so much for the good wishes.
btw, did mma boxing today. :D and will try for sts #3 tonight


I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with loss of hope that my life, my family's life, will ever get any better since August.

First, my 16 year old daughter decided to leave home and stay with my parents in the UK for a year, which has left a massive hole in my life and my heart. She needed to do this and I did not want to stop her: my job is to make things feasible for her and keep her life moving onwards, and although she is now realizing that the grass is not usually ever greener elsewhere and that we do indeed take our problems with us when we flee a situation, I miss my baby girl like crazy and can cry at the drop of a hat.

Then the job I had lined up teaching at the U of M fell away three days before I was due to begin teaching when I learned that an admin person in the department had screwed up my visa paperwork and I could not legally enter the classroom. This was my first job opportunity in 5 years. Flushed down the drain by someone else's incompetence.

Then we learned that my husband's university screwed up his green Card application paperwork and it was thrown out on a technicality. Again, our lives changed by someone else's incompetence while they go on just fine and hunky-dory. We have to begin the process all over again and we have no idea where we will be living next year, whether we will have to leave the US and begin again back home in the UK and if we will find jobs.

We have lived under the constraints of the US visa system for the lat 19 years, even though we have both helped educate your undergraduate and graduate students and pay our taxes, blah, blah. I have lived with uncertainty for 19 years, never knowing if our visa applications will be granted or revoked. I have had to live with the US gvt determining the course of my life and family's future for 19 years. I have little self-determination afforded to me. Can you even imagine? To say I am losing hope would be an understatement.

I also have the tendency to a suffer anxiety and depression and have had a running injury that is not finding a solution for itself, despite repeated physical therapy. So, it has been a real struggle to exercise since last January, a whole year now, and when my achilles started hurting in December, I just gave up and stopped.

I took three weeks off and sat around feeling crappy and getting crappier by the day. I know that exercise is the best answer to depression but was too unmotivated to even start again, and really, what was the point? It seems like everything I set out to achieve gets thwarted by some other person, circumstance or injury, so why even bother?

Except that, that is not living and I cannot spend my life that way. I am 45, each day I do not live is a day wasted. I am the mother, I am the heart and emotional centre of this family and I have to get it together. If not, how can I make sure my daughters don't succumb to the depression and anxiety, which they both also have a tendency towards? Worrying about shit is my job, not theirs and I cannot dump that responsibility on them. I have to keep moving forwards and making something out of each day so that they can keep going and derive joy from their lives.

Also, I just plain deserve better.

So, yesterday, I broke the cycle and went to the gym and was there for 3 hours.

I did not reach for the sky, I did not do a ball busting HiiT routine followed by stacks of heavy lifting.

Instead, I was sensible. I knew I was de-conditioned, but I also know that I can get it back in just two weeks, because I always can. That, right there, gave me a smidgeon of something like hope, maybe best described as faith in myself, to pull myself back up out of the chasm.

I did 60 mins power walking on the treadmill, listening to my fave tunes and I just kept cracking a grin all the way through because I had fun. I also kept wiping away tears because it was just such a relief to finally be moving and because exercise really is the only thing that helps lift my depresssion and helps me believe that I am stronger than the fears I harbour. Then I did some core work and lower body work with the machines. Just the basics to start back with. I know that the "experts" would have frowned on my use of weight machines rather than a barbell and free weights routine, but the point was to get started and do something that was a step in the right direction, not to worry about whether my routine passed muster with any fitness pro. Starting back is the hardest, but it starts the momentum machine and it is therefore the most important step.

Here are my secrets:

1) only do what lifts your spirits and makes your heart sing. Who gives a s**t what the pros think, just do it. Kickbox 5 times this week? Go for it.

2) believe in yourself. Only you can make this happen, and baby, you ARE strong enough despite all the crap trying to pull you down.

3) you are SO worth it. Everybody else is getting healthy and fit: you DESERVE it even more than they do. Treat yourself.

4) think: compassion and self-love. No gut busting workouts, just self-pampering, both for the body, the mind and the emotional spirit.

Autumn: I am here for you, on this journey with you and ready to listen and support you. What do you need? Tell me. Big hugs form me to you,

Wow, thanks Clare. Sound like you have your hands full with your own problems. Things have a way of working out, even though sometimes it feels like your getting socked in the same black and blue over and over, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh? and I know about suffereing b/c of other peoples mistakes, it's my pet peve and dh always tells me not to get so upset about what I can't change. It's hard. I feel for ya. Thanks for sharing.

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