Help with sister/divorce

acatalina

Cathlete
Should i mind my own business.
My sisters husband told her about 2 months ago he wanted a divorce after 17 years.
He moved in with his girlfriend about a month ago.So you know he has been seeing this woman.
She was a wreck.
Well she had a date Sat night.
Guess who walks in . Her husband and his woman.
Chrissy and her date left.
Now the a hole wants to have lunch and talk because he still loves her.It bothered him seeing her with someone.
She is going through Hell.
Her teenage daughter is playing the who can i get the most out of game. Calling her a B_ tch.Telling her how nice dad's girlfriend is. Etc. Calling daddy for everything she does.
She was giving her big attitude.
Flipped out for her cleaning her room.
I told her to pull the pins and take the door off. That'l fix her.
Oh teenagers.
He has always controlled her. she has never been happy.
I want to tell her , you idiot don't take him back, but, is it my business.
She is better off with out him.
Anne


http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&gid=8227804&uid=3969941
 
If it were my sister I would tell her what see needed to hear! If it were a friend I'd still tell them.And if she is asking for your advice then get your heals in there and dig right in.
Is she happier without him? Then she probably knows what she should do but sometimes it is easier to go back then it is to deal with a teen on your own and getting a divorse.And sometimes when people break up they feel as if they are still in love but their emtions get all mixed up.They confuse love with lonliness and jealousy.
I think you should tell you sister what you think.She is your sister after all, not a stranger.
Poor thing, I feel for her.
Lori:)
 
Find a loving way to tell her but please, tell her.

Your niece has an attitude because she is angry and scared. It's easier to abandon your sister because she knows your sister will always be there for her. She's not so sure about her father. I'm willing to bet the marriage has been bad for a long time and their daughter is acting out. Even though it's difficult for you, give her some leeway.

Your sister and her daughter need counseling like NOW!
 
You can't tell her what to do, she's going to do what she wants regardless of what you think. You can give your opinion, tell her she's better off w/o him, afterall he was cheating on her, but tell her you will support her despite how she decides. If you talk trash about him too much and she takes him back it's just going to put distance between you and her. She has a huge history with her husband, 17 years is nothing to sneeze at, throw in a child and that's a hard break to make for anyone.

The best you can do is be supportive, she'll do what she thinks is best. Her daughter is obviously hurting too, understandable. She's acting out and I don't think there is much to do with that except be supportive to her as well- it's her family being ripped apart.

Its a tough situation, sorry your going through it :(

~Shannon
 
YES, your sister is absolutely your business!!!! You love her in a way no one will ever be capable! You know things no one will ever know! I say tell her you heart and mind...just be careful of your wording!

She needs to know the a hole is just upset over seeing her with another man and that if he cheated on her after 17 years, he's most likely not done. Change of heart all of a sudden...men are so freaking goofy! And they say WE are nuts!:eek: Sounds like he did not think the whole thing through! What did he expect...he moves on with his girlfriend and your sister stays alone, dateless and loveless for the rest of her life?

As for DD, I'd ship her off to go live with Daddy! She's playing both sides because she can! Your sister may have to have a chat with DH to come up with a plan to deal with DD together.

As for the comments, your sister can retort in a manner that will put an end to it. She could say "I am so glad to hear 'girlfriend' is so nice, it would bother me so much if she was mean and nasty to you or to your father. I just want everyone to be happy. She sounds like a wonderful woman". If DD thinks that her words will not sting, she won't bother saying them.
 
Can you help her find a counselor who can be objective about the situation and maybe help her to see where this is going to go? I mean, you can just see the guy ramping up to string her along for months, because he can't stand to see anyone with someone else. Jerk. He already made his choice.

I agree with the comments about the niece; she is probably scared to death of losing her father and so is "siding" with him to earn points. That must be terribly painful for your sister, though.

Divorce is so tough on everyone, I know.

I wish you all the best of luck.

Marie
 
I would definitely tell her what you think of the whole situation. She needs to hear it from someone that she knows has HER best interest at heart.

Men!!! Once he saw that she was moving on, he needed to throw her a curve ball!
 
i am sorry your family has to go through with this. i think your sister is better off. most cheaters will contiue to do so whether they love their spouse or not. if she is happy now then she should continue to date and enjoy life.

as for her daughter, if she loves daddy and his girlie so much she should go live with them. my sister did the same thing and was back at my mom;s within a month b/c girlfriend wasn't as nice as she appeared to be. ppl are so different once you live with them, maybe that's something she will have to learn on her own. maybe when something happens she will be more grateful to her mother.

kassia

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be
disappointed to discover they are not it -- Bernard Bailey
 
It bothered HIM to see HER with someone else? Oh, she's not even my sister and I want to practice my kickboxing moves on him.

Your sister basically has to decide what she can live with. I'm not certain I could live with my dh if he cheated on me, let alone moved out and moved in with his paramour, but that's me. Like someone else said, your sister needs counseling - no matter what her choice is.

Her daughter - well, your sister needs to put her foot down and let her daughter know that she's not going to get away with it any more. The least of my worries would be that dd will go live with daddy and his girlfriend. Come on, what woman would want to live with her lover's teenage daughter if she doesn't have to? She may be nice for weekend visits, but full time? No way...
 
Oooh, evil plot: send the teenaged daughter to live there! That ought to knock the rose-colored glasses off the gf! lol

My nephew used to threaten to move in with his father all of the time. One year my sister decided she had enough, and packed his bags. She told him the deal was, if he went, he had to stay there for at least six months, as she was not going to put up with anyone boomeranging in and out. He unpacked his bags himself. }(

Marie
 
Come to think of it...tell your sister how much she can achieve by sending the DD to live with her father! No 'girlfriend' is going to stick around living with someone elses teenage daughter! Let's be realistic here...teenage girls are NOTHING like the teenage girl in Desparate Housewives (Susan's daughter...Julie, I think). Teenage girls are...well, we were all a teenage girls at one time so you KNOW how they are!}(

DD goes and lives with dad, DD makes gf miserable, she'll probably move out, DH is miseable and ALONE, DD moves back in with mom after seeing the light (I hope). Then your sister can move on with some guy barely out of college and speaks very little English!!;) }(
 
The grass may be greener on the other side, but you still have to maintain that lawn also.:) I bet you bucks he wants his "in" back w/ your sister until the thrill of that wears off and then he's after something else, AGAIN. She should send her DD to live w/ her dad if she is going through so much. The DD is just going to make her life more stressful right now. He is the one that took that first step. Her taking him back is just like telling him it was okay what he did. My mom let my dad do this. They were divorced, he was still living w/ us as a "family" in a house and he went out w/ his girlfriends every weekend. He never brought them home, but my mom had me (at 8 yrs old) creeping around in bushes at Sizzler looking through the windows to see what she looked like and what they were doing. If a person can be taken (sexually) then they are not worth keeping. Tell her that. Let her know that you are there for her. I wouldn't feel bad about giving her your opinion/support. Sometimes siblings look for that to hold on to and it helps them.
Okay, I think I can get off the soap box now.:)
 
Gosh, Heather. That must have been awful for you...I mean to be in the middle of your Mom and Dad's adult troubles ;( .

No offense and I'm sorry but I just HATE that being done to children.
 
I Say why don't you print this thread, and give it to your sister:7 Everyone has given GREAT advice!!

~Nicole
 
Hi Anne,

I'm going through something similar with my sister right now. It's so hard to see someone we love in so much pain, isn't it. My poor sister and her not so DH have been married for 25 years and have 2 grown children in college. He moved into an apartment a few weeks ago. He swears he doesn't have a girlfriend and my sister believes him. I really don't know what to think. He's always been pretty nice, but he's always been a bit of a loser too.

I'm going to part company here with the rest of the crowd. As hard as it is, and it is VERY HARD, don't give your sister too much advice, with the possible exception of recommending a therpaist or a counselor. Really, you're not objective and your opinions are jaded by the pain and suffering your bil has caused your sister. I almost caused a rift in my relationship with my sister because I insisted on giving her my opinion about how she should handle things. She finally told me that if I was going to bad mouth her husband (and who could help it!?), or continue to dole out advice that she would not be able to talk to me anymore. She said she really needed me to listen and provide a shoulder for her to lean on, so that's what I've done. I helped her find a couselor and I let him do all the advising and I'm just there when my sister needs me.

It's so hard, I know. These are our sisters and we love them. It would almost be easier if I were the one in her shoes. I'd take it all away from her if I could. I worry about her so much. She has MS and I'm terribly concerned that she'll have a relapse. Try to step back and just be there. We don't have to talk to be supportive--sometimes it's better to listen and hug!

Hang in there and just know that I'm hanging with you.

Michele
 
Candi,
That is just part of what I went through. If I posted everything in my childhood AND my marriage, my post would be 10 times longer than Bobbi's about her deadbeat sister and drug addicted nephew.x(

Michelle,
If your sister is still believing that he doesn't have a girlfriend, make sure she stocks up on condoms. You never know what they are doing or w/ whom. (not saying that he is, but just in case).
 

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