Help with my 4 year PLEASE!!!

M

messyjess

Cathlete
I was recently on vacation for 2 weeks and was home with my 4 yr old girl. It rained everyday while I was on vacation. My 4 yr old is terrified of thunder and lighting. Did I say that she was terrified??? To the point that when it's thunder or lighting she will tremble will fear and will cling to me and not stop screaming until it's over and even still be petrified the next day that it will happen again. So I let her sleep with me while my poor husband slept on the couch. So here it is almost 4 weeks later I'm back at work and my daughter will not step foot in her room. I tried to put her back in her bed and she would cry endlessly in the fear of thunder. I tried putting an air mattress in her room and when she feel asleep I would go to my bed she would wake up like every hour and I'd have to come back to her room. So now I've brought her bed to my room. She falls asleep in my bed and then when my husband comes to bed he puts her in her bed which is right next to our bed and she is still giving us problem. She wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to come to our bed. Oh did I mention I have to get up at 4:30AM to go to work?



Now, my daughter has NEVER given me a problem to go to sleep from the moment she was born up until this big dilema and I really dont know what to do. Should I put her back in her room and just let her cry it out? I tried to do this but she literally cried and cried and cried and cried and would wake up every few minutes . It was awful and miserable. Please help Im so tired and fustrated and miss my normal nights.
 
Watch Super Nanny

This smart little chick has got you over a barrel! My advice is to go to Youtube & watch some epicodes of Supernanny & see how she takes care of the procrastinating bedtime kid. She gets away with it 'cause she know she can!
 
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I'm still afraid of thunder and lightening. Can't help you there. :D But it sounds to me like seperation anxiety. It's not the weather that she's afraid of, she's afraid of you leaving. She's using the weather as a way to articulate that to you. All I can say is spend as much time with her as you can and keep reassuring her that when you do leave, you'll come right back. Let her know that even when she can't see you, her mommy is still there. If it doesn't improve, consult a professional to help you sort it out. Hugs to you and your daughter.
 
I have no help for you with the sleep problem. However, when I was little, around 4, I used to get scared during a thunderstorm. My mom always told me it was God bowling. I believed her, of course and now to this day I still think that when there is a storm. When I got older, like 7 or 8 we would still talk about how well God was playing that day. My point is is that you do need to find a way to calm her during a storm or she will never get over the fear and she will always come back to your bed during a storm and you will have to start from scratch getting her out of there. I hope I am not coming off as insensitive because I certainly don't mean to be. I wish you the best of luck because I know how little ones can be.
 
I actually disagree that your daughter is manipulating you. I think she’s honestly scared. She actually sounds like me to a point. I was terrified of many things about that age (as was my daughter, actually – the result of an over active imagination on both of our parts). I frequently went in to my parents room when I was little for thunderstorms, the local cows mooing (sounded like ghosts), or ice on the birch tree outside my room (sounded like an evil dog in the attic with no hind legs – click – scraaattcch – told you – over active imagination!). Heck I was even afraid of the moon!! (It followed me!).

What my parents did, and what I did for my daughter, was to allow me to sleep on the floor with pillows and blankets that I brought from my own bed. It was not the most comfortable of situations, but I did feel safer being near my parents and they got to sleep without a 4 year old bed hog in their beds. Eventually I (and my DD) got tired of sleeping on the floor and we did go back to our own beds. It took a little bit, but there are a lot of scary things out there, and little imaginations can make them much bigger. I think one bit of advice that is used for dog training (of all things) might work. Don’t go out of your way to comfort her too much. If you do, then you are showing her that there IS something to be afraid of. If you are matter of fact, calm and collected, then she will be more likely to behave more calmly and cooly.
 
mabdoo said:
I have no help for you with the sleep problem. However, when I was little, around 4, I used to get scared during a thunderstorm. My mom always told me it was God bowling. I believed her, of course and now to this day I still think that when there is a storm. When I got older, like 7 or 8 we would still talk about how well God was playing that day. My point is is that you do need to find a way to calm her during a storm or she will never get over the fear and she will always come back to your bed during a storm and you will have to start from scratch getting her out of there. I hope I am not coming off as insensitive because I certainly don't mean to be. I wish you the best of luck because I know how little ones can be.
Click to expand...

I strongly agree. I used to be terrified of storms, too, when I was that age. We would get those loud thunderstorms that would wake me up, and would run in my parent's bedroom, too. However, my parents "nipped that in that bud" and immediately made me go back to my bed. After a couple attempts, I gave up, but was still very terrified and would hide trembing under my blanket. So I asked my brother and my friend why they weren't afraid of storms. My brother told me God was watering the plants during the storm and my friend told me that during thunder was God moving His furniture. So during the next storm, I just thought about those things, and I was able calm down and go back to sleep. Good luck!Hopefully it is just a phase. I love storms now.
Lorrie
 
First, please know that this too shall pass.

It’s a tough age too – your little girl does want to grow up and be a big girl, yet she has baby girl feelings. Soon she will be heading to kindergarten, and that is the ultimate separation and crossing the threshold to being a big girl.

In the spectrum of her life, this is just a small set back. And really, it is not a set back, but a growing experience. That doesn’t mean you take the tough love approach. Actually, I think you might need to take the slow gentle loving kindness approach.

Here is my suggestion (for the record I have boys, and they are now 19, 17, 11) they all slept with us when they were little, and at times have slept in our bed or our room.

I would let her continue to sleep with you and your husband, either in the bed or on the floor next to the bed. In the night, rest your hand on her body, and help her “breath”, your touch – even while she sleeps- will nurture her, heal her, and relax her.

I would visit her bedroom with her. Take a tour to visit the “things” that miss her. Surely she has a stuffed animal that she cherishes, and other special toys. Maybe tell her, that her bear (or stuffed animal) is scared of the thunderstorms too and they need her to help them feel brave.

Work towards her wanting to sleep in her room and be with her things, but I would take it really slowly, all the while casually introducing big girl ideas and dreams.

From what you wrote, I sincerely do not think she is manipulating you, she does sound genuinely terrified.

One last suggestion, there is a children’s book written by Patricia Polacco called Thundercake. Here is a cut/paste synopsis of the book:

Thunder Cake is the story of how Patricia Polacco conquered her childhood fear of Michigan thunderstorms with the assistance her grandmother. By encouraging the young Patricia to ignore the approaching storm, the two wander outside to gather the ingredients for Thunder Cake, the perfect recipe for a rainy day. After the cake is in the oven, Grandma recounts the day’s events, convincing Patricia that only a "brave" girl would climb out from her hiding spot to collect eggs and tomatoes, milk the cow, and venture through Tangleweed Woods to the dry shed. Realizing that her grandma is right, Patricia welcomes the storm and a warm slice of Thunder Cake, never again to fear the "voice of thunder." (end of synposis)

I read this book over and over to my youngest DS when he was terrified of the storms we have. We even made the recipe. He eventually was able to sleep through the storms, while he occasionally has insomnia during storms, he knows they will pass over and morning does come.

HTH:)
 
Thunder cake book

I also used this book when my three sons were little. They are now 24,22 & 19.
It reached a point that if we were at the park and they heard thunder we would race to the car to go home and make "thunder cake". Now they love a good thunder storm.
 
Thank you guys so much for all of your wonderful suggestions. In our hearts my husband and I really feel that she is not manipulating us. She still continues to sleep in our room. Yesterday of course it rained again with thunder and lighting and of course she was petrified and would not leave my side but because in the month of June it has rained so much and thundered so much that I think she's understanding that it will not hurt her. She didnt keep her fingers in her ears and she didnt scream the entire time and she said to me "Look mommy I dont have my fingers in my ears." She did want to go into the basement though and she does everytime a storm hits I told her no I wasnt going into the basement and she handled it.


Anyway thanks again for all the suggestions....
 
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